A retired neighbour and I decided to seek out all the 'tea and chat' venues in our area in the hopes of finding a pleasant hour or two to spend during weekday mornings with new company. It's just more acceptable than drinking cheap cider on street corners, is all, although we could try that at some later time, maybe.
The over 60's club was cold and everybody stayed wrapped up in coats, there being no chance of heating such a huge hall. The Methodist church was friendly, warm and hospitable and I got a free piece of cake with my mug of tea. The Riverside Church was delightful and for a few coins we got pots of tea, a plate of biscuits and nice folks around us. This was looking really good!
And then yesterday we visited a Christian community which invites total sinners like us to a 'light refreshment and chat' venue. The lady who runs the place and her area supervisor were both lovely people, but there was a senior lady 'priest' from HQ present who might benefit from a few courses on diplomacy and conflict management. For that reason I will not name this church. One person shouldn't smash a group's reputation......
We were ushered in to a warm hall where a table was set! No mug of tea and biscuit there.... we were sat down and invited to choose from three soups, and rolls were handed round! My friend was totally off balance at such an unexpected level of formality. There was not much chatter amongst the ten or twelve guests and so (in order to discover more venues) I asked the lady opposite me if she visited any other church meetings. She did..... an evangelical chapel over there, and a Baptist church down the road and etc etc. And that's when I asked her if she ever visited the little Christian Spiritualist chapel which is not far from the Baptist Church. OMG! The senior HQ lady had overheard my question.
In a most unfortunate Germanic kind of accent she spoke loudly for all to hear with pointed finger stabbing the air, 'They are Not Christians!....... Those people are Not Christians!' The whole table came to a silent sit-still. My friend looked at me with that 'You p--t!' kind of expression that I know so well.
I tried to back peddle. I mumbled about 'Well, sure, there are so many different churches, and some churches do say that other Churches are not Christians.......'.
'No! They are not even a Church! Those people are Satanists!' she was shaking very slightly. 'Tell me!' she ordered, 'Do you celebrate Halloween? Do you dress up as Satan?!!!' Gentle members......... this is not at a deep south bible-bashing chapel, this is in a frigging English seaside town at table with a bunch of sweet old dears (I'm 70 now so that's me, OK?)
The senior lady pulled their Creed from a bag and thrust it under my nose...... I noticed the very last line which pointed out that Christians (well, their kind of Christians) would have happiness and joy forever......... while the wicked would suffer dreadful punishment for Eternity.
We talked for a little longer, maybe a few seconds, and then I noticed the time. Yes, it was time to go..... ..... My friend was clearly preparing for a full emergency evacuation (probably cursing my name), but the senior lady pointed out in that Germanic accent that 'Surely we would stay for the talk, No? You must stay for the talk!'.
...And at that point I chucked a fiver on the table and switched on 'polite but positive assertion' and removed self and friend to safety, a long way down the road. I think my friend has decided never to come to any more coffee-and-meet mornings with me ever again. Especially Christian ones!
And so.......... the debate...... Christian Churches here are dying fast, and a huge % of most congregations are elderly because the young are not believing in Christianity that pretends to be full of love whilst enjoying the idea of outsiders being tormented in endless horror. And young ones don't get the concept of 'Smiling faces which conceal scowling nasty mindsets'.
Which of you Christians point out other congregations whilst declaring 'They are not Christians!'... ?? In any event, I could happily stand back and let churches like that one destroy each other in their hot contention.
