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Deidre's Daily Ramblings

Deidre

Well-Known Member
My grandmother, my dad's mom, died a few years ago. She was very special to me, and she was fond of the saying ''always have an attitude of gratitude.''

I didn't always follow her ''advice.'' Took many things for granted. I always thought she'd be there, be at my wedding. But, she wasn't. I went out to dinner tonight with my husband, and as he was talking to me, it's as though there was silence all around me, and I thought to myself ''I'm grateful for this man.'' He loves me, and I love him. Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected people, at the most unexpected times. He was my friend for a few years, before we started dating. I'm grateful that I didn't tell him no. When we had sex for the first time, he looked at me and said ''why didn't we do this sooner?'' lol

I don't know why. Why do we put things off? Why do think that there's always tomorrow? My grandmother didn't have tomorrow. I hate to sound somber, but it's something to think about.

Gratitude sometimes comes like that...you fear loss, so you better start being grateful. But, maybe we should just look at all of our blessings, and realize...life is good. No matter where you are, if you're struggling, know that those struggles will make you better. Make you stronger. And life is about just that, the ebb and flow of it all. Pain and loss, then love and comfort. It's all part of life.

I think of people who aren't as fortunate, and I say...maybe I am privileged. I'm talking about people who live in other countries, who are oppressed, who have guns held to their heads on a daily basis, and worry if they'll survive another day. I don't know that life. I can't believe that anyone knows that life. Yet, sometimes, the people of those stories, still find hope in their God. Still find hope in themselves.

So, my husband was talking, and I thought...I'm grateful for my life. For this moment. For my family. My parents. My health. My freedom. My cats. My house. My new job. Sometimes, I fear being thankful, for suppose I lose my parents? My husband? My job? My freedoms? That's why I get scared, sometimes...for when we have a lot to lose, it feels worrisome to be ''too'' thankful. Someday, I will lose all of that...those I love...those who love me.

But, in the meantime, I'll be grateful for the time I had with all of them. With all of this. I wish we could freeze moments, and never let them go. Bottle them up, put them on a shelf, take them down...and for those horrible days...when everything is going wrong...we could open the bottle up. And breathe it all in. Those moments.

Life doesn't work that way, though. Moments come and go, and it's like you need a jar to capture them, and seal the lid tight. And that's why we need to be thankful. To have that attitude of gratitude.

Because a jar might not be handy. :heart:



*I've started other journals, but think I just want one now to capture everything, spirituality, maybe a spell or two ;) and some daily ramblings about life. Thanks for reading, if you do.
 

Deidre

Well-Known Member

Music I'm listening to while having some coffee. Ever discover an artist and you suddenly replay their music over and over? lol That's me, today. :p
 

Deidre

Well-Known Member
God bless Sunstone, and the mod staff. You are very much appreciated, if you don't get enough love, know I think you're great. :heart:
 

Deidre

Well-Known Member
I sometimes feel like I'm living someone else's life. I have a new job. I've been married a little over a year. We have an amazing relationship, he and I. I trust this man with my everything. I came back to faith a few years ago. It's been quite a ride, and just a few years ago, none of this was happening.

Time is an interesting thing.
 

Deidre

Well-Known Member
Wow, it's been forever since I've updated this journal.

So much has happened since I've been in this diary. I'm still married (never know, I'm not the best with relationships :D) and we are going to start trying to have a baby.

I'm also still reading the Bible, and coming away with a greater understanding of all that I didn't know up until this point, about Jesus and His life. I would encourage anyone truly interested in understanding Christianity, to read the Bible with an open heart, and objective mind. I never did that before, but it helps. It is a story, of people of another time but they wrestled with the same problems that we do, today.

I've missed you guys, and hope you're all getting on well with life. :heart:
 

Deidre

Well-Known Member
Have had a heavy heart lately, thinking about all the problems in the world and even my own stress. I've been praying a lot more now, and it's deeper. Not the trite ''requests'' that I used to offer up to God, expecting some type of transaction to take place. My faith is always growing, blooming more and more. I'm feeling blessed. :heart:
 

Deidre

Well-Known Member
The deeper I get in my faith, the more I learn about myself. This wasn't always the case. I never really understood my faith, as I do now. Stepping away from it, then returning to it, has been a most amazing journey. It didn't seem that way then, though. It was kind of a tough journey, but now I see why it had to be that way. :sunflower:
 

Deidre

Well-Known Member
It's always interesting when you catch up with people who you haven't chatted with in a while. Like in a few years. And they knew you, when you were a serial dater, and afraid of commitment. They knew you before your grandmother died. They knew you when you lost your faith, and didn't think you'd return to believing in Jesus. They knew you when you were in a different job, and were filled with fear and anxiety. And then a few years goes by, and you catch up, and they are amazed at who you have become.

Life is about evolving, changing...and moving forward. I'm grateful for the journey I've been on over the past five years. And sometimes, I can't believe this is my life, now. :) I finally found peace.
 
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