I need some help overcoming my bad habit. I need to change who I am :(

W3bcrowf3r · Jan 20, 2019

rogerfan123 said:
Hello everyone,

So I am currently a 21 year old in college and I am on top of my academics, never do drugs/drink and have a great social life. However, I have had a bad habit of masturbating ever since I was in the 9th grade. I can remember definitively that I have always had a guilty consciousness after I did it and have made numerous attempts to stop. I swore to god multiple times saying that I would stop, thinking to myself that, that should enough of an incentive to quit. However, I have failed repeatedly and it's always that.... once that feeling of arousal comes over me especially when I am trying to sleep then it's just like a whole another mind takes over and it becomes very hard to control. Even this past new year, I made a promise to god that I would stop it for good and change any bad things about my self ( I am very religious, read the lord's book and try to implement good habits as much as possible; however, I am not perfect and tend to make mistakes which I want to fix). In exchange, I asked for good grades in my academics, which I received through his grace.

Sadly, I haven't been able to keep up my promise and I am hating myself for it; he does so much for me, and I can't even control this stupid habit. If anyone has any suggestions on how to stop that would be great. My main trouble is at night when I am trying to fall asleep and I get aroused which is almost impossible to stop for me; so if you can tell me what to do in this instance, I would greatly appreciate it.

EDIT--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey guys, I am deeply thankful for you all taking the time to respond to my post. I understand everything you spoke of about masturbation, but my main issue is actually with watching pornography ( I'm not addicted) and the fact that I swore to god multiple times about this issue in the hopes of quitting but failed him. I want to make this right, and I am the one who made the promise so It's my duty to live up to my word I think. I know masturbation in and of itself isn't bad but Porn is different in my eyes.

Thank you

Keep praying to God to grant you the power to stop. I also had problems with addictions. It takes time to overcome them. Just keep praying to God to grant you the power. Your willpower needs to be stronger then the addiction. And that's when you will stop. So keep praying for power to overcome the addiction.

It took me like 1 year of praying, and i saw how to addiction became less and less until i could overpower it. Don't underestimate it. It's like a snake that tries to choke you. You really need to ask God for power to overcome the choke. Keep praying. Your willpower will become stronger and stronger. And one day you will have overcome one of the biggest addiction there is. You will feel so strong. And you will be ready for everything.

Kirran · Jan 20, 2019

Subduction Zone said:
Not that old chestnut. It is no longer the 1970's or earlier. Porn is very legal now and as a result the women that do it are not exploited. In fact they run a good part of it. And much of the pork today is made by women for women.

I've seen personal testimonies of women involved in recent times of what the industry is like, and also regardless even of that there is the impact it has on the psychology of the viewer and what that does to their expectations about sex and relationships.

Subduction Zone · Jan 20, 2019

Kirran said:
I've seen personal testimonies of women involved in recent times of what the industry is like, and also regardless even of that there is the impact it has on the psychology of the viewer and what that does to their expectations about sex and relationships.

And I have seen personal testimonies to the opposite. I am sure that you could find a few women that have been abused, but there are far too many women doing this voluntarily and making a good living at it. One can't judge a major industry by the exceptions. I could see how some drug addicted women in a bad relationship might get pimped out by her boyfriend. I know of such a woman, my roommates son did pimp his own girlfriend out and when he was in jail she "worked" on her own to bail him out. They were not in the porn industry, but I could see how that might happen. As to ruining a young man's expectation, well that can happen in all sorts of ways. Sooner or later they will need to grow up or go without.

The facts are that there are definite benefits from the industry as well. It is not going to go away and its net good appears to be more than its net negative effects.

Kirran · Jan 20, 2019

Subduction Zone said:
And I have seen personal testimonies to the opposite. I am sure that you could find a few women that have been abused, but there are far too many women doing this voluntarily and making a good living at it. One can't judge a major industry by the exceptions. I could see how some drug addicted women in a bad relationship might get pimped out by her boyfriend. I know of such a woman, my roommates son did pimp his own girlfriend out and when he was in jail she "worked" on her own to bail him out. They were not in the porn industry, but I could see how that might happen. As to ruining a young man's expectation, well that can happen in all sorts of ways. Sooner or later they will need to grow up or go without.

The facts are that there are definite benefits from the industry as well. It is not going to go away and its net good appears to be more than its net negative effects.

Up the the individual's conscience then, I guess.

But like, any readers who aren't sure either way, might like to peruse: Home - Fight the New Drug

Riders · Jan 20, 2019

GoldenThread said:
It appears you've come to terms with the idea that masturbation isn't wrong in God's eyes. That is a good step.

If pornography is the issue, then there is a couple of options.

You can try cartoon/not real people videos.
From your OP it sounds like you have Christian roots. If so, then take comfort that God deals with our lust. If we lust after someone, then that is a sin. How can we lust after a cartoon?

Get rid of the phone.
Or at least downgrade to a phone that won't allow you to watch porn. This is more of an extreme approach, but if it is something that you really want to change, then drastic measures is what is needed.

A compromise could be giving it to someone during the night time when you are about to go to sleep. You can tell that person not to give you the phone (even change the password for the night) no matter what until the morning. They don't necessarily need to know why you want them to do this, but if you can find someone close enough to share this with, then it will be more beneficial.

Use your imagination
Similar to the first option, this is something that can help feed the need to think/see something, without having to watch any real people having sex.

I hope you can find something in what I am saying to help you. I, also, struggled with watching porn, but I've found watching cartoon videos and using my imagination as a reliable alternative. I haven't watched real porn in almost 2 years. You can overcome this, bro.

In peace

I appreciate what you said. However remember masturbation in itself is also an addiction.I have urinary problems caused by masturbating too much and I will have to see a specialist soon. Many women have too many UTI infections also caused by it.It can also cause mental health issues and physical exhaustion, and sleeplessness.

There are Christian groups like Celebrate Recovery also if, he wants to use a church program.

Riders · Jan 20, 2019

Subduction Zone said:
And I have seen personal testimonies to the opposite. I am sure that you could find a few women that have been abused, but there are far too many women doing this voluntarily and making a good living at it. One can't judge a major industry by the exceptions. I could see how some drug addicted women in a bad relationship might get pimped out by her boyfriend. I know of such a woman, my roommates son did pimp his own girlfriend out and when he was in jail she "worked" on her own to bail him out. They were not in the porn industry, but I could see how that might happen. As to ruining a young man's expectation, well that can happen in all sorts of ways. Sooner or later they will need to grow up or go without.

The facts are that there are definite benefits from the industry as well. It is not going to go away and its net good appears to be more than its net negative effects.

I have not read enough to understand everything in this. But if its about prostitution, I hope they legalize it. legalizing it will get will get rid of pimps ont he street who kidnap and lure teens into it on the street and the violence that goes with it.

RedDragon94 · Jan 20, 2019

Subduction Zone said:
Nope, not even close. Now it appears you have an errant belief on who wrote that. Have you actually studied the Bible?

Yes. I don't know who you've studied the Bible under but I know for the fact that Matthew is Levi the tax collector of Mark chapter 2 verses 13-14.

Subduction Zone said:
" Your men must come to worship me three times a year, because I am the Lord God of Israel. 24 I will force the nations out of your land and enlarge your borders. Then no one will try to take your property when you come to worship me these three times each year."

Subduction Zone said:
You were the one that brought up the Seventh Commandment. To be sure I even asked you a question about it and you said "Yes."

The quote above the quote above this response has nothing to do with the seventh commandment. (Exodus 20:14, Deuteronomy 5:18)

RoaringSilence · Jan 20, 2019

Subduction Zone · Jan 20, 2019

RedDragon94 said:
Yes. I don't know who you've studied the Bible under but I know for the fact that Matthew is Levi the tax collector of Mark chapter 2 verses 13-14.

And what does that have to do with anything/? Are you conflating the Matthew in the Bible with the author of Matthew the Gospel? The Matthew of Gospel was almost certainly not written by Matthew. The name arises from Church tradition, not from a signed manuscript.

The quote above the quote above this response has nothing to do with the seventh commandment. (Exodus 20:14, Deuteronomy 5:18)

Sure it does, and you even agreed to it. That was from Exodus 34. In the myth Moses comes down from the mountain with the Ten Commandments inscribed on the stone tablets. He get so POed at the goings on that he smashed those tablets. I hope you remember that. He went back up to the mountain and God or he (the Bible is once again a bit self contradictory here) carves another set. They are not quite the same as the Commandments that people like to put up on courthouses. But according to that part of the Bible those are the Commandments originally written on the stones that Moses broke and they are the ones that were kept in the Ark of the Covenant.

By the way, since most women in porn are not married even the version that you used does not apply.

RedDragon94 · Jan 20, 2019

Subduction Zone said:
And what does that have to do with anything/? Are you conflating the Matthew in the Bible with the author of Matthew the Gospel? The Matthew of Gospel was almost certainly not written by Matthew. The name arises from Church tradition, not from a signed manuscript.

I don't know where you're getting your information from. Even if Matthew isn't the author the account still says adultery is wrong by proxy with the Old Testament.

Subduction Zone said:
you even agreed to it.

When did I say that and how did I say that?

RedDragon94 · Jan 20, 2019

Subduction Zone said:
By the way, since most women in porn are not married even the version that you used does not apply

The exact language of the passage in Matthew says otherwise.

Subduction Zone · Jan 20, 2019

RedDragon94 said:
I don't know where you're getting your information from. Even if Matthew isn't the author the account still says adultery is wrong by proxy with the Old Testament.

But not one is talking about adultery here.

When did I say that and how did I say that?

You forgot already? When you agreed that the Ten Commandments were were talking about were the ones carved in stone and in the Ark of the Covenant. By the way, the only Commandments called the "Ten Commandments" in the Bible itself, not as an added title, are those in Exodus 34. The Tenth Commandment amounts to a ban on cheeseburgers.

Subduction Zone · Jan 20, 2019

RedDragon94 said:
The exact language of the passage in Matthew says otherwise.

Yes, that was the clearly foolish statement attributed to Jesus. Are you not following the conversation? It does not sound much like the Jesus of other parts of the Bible. Verses like that are what tell us that the Bible is not an example of divine authorship.

RedDragon94 · Jan 20, 2019

Subduction Zone said:
But not one is talking about adultery here.

But we are talking about sexual sin.

Subduction Zone said:
You forgot already? When you agreed that the Ten Commandments were were talking about were the ones carved in stone and in the Ark of the Covenant. By the way, the only Commandments called the "Ten Commandments" in the Bible itself, not as an added title, are those in Exodus 34. The Tenth Commandment amounts to a ban on cheeseburgers.

Ha! What the heck are you even talking about anymore?

Subduction Zone said:
Yes, that was the clearly foolish statement attributed to Jesus. Are you not following the conversation? It does not sound much like the Jesus of other parts of the Bible. Verses like that are what tell us that the Bible is not an example of divine authorship.

No, you haven't proven that statement to me. And your evidence is purported by people who obviously have an agenda. Cause there are countless scholars throughout church history and today that contradict what you're telling me. I trust people who trust the Bible. At the end of the day who wrote Matthew is not what's important, the content within Matthew is. If Jesus said (according to Greek scholars) that whoever looks at a woman to commit lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart I believe it. Unless you know Koine Greek front ways and back ways don't talk to me about how it's falsely attributed to a person whose existence has defined history for the past two thousand years. It's ridiculous from where I sit.

Subduction Zone · Jan 20, 2019

RedDragon94 said:
But we are talking about sexual sin.

No, we are just talking about people having a good time. "Sin" is a rather nebulous term.

Ha! What the heck are you even talking about anymore?

Seriously? You forgot so soon? Yesterday I asked you this question about the Seventh Commandment:

"And I probably understand the seventh better than you do. Just to be sure are we discussing the Commandments carved in stone? And that were kept in the Ark Of the Covenant?"

Your answer was "Yes."

The commandment that I quoted is the only "Seventh Commandment" that was carved in stone, kept in the Ark of the Covenant, and was one of the Commandments called the Ten Commandments in the Bible. I suggest that you read all of Exodus 34.

Bible Gateway passage: Exodus 34 - New International Version

No, you haven't proven that statement to me. And your evidence is purported by people who obviously have an agenda. Cause there are countless scholars throughout church history and today that contradict what you're telling me. I trust people who trust the Bible. At the end of the day who wrote Matthew is not what's important, the content within Matthew is. If Jesus said (according to Greek scholars) that whoever looks at a woman to commit lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart I believe it. Unless you know Koine Greek front ways and back ways don't talk to me about how it's falsely attributed to a person whose existence has defined history for the past two thousand years. It's ridiculous from where I sit.

No need to prove to you. Too many theists cannot deal with their holy books honestly. Too often they interpret them to mean what they want them to mean. One thing that you forget is that none of the Gospels are eyewitness testimony. They are stories of stories of stories. In the case of Mathew at least 40 years after the event. To believe that Jesus actually said that is putting undue reliability on that source. It was a foolish statement because as written every straight man is guilty of adultery every day of his adult life. A book that preaches mind control is an evil book.

RedDragon94 · Jan 20, 2019

Subduction Zone said:
Seriously? You forgot so soon? Yesterday I asked you this question about the Seventh Commandment:

"And I probably understand the seventh better than you do. Just to be sure are we discussing the Commandments carved in stone? And that were kept in the Ark Of the Covenant?"

Your answer was "Yes."

The commandment that I quoted is the only "Seventh Commandment" that was carved in stone, kept in the Ark of the Covenant, and was one of the Commandments called the Ten Commandments in the Bible. I suggest that you read all of Exodus 34.

Later on in Exodus God re-carves those commandments into stone. I know the Bible.

Subduction Zone said:
No, we are just talking about people having a good time. "Sin" is a rather nebulous term.

Nah, we're actually talking about heartbreak, disease, betrayal, lack of commitment. I mean, the list goes on man.

Having a good time at the expense of your identity, having a child out of wedlock, having an STD. That's having a good time too isn't it?

Subduction Zone said:
Too often they interpret them to mean what they want them to mean.

That gives you no license to throw God out of your life because ministers don't know how to interpret properly. Nah. You interpret rightly even if no one else does. Jesus said that few would see eternal life. And I don't know your story, but if it's got disillusionment with the Church in it then I want you to know I completely understand. I've been hurt by Church people too. But I don't give myself an excuse to not be faithful to God as best I can because other people's behavior is stupid. I'm sorry.

Subduction Zone said:
It was a foolish statement because as written every straight man is guilty of adultery every day of his adult life.

Yeah, well that's not even the unforgivable sin. <-- Notice that.

Every sin can be forgiven except the sin of rejecting God's spirit. That's the only thing, to not repent of your sin and turn to Jesus in faith is the only offense that God can't forgive.

Subduction Zone said:
A book that preaches mind control is an evil book.

A book that teaches faithfulness is evil. See you on Jerry Springer.

Subduction Zone · Jan 20, 2019

RedDragon94 said:
Later on in Exodus God re-carves those commandments into stone. I know the Bible.

And you did not notice that they were the same commandments?

Nah, we're actually talking about heartbreak, disease, betrayal, lack of commitment. I mean, the list goes on man.

Having a good time at the expense of your identity, having a child out of wedlock, having an STD. That's having a good time too isn't it?[/quote]

Only if you are careless.

That gives you no license to throw God out of your life because ministers don't know how to interpret properly. Nah. You interpret rightly even if no one else does. Jesus said that few would see eternal life. And I don't know your story, but if it's got disillusionment with the Church in it then I want you to know I completely understand. I've been hurt by Church people too. But I don't give myself an excuse to not be faithful to God as best I can because other people's behavior is stupid. I'm sorry.

One can't throw something out of one's life that does not exist. The Bible is clearly not the "word of God". There are useful things in the Bible. But there is a lot of nonsense as well. You might want to try to learn the difference.

Yeah, well that's not even the unforgivable sin. <-- Notice that.

Every sin can be forgiven except the sin of rejecting God's spirit. That's the only thing, to not repent of your sin and turn to Jesus in faith is the only offense that God can't forgive.

And one cannot reject that which does not exist so that appears to be not be a sin either.

A book that teaches faithfulness is evil. See you on Jerry Springer.

But it doesn't. You do not appear to understand your book of myths. It teaches blind obedience at times. It teaches hatred and bigotry at others. It still does have some good points. It is not all evil. But that is how we know it is a work of man and not a work of a god.

RedDragon94 · Jan 20, 2019

Subduction Zone said:
And you did not notice that they were the same commandments?

Your point is?

Subduction Zone said:
Only if you are careless.

Only if you screw around.

Subduction Zone said:
One can't throw something out of one's life that does not exist. The Bible is clearly not the "word of God". There are useful things in the Bible. But there is a lot of nonsense as well. You might want to try to learn the difference.

Sure you can. It was there in your life, you came to a conclusion it wasn't true, and you rejected it. You keep telling yourself that it's full of BS, there's gonna come a day that your gonna want something to believe in.

Subduction Zone said:
And one cannot reject that which does not exist so that appears to be not be a sin either.

By your standard, not by God's.

Subduction Zone said:
It teaches blind obedience at times.

Bull, that's your interpretation.

Subduction Zone said:
It teaches hatred and bigotry at others.

Okay, how?

Subduction Zone · Jan 20, 2019

RedDragon94 said:
Your point is?

Only if you screw around.

Sure you can. It was there in your life, you came to a conclusion it wasn't true, and you rejected it. You keep telling yourself that it's full of BS, there's gonna come a day that your gonna want something to believe in.

By your standard, not by God's.

Bull, that's your interpretation.

Okay, how?

If you can't follow along in a conversation why even try?

RedDragon94 · Jan 20, 2019

Subduction Zone said:
If you can't follow along in a conversation why even try?

Ooooo, grasp for that straw.

Look, if you really think that porn is a-okay don't be mad if you ever have a daughter who does it. Don't be mad if your significant other does it. *Shrugs* We're all just animals right? So what?

I need some help overcoming my bad habit. I need to change who I am :(

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