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I need some help overcoming my bad habit. I need to change who I am :(

RedDragon94

RedDragon94

Love everyone, meditate often
rogerfan123 said:
Sadly, I haven't been able to keep up my promise and I am hating myself for it;
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Either we trust him or we don't. It comes down to whether or not I rely completely on Jesus.

I also have struggles along these lines. Here's what I'll say at least from my experience, we don't rely completely because try to manage our live on our own. That's not what God calls us to. He calls us to surrender. (Mark 1:16-20) Just my two cents. I'm not perfect either, I just do my best to follow.
 
Subduction Zone

Subduction Zone

Veteran Member
Kirran said:
Well, obviously there are differences in opinion regarding masturbation and pornography. I did look at pornography as a teen, but stopped because I feel it objectifies women and isn't healthy for one's own sexual expectations or for society. Masturbation I also stopped, not because of any moral concerns but because I felt it would be better for me to live like that. I was about 19-20 I guess. Basically - don't overthink it, and don't feel you need to go cold turkey immediately. Now it just doesn't really occur to me to do it at all. Eventually you just rewrite your mind. I think in the end a vow to God that as long as I loved him/her/them I wouldn't stroke it, touch it, even go near was what finally did it.

But remember also, if you say like 'Oh I'll just play with it a little/stroke it quickly/whatever' then you're already on a slippery slope. Like, it can actually be much easier if you just don't go near. But it is a habit with a lot of momentum and energy! Takes time. If you want to quit, that is totally cool as long as it is out of genuine feeling, but you gotta commit to steadily, without getting all guilty about it, with remembering that there isn't anything wrong with it on a moral level. Doesn't hurt anybody.

As for the porn, that's easier. If it helps, remember that the women involved in its production have been sexually exploited and you would be supporting that by watching. Not a good industry to be supporting really.
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Not that old chestnut. It is no longer the 1970's or earlier. Porn is very legal now and as a result the women that do it are not exploited. In fact they run a good part of it. And much of the pork today is made by women for women.
 
Subduction Zone

Subduction Zone

Veteran Member
RedDragon94 said:
Either we trust him or we don't. It comes down to whether or not I rely completely on Jesus.

I also have struggles along these lines. Here's what I'll say at least from my experience, we don't rely completely because try to manage our live on our own. That's not what God calls us to. He calls us to surrender. (Mark 1:16-20) Just my two cents. I'm not perfect either, I just do my best to follow.
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Jesus said nothing about the topic, except for one foolish statement credited to him.
 
RedDragon94

RedDragon94

Love everyone, meditate often
Subduction Zone said:
Jesus said nothing about the topic, except for one foolish statement credited to him.
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He actually said that whoever looks at a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. And I think you know what the seventh commandment out of the ten commandments is.
 
Subduction Zone

Subduction Zone

Veteran Member
RedDragon94 said:
He actually said that whoever looks at a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. And I think you know what the seventh commandment out of the ten commandments is.
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Right, that was the one foolish statement attributed to him. And I probably understand the seventh better than you do. Just to be sure are we discussing the Commandments carved in stone? And that were kept in the Ark Of the Covenant?

Edit: I seriously do not see how the Seventh Commandment is going to help you here.
 
Subduction Zone

Subduction Zone

Veteran Member
RedDragon94 said:
Yes.
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Oops, almost forgot this part of the post so what does this have to do with the debate:

" Your men must come to worship me three times a year, because I am the Lord God of Israel. 24 I will force the nations out of your land and enlarge your borders. Then no one will try to take your property when you come to worship me these three times each year."
 
RedDragon94

RedDragon94

Love everyone, meditate often
Subduction Zone said:
Oops, almost forgot this part of the post so what does this have to do with the debate:

" Your men must come to worship me three times a year, because I am the Lord God of Israel. 24 I will force the nations out of your land and enlarge your borders. Then no one will try to take your property when you come to worship me these three times each year."
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What does that have to do with this thread?
 
Subduction Zone

Subduction Zone

Veteran Member
RedDragon94 said:
I know what attributed means.

You're talking about someone who was a tax collector, a CPA back in ancient times, lying about a statement made by an individual.
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Nope, not even close. Now it appears you have an errant belief on who wrote that. Have you actually studied the Bible?
 
robocop (actually)

robocop (actually)

Well-Known Member
Premium Member
rogerfan123 said:
Hey thanks for your response. So I never a problem during the day in controlling my actions; however, its generally at night as I am about to fall asleep that I get the arousal feeling and temptation to do it. I would love to take a walk daily but at 12 am or 1 am I don't know how feasible it is haha. Keeping in mind I am a college senior currently. Any advice in this instance?
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Have a plan and find a team!
 
SomeRandom

SomeRandom

Still learning to be wise
Staff member
Premium Member
rogerfan123 said:
Hello everyone,

So I am currently a 21 year old in college and I am on top of my academics, never do drugs/drink and have a great social life. However, I have had a bad habit of masturbating ever since I was in the 9th grade. I can remember definitively that I have always had a guilty consciousness after I did it and have made numerous attempts to stop. I swore to god multiple times saying that I would stop, thinking to myself that, that should enough of an incentive to quit. However, I have failed repeatedly and it's always that.... once that feeling of arousal comes over me especially when I am trying to sleep then it's just like a whole another mind takes over and it becomes very hard to control. Even this past new year, I made a promise to god that I would stop it for good and change any bad things about my self ( I am very religious, read the lord's book and try to implement good habits as much as possible; however, I am not perfect and tend to make mistakes which I want to fix). In exchange, I asked for good grades in my academics, which I received through his grace.

Sadly, I haven't been able to keep up my promise and I am hating myself for it; he does so much for me, and I can't even control this stupid habit. If anyone has any suggestions on how to stop that would be great. My main trouble is at night when I am trying to fall asleep and I get aroused which is almost impossible to stop for me; so if you can tell me what to do in this instance, I would greatly appreciate it.

EDIT--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey guys, I am deeply thankful for you all taking the time to respond to my post. I understand everything you spoke of about masturbation, but my main issue is actually with watching pornography ( I'm not addicted) and the fact that I swore to god multiple times about this issue in the hopes of quitting but failed him. I want to make this right, and I am the one who made the promise so It's my duty to live up to my word I think. I know masturbation in and of itself isn't bad but Porn is different in my eyes.

Thank you
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I'd recommend seeking out mental health advice. Not for the masturbation but the associated guilt. Lose that as it will only hinder you and cause more issues.
Mastubating is healthy, in fact doesn't that help reduce the chances of prostate cancer in men?
And people make foolish promises in the name of God all the time. It's not a legal binding contract.
You're a human. Accept that, don't try to be something you're not, because the routine sense of failure will eat you alive.
 
Jesus from the Ghetto

Jesus from the Ghetto

O.G.
rogerfan123 said:
Hello everyone,

So I am currently a 21 year old in college and I am on top of my academics, never do drugs/drink and have a great social life. However, I have had a bad habit of masturbating ever since I was in the 9th grade. I can remember definitively that I have always had a guilty consciousness after I did it and have made numerous attempts to stop. I swore to god multiple times saying that I would stop, thinking to myself that, that should enough of an incentive to quit. However, I have failed repeatedly and it's always that.... once that feeling of arousal comes over me especially when I am trying to sleep then it's just like a whole another mind takes over and it becomes very hard to control. Even this past new year, I made a promise to god that I would stop it for good and change any bad things about my self ( I am very religious, read the lord's book and try to implement good habits as much as possible; however, I am not perfect and tend to make mistakes which I want to fix). In exchange, I asked for good grades in my academics, which I received through his grace.

Sadly, I haven't been able to keep up my promise and I am hating myself for it; he does so much for me, and I can't even control this stupid habit. If anyone has any suggestions on how to stop that would be great. My main trouble is at night when I am trying to fall asleep and I get aroused which is almost impossible to stop for me; so if you can tell me what to do in this instance, I would greatly appreciate it.

EDIT--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey guys, I am deeply thankful for you all taking the time to respond to my post. I understand everything you spoke of about masturbation, but my main issue is actually with watching pornography ( I'm not addicted) and the fact that I swore to god multiple times about this issue in the hopes of quitting but failed him. I want to make this right, and I am the one who made the promise so It's my duty to live up to my word I think. I know masturbation in and of itself isn't bad but Porn is different in my eyes.

Thank you
Click to expand...

Sexual desire is a natural part of life. As long as you're not hurting anyone else there is no way you should feel guilty.

In the words of Michael Jackson.. "Just beat it!"

The moment you embrace the reality it will get old like anything else.
 
Evangelicalhumanist

Evangelicalhumanist

"Truth" isn't a thing...
Premium Member
I went over the commandments twice, just to be sure. Not a word about prurient interests (looking at porn) or pleasuring yourself when there's nobody around to help you out. Therefore, the promise seems to be completely unnecessary, and because you are a normal human being, also unkeepable, I rather suspect that God will take zero interest.

But hey, at 21, there's not a lot wrong with finding a partner to share with...that kind of mutual pleasuring can be quite wonderful. And might I point out, watching a bunch of porn will actually make it harder to establish such a warm human relationship over time, so for the sake of your future sexual health, try to cut back on that a bit. Your own imagination can be infinitely richer than the lurid throes filmed by some hack pornographer.
 
Quagmire

Quagmire

Imaginary talking monkey
Staff member
Premium Member
rogerfan123 said:
Hello everyone,

So I am currently a 21 year old in college and I am on top of my academics, never do drugs/drink and have a great social life. However, I have had a bad habit of masturbating ever since I was in the 9th grade. I can remember definitively that I have always had a guilty consciousness after I did it and have made numerous attempts to stop. I swore to god multiple times saying that I would stop, thinking to myself that, that should enough of an incentive to quit.
Click to expand...

I don't remember ever seeing anything in the Bible saying you shouldn't masturbate. I do remember seeing something telling us not to swear an oath: Matt. 5:34: But I say unto you, Swear not at all; neither by heaven; for it is God's throne:
 
Riders

Riders

Well-Known Member
Evangelicalhumanist said:
I went over the commandments twice, just to be sure. Not a word about prurient interests (looking at porn) or pleasuring yourself when there's nobody around to help you out. Therefore, the promise seems to be completely unnecessary, and because you are a normal human being, also unkeepable, I rather suspect that God will take zero interest.

But hey, at 21, there's not a lot wrong with finding a partner to share with...that kind of mutual pleasuring can be quite wonderful. And might I point out, watching a bunch of porn will actually make it harder to establish such a warm human relationship over time, so for the sake of your future sexual health, try to cut back on that a bit. Your own imagination can be infinitely richer than the lurid throes filmed by some hack pornographer.
Click to expand...


There's nothing wrong with masturbation or porn.But i use to stay up all night doing it till I was so exhausted I almost had to go to the hospital So if its an addiction its different. But I agree with you its not wrong morally there's nothing wrong with it.
 
GoldenThread

GoldenThread

Member
rogerfan123 said:
Hello everyone,

So I am currently a 21 year old in college and I am on top of my academics, never do drugs/drink and have a great social life. However, I have had a bad habit of masturbating ever since I was in the 9th grade. I can remember definitively that I have always had a guilty consciousness after I did it and have made numerous attempts to stop. I swore to god multiple times saying that I would stop, thinking to myself that, that should enough of an incentive to quit. However, I have failed repeatedly and it's always that.... once that feeling of arousal comes over me especially when I am trying to sleep then it's just like a whole another mind takes over and it becomes very hard to control. Even this past new year, I made a promise to god that I would stop it for good and change any bad things about my self ( I am very religious, read the lord's book and try to implement good habits as much as possible; however, I am not perfect and tend to make mistakes which I want to fix). In exchange, I asked for good grades in my academics, which I received through his grace.

Sadly, I haven't been able to keep up my promise and I am hating myself for it; he does so much for me, and I can't even control this stupid habit. If anyone has any suggestions on how to stop that would be great. My main trouble is at night when I am trying to fall asleep and I get aroused which is almost impossible to stop for me; so if you can tell me what to do in this instance, I would greatly appreciate it.

EDIT--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey guys, I am deeply thankful for you all taking the time to respond to my post. I understand everything you spoke of about masturbation, but my main issue is actually with watching pornography ( I'm not addicted) and the fact that I swore to god multiple times about this issue in the hopes of quitting but failed him. I want to make this right, and I am the one who made the promise so It's my duty to live up to my word I think. I know masturbation in and of itself isn't bad but Porn is different in my eyes.

Thank you
Click to expand...
It appears you've come to terms with the idea that masturbation isn't wrong in God's eyes. That is a good step.

If pornography is the issue, then there is a couple of options.

You can try cartoon/not real people videos.
From your OP it sounds like you have Christian roots. If so, then take comfort that God deals with our lust. If we lust after someone, then that is a sin. How can we lust after a cartoon?

Get rid of the phone.
Or at least downgrade to a phone that won't allow you to watch porn. This is more of an extreme approach, but if it is something that you really want to change, then drastic measures is what is needed.

A compromise could be giving it to someone during the night time when you are about to go to sleep. You can tell that person not to give you the phone (even change the password for the night) no matter what until the morning. They don't necessarily need to know why you want them to do this, but if you can find someone close enough to share this with, then it will be more beneficial.

Use your imagination
Similar to the first option, this is something that can help feed the need to think/see something, without having to watch any real people having sex.

I hope you can find something in what I am saying to help you. I, also, struggled with watching porn, but I've found watching cartoon videos and using my imagination as a reliable alternative. I haven't watched real porn in almost 2 years. You can overcome this, bro.

In peace
 
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