I need some help overcoming my bad habit. I need to change who I am :(

rogerfan123 · Jan 19, 2019

Hello everyone,

So I am currently a 21 year old in college and I am on top of my academics, never do drugs/drink and have a great social life. However, I have had a bad habit of masturbating ever since I was in the 9th grade. I can remember definitively that I have always had a guilty consciousness after I did it and have made numerous attempts to stop. I swore to god multiple times saying that I would stop, thinking to myself that, that should enough of an incentive to quit. However, I have failed repeatedly and it's always that.... once that feeling of arousal comes over me especially when I am trying to sleep then it's just like a whole another mind takes over and it becomes very hard to control. Even this past new year, I made a promise to god that I would stop it for good and change any bad things about my self ( I am very religious, read the lord's book and try to implement good habits as much as possible; however, I am not perfect and tend to make mistakes which I want to fix). In exchange, I asked for good grades in my academics, which I received through his grace.

Sadly, I haven't been able to keep up my promise and I am hating myself for it; he does so much for me, and I can't even control this stupid habit. If anyone has any suggestions on how to stop that would be great. My main trouble is at night when I am trying to fall asleep and I get aroused which is almost impossible to stop for me; so if you can tell me what to do in this instance, I would greatly appreciate it.

EDIT--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey guys, I am deeply thankful for you all taking the time to respond to my post. I understand everything you spoke of about masturbation, but my main issue is actually with watching pornography ( I'm not addicted) and the fact that I swore to god multiple times about this issue in the hopes of quitting but failed him. I want to make this right, and I am the one who made the promise so It's my duty to live up to my word I think. I know masturbation in and of itself isn't bad but Porn is different in my eyes.

Thank you

Sunstone · Jan 19, 2019

Sounds to me like you have the libido of a normal, healthy 21 year old.

Beyond that, which do you think would more likely offend God: Masturbation, or thinking God was petty enough to condemn you for masturbation?

Debater Slayer · Jan 19, 2019

I used to struggle with similar guilt because my beliefs forbade masturbation, and my main thought is this: if you're finding masturbation to be an addiction of yours that is interfering negatively with your everyday life and you can't quit or cut down on it even through distractions (such as focusing on hobbies, exercise, etc.), then a therapist may help.

On the other hand, if you're not addicted but are feeling so much guilt over it anyway, I'd ask myself this question: would an all-knowing, merciful god punish me for seeking to satisfy a very human desire without harming anyone? And if yes, then does my current religion really fit me, or do I need to seek beliefs that suit me more?

Only you can answer these questions based on your priorities; I'm not one to tell others to convert to or deconvert from any given religion. Finding hobbies to focus on in addition to working out may help take your mind off masturbation to an extent, though, if that's what you want.

Best of luck!

Rival · Jan 19, 2019

Keep at it. No problem.

Sunstone · Jan 19, 2019

Easy for you to say. But do I hear you offering to pitch in to help?

Folks these days. It's all "I send thoughts and prayers" but no actions. Back in my day...

Eddi · Jan 19, 2019

I doubt God would be angered or disappointed by you exhibiting normal human behaviour

And it’s not as if it’s taking over your life???

Aupmanyav · Jan 19, 2019

My standard prescription for this problem is that you do push-ups and sit-ups instead. Indian style is a bit different from the modern style, but both are effective.

Rival · Jan 19, 2019

OK I'll help:

Remember to lock the door.
Don't do it in a bathroom because you will just annoy people who need to go.
Carry tissues and/or an old sock.
If you use porn, use headphones.
You'll come harder thinking about someone you really, really like. It's just biology.
Spit really doesn't cut it, at least have some Vaseline or baby oil.

ChristineM · Jan 19, 2019

Its not a bad habit, whoever fed you with the idea masturbation is a bad habit should be ashamed of themselves. A better option for you would be to try and get rid of your guilt feelings.

David T · Jan 19, 2019

Its just practice!

Never trust anyone who doesnt or anyone who believes its bad.

Personally dont take on others neurosis you have enough of your own unique neurosis to discover! A part of growing up is self discovery that what you have been led to think is nonsense. God is great, beer is good and people are crazy is a very accurate song. I suggest watching it and get on with the process of meeting girls those psychotic beings we find so macical!

Rival · Jan 19, 2019

Also, sperm dies. To get rid of this excess, wet dreams occur with some frequency more than in those who don't rub one out or have regular sex. Masturbating is a great way to ejaculate dead sperm to make room for healthy sperm. What girls and women get out of ovulating and menstruating monthly, boys and men get from jacking off. Just as eggs are only viable for so long and need to be replaced, so are sperm, and those dead sperm need to be had rid of to give room to healthy cells.

Brickjectivity · Jan 19, 2019

When you find one thing in your life is out of control, work on controlling other aspects of your life better. Start having things that you control. How about getting good at a game? Focus on things that will make you feel like there is control in your life. Instead of focusing on the problem look for what you are doing right, and do more of that. Exercising your smile muscles and good posture will increase your control of emotions -- yes really. If you can't have a schedule then start controlling some other aspect of your day. Increase your realm of control, and you will gain control over more things. Then eventually your other problem will melt like a snowball.

VoidCat · Jan 19, 2019

I have never masturbated so I can not tell you what you should or should not do. Debater Slayer's response seems to be useful on this. I have a problem with using porn as a method of self-harm (link included) through and I ended up going to a therapist to help me quit. The main thing is she helped me learn to understand my thoughts and my feelings better and help me to learn to love myself for who I am. Maybe you may want to see a therapist? Just a suggestion, it may help. I will also add that the Bible says all sin and fall short of the glory of God. All. Not some. No matter what God will still love you and I do not think He'll condemn you to hell for it. If you want to please God then don't beat yourself up for doing something that comes naturally to you. I do not think masturbation is wrong or a sin, much of modern research actually says it very healthy and people who do masturbate may even live longer. If you do believe it to be a sin however then do what you feel is right. I am not going to tell you how to live your life, this isn't even an issue I can give advice on. Even if it wasn't I still wouldn't tell you how to live. I wish you the best of luck and will be praying for you.

Debater Slayer · Jan 19, 2019

The tissues are for when one cries in sorrow at the fate of the dead sperm after masturbating, right?

Vinayaka · Jan 19, 2019

Why do you think it's all or nothing? I'd recommend giving yourself a reasonable schedule, just as you would with food. It's a fundamental drive, but if you give it a schedule, it shows you're in control to the degree you can be. And you really have to work on the guilt part. That's just not healthy.

This way your expectations are far more reasonable.

Twilight Hue · Jan 19, 2019

I agree with @Sunstone . Your a normal 21 year old. Screw people if they want to make you feel guilty, they don't know what they're talking about because if you're a believer in God, then look at this way , your body is natural that's how you were made to be.

Why even have a religion that would go against your natural urges and functions that lie and manipulate to you and say it's unnatural , evil or whatever, when it's not.

Get a girlfriend, or if chastity is important to you , get a love doll , porn, or some other sexual aid. Men need their natural releases time to time. To hold it in will really damage you. I found it when you get the proper release , life becomes so much easier when you don't think about sex all the time.

Just some advice offered based on my own experiences.

Cooky · Jan 19, 2019

It's definitely a hard habit to kick. For me, it required a wife. All you have is time on your side to correct yourself.

Rival · Jan 19, 2019

So, in other words, there's nothing wrong with rubbing one out.

BSM1 · Jan 19, 2019

So what's your bad habit? Seriously, as has already been stated, there is nothing wrong with self-pleasure as long as you don't start charging for it. BTW, nowhere in the Bible does it say 'masturbation bad..mm-kay'.

oldbadger · Jan 19, 2019

Hi @rogerfan123 .....

Many Christians think that masturbation is wicked, I guess that's mainly because 'Onanism' (or whatever it was called) in the Old Testament was outlawed.

But the OT laws were all about producing a strong, secure, safe, healthy, successful and integrated nation of people. Hence closed hetero-couples were urged to have lots of children! That explains a lot of the more miserable laws!

Today we don't need LOTS OF CHILDREN and so masturbation is neither unholy, immoral, illegal, wicked, unspiritual or anything else bad.

And, just onm the side, and for what it's worth, that's also why Gay love is fine today, 'cos we don't need to increase our population any more! (don't listen to population crazy economists!

)

Please try and stop worrying about masturbation being bad.

I need some help overcoming my bad habit. I need to change who I am :(

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