• Welcome to Religious Forums, a friendly forum to discuss all religions in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Access to private conversations with other members.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!

Four Theories of Christmas

Brickjectivity

Turned to Stone. Now I stretch daily.
Staff member
Premium Member
1. This festive season is the fulfillment of Isaiah 35:6-8 "Then will the lame leap like a deer, and the mute tongue shout for joy...and a highway will be there; it will be called the Way of Holiness; it will be for those who walk on that Way. The unclean will not journey on it; wicked fools will not go about on it." This shows also that the prophet Isaiah predicts the appearance of Santa Clause and his reindeer as well as his nice and naughty list.

2. Christmas was started by the labor unions in the USA. Santa's shop and his elves are an exemplary factory with reasonable safety standards, many days off and good morale. The elves are payed extra to work on holidays, and they only work on holidays.

3. Christmas is intended to soften and weaken the nuclear family, and it was insidiously introduced by British communists into the USA to prepare us for a coming revolution. This was predicted in Revelation 12:3 which described millennia ago Santa's fictional slay as a red dragon with seven heads and ten horns and seven crowns. At first you might think that the number of reindeer do not match these seven heads, but Rudolph and Comet are not included among the seven heads. Comet appears in a different part of Revelation as 'Wormwood', and the other reindeer never play with Rudolph who has no friends mainly because of his shiny nose. Its so fascinating that the writer of Revelation manages to predict the number of reindeer despite these difficulties.

4. Christmas has evolved over billions of years from jingly noises and tinkly shiny objects, although it is not well understood where the first jingly noises and tinkly shiny objects come from.
 

Altfish

Veteran Member
1. This festive season is the fulfillment of Isaiah 35:6-8 "Then will the lame leap like a deer, and the mute tongue shout for joy...and a highway will be there; it will be called the Way of Holiness; it will be for those who walk on that Way. The unclean will not journey on it; wicked fools will not go about on it." This shows also that the prophet Isaiah predicts the appearance of Santa Clause and his reindeer as well as his nice and naughty list.

2. Christmas was started by the labor unions in the USA. Santa's shop and his elves are an exemplary factory with reasonable safety standards, many days off and good morale. The elves are payed extra to work on holidays, and they only work on holidays.

3. Christmas is intended to soften and weaken the nuclear family, and it was insidiously introduced by British communists into the USA to prepare us for a coming revolution. This was predicted in Revelation 12:3 which described millennia ago Santa's fictional slay as a red dragon with seven heads and ten horns and seven crowns. At first you might think that the number of reindeer do not match these seven heads, but Rudolph and Comet are not included among the seven heads. Comet appears in a different part of Revelation as 'Wormwood', and the other reindeer never play with Rudolph who has no friends mainly because of his shiny nose. Its so fascinating that the writer of Revelation manages to predict the number of reindeer despite these difficulties.

4. Christmas has evolved over billions of years from jingly noises and tinkly shiny objects, although it is not well understood where the first jingly noises and tinkly shiny objects come from.
It's a good job this is in the Joke section.
 

Aupmanyav

Be your own guru
Four theories of Christmas.
I have a fifth. It is uncorrected beginning of spring (Vernal equinox) and the Aryan New Year pushed back by three months over 6,000 years due to precession of equinox. The belief began sometime around 4,000 BCE - Dies Natalis Solis Invicti.

It is a remembrance of the first appearance of sun after the long Arctic night in the Proto-Indo-European Homeland.
 
Last edited:

lewisnotmiller

Grand Hat
Staff member
Premium Member
This is all quite horrendously inaccurate. I can tell you the real story, but it's going to take a little time, and you young 'uns appear to have the attention spans of small puppies in a blender.
Now, sit yourself down by the fire there, and fetch me some egg nog. Actually, it's probably easier if you get me the egg nog first. There we go.

Christmas has been around so long now that some folks seem to think it's always been here. That's a comfortable belief, but if it's the truth you're after...well...Christmas is actually only a little over 1600 years old. Before that blessed time, people had gathered together on the 24th December, but without the least idea why. The tables were bare. There were no gifts. And as for the trees...well...there was no tinsel on them. Just the occasional hornery squirrel, being overly protective of his nuts.

I can see some of you thinking right about now 'Aha! This is where Santa Claus swoops in on his reindeer guided sleigh, and Christmas is born!' But no. Santa is actually a much more recent invention, born from a mishmash of older idea and characters. No, my friends, first there was Sunta.

In the first year of Christmas, so it is said, it wasn't even very successful. This somewhat pleasant being arrived on a beaten up old bicycle, planting himself in the middle of the village and asking if the village girls might like to come and sit on his lap. You can imagine the locals surprise at that, but the little kids were all pretty bored staring at the empty table, the missing gifts, and the squirrel-infested trees, so they played along. However, it soon devolved into an argument. Apparently Sunta was more interested in the 'village girls' than the 'village children' if you take my meaning.

That night, many of the houses had their liquor cupboards raided, and stashes of baked goods were torn from many a pantry. Each house that had jeered at Sunta had a stone left on it's hearth. Where the house had been less inclined to call the cops on him, Sunta instead left one of his stolen cookies.

Within three years, Sunta was known as Sunta Stone for this practice. Houses had taken to proactively leaving out booze and cookies, in the hopes of him leaving their pantries alone. As a way of ensuring there was no confusion on Santa's meaning when he asked the village girls to come and sit on his knee, all the small children were tucked up tight in bed by sundown. And as a means of thanking them for not blocking his smooth moves with their older sisters, Sunta left each of them a gift.

Sunta Stone had managed to upgrade his old bicycle for one of those electric numbers, too, which allowed him to visit more villages. 8hp it was although somewhere along the line, that got perverted to 8 reindeers. The year he had to redline the thing to make his rounds in the snow, suddenly some story about a red-nosed reindeer appeared.

He got heavier over time. A diet of booze and cookies isn't great for the figure, especially when one doesn't even need to peddle anymore. And he got jollier. Again, a diet of booze and cookies, ya know? Of course, there is plenty I don't know. How does he fit all the gifts in his sack? When did he switch out stones for coal? Is the naughty list actually Santa's little black book of single village women as has been surmised.

But to answer these, we'd need to ask Sunta Stone himself. And he's obviously very protective of his secret identity. Based on the timeline, I was thinking it might have been @Sunstone, of course, but that's just a perfectly logical and likely conclusion based on all evidence I've carefully pored over for years. That's all.
 
Last edited:

Revoltingest

Pragmatic Libertarian
Premium Member
Christmas was invented by Christians out of jealousy of Festivus celebrants.
Inspired by the green eyed monster, that's why they adopted Christmas
trees & wreaths as symbols.
 

Brickjectivity

Turned to Stone. Now I stretch daily.
Staff member
Premium Member
Christmas was invented by Christians out of jealousy of Festivus celebrants.
Inspired by the green eyed monster, that's why they adopted Christmas
trees & wreaths as symbols.
Oh pulleeese. Festivus celebrants themselves covered their poles with pine branches and forced us at gunpoint. Now you want to pretend it didn't happen!
 
Top