Sobriety Journal

I managed to stay sober today. I now keep a note on my hand that always reminds me that sobriety is a matter of life and death.

I must desire sobriety more than anything else, for without sobriety I am hopeless and shall have only shame, regret, guilt, and psychological torture.

I have let everyone who cares about me down by my recent relapses. One day at a time I shall break free of this bondage.

I shall daily confess here whether or not I stayed sober. Feel free to comment on anything that helped you win against an addiction.

PopeADope said:

sobriety is a matter of life and death.

Click to expand...

I tried and failed to stop smoking for years until one day, from the bottom of my heart, I said to myself I WANT TO LIVE. That day marked the start of the change from failure to success.

PopeADope said:

I managed to stay sober today. I now keep a note on my hand that always reminds me that sobriety is a matter of life and death.

I must desire sobriety more than anything else, for without sobriety I am hopeless and shall have only shame, regret, guilt, and psychological torture.

I have let everyone who cares about me down by my recent relapses. One day at a time I shall break free of this bondage.

I shall daily confess here whether or not I stayed sober. Feel free to comment on anything that helped you win against an addiction.

Click to expand...

Remember that other thread? Dont focus on beating the temptation, it only feeds it strength.

Replace that focus with a hobby. A hobby that makes you forget about the temptation. Focus feeds it.

PopeADope said:

I managed to stay sober today. I now keep a note on my hand that always reminds me that sobriety is a matter of life and death.

I must desire sobriety more than anything else, for without sobriety I am hopeless and shall have only shame, regret, guilt, and psychological torture.

I have let everyone who cares about me down by my recent relapses. One day at a time I shall break free of this bondage.

I shall daily confess here whether or not I stayed sober. Feel free to comment on anything that helped you win against an addiction.

Click to expand...

One Day At a Time ! Keep coming back! Do you have AA meeting here your at? If not I know where the phone and internet meetings are at! Congratulations!

It's another day and I did not have a cigarette!

(Heading into day 33 and my final patch.)

sun rise said:

I tried and failed to stop smoking for years until one day, from the bottom of my heart, I said to myself I WANT TO LIVE. That day marked the start of the change from failure to success.

Click to expand...

Mine wasn't quite that dramatic, but I love the spirit behind your words, and I can well relate.
For me, it was a surprising long analytical process of identifying what has making me feel unwell. Once I zeroed in on the cigarettes, I couldn't ignore it. I think I had maybe one or two more after the realization dawned. I succeeded in taking the choice away from myself (if that makes sense).

In all honesty, the psychological gymnastics I would have to do to light a cigarette now would have to be spectacular, short of a blow to the head, that is. It's like I've cornered myself on this issue and I'm good with that.

YmirGF said:

It's another day and I did not have a cigarette!

(Heading into day 33 and my final patch.)

Click to expand...

Congratulations! My Mom smoked her whole life. She quite for about 8 years while in AA but she was use to being then ate more after she quit. She gained 60 pounds or so and could not stand it. She went back to smoking between smoking and drimking coffee lost down to a size 11 again she was then.

Its not worth it. I think some people it does just the opposite. I quit 6 years ago after smoking for 10 years. It was stupid at 350 pounds it made me eat more.

I would come down with bronchitis asthma attacks pnumonia I would actually eat more from the stress of being sick from smoking.SO after I quit I am about 272 now more well then I was back in my smoking days/

Riders said:

Congratulations! My Mom smoked her whole life. She quite for about 8 years while in AA but she was use to being then ate more after she quit. She gained 60 pounds or so and could not stand it. She went back to smoking between smoking and drimking coffee lost down to a size 11 again she was then.

Its not worth it. I think some people it does just the opposite. I quit 6 years ago after smoking for 10 years. It was stupid at 350 pounds it made me eat more.

I would come down with bronchitis asthma attacks pnumonia I would actually eat more from the stress of being sick from smoking.SO after I quit I am about 272 now more well then I was back in my smoking days/

Click to expand...

You are such a sweety. I'm having issues with eating too only mine isn't like what yours is. My doctor thinks that it is a side effect of withdraw and coming off the nicotine. Wait and see. What I am going through is that I'm always hungry. I mean hungry. I am a really good cook too. I make something, take one bite and my taste buds and stomach do a back-flip. I literally have to force myself to eat some magnificent creation I have made and most of it goes into the fridge.

A few nights back, made spaghetti, same thing happened. 3 hours later I decided to try again and heated it up and attacked it LOL. I had to tell myself to slow down. I was just so relieved to be able to eat. Ain't life grand at times? (Before I quit smoking I wasn't having any problems eating - at all!) Hopefully this is just part of the fun in quitting for me.

I think this is a good idea. Stick to it. It will give you accountability if you slip. Don't let us down.

Good for you!

If you don’t mind me saying this....
Pray to the Father Jehovah, through Jesus. Ask for His help. Striving to keep our bodies as a ‘clean sacrifice’, is part of His will (Romans 12:1-3)...He can help you to cope, and succeed in this.

And you certainly have my best wishes, my friend!

sun rise said:

I tried and failed to stop smoking for years until one day, from the bottom of my heart, I said to myself I WANT TO LIVE. That day marked the start of the change from failure to success.

Click to expand...

My friend did something similar. She used to be a chain smoker then one day she got a sign from god she should stop smoking. She stopped cold turkey. Vamped a month or so and she hasn't smoked in almost a year.

PopeADope said:

I managed to stay sober today. I now keep a note on my hand that always reminds me that sobriety is a matter of life and death.

I must desire sobriety more than anything else, for without sobriety I am hopeless and shall have only shame, regret, guilt, and psychological torture.

I have let everyone who cares about me down by my recent relapses. One day at a time I shall break free of this bondage.

I shall daily confess here whether or not I stayed sober. Feel free to comment on anything that helped you win against an addiction.

Click to expand...

I had to surrender myself to recovery, whatever that would mean, because my way didn't work. At all. Not even for 24 hours. I'd wake up in the morning sick, humiliated, hating myself for having succumbed yet again, and wanting with every fiber of my being NOT to do it again. But by noon I knew it was all going to happen again, though I had no idea why. And when the full realization of the horror show that was my life finally sank in, I knew there was no way out.I had to stop and I couldn't stop. I was totally screwed.

I didn't go to AA to be cured, or to be fixed. I didn't even believe that was possible. I just went because I had nowhere else to go that wasn't part of my 'death spiral'. So I went, and I kept going, because there was nothing else. What I wanted wasn't even part of the equation. What I wanted had been lost long ago.

So I went, and I kept going, and I did whatever they told me because I had no will or ideas of my own, anymore. Yet it was in that hopelessness that I finally became willing to learn, and to change.

Sounds to me like this time you've finally come to the end of your road. And that's good. Give up, now. Surrender your will, dismiss your own thinking because it's doesn't work. It's sick, and it's toxic, and it's quite insane. Let those who have been where you are, and recovered, tell you what to think, and how to live, and then do what they say.

You've wanted to die all your life. Now is your chance. Stop being "you". Let your 'self' go. With the help of your fellow recoverers, start learning how to be who you would have been had your mind and spirit not been poisoned by addiction. That's what people are recovering in those programs. And you can do it, too. But first you have to 'let go'. Let go of who you have become so that you can find out who you would have been without the addiction. The rest of us can't wait to meet him. To see him living 'happy, joyous and free'!

PopeADope said:

I have let everyone who cares about me down by my recent relapses
Feel free to comment on anything that helped you win against an addiction

Click to expand...

The first step for me was to recognize that I don't "love myself". If I "love myself" I won't do bad things to myself

So the only one I let down is myself. Was a shocker to realize this.

I used to be a pleaser (most pleasers please others to avoid introspection/confrontatino), not wanting to let down others. Then I discovered my over eating habit (being underweight this seemed not a big deal), but still I was an emotional eater. I recognized I did not love myself. This became my mantra with every bite I took "am I an animal or a human, do I love myself or hate myself?". If I love myself I do take good care of my body/mind/emotions/spirit. Failing to do so, means I do not love myself. This was the hardest part, not being able to stop, but luckily I did have full faith in God that one day this would pass also (before I die)

Why do I not love myself? That was an interesting question to solve.

Just a little of this type of introspection took care of my "over eating habit in no time". Took me only over 15 years. Now I only overeat once a month sometimes less. And I don't beat myself up for it (still I am honest and do the introspection "okay, I need to experience it once more, really? Even a donkey does not hit the same stone twice... am I dummer than the donkey?"). That's another trick. First I had to accept myself fully, especially the "overeating part (in my case)". If I judge myself that is not good. Easy to feel guilty if I do something what is not good. Difficult to not feel guilty and just be a witness. Just focus on the "love part" not on the "judge part" was the only way for me to overcome this. Many years I focussed too much on the judging part and too little on the Loving part. That's why it took many years.

Even my guru instructed me to take ayuasca. It was to make me aware of "my drug" = eating foods that are not optimal for my health. Whatever we do that is not in the best interest of ourselves (healthwise) I consider an addiction. It's good to realize that 99.99% of the people are addicts according to this definition. Makes it easier not to feel bad myself. But in the same time I was determined to belong to the 0.01% not being addicted

Love, Peace and Blessings brother

Fortunately, last few times I used it didn't make me high. It was very unpleasant and miserable. Nothing euphoric.

Too many times in the past I tried to stay sober so I didn't let other people down. It's time to stay sober to not let myself down. If I try staying sober for other people I am bound to relapse. I need to stay sober because it's something I desire not them. With all my heart I want sobriety to come first before anything else. I can do this!

I will with certainty stay sober for today. It is top priority. Stop playing childish games with life!

I cannot thank my higher power enough for making my last few trips extremely miserable. If they had been pleasant trips, I'd be more likely to return.

I keep reading the note on my hand and reminding myself that sobriety is the primary goal here because to go back to the addiction will completely destroy everything and hurt a lot of people who care.

Without sobriety, nothing good shall happen in life. Life will be a total nightmare without it. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

PopeADope said:

I cannot thank my higher power enough for making my last few trips extremely miserable. If they had been pleasant trips, I'd be more likely to return.

I keep reading the note on my hand and reminding myself that sobriety is the primary goal here because to go back to the addiction will completely destroy everything and hurt a lot of people who care.

Without sobriety, nothing good shall happen in life. Life will be a total nightmare without it. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Click to expand...

I was raised up for 5 years of my teen years in ALateen i love the Alanon and Alateen program. I go to AA meetings now on and off my city for my love addiction.They open it up though for other addictions. They are really cool.

I have been battling addiction for years. My advice for addicts is to receive psychiatric care at least a few times to find out the who, what, where, when, why, and how of your addictions. Moderate excercise when cravings hit is good, as well as religious or spiritual things. I have been addicted to caffeine since i was 14, and nicotine since I was 17. Adice? I will pray for you to forgive yopurself, and find support.

Good God it was rough today! Still sober thank God. I shall win this battle.