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Christian Mailing List

linwood

linwood

Well-Known Member
Awhile back I started getting mail from a pastors mailing list for a local church in town.

I replied and asked to be removed, recieved a reply that said "How did you get on this list?"
I replied "I don`t know but if you could remove my address I`d appreciate it, thanks.

I was never removed and continued getting the occasional mail..not alot just every now and then.

Today I recieved this...
Doesn't pay to be an atheist!!

 An atheist was walking through the woods...


"What majestic trees!"

"What powerful rivers!"

"What beautiful animals!" He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the
bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge
towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder
& saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulderagain, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.


At that instant the Atheist cried out,"Oh my God!!!"
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.
"You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't
exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident."
"Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to
count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be
hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now,
but perhaps You could make the BEAR a Christian?"
"Very well." said the voice.
The light went out.
The sounds of the forest resumed.

And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together,
bowed his head & spoke:
"Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty
through Christ our Lord, Amen".
Click to expand...
This was followed by many replies about the stupidity of atheists and much joviality.

I replied all this message just 10 minutes ago....

That was great!

This one`s even better.

A pastor was walking to services one Sunday morning when he came upon a little girl playing with a tiny newborn kitten.

"Hello little girl" he said "What kind if kitten is that?"

"Why, this is a Christian kitten sir." the little girl beamed with pride.

The pastor smiled, wished the little girl and her new friend well and continued on to church.

The following Sunday the pastor came upon the little girl and her kitten once again on his way to church.

"Hello little miss," he said "How are you and your little Christian kitten this fine morning?"

The little girl replied "Hello pastor, we`re doing well but my kitten isn`t a Christian."

The puzzled pastor asked "Didn`t you tell me your kitten was a Christian last week?"

The little girl replied, "Oh yes but now his eyes have opened."



Romans 14:5
One man esteemeth one day above another: another esteemeth every day [alike]. Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind.

Romans 14:13
Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in [his] brother's way.

Peace,
Steven
Your friendly neighborhood atheist
Click to expand...


How much do you want to bet they`re tripping over themselves to get my address off that list now?
:)
Happy Thanksgiving all to all my fellow Heretics.
 
Mr Spinkles

Mr Spinkles

Mr
Heheh, happy (belated) Thanksgiving, linwood.

letter said:
At that instant the Atheist cried out,"Oh my God!!!"
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.
"You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't
exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident."
"Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to
count you as a believer?"
Click to expand...
For the record, if this happened to me, I'd say "Of course I believe in your existence now! Why didn't you stop time, shine a light down, and talk to me sooner? Sheesh."

...Or rather, the first thing I would say is "May I ask to which god I am speaking?"
 
tumble_weed

tumble_weed

Member
XD

That just shoes God is a jerk...they only time he appears is when people are in danger...then plays a joke on the guy whos about to die...God's a meanie weanie

good work Linwood XD

You never see Athiests sending things to people trying to convert them...or do you?

which is like what John Safran did on John Safran Vs God...he went around to peoples houses in the early morning in Slat Lake City trying to convert them to Atheism

heh anyway...I hope you get off that list
 
YawgmothsAvatar

YawgmothsAvatar

Member
Haha. Well done.

My bet is that you aren't removed from the list and that you receive even more mail trying to convert you. Does your email account have a block function?
 
linwood

linwood

Well-Known Member
YawgmothsAvatar said:
Does your email account have a block function?
Click to expand...
Sure, but why would I want to use the blocking function and ruin all my fun?

Ehh..if you`re right I`ll probably be using it soon.
 
H

huajiro

Well-Known Member
:verymad: Put me on that list, I will have lots of fun with them. Too bad no Jehovah's Witnesses come over anymore.:eek:
 
robtex

robtex

Veteran Member
Steve, you have an update on this...a postscript? For instance emails in response to yours and or result of your email. I did notice since you are still around that apparently God did not strike you down with lighting bolt for that stunt. Either that or he has bad aim?
 
J

Johnny H. Cash

New Member
All right, the idea of Satan in a life before the bible depletes the idea of the Old Testament. Satan is not mentioned in the Old Testament and neither is Heaven or Hell. Christians created Heaven and Hell in order to give people a choice in life. [A common tool for persuasion.] Why must you believe in a Satan, a Heaven, a Hell, or separate deities? I believe the bible has several faults including the idea of Satan. Christianity was only developed to give people hope. [A physical being acting as God is the same as the Hebrews worshipping a golden calf on top of Mt. Sinai.] Why, I don't even believe you believe what you say you do. You don't even understand the concepts of life or the bible.



[Do Christians even believe in the Old Testament?] I believe Genesis through Deuteronomy states that God would never appear as a human or any physical form that can be SEEN (Deuteronomy 4:12 - 4:20). HE also states that HE is not a man (Numbers 23:19), yet the Christians believe in Jesus and the trinity. Now tell me why would God contradict himself? I don't believe he would. I believe God and not you. [This is not a method of persuasion, but a method of understanding that your beliefs may not be the general census.]
___________________________________________________________________________
Remember, your religion is not the only religion... so what makes you correct, faith?

"Only the weak survive while the strong die with pride" -Myself
 
Scott1

Scott1

Well-Known Member
Welcome Johnny..... this is not a debate forum.... take a look at the private message I sent you.

Peace,
Scott
 
linwood

linwood

Well-Known Member
robtex said:
Linwood you still on that mailing list or off?
Click to expand...
Oh sorry Rob.

I hadn`t even noticed anyone was posting to this one anymore until I just got frubals for it

I`ve apparently been removed with no response.

Not a one.

The cc on the list was quite a few people but none responded.

Oh well.
 
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