I'm not an atheist for many reasons, many of which I shared.
I've found peace and joy blending Catholicism, Buddhism, Shamanism, Shintoism, and Hindu Asceticism together.
I also watched documentaries where people give eye witness accounts of miraculous healings from a pilgrimage, eye witnesses of the vision at Fatima Portugal, and read about the medical Bureau at Lourdes which certifies miracles that are of an incurable disease, instantaneous healing, complete healing, and no medical or scientific explanation.
I've read testimonies from Doctor's and Scientists similar to what this scientist would say:
This Agnostic Scientist Converted After Witnessing a Miracle at Lourdes | ChurchPOP
"The alleged
apparitions at Lourdes were reported to have taken place between 11 February and 16 July 1858. After this time, reports of apparently miraculous cures began to accumulate, prompting calls for the
Roman Catholic Church to recognise these events as
miracles. The earliest investigations of these cases were carried out by an Episcopal Commission of Inquiry led by Canon
Germain Baradère and reporting directly to Mgr Laurence,
bishop of Tarbes.
In 1859, Professor
Henri Vergez from the Faculty of Medicine at
Montpellier was appointed medical consultant to the Episcopal Commission of Inquiry. Vergez's views were often at odds with those of his clerical colleagues. Vergez decided that only eight of the early cases were genuinely inexplicable.
[1]
In 1883 a body called the
Bureau des Constatations Médicales was established by doctors affiliated with the sanctuary. This was the forerunner of the current Medical Bureau. Its first titular head was the nobleman Baron
Dunot de Saint-Maclou, and the Bureau was housed at the residence of the Garaison Fathers in Lourdes. Following the establishment of the Bureau des Constatations Médicales, the number of recognised cures dropped dramatically, from 143 in 1883 to only 83 in 1884.
[2]
Dunot de Saint-Maclou died in 1891 and was succeeded by Dr.
Gustave Boissarie who headed the Medical Bureau until 1914, and met with the French author
Émile Zola when he visited Lourdes in August 1892. Dr. Bonamy, a character in Zola's 1894 novel
Lourdes, is unflatteringly based on Boissarie. Boissarie wrote a celebrated book,
L'Histoire Médicale de Lourdes in 1891, which was praised by
Pope Leo XIII. Boissarie moved the offices of the Bureau to accommodation beneath the right ramp of the Upper Basilica, where he met with people who claimed to have been cured.
[3]
In 1905,
Pope Pius X decreed that claims of miraculous cures at Lourdes should "submit to a proper process", in other words, to be rigorously investigated. At his instigation, the current Lourdes Medical Bureau was formed.
In 2011, the cure of a French man is under further examination to determine officially whether another miraculous cure has taken place. Twenty doctors from the medical bureau have concluded that the formerly paralysed man's recovery, which occurred in 2002, was 'remarkable'
Lourdes Medical Bureau - Wikipedia
There's many other testimonies like that in modern history.
I believe Padre pio, 20th century stigmatic priest, Franciscan Friar, and canonized Saint, worked the miracles that are attributed to him:
The Most Unbelievable Miracles of St. Padre Pio
I suppose it could all be a work of fiction. I was not there.
I do indeed sympathize with atheists. There is a lot of religious hysteria and nonsense out there. God does a very poor job of shepherding and guiding his flock. There is a lot of corruption amongst religious people, and much scandal, deception, and atrocities. I'm very skeptic.
So, why am I not an atheist? The biggest reason is because I was miserable and hopeless as an atheist. I gave up on life, didn't feel equipped to care for myself without a supernatural guide, and attempted suicide, breaking multiple bones and winding up in a wheelchair for 10 weeks, and fortunate to not be paralyzed for life.
If I was an atheist, I would not only be suicidal again, but would be more selfish. For instance, there were many times I wanted to tell a lie, wanted to abuse drugs, wanted to steal etc. but I didn't because I had the inner conviction that it would offend God, and the supernatural spirits that I'm devoted to, as well as harm my soul.
I also have done a lot of volunteer work at missions in the ghetto, feeding the hungry and giving clothing and what not to the needy, as a result of my inner convictions. I have given away money and other items, because of my belief that it was pleasing to supernatural entities.
One big reason I'm not an atheist is because prayer for me has been sometimes euphoric, blissful, peaceful, joyful, and transforming. I have often felt like other spirits were influencing my thoughts, words, and emotions...the happiest day of my life was march 19 2018, and nothing good happened that day externally. The joy and euphoria was entirely grace and spiritual ecstasy received through prayer.
It could all be BS, and simply endorphins and dopamine being released in the brain...of course I am skeptic, but I found what makes me happy. If I am mistaken about the existence of Heavenly beings, once I'm dead, I won't regret the time spent in prayer or being mistaken.
And maybe...just maybe, there will be reward on the other side...
So, why aren't you an atheist?
