• Welcome to Religious Forums, a friendly forum to discuss all religions in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Access to private conversations with other members.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!

How Do You Personally Distinguish Between Close Platonic Friendship and Romance?

Vinayaka

Vinayaka

devotee
Premium Member
Debater Slayer said:
During one of our days out, we discussed at length the possibility of a relationship, whether she was interested and whether I was really interested (confessing romantic feelings for her set that discussion in motion days prior), and whether a relationship would work out given our incompatibilities. For instance, she's a practising, believing Muslim, while I'm a generally anti-religious atheist. She believes it is necessary to raise her future children as Muslims, while I'm strongly opposed to choosing any given religion for my future children rather than merely educating them about religions, philosophies, and logic and letting them choose when they're old enough to.

She said she wanted us to remain friends and that she would be there if I ever needed her but that she wasn't interested in a romance with me. Furthermore, after discussing the potential romance, we basically concluded that the incompatibilities--especially in our worldviews and values--were far too significant to allow for harmony or stability in a long-term relationship.

So the romantic interest wasn't mutual, but we did and still do want to remain friends. That is very much mutual, and neither of us has shown any less respect or affection toward the other after that discussion where we pretty much ruled out a romantic relationship.
Click to expand...

What do you have in common?

(For us, a shared religious view was incredibly important. We agreed on so many things because of it, like having kids, what jobs to work at, how to raise kids, how much effort to put into stuff, lifestyle, etc.) We were open about a lot of stuff, so when the romance finally happened, it was just easier (from what I've read anyway, no first-hand experience) because we could communicate. But if we'd have been like you guys with really opposing views, there's no way we'd have ever gotten married. Sounds like that would be the totally wrong decision. But then I couldn't be close friends with anyone who was that different religiously either. I don't enjoy arguments.
 
Sunstone

Sunstone

De Diablo Del Fora
Premium Member
Polymath257 said:
I have a very good friendship that is like yours in many ways. We go out to dinner, we hold hands, we flirt mercilessly, we tell each other we love them (and we do). But she has made it very clear that it will never be sexual and that she wants to marry someone and have children (I am happily married and have had a vasectomy). I would happily be sexual with her (which is allowed in my marriage) but I am fully aware that isn't going to happen.

So where does that put this relationship? Is it romantic or platonic? I, personally, would put it under platonic since it will never go sexual or lead to a household. But that is me. Your definitions can vary.
Click to expand...


Seems a matter of definition. If you define your relationship according to whether intercourse is involved, then it's platonic. If you define it according to whether the emotions are there, then it's romantic. How you define it is up to you, of course.
 
Debater Slayer

Debater Slayer

Vipassana
Staff member
Premium Member
Vinayaka said:
What do you have in common?
Click to expand...

- Her sense of humor and mine are similar.

- She's interested in psychology.

- She's a feminist.

- She values concern for friends and is interested in knowing close friends' opinions and sharing hers with them (although only when asked, since she finds articulating her thoughts difficult and therefore usually only does it when asked).

- We have both experienced similar struggles.

- We both appreciate direct expressions of affection.

There may be smaller things that I'm missing; these are just the biggest and most salient ones.

(For us, a shared religious view was incredibly important. We agreed on so many things because of it, like having kids, what jobs to work at, how to raise kids, how much effort to put into stuff, lifestyle, etc.) We were open about a lot of stuff, so when the romance finally happened, it was just easier (from what I've read anyway, no first-hand experience) because we could communicate. But if we'd have been like you guys with really opposing views, there's no way we'd have ever gotten married. Sounds like that would be the totally wrong decision. But then I couldn't be close friends with anyone who was that different religiously either. I don't enjoy arguments.
Click to expand...

We don't tend to argue, but I can see where you're coming from because it's sometimes challenging when the difference in values is rather significant. Such closeness in a friendship despite major differences in beliefs is something I really cherish, though.
 
Sunstone

Sunstone

De Diablo Del Fora
Premium Member
Shadow Wolf said:
A close platonic relationship are those few and rare friendships you want to keep and not risk losing by making it into a romantic relationship.
Click to expand...

In my opinion, a close friendship is precisely what you want to base a committed relationship on. Precisely! Genuine friendships are a far and away better foundation for a marriage or long term relationship than is sexual attraction, romantic attraction, etc. At least, that's how I see it.

Besides, only immature people screw up friendships by sleeping with each other. If you can't sleep with a friend a handful of times and still remain friends, it wasn't a real friendship anyway. It was just something else masquerading as friendship.

One of my two best friends today is a woman I met over twenty years ago. Very early on, we slept with each other just enough to discover that we were sexually incompatible. Ever since, we've had an enduring asexual friendship. You can't screw up a genuine friendship by sleeping with someone. You just can't -- unless you're very emotionally immature.
 
Polymath257

Polymath257

Think & Care
Staff member
Premium Member
Sunstone said:
Seems a matter of definition. If you define your relationship according to whether intercourse is involved, then it's platonic. If you define it according to whether the emotions are there, then it's romantic. How you define it is up to you, of course.
Click to expand...

I see it more as defining it in terms of how the future of the relationship is seen. We won't be making a household. We won't be forming a 'family'. She wants to find a partner that she will have children with. When she finds said partner, I will be overjoyed for her. We will remain friends no matter what. And we will love each other no matter what.
 
Jumi

Jumi

Well-Known Member
Well about the time when you start thinking of moving together, getting married or sharing a bed you start thinking maybe it was more than platonic.
 
Patience

Patience

Let us dance with the wind and sing with the birds
Honestly, I have trouble distinguishing between the two at times myself, but wanted to say, that is just so sweet that you have a friendship like that. Do you feel fondly towards her more of as in a sister sort of way? I have a feeling though that if this question keeps crossing your mind as to whether or not it is a platonic friendship or romance, then perhaps you already know deep down what the answer is to what you are feeling and just seeking to validate it, since I don't think you would be asking this question if you thought of her only in a friendship sort of way, unless perhaps someone brought this question up to you and that got you thinking about it. That aside, if you are questioning it, maybe there is something more to it? :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top