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One Month of Sobriety; &

Rejected

Under Reconstruction
First of all congrats to everyone on their sobreity. It gets hard sometimes, I know.

I've been sober for about 9 months now and I quit smoking about a month ago, I’m not sure of the exact date on that. It seems I have good days and bad days with it, but what puzzles me is that even though I’m not self medicating anymore, I still have yet to find any sort of peace. "Irritable, restless and discontent" are word that sum up my very existence at this point. And there is absolutely no reason for it. I probably have one of the best jobs in the city for someone in my age bracket and education level, a beautiful girlfriend who loves me and has put up with my sh*t for this long (thou I’m not sure why). I have all four limbs, a good back, a dry bed, nice car, woman who loves me and I’m still miserable. I feel thin, like a balloon that’s so full it’s transparent and ready to pop. And I seem to be letting my anxieties affect my relationship. She has said that she can't handle my depression and cynicism for much longer and she thinks I need to be on my own for a while until I figure out what’s wrong with me. The scary part is I think I might need to be alone for a while too. But if I’m alone I’ll probably start drinking again. Which would certainly lead to my death.
 

Radio Frequency X

World Leader Pretend
Rejected said:
First of all congrats to everyone on their sobreity. It gets hard sometimes, I know.

I've been sober for about 9 months now and I quit smoking about a month ago, I’m not sure of the exact date on that. It seems I have good days and bad days with it, but what puzzles me is that even though I’m not self medicating anymore, I still have yet to find any sort of peace. "Irritable, restless and discontent" are word that sum up my very existence at this point. And there is absolutely no reason for it. I probably have one of the best jobs in the city for someone in my age bracket and education level, a beautiful girlfriend who loves me and has put up with my sh*t for this long (thou I’m not sure why). I have all four limbs, a good back, a dry bed, nice car, woman who loves me and I’m still miserable. I feel thin, like a balloon that’s so full it’s transparent and ready to pop. And I seem to be letting my anxieties affect my relationship. She has said that she can't handle my depression and cynicism for much longer and she thinks I need to be on my own for a while until I figure out what’s wrong with me. The scary part is I think I might need to be alone for a while too. But if I’m alone I’ll probably start drinking again. Which would certainly lead to my death.


Well, they have drugs for depression. I don't recommend taking them unless its really screwing up your life. But, sometimes certain drugs are the way to go. I'd do some research. Also, diet and sleeping habits can affect your mood. But, when you do decide to settle down, you'll want to find someone supportive and compassionate.
 

Katzpur

Not your average Mormon
Radio Frequency X said:
I was just curious if there were any other recovering alcoholics or addicts around here. If not, I'm not sure how anyone else will take this, but as of today I've been clean from drugs for eight years and sober for one month.
That is awesome!!! I am very, very happy for you!
 

michel

Administrator Emeritus
Staff member
Radio Frequency X said:
I was just curious if there were any other recovering alcoholics or addicts around here. If not, I'm not sure how anyone else will take this, but as of today I've been clean from drugs for eight years and sober for one month.

I'm a recovering alcoholic (or at least I have a problem with alcohol); I have tried hard not to drink for almost a year now.

Apart from the odd one or two drinks in public, and one unfortunate Binge that went wrong, I am not doing too badly. I guess it's hard, and it is a thing one can only take one day at a time.
 

Radio Frequency X

World Leader Pretend
michel said:
I guess it's hard, and it is a thing one can only take one day at a time.

Everything in life is taken one day at a time. We spend so much time regreting the past, being frustrated with the present, and anxious about the future, and it doesn't do us any good. Life is meant to be lived one day at a time, it is meant to be lived pro-actively and with purpose.
 

michel

Administrator Emeritus
Staff member
Radio Frequency X said:
Everything in life is taken one day at a time. We spend so much time regreting the past, being frustrated with the present, and anxious about the future, and it doesn't do us any good. Life is meant to be lived one day at a time, it is meant to be lived pro-actively and with purpose.

Too true. One thing I know, as an alcoholic, never promise you won't drink again. You can't afford to disappoint yourself over something you might end up doing.
 

PureX

Veteran Member
Radio Frequency X said:
I was just curious if there were any other recovering alcoholics or addicts around here. If not, I'm not sure how anyone else will take this, but as of today I've been clean from drugs for eight years and sober for one month.
HOLY MOLEY!!! I just saw this thread!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

I am VERY happy for you and am rooting for you all that way! I'm a recovered alcoholic and I know both how bad it can be, and how good it gets when you finally free of it. I've been sober for 13 years and I'm still dancing a happy dance every single day for waking up another day sober! I have had the pleasure of witnessing and participating in the recovery of a number of folks over the years and it's the same for them all. It's like being set free from HELL. Early recovery is very hard - the first year or two are very scary and difficult because the only response to life's problems an alcoholic has ever learned was to drink. And now we suddenly are expected to behave like real people when we don't know how. But we can and do learn, and it doesn't take that long, and then you finally get to be who you would have been had you not taken the path of addiction. And that's really FUN!

I was an active drunk from the age of about 16 to 35, and I can honestly say that I feel better now at age 48 than I've ever felt in my life. I'm happier, calmer, more confident, smarter, and willing to do new things that I ever was when, drinking.

Stay sober! You have an amazing and wonderful journey ahead of you. When the fear and craving for escape back to drinking come, do whatever you have to, to get past them, and eventually they'll go away all together. I got sober through AA, and could never have done it otherwise, because I needed those other people who knew what it was like to be newly sober to help me through it. Don't be afraid to hook up with them if you need to.

I am truly happy and excited for you!

"Hi, my name is Dave S. and I'm an alcoholic" *smile*
 

PureX

Veteran Member
Rejected said:
First of all congrats to everyone on their sobriety. It gets hard sometimes, I know.

I've been sober for about 9 months now and I quit smoking about a month ago, I’m not sure of the exact date on that. It seems I have good days and bad days with it, but what puzzles me is that even though I’m not self medicating anymore, I still have yet to find any sort of peace. "Irritable, restless and discontent" are word that sum up my very existence at this point. And there is absolutely no reason for it. I probably have one of the best jobs in the city for someone in my age bracket and education level, a beautiful girlfriend who loves me and has put up with my sh*t for this long (thou I’m not sure why). I have all four limbs, a good back, a dry bed, nice car, woman who loves me and I’m still miserable. I feel thin, like a balloon that’s so full it’s transparent and ready to pop. And I seem to be letting my anxieties affect my relationship. She has said that she can't handle my depression and cynicism for much longer and she thinks I need to be on my own for a while until I figure out what’s wrong with me. The scary part is I think I might need to be alone for a while too. But if I’m alone I’ll probably start drinking again. Which would certainly lead to my death.
There is a reason for this. You haven't learned how to be comfortable inside your own skin, because you've been using alcohol to avoid any feelings of discomfort up until now.

Stopping the drinking is just the beginning of addiction recovery. They call it "recovery" for a reason. We need to recover who we would have been had we not been waylaid by the numbness and blindness of addiction. We have to sort of go back and learn how to be who we would have been had we not avoided that process by drinking or using drugs. And as we do so, we learn how to become comfortable with who we are, and even happy with who we are, as sober people, and then the craving for chemical escape goes away.

I like to think of it as DIScovery rather than REcovery, because I stared drinking young. I'm not REcovering myself because I never grew up in the first place, due to my drinking, so I'm DIScovering who I am, now, as a sober man. And I'm loving every minute of it! I wouldn't trade one day sober for all the alcohol on Earth!
 

Radio Frequency X

World Leader Pretend
michel said:
Too true. One thing I know, as an alcoholic, never promise you won't drink again. You can't afford to disappoint yourself over something you might end up doing.

:) I've already made that promise to myself. As an alcoholic, I'm used to disappointing myself. That commitment is worth the risk. I made that same promise with drugs. Eight years. No screw ups. And I'm not going to screw up today.


PureX - congratulations to you too. It is always encouraging to hear people's success stories. It helps with the hard days, you know?
 

martha

Active Member
Well I just thought I would stop by and 'fess up!
I quit cocaine and pot some 18 years ago and for some reason it was easy. When I consider how much coke I used to ingest I find it hard to understand it. I used to work in a bar where my boss was selling it. I would count out my pay every week and then wind up giving it back to him almost in full. Then I would get more "on the arm" 'til next week or split a bag two or three ways with others just to get high. I kept enough to pay my rent, buy cigs, have a pepsi in the fridge. I would eat and drink for nothing at the bar when on duty.
One day I came to work and found my boss and his cousin in the bar when I opened up at 7:00am. He started an argument with me and came close to hitting me, he was all wired up on coke, pot and booze. I turned and headed to the door and he said if your leaving then turn in your keys. I did and never went back. I never did drugs after that day. I made up my mind that I would not associate with people who did drugs for I knew I was weak and would give in to my addiction. But.......I am a drinker and a smoker. I have not been to RF in a while and I believe that I was led to come online today to see this post. I want to quit so badly it hurts. I just can't seem to let it go. Me of all people who loves God with all my heart. I can't seem to let go and let God. Yeah I was in AA about seven years ago, but after a year of sobriety, I slipped and never got back on the path. For those of you who pray, please pray for me.
It feels good to confess this to you all. Perhaps this is a start. Thank you for posting the question. Blessings to you. ( She hesitates as she reaches to hit the submit reply button) 'Cmon Martha hit the darn button!!!!!
 

michel

Administrator Emeritus
Staff member
I gave up smoking tobacco easily enough; the prompt was my going into hospital for an operation on my eyes (for Cataracts); that was pre- lazers.

I remember being warned that coughing could burst the stiches, and that would be the end of that eye! I never looked back; I was lucky.
 

Willamena

Just me
Premium Member
Radio Frequency X said:
I was just curious if there were any other recovering alcoholics or addicts around here. If not, I'm not sure how anyone else will take this, but as of today I've been clean from drugs for eight years and sober for one month.
I hope you put me to shame --I only lasted 6 weeks.

Good luck.
 

Mike182

Flaming Queer
i've not been alcohol free, but i have been heavy alcohol free for a good couple of months now! i went through a stage of very heavy drinking after a bad relationship about a year and a half ago, which was very mesed up, and i hit the bottle and the cigs.

i stopped the alcohol addiction first, and i'm working on the cigs now.... it's going alright, i've gone two weeks with out any cigs, and only a few the week before that :)
 

Circle_One

Well-Known Member
Well, I got through a whole week, drug free. It's now been 9 days. I even went out on Thursday night drinking, to a big club, had the money and opportunity, but still did not call my dealer.

Feels good. Here's to another week.
 

michel

Administrator Emeritus
Staff member
Circle_One said:
Well, I got through a whole week, drug free. It's now been 9 days. I even went out on Thursday night drinking, to a big club, had the money and opportunity, but still did not call my dealer.

Feels good. Here's to another week.

Good on you! may you be as successful next week!:hug:
 

martha

Active Member
Hey Circle that's great! Just think what you can do with the money you saved by not buying. Good job sweetheart keep up the good work!
 

Radio Frequency X

World Leader Pretend
Circle_One said:
Well, I got through a whole week, drug free. It's now been 9 days. I even went out on Thursday night drinking, to a big club, had the money and opportunity, but still did not call my dealer.

Feels good. Here's to another week.

:) good for you circle! One choice at a time is all we've got. :clap
 

PureX

Veteran Member
My understanding of the definition of an addiction is that it's not possible to control. By definition, being 'addicted' means that we no longer have the ability to stop the addictive behavior by our own will. And this was my experience with alcoholism, too. I had finally reached the point where it was obvious even to me, who had been denying, avoiding, and excusing the realization for many years, that my life was a complete mess because of my drinking, and that it would only get worse if I continued to drink. I had made up my mind that I must quit drinking if I want to have any kind of life at all, yet when I tried to stop, I was horrified to discover that I couldn't. I would wake up every morning sick and miserable and hung-over and swear with all my heart and soul that I would not drink again, and yet by that afternoon I'd be drunk again. And I had no understanding or explanation for why this would keep happening over and over again. That was when I finally came to understand what the word "addiction" meant. I had always known I was an alcoholic, but I never cared before then, because the word didn't really mean anything to me. But now I understood that it meant the end of my life. I knew full well that I would have no life if I kept drinking, and I also then knew full well that I could never stop drinking.

I was doomed. And I finally understood it. I had to stop, and I could not stop. I understood that this is what it means to be addicted.

Until this happened to me, there was nothing that could have been done for me, or by me, to stop the horrible downfall. I had to reach this point of complete hopelessness before I could finallyaccept and admit that I could not cure myself. And it was only then that I was willing to ask for help, and actually be willing to submit myself to that help. And that's when I called AA.

When I went to that first meeting I was so humiliated and dispondant and confused that I couldn't even talk to anyone. When it came time to introduce myself to the group, I don't even know what I mumbled, and I don't remember anything about the meeting, either. But when it was over, a bunch of people came by me to wish me luck, and whatever, and I wasn't even hearing them. I was sort of in a daze. But then this one big bald guy walked over to me and put his hand on my shoulder, looked me in the eye and said the one thing to me that could actually wake me from my 'trance of the damned', he said: "It's OK now, Dave, you don't ever have to drink again".

The fact the he was the first human being to actually physically touched me in a long time, and the fact that he somehow knew to say the one thing that I had finally come to understand was impossible for me, and that had doomed me forever, is what woke me up, and got me to come back to another meeting.

The funny thing is, I never saw that bald guy again, though I went to AA meetings all over Chicago for many years after that.

And from that day til now I haven't taken a drink.
 
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