I think I know why I can't find the right religion for myself.

I am someone who tries different religions like how other people try on different shoes or clothes. I think I have always wanted to feel not only apart of something, but believe in something... higher than myself. I'm not sure where I want to go, what I want to do. But I do know one thing. I do want to believe in a higher power, but I don't know who/what to believe in. Nothing has resonated with me. I was born into a Methodist family, and I had gone to church for a while. Then my family stopped going to church as I was growing older and our schedule was getting busier. Around age 12, I started to investigate different religions. First I started with Islam, then Buddhism, then Shinto, then Hinduism, then Wicca, then Asatru, then I "made" a religion, then Mormons, and now, I am back where I started. Lost, confused, and helpless. I don't really know what to do. But I have looked, looked, and looked. I am tempted to be Christian, but also tempted to be my own religion, but also tempted to be Buddhist etc etc. But if there is one thing I do know, is that I need help finding my path and finding a higher being who I really believe in. Not just "I believe in blah blah blah" because I want to feel like I believe in something higher than myself, but I want to say "I believe in blah blah blah" because I do believe in a higher power. I just felt I needed to share this with you guys. Anything relating to the subject helps a ton. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

When I think about God, I picture him as darkness — as essentially nothing — like the emptiness beyond that little ball of mass, before the Big Bang. I picture him as having no senses: neither hearing, sight, smell, taste nor touch; but somehow he has a mind. And this is a mystery as to how this something, which is seemingly nothing, even has a mind. Yet, this mind imagined himself; he formed an idea of who he was — a self-image. And this image has always been in his mind, and yet he generated it. I believe this self-image was Jesus of Nazareth. Somehow, even before the creation of the universe, and without a reference point, God had thought of himself as a body of flesh and bone, kind and gentle, in an environment of water, land, atmosphere, and life. And it was this self-image that created the universe.

When it comes to mankind, I believe that God wishes to share His Spirit with us. I believe that when God imagined himself as Jesus, Jesus was animated by His Spirit; he moved as how that mind in the dark emptiness would move. And I believe that we too can move just as Jesus, and receive His Spirit.

I think that if you felt His Spirit as some Christians do, whether His Spirit is real or not, whether God and Christianity is really a delusion or an ancient "self-help" program, you will choose to believe, just for the fact that it makes you feel better than anything else — You will become a true believer, and your search will end. I know mine did. You will know that you have His Spirit when you start becoming more kind and gentle than you ever thought you could be; you will start to become like Jesus. Being someone who was born with a lack of empathy, it amazes me that I now know what empathy is: How is this possible?

I was struck by you starting this thread writing that you think you know why you're having so much trouble but the text is the opposite. That contradiction left me at sea because to me the first question I would ask is that you answer your own initial statement - why do you believe you're having this struggle?

The second question is what will change for you when you find your path. I'm not writing about Saul/Damascus kind of dramatic change but typically how are you different day-by-day beyond the obvious.

At least you ask questions. So many people go through life just following what they know because that is what they were told. Asking questions is where it all begins, and you seem to be non-arrogant because you want to believe in a higher power. You know that life is bigger than just yourself. There's a line I stole from the early 20th century occultist Aleister Crowley, "do what thou will shall be the whole of the law." I know the hedonist and so-called Satanist Anton Lavey also stole that line, but what it means to me is follow your own guiding voice and don't let anyone tell you what to think.

Ricktheheretic said:

At least you ask questions. So many people go through life just following what they know because that is what they were told. Asking questions is where it all begins, and you seem to be non-arrogant because you want to believe in a higher power. You know that life is bigger than just yourself. There's a line I stole from the early 20th century occultist Aleister Crowley, "do what thou will shall be the whole of the law." I know the hedonist and so-called Satanist Anton Lavey also stole that line, but what it means to me is follow your own guiding voice and don't let anyone tell you what to think.

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I don't think people are really reading the Book of the Law.

They aren't acting like it.

/the first esoteric book I read, and only read it once.

I don't think people are generally Crowleyites, but they think they are

At least you ask questions. So many people go through life just following what they know because that is what they were told. Asking questions is where it all begins, and you seem to be non-arrogant because you want to believe in a higher power. You know that life is bigger than just yourself. There's a line I stole from the early 20th century occultist Aleister Crowley, "do what thou will shall be the whole of the law." I know the hedonist and so-called Satanist Anton Lavey also stole that line, but what it means to me is follow your own guiding voice and don't let anyone tell you what to think.

syncretic said:

One word.



Satan.

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I don't think that I'm the voice of Satan. I just say its good to ask questions and do what feels right to you. I don't think you should just believe whatever "feels good" either, I think that's what some people who are the exact opposite of Satanists might do. They like religion because it "feels good" and they become religious. I'm about looking into things deeper. Of course it was Satan who persuaded Adam and Eve to take a bite from the apple of knowledge, so maybe I am kind of a Satanic character. There's a quote from Eliphas Levi and Pike's Morals and Dogma that I have posted a few times, here it goes.

“The true name of Satan, the Kabalists say, is that of Yahveh reversed; for Satan is not a black God, but the negation of God. The Devil is the personification of Atheism or Idolatry. For the Initiates, this is not a person, but a force, created for good, but which may serve for evil. It is the instrument of Liberty or free will. They represent this Force, which presides over the physical generation, under the mythologic and horned form of the God Pan; thence the he-goat of the Sabbat, brother of the Ancient Serpent, and the light bearer or Phosphor, of which the poets have made the false Lucifer of the legend”.

syncretic said:

I don't think people are really reading the Book of the Law.

They aren't acting like it.

/the first esoteric book I read, and only read it once.

I don't think people are generally Crowleyites, but they think they are

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I just think the old devil A. Crowley had some good points about personal exploration and the search for higher knowledge. He also had this pantheistic ring that made God not this big guy on a throne. "Everyman and woman is a star; every number is infinite, there is no difference." All life is divine.

Ricktheheretic said:

I don't think that I'm the voice of Satan.

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I don't either, lol. I didn't even think you were a satanist.

Will read the rest of your post//

Ricktheheretic said:

I just think the old devil A. Crowley had some good points about personal exploration and the search for higher knowledge. He also had this pantheistic ring that made God not this big guy on a throne. "Everyman and woman is a star; every number is infinite, there is no difference." All life is divine.

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Hmm
I have always thought his books were like instruction manuals, /some is.

I think the theology is sort of all over the place, personally.

Ricktheheretic said:

At least you ask questions. So many people go through life just following what they know because that is what they were told. Asking questions is where it all begins, and you seem to be non-arrogant because you want to believe in a higher power. You know that life is bigger than just yourself. There's a line I stole from the early 20th century occultist Aleister Crowley, "do what thou will shall be the whole of the law." I know the hedonist and so-called Satanist Anton Lavey also stole that line, but what it means to me is follow your own guiding voice and don't let anyone tell you what to think.


I don't think that I'm the voice of Satan. I just say its good to ask questions and do what feels right to you. I don't think you should just believe whatever "feels good" either, I think that's what some people who are the exact opposite of Satanists might do. They like religion because it "feels good" and they become religious. I'm about looking into things deeper. Of course it was Satan who persuaded Adam and Eve to take a bite from the apple of knowledge, so maybe I am kind of a Satanic character. There's a quote from Eliphas Levi and Pike's Morals and Dogma that I have posted a few times, here it goes.

“The true name of Satan, the Kabalists say, is that of Yahveh reversed; for Satan is not a black God, but the negation of God. The Devil is the personification of Atheism or Idolatry. For the Initiates, this is not a person, but a force, created for good, but which may serve for evil. It is the instrument of Liberty or free will. They represent this Force, which presides over the physical generation, under the mythologic and horned form of the God Pan; thence the he-goat of the Sabbat, brother of the Ancient Serpent, and the light bearer or Phosphor, of which the poets have made the false Lucifer of the legend”.

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We do agree that lucifer is not the same character. The esoteric reverse thing, not my cup of tea, though

Have you looked into Satanism before?
And Satanism is not about the illuminati, not about wanting to be rich or famous. Also Satanism is not about being better than others, being cool, going around killing people, sacrificing humans or animals. There are a lot of things christians make up about Satanism that some think we are just pure evil.
And I would advise you not to be a christian but that is your choice. But christianity is a hypocritical religion. They say don't steal because it is a "sin" but they think it is ok that they stole from the Pagans like the holidays. Easter and Yule(Christmas) are Pagan holidays were originally never to be about christ. Halloween is also Pagan.
I have tried chrisianity the 2nd time and it did not go so well. Christianity is mostly about controlling how others live.

If you have any questions about Satanism then please ask. I want to help others see that Lucifer is not evil. He is actually a chill guy and friendly. And he is also a great teacher.
If you are interested, please visit my website: Followers Of Lucifer.

Jeremiah. 29;13
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Pear said:

I am someone who tries different religions like how other people try on different shoes or clothes. I think I have always wanted to feel not only apart of something, but believe in something... higher than myself. I'm not sure where I want to go, what I want to do. But I do know one thing. I do want to believe in a higher power, but I don't know who/what to believe in. Nothing has resonated with me. I was born into a Methodist family, and I had gone to church for a while. Then my family stopped going to church as I was growing older and our schedule was getting busier. Around age 12, I started to investigate different religions. First I started with Islam, then Buddhism, then Shinto, then Hinduism, then Wicca, then Asatru, then I "made" a religion, then Mormons, and now, I am back where I started. Lost, confused, and helpless. I don't really know what to do. But I have looked, looked, and looked. I am tempted to be Christian, but also tempted to be my own religion, but also tempted to be Buddhist etc etc. But if there is one thing I do know, is that I need help finding my path and finding a higher being who I really believe in. Not just "I believe in blah blah blah" because I want to feel like I believe in something higher than myself, but I want to say "I believe in blah blah blah" because I do believe in a higher power. I just felt I needed to share this with you guys. Anything relating to the subject helps a ton. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

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Have you studied Daoism (both religious & philosophical sides) or Zoroastrianism before? Also, I'm here to suggest Paganism because personal bias.

why don't you follow the religion that you're most drawn into? what feels right.

Pear said:

I do know one thing. I do want to believe in a higher power, but I don't know who/what to believe in. Nothing has resonated with me.

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Personally, I'd find this approach odd. Trying to find something that you can believe in, without first analysing your own beliefs already. Surely you must already have certain beliefs. It's hard to switch beliefs off and on. So my approach would be not to look, until I already understood some stuff I already believed in, via journaling, observation of thought patterns, or meditation. Then, after you have a reasonably clear idea, it's more just matching.

Pear said:

Around age 12, I started to investigate different religions. First I started with Islam, then Buddhism, then Shinto, then Hinduism, then Wicca, then Asatru, then I "made" a religion, then Mormons, and now, I am back where I started. Lost, confused, and helpless. I don't really know what to do.

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That is impressive. Anyway if you are eighteen then you are not lost and confused. You are undecided, and there is a difference between being undecided and being lost.

Pear said:

I don't really know what to do. But I have looked, looked, and looked. I am tempted to be Christian, but also tempted to be my own religion, but also tempted to be Buddhist etc etc.

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Christianity is a matter of Eucharist, which is a mystery. There are several mysteries. That means you do not get to know the mystery until the mystery is revealed to you through personal growth as well as communal growth. Obviously you have to trust the people for this religion to work properly. If you get in with bad people, or if you can't trust anyone then there is no point getting involved. Do not get into this to seek a higher power, because you will be like the man in the film Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade who grabs for the golden chalice. You cannot force a higher being to do anything.

Pear said:

But if there is one thing I do know, is that I need help finding my path and finding a higher being who I really believe in. Not just "I believe in blah blah blah" because I want to feel like I believe in something higher than myself, but I want to say "I believe in blah blah blah" because I do believe in a higher power. I just felt I needed to share this with you guys. Anything relating to the subject helps a ton. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

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I think in modern times the only reliable way to pursue a higher being is through mathematics. At least then you can pursue in an unchanging medium. As you have already discovered, picking a religion is confusing, but many cultures and people from many religions have established disciplines that explore the basis of reality and any beings that may exist in other realms through forms, symbols and maths. There are many groups from many cultures who have gone this route, and since its all Math, their observations should be cumulative rather than at odds. You can start by gathering up what they have discovered and build on it. In human terms what you would be looking for would be a higher dimensional shadow, but I've no idea how that would appear. For example some people think that constants like Pi and the Golden ratio are an indication. I think that is a little too simplistic. If you are interested in exploring this, perhaps start by researching Math in various ancient cultures and also watch youtubes about Math properties.

Pear said:

I am someone who tries different religions like how other people try on different shoes or clothes. I think I have always wanted to feel not only apart of something, but believe in something... higher than myself. I'm not sure where I want to go, what I want to do. But I do know one thing. I do want to believe in a higher power, but I don't know who/what to believe in. Nothing has resonated with me. I was born into a Methodist family, and I had gone to church for a while. Then my family stopped going to church as I was growing older and our schedule was getting busier.

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A higher power could be anything. It would decide if it wanted to be contacted. For example could an ant get your attention? It would probably think of you as an unusual texture. The best it could do would be to sniff you and crawl onto you, and what if it did get your attention? That would threaten its existence. Of what benefit would such a higher power be to the little ant?

Vinayaka said:

Personally, I'd find this approach odd. Trying to find something that you can believe in, without first analysing your own beliefs already. Surely you must already have certain beliefs. It's hard to switch beliefs off and on. So my approach would be not to look, until I already understood some stuff I already believed in, via journaling, observation of thought patterns, or meditation. Then, after you have a reasonably clear idea, it's more just matching.

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How do you suggest I go about this?

Pear said:

But I have looked, looked, and looked. I am tempted to be Christian, but also tempted to be my own religion, but also tempted to be Buddhist etc etc. But if there is one thing I do know, is that I need help finding my path and finding a higher being who I really believe in. Not just "I believe in blah blah blah" because I want to feel like I believe in something higher than myself, but I want to say "I believe in blah blah blah" because I do believe in a higher power. I just felt I needed to share this with you guys. Anything relating to the subject helps a ton. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

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For whatever reason, it seems that you have logically come to the conclusion there is a higher power but you did that with your mind not your heart maybe. Most religions seem good, at least at first glance, because they all have a value proposition. I'm here to tell you that value proposition is completely irrelevant - much like finding a lover of your dreams, you will know the right one but it's not going to be a logical decision. At this juncture, you haven't really been "anything" so stop using that type of expression - you merely tried a few things out, and that's fine. With that being said, this "trial period", isn't like "marrying the woman", it's just going out on a date. The finer points of each of these spiritual paths will elude you until you settle down and stay with one for a significant time. The many that you have listed means to me that you couldn't have had more than a casual exposure to any of them, there just isn't enough time in the day.

You said you, "rolled your own path", so what was that? There is nothing forbidding you from completely developing this, and customizing your religion/spirituality to your own needs. That's _exactly_ what I have personally done... Some philosophies (especially the left hand path and pagans) are VERY tolerant of this, but you have to see what works for you. Anyway, just keep learning and you'll come to it -- but if the answer is "none of these" feel free to develop your own expression.

Pear said:

How do you suggest I go about this?

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Good question.

I have no idea really, only some possible suggestions. Every person is so individual, all with differing subconscious patterns based on their own experiences. People also 'think' differently.

Some people might journal about it. Starters like 'God is _____________' , or 'I believe that Christ __________' and while sitting relaxed on a park bench, fill in the blank. So it's a reflective process, answering the question, "Just what do I believe?" First thing that comes to your mind.

Another way is to enter discussions with other people, and feel if what they say makes sense to you or not, but more on a 'feel' level that an intellectual logical level. You can do that right here on RF.

On a purely intuitive process level, intuition comes unbidden, and often at unexpected times. For that to work, you have to drop the intellect, work on some task that does take some concentration, like a hobby. Then Insight might just poke his little head in between your ears, and you'll get the Ah Ha! moment.

All of this sort of stuff works better with the mind quieted, not in race mood. Physically, that happens with breath. So good to breathe deeply and rhythmically for a bit. You know you're doing it right if you can get one of those portable heart rate monitors, and you can slow heartbeat by even 2 or 3 beats per minute.

Best wishes getting out of the confusion. Nobody wants that, nor would wish it on anyone.

Pear said:

How do you suggest I go about this?

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There are on-line quizzes to help you sort out your beliefs into religious categories. These quizzes are by no means 100% accurate but they can be a start. Google what religion am I.

For kicks I took this one http://www.findmyreligion.com/results.php?dematch=1499608029
My results were
Hindu = 42.9% (which I am)
Secular = 35.7%
Pagan = 35.7%
Wiccan = 28.6%
Buddhist = 28.6%

That's pretty spot on. Even Wiccan, which is actually a pretty broad spectrum.