If your child's religion is different.

I had two sisters and two brothers, as far as I can remember religion was never mentioned by anyone, we had assembly in school, but it was just something that happened every morning, I had no idea why people closed their eyes to pray, I just knew that was how it was done,
I was told by someone when I was about eight, that Christmas was the day Jesus was born,
I even went to the Catholic church with a friend so he could take confession, and did not understand why he had to do it, he said 'Hail Mary' all the way home on his bicycle, so as I was not exposed to religion I have no idea how it feels to believe in a God, the concept is alien to me.

Draka said:

I have often heard people, especially the younger ones, lamenting about how their family won't accept them because of their religion choice. This happens very frequently especially with very differing religions. Not just talking a different denomination, but a whole different belief philosophy.

Now, for my question: How would you think you would honestly react to a child of yours coming out to you that they totally are not what you are in terms of religion and that they have decided to prescribe to a religion that is extremely different to yours?

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I would like to know what are the main teachings of their religion, that it is not harmful to them, and to invite them to debate me on points of differences with my belief/philosophy, partly they would have had to experience as my child. Surely most outcomes would be positive. I am happily experienced in a diversity of religious phenomena. My child is will have a questioning mind I hope. If a cult sucked my child in I would be surprised.

Draka said:

I have often heard people, especially the younger ones, lamenting about how their family won't accept them because of their religion choice. This happens very frequently especially with very differing religions. Not just talking a different denomination, but a whole different belief philosophy.

Now, for my question: How would you think you would honestly react to a child of yours coming out to you that they totally are not what you are in terms of religion and that they have decided to prescribe to a religion that is extremely different to yours?

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I would still let my child know that she is loved & cared for but that her religious choice is NOT accepted by us. (This, she already knows if she EVER chose something else but says she never would.)

How would you think you would honestly react to a child of yours coming out to you that they totally are not what you are in terms of religion and that they have decided to prescribe to a religion that is extremely different to yours?

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As long as she comes to her faith by her own free will, I don't have a issue. Presuming of course there is no cyanide laced koolaid, ritual abuse or other harm inflicted on herself or others...

I'd do exactly how my parents accepted me, and how my grandmother has accepted me, and feel loved and cherished as the day I was born. I hope I pass on the same feeling to my kids.



My daughter is questioning certain beliefs already. She asks about God, Jesus, heaven and hell, and is already expressing her own beliefs that are radically different than mine. I'm a non-theist, but she believes in God. I believe in the cycle of birth-death-rebirth until one is liberated with enlightenment, but she believes in an eternal afterlife (and that everyone will go to heaven, BTW). I never tell her she's wrong, although when she asks me what I believe, I tell her.




The girl is 7, and she feel confident enough to express her views candidly to me without recourse. I feel VERY good about that. If she were to come to a belief that my practices as a Buddhist were inherently evil, my prayers are that I would not behave differently around her and that I would not become attached to the idea that she must accept what *I* do and believe. I pray that I would shower her with as much love as the day she was born.




Concerning my own parents, my mother allows me to talk candidly about my belief and practices. She shines with pride when I discuss how my practices have shaped my behaviors and attitudes in a better way as I learn. My grandmother does NOT allow me to talk about my practices in her house, since she sees my practices and beliefs as severely heretical. But she only told me that once, and once was enough for me to respect her wishes. However, she has never showed sadness, disappointment, fear, or disgust over me or my choices. She has always gushed love toward me and embraced me as her granddaughter.




I hope I continue this passing of love and acceptance across the generations. Love is the tradition I hope to continue, not dogma.



Peace,
Mystic

Bump...resurrection attempt.

Draka said:

Bump...resurrection attempt.

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I hope my child has the intellegence and desire to form her own opinions and conclusions. So far I have no worries.

Draka said:

I have often heard people, especially the younger ones, lamenting about how their family won't accept them because of their religion choice. This happens very frequently especially with very differing religions. Not just talking a different denomination, but a whole different belief philosophy.

Now, for my question: How would you think you would honestly react to a child of yours coming out to you that they totally are not what you are in terms of religion and that they have decided to prescribe to a religion that is extremely different to yours?

Click to expand...

I'm the sort of person who would teach them to try and be open minded in the first place. So I probably wouldn't mind

Update:

One child is an atheist. Two are agnostic. And one is Unitarian-Universalist-ish.

Steve and I are happy with their perspectives and their never ending quest for truth and meaning. None are Buddhist, and none have ever remotely shown an interest in it. A couple of times, one or more of the kids wanted to accompany me to the Dharma center, and they'd leave feeling none the wiser except for learning about the dharma.

I never pressed. That ain't my thing. They're all very respectful of my practice and know to leave mom alone when she's meditating.

It all comes down to mutual respect for each others individual paths.

well as long as they choose a legit religion i would be proud of them...

Iti oj said:

well as long as they choose a legit religion i would be proud of them...

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What do you consider a legit religion? Or rather, what isn't legit to you?

In our home the focus, since the day we were saved, has always been on relating to and trusting the Person of Jesus Christ, not religion. I am very thankful that all of our grown children also love, trust, and desire to obey Christ. Honestly, it would've been very difficult for me if any of them had rejected Christ, but I believe had that occurred I would have still demonstrated love and respect.

InChrist said:

In our home the focus, since the day we were saved, has always been on relating to and trusting the Person of Jesus Christ, not religion. I am very thankful that all of our grown children also love, trust, and desire to obey Christ. Honestly, it would've been very difficult for me if any of them had rejected Christ, but I believe had that occurred I would have still demonstrated love and respect.

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Can I ask you what if they rejected the religion with all the stories about the afterlife but kept the values that Christ conveyed. How would you feel?

I mean how would you feel if a child of yours rejected the afterlife but kept your values no matter what?

Religion is a choice we can't force somebody to believe in someting. I will talk to my child about my religion it will be under my responsibility until the age of 15th and after he/she will decide in what to believe don't forget Noah's son did not believe in God.
Until the 15th age our sons/daughters are under our responsibility and we must take care them until the end of their life but we can't force them to believe in something

CynthiaCypher said:

Can I ask you what if they rejected the religion with all the stories about the afterlife but kept the values that Christ conveyed. How would you feel?

I mean how would you feel if a child of yours rejected the afterlife but kept your values no matter what?

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Hi Cynthia, if you believe in God you should believe in the afterlife also. Imagine a God created the universe, gave many things to the people, he can't forget the life after death.

I give an exemple, you have a child and you gave him a chocolate but in 30 seconds you took the chocolate and he/she begin to cry and you don't give to him/her the chocolate again. Is it logic. The God gave us many things but when we die, we still wants the same pleasures.

Then The God and the afterlife, they are two things inseparable

Draka said:

What do you consider a legit religion? Or rather, what isn't legit to you?

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ehh as long as they were Scientology or one of the various cult like churches i would be fine.

I thank God that none of my four grown children has rejected Christianity.

That being said, each of them is very different in their practice of Christianity. One daughter has converted to Catholicism and she and her family are very active in their church. One married a Roman Catholic but they rarely attend mass - they go to a non denominational church about once every month or so. My oldest son is stationed in Korea in the army, and he and his girlfriend attend services at the post chapel pretty regularly. My youngest son is my "heathen." He probably couldn't tell you the last time he was in church. But even with this lack of involvement, he definitely embraces Christian theology.

It bothers me that my youngest doesn't place much importance on any religion. But he's only 23. I don't ever pressure him. We went to church as a family very regularly when he was growing up, so he already knows what I would prefer for him - there's no point in pressuring him.

Same with my youngest daughter - I really wish that they would be more involved in a church community - Catholic or otherwise - for the sake of their kids and because it can so often strengthen your family's relationships. But that's totally their call. I think there's some strain between them regarding whether they attend Mass or non Catholic services. I wouldn't care which one they embraced.

If any of my children outright rejected Christianity, I would tell them how I felt about it (sad and concerned) once or twice, and I would make it clear that I welcomed any discussion on the matter, but then I'd leave it at that. Like Katzpur, I value my relationship with my kids too much to play hardball with them about religion. You can't hope to make any difference in their beliefs if you run them off. And besides that, the best witness, and the best debate technique, is in my ACTIONS rather than my words.

However, I would not tolerate disrespect for my beliefs. Tolerance goes both ways.

Draka said:

I have often heard people, especially the younger ones, lamenting about how their family won't accept them because of their religion choice. This happens very frequently especially with very differing religions. Not just talking a different denomination, but a whole different belief philosophy.

Now, for my question: How would you think you would honestly react to a child of yours coming out to you that they totally are not what you are in terms of religion and that they have decided to prescribe to a religion that is extremely different to yours?

Click to expand...

I am a Buddhist. My ex-wife, is, basically, a Christian. My two kids, who's ages are 3 and 6, are being raised as Christians. Now, they're not really old enough to understand all the differing religious views, and that's fine. My daughter has already taken a liking to Christianity, and she seems to understand some of the basic concepts. If she ultimately decides this is what she wants, I have no problems with that. My son, who takes after me in every way conceivable (with the exception of he's a lady's man ) has taken a liking to Buddhism. Since me and my ex are divorced, and I live 500 miles away, I would hope that she would allow him to follow his interests. But, ultimately, I have no problem with whatever religion they choose to be, because I am of the opinion that all religions are just different paths leading to the same goal.

CynthiaCypher said:

Can I ask you what if they rejected the religion with all the stories about the afterlife but kept the values that Christ conveyed. How would you feel?

I mean how would you feel if a child of yours rejected the afterlife but kept your values no matter what?

Click to expand...

These are very thoughtful questions.

Since I believe Christ is God and the scriptures are God's Word then the accounts in the scriptures are inseparable from Christ. So if I had a child who rejected the teachings of scripture, including the afterlife it would mean they had rejected Christ and I would be very concerned and sad. From my perspective, values pale when compared to Christ and values won't earn anyone eternal life. So, although it may make life more pleasant I don't think keeping external values is of much importance without Jesus as one's Savior.

If I had a child who rejected Christ I would honestly talk to them if they wanted to discuss the subject and besides that I would earnestly pray, pray and keeping pray and showing love. I know it is something which must take place between them and God so I wouldn't attempt to pressure.

As long as my future children don't join a destructive cult, I'm fine with whatever they choose. I definitely wont force my beliefs on them, and I'll try to avoid talking about my own religious beliefs as much as possible. If they ask, I'll answer them, but I'll try to give them both sides. I was raised to be open-minded. I might have been pushed towards Christianity a bit (definitely the progressive kind, though), but we rarely discussed religion at home and my family has quite some diversity in their views (Christianity, Atheism, New Age etc).

Forcing a child to believe certain things can cause them a lot of pain growing up. I've heard too many stories of people crying themselves to sleep over being scared of hell or not feeling accepted for being who they are.