Hitting children for education/disciplinary purposes...

Hello guys.

What do you think of it, and how do you put it? Do you think it is an option to hit a child for education/disciplinary purposes? Let's say maybe as a last resort if no other methods worked? And to what level of application do you see appropriate if you think it is an option?

Please understand what I mean by the word "hitting" here. I'm not saying beating the hell out of them, I'm talking about hitting in general as a concept. Please clear your mind of any images or experiences of hitting first before participating. Thank you.

Yes and no, it really depends on how you define discipline. To me, anyways.
I wouldn't hit a kid, I wouldn't hit anyone unless I intended to follow through.
But maybe a spanking works to teach a kid that something is absolutely not okay.

Takes something a step further to work on people like me, though.

I actually had an experience the other day. Me, my sister and her son (my nephew) went for shopping. He's an extra hyperactive child with special rebellious nature. Please don't tell me all children are, I'm saying "extra" and "special" here. Suddenly he started playing by shouting very loudly in a way that bothered everyone around. In the first couple of times we didn't say anything to him maybe he would stop. We gave him something to play with, but no use. As he repeated it, his mother decided to tell him to stop in a normal way. She did it many times but he did not stop. She looked at me wanting me to do something about it. I did the same thing in a more serious but not scary voice for a number of times. Nothing worked. I then decided to hit the lower part of his ear lightly in a way that gives little pain to feel, with my index finger like ((this))(dunno what's called in English) giving him a serious but not scary look, raising my index finger up as a sign to stop, a sign he knows very well that I used also in all the previous attempts. His reaction was stopping shouting, looking at me with an "oh, okay" expression and getting back to playing with the stuff (he was on the trolley with the groceries). Things after that went pretty much normal with no side effects of what so ever.

That's my experience that makes me vote "Yes". But I stress that it has to considered so very carefully and only as a last resort if no other options worked.

Deathbydefault said:

Yes and no, it really depends on how you define discipline. To me, anyways.
I wouldn't hit a kid, I wouldn't hit anyone unless I intended to follow through.
But maybe a spanking works to teach a kid that something is absolutely not okay.

Takes something a step further to work on people like me, though.

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Hmm... to me, what's in bold seems to imply "yes" in the poll!

Smart_Guy said:

I actually had an experience the other day. Me, my sister and her son (my nephew) went for shopping. He's an extra hyperactive child with special rebellious nature. Please don't tell me all children are, I'm saying "extra" and "special" here. Suddenly he started playing by shouting very loudly in a way that bothered everyone around. In the first couple of times we didn't say anything to him maybe he would stop. We gave him something to play with, but no use. As he repeated it, his mother decided to tell him to stop in a normal way. She did it many times but he did not stop. She looked at me wanting me to do something about it. I did the same thing in a more serious but not scary voice for a number of times. Nothing worked. I then decided to hit the lower part of his ear lightly in a way that gives little pain to feel, with my index finger like ((this))(dunno what's called in English) giving him a serious but not scary look, raising my index finger up as a sign to stop, a sign he knows very well that I used also in all the previous attempts. His reaction was stopping shouting, looking at me with an "oh, okay" expression and getting back to playing with the stuff (he was on the trolley with the groceries). Things after that went pretty much normal with no side effects of what so ever.

That's my experience that makes me vote "Yes". But I stress that it has to considered so very carefully and only as a last resort if no other options worked.

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Ha. If I did that as a child I would've be jabbed in the ribs or hit in the knee, and that's before I got home.

Smart_Guy said:

I then decided to hit the lower part of his ear lightly in a way that gives little pain to feel, with my index finger like ((this))(dunno what's called in English)

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A flick.

Smart_Guy said:

Hmm... to me, what's in bold seems to imply "yes" in the poll!

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And thus I have voted.

I personally will never hit my child.

Smart_Guy said:

Hello guys.

What do you think of it, and how do you put it? Do you think it is an option to hit a child for education/disciplinary purposes? Let's say maybe as a last resort if no other methods worked? And to what level of application do you see appropriate if you think it is an option?

Please understand what I mean by the word "hitting" here. I'm not saying beating the hell out of them, I'm talking about hitting in general as a concept. Please clear your mind of any images or experiences of hitting first before participating. Thank you.

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Yes, it's fine, imo. Kids can be evil little creatures and need a good smack on the bum every now and then.

One time as a kid I ran away and crossed a busy highway (Which is crazy dangerous). When my parents finally found me I got the belt. The memory stays with you, that's for sure. And since then I've seen and lived with foster children, So I personally know the difference between discipline and child abuse.

As a general principle, I don’t see corporal punishment as suitable of effective method of discipline (for anyone).

For children, I think there are different principles at different ages, generally the points where a child is able to understand natural speech and when their capable of engaging in rational discussion. On pretty much anything, you’re not going to treat a toddler the same as a 13 year old, for example.

I don’t see any good reason to treat children past the second point any different to adults – basically apply the same rules you’d want for parents/teachers in relation to children their responsible for to employers or police officers in relation to adults they’re responsible for.

For the youngest children, I don’t see the point since you can’t ensure they understand why they’re being punished and for the middle group, where it is possible to speak with them, I think rational arguments and more constructive punishments should always be the primary option. I can see the legitimacy of a light smack in the case of an immediate threat (reaching towards a fire for example) but even too much of that will only serve to reduce the impact when it is needed.

I think there is a general principle of implicitly teaching children that hitting people is a legitimate method for getting them to do what you want and I have experienced examples where children who are smacked more by their parents will tend to be more violent towards other children. I’m always reminded of something I saw in a supermarket once, where a mother was shopping with a toddler and a younger child in a trolley. The toddler was prodding and poking the younger sibling and ultimately she started crying. The frustrated mother grabbed the boy and smacked his behind several times to punctuate her words; “You <smack> shouldn’t <smack> hit <smack> your <smack> little <smack> sister <smack>!”. The boy looked appropriately confused.

Deathbydefault said:

Ha. If I did that as a child I would've be jabbed in the ribs or hit in the knee, and that's before I got home.

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Ouch! Were you a child wrestler or something?

Terese said:

I personally will never hit my child.

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That's expected from you. I can tell you're a kind person

That's my sister's approach too. She used me to do it, his uncle. Poor sister, I see her complain all the time about his naughtiness

Hitting a child for any reason is the worst crime.
It teaches them the validity of violence by someone who is physically larger.
It is totally unacceptable.

Smart_Guy said:

Hello guys.

What do you think of it, and how do you put it? Do you think it is an option to hit a child for education/disciplinary purposes? Let's say maybe as a last resort if no other methods worked? And to what level of application do you see appropriate if you think it is an option?

Please understand what I mean by the word "hitting" here. I'm not saying beating the hell out of them, I'm talking about hitting in general as a concept. Please clear your mind of any images or experiences of hitting first before participating. Thank you.

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I believe it is useful as a disciplinary tool to correct a life threatening action. A wake up call after nothing else works. It should never be used out of anger, in excess or for a non life threatening action.

In other words you never use physical punishment in a class room or because of failure. People fail for many reason's the reason must be determined first before it can be corrected. Physical punishment is going to make much harder to find the reason.

Smart_Guy said:

Ouch! Were you a child wrestler or something?

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Something like that, but not with other children and not quite as fake as WWE.

Deathbydefault said:

Something like that, but not with other children and not quite as fake as WWE.

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Must have been hard. Sorry about that man.

Smart_Guy said:

Hello guys.

What do you think of it, and how do you put it? Do you think it is an option to hit a child for education/disciplinary purposes? Let's say maybe as a last resort if no other methods worked? And to what level of application do you see appropriate if you think it is an option?

Please understand what I mean by the word "hitting" here. I'm not saying beating the hell out of them, I'm talking about hitting in general as a concept. Please clear your mind of any images or experiences of hitting first before participating. Thank you.

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If i am in a moment where i had to hit my children i obviously couldnt handle them before and shouldn't have had children. I have to grow with them not against them.

Never the less they will rebell against me. So i can decide on which level i discipline them.

Smart_Guy said:

Hello guys.

What do you think of it, and how do you put it? Do you think it is an option to hit a child for education/disciplinary purposes? Let's say maybe as a last resort if no other methods worked? And to what level of application do you see appropriate if you think it is an option?

Please understand what I mean by the word "hitting" here. I'm not saying beating the hell out of them, I'm talking about hitting in general as a concept. Please clear your mind of any images or experiences of hitting first before participating. Thank you.

Click to expand...

You are asking one to judge the parenting of another, very difficult.
Parents should have a great deal of autonomy in the rearing of their children.
It is a God given right to have and raise children.

Is there a point when someone should step in and stop what is perceived as abuse?
i would say that a lot of thought should first be given to the circumstance before judging what is abusive and overriding the authority of a parent.
If put in that circumstance each must decide for themselves at what point overriding the authority of a parent might be necessary.

Parents play a great role in their children's education and a part of this education is being joyful with them and stern. What I mean by being stern is that when you tell them not to do something they should stop. Children are very smart, they learn a whole language at the age of 1-2 and understand a lot. To consider hitting them, I guess your example would be a very very mild physical pain, means the parent doesn't understand a child's understanding abilities.

That's my thinking.

I am not sure that there is anywhere in EU and perhaps all Europe where it is legal to hit a child for any reason.
I grew up at a time when it was thought normal to smack and cane children.
And I had my fair share... I n many ways I preferred it to the alternatives as it got punishment over with. very quickly... and I was not much bothered by pain.
However it has never been shown to be an effective punishment, and it can seriously damage many children mentally.
So that in their turn they too become child abusers.
It should never be part of education.
It does not help learning, and leads to a loss of respect of teachers, and fear of education and learning.

No, not really an option. It is utterly destructive to the bonds of mutual trust that are the whole point of raising children.

The very thought irritates me into a near-frenzy, really.

Instead, it is necessary to raise kids right, by careful use of attention, communication and example.

People who fall short of that admittedly challenging task must give some or all of that duty to other, better equipped people. Cultural expectations and an excess of emphasis on having childre as opposed to learning how to raise them often make that difficult, alas.

Sometimes a swat to the behind or a slap to the hand may be the only thing that truly gets the attention of certain children. If they are going completely out of control and simply will not listen a quick tap to the butt or slapping their hand away from whatever it is they may be getting into may be what is needed to get through in the moment. Enough to "wake" them to you.

Some children are different. The child with ADHD and/or ODD is going to take more to get through to them no matter how well you parent.