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I'm considering leaving RF

Mequa

Neo-Epicurean
Following @Saint Frankenstein 's thread I'm thinking of leaving RF. | ReligiousForums.com , I am also seriously considering leaving this site.

I can relate 100% to his feelings and experiences there, and greatly sympathise with them. I commented on his thread, however I thought I'd also take the opportunity to reiterate and expand upon my concerns on this thread.

The disrespect I've got from some members has been very toxic to me and is impacting very negatively on my mental health. Of course, they just don't get it, and my sincere expression of my feelings and concerns is dismissed completely.

My wanting to be treated with dignity and basic respect is too demanding for some people, it seems. As is considering I am a real person with real feelings.

Toxic people always think it's the other person with the problem. No introspection. No consideration for the other person's feelings or perspective, which they just accuse of being "whining".

I've seen a very nasty pecking order in chat here with a clique of some people seeking to shut anyone up with opposing views, resorting to passive-aggressive b/s, while simultaneously seeing themselves as enlightened liberal freethinkers. Their perception seems to be that anyone asking them to show basic respect is acting like a tyrant seeking to control them. They act as the arbiter of how other people should behave and what topics and points of view are off limits, being happy to employ ridicule and shaming to silence dissent and having no concern for how uncomfortable other people are made to feel, while simultaneously having zero tolerance towards any critique of their own behaviour and points of view.

It's like highschool all over again, the "cool kids" virtually get away with murder, they know they can get away with being rude, disrespectful and inconsiderate as well as getting anyone with opposing views to shut up, and have a full-blown sense of entitlement to get away with such.

Of course, they'd be more than happy to dismiss my perspective and feelings here as complete nonsense and accuse me of being the one with the problem, as is their M.O. My sincere expression of how I feel is just "whining", and either I am just "lying" about how I feel, or I am "defective" or "lesser than" for feeling that way.

In addition to the above, I have seen some rather nasty bigotry here. For example, one highly popular member in chat expressed discrimination against people with mental health issues, asking how could I possibly like another member as she is "mental", then saying she dislikes it when people with untreated mental health issues make fools of themselves. Completely ignoring the issue as to when adequate treatment is not available. I don't have to reiterate how such behaviour creates a toxic environment for many people.

It does me no good to continue as a member here. I feel in a very bad place whenever I log out, for many hours after, and my use of this site is having very powerful negative effects on my mental health and general well-being, and even my physical health, given that I have heart surgery coming up soon.

It is probably best for me from now on if I limit my time and contributions to places I actually feel respected as a person and as an individual.
 

BSM1

What? Me worry?
You are probably making a wise decision. A certain amount of thick skin should be mandatory around this group.
 

Jainarayan

ॐ नमो भगवते वासुदेवाय
Staff member
Premium Member
It's only a problem (imo) when you become a marked man or marked woman. That is, nothing you say about anything will get you any kind of response other than snark or ridicule. I've had it happen a few times, so I just walked away.
 

MysticSang'ha

Big Squishy Hugger
Premium Member
Following @Saint Frankenstein 's thread I'm thinking of leaving RF. | ReligiousForums.com , I am also seriously considering leaving this site.

I can relate 100% to his feelings and experiences there, and greatly sympathise with them. I commented on his thread, however I thought I'd also take the opportunity to reiterate and expand upon my concerns on this thread.

The disrespect I've got from some members has been very toxic to me and is impacting very negatively on my mental health. Of course, they just don't get it, and my sincere expression of my feelings and concerns is dismissed completely.

My wanting to be treated with dignity and basic respect is too demanding for some people, it seems. As is considering I am a real person with real feelings.

Toxic people always think it's the other person with the problem. No introspection. No consideration for the other person's feelings or perspective, which they just accuse of being "whining".

I've seen a very nasty pecking order in chat here with a clique of some people seeking to shut anyone up with opposing views, resorting to passive-aggressive b/s, while simultaneously seeing themselves as enlightened liberal freethinkers. Their perception seems to be that anyone asking them to show basic respect is acting like a tyrant seeking to control them. They act as the arbiter of how other people should behave and what topics and points of view are off limits, being happy to employ ridicule and shaming to silence dissent and having no concern for how uncomfortable other people are made to feel, while simultaneously having zero tolerance towards any critique of their own behaviour and points of view.

It's like highschool all over again, the "cool kids" virtually get away with murder, they know they can get away with being rude, disrespectful and inconsiderate as well as getting anyone with opposing views to shut up, and have a full-blown sense of entitlement to get away with such.

Of course, they'd be more than happy to dismiss my perspective and feelings here as complete nonsense and accuse me of being the one with the problem, as is their M.O. My sincere expression of how I feel is just "whining", and either I am just "lying" about how I feel, or I am "defective" or "lesser than" for feeling that way.

In addition to the above, I have seen some rather nasty bigotry here. For example, one highly popular member in chat expressed discrimination against people with mental health issues, asking how could I possibly like another member as she is "mental", then saying she dislikes it when people with untreated mental health issues make fools of themselves. Completely ignoring the issue as to when adequate treatment is not available. I don't have to reiterate how such behaviour creates a toxic environment for many people.

It does me no good to continue as a member here. I feel in a very bad place whenever I log out, for many hours after, and my use of this site is having very powerful negative effects on my mental health and general well-being, and even my physical health, given that I have heart surgery coming up soon.

It is probably best for me from now on if I limit my time and contributions to places I actually feel respected as a person and as an individual.

To paraphrase my response to Frank, most people seek to connect, some seek to be right, and some seek to destroy.

Breaks are good for the breath and the mind. Be well, and good thoughts are being sent your way. :)
 

Awoon

Well-Known Member
People come and go all the time in here. I noticed there are 24000+ members yet only about 30 people participate. All religious stories are worn out, no one changes beliefs, everyone in a religion is stuck in it because they have their Money invested there. It's all about the religious monarchies that people worship, yet outside their religions they want to live in Democracies.

It's fun to come here and read the non movement of thought.
 

illykitty

RF's pet cat
I think it's sad to see members leaving but I understand why. Do what's best for yourself, wether it's a small break or leaving permanently. Best wishes.
 

Father Heathen

Veteran Member
I took a break from RF myself. Sad to see that a few of regulars have left or are leaving while I was away. RF hasn't been the same. But that's the nature of things; people come and go - things rise, fall, shift, drift, fade, etc.everything is a transitory flow.

Edit: Typos, additional thoughts.
 

AnnaCzereda

Active Member
It does me no good to continue as a member here. I feel in a very bad place whenever I log out, for many hours after, and my use of this site is having very powerful negative effects on my mental health and general well-being,

Seriously, Meq? Are you really that sensitive? I don't know St Frankenstein very well so I'm not sure about his motivations. He could as well be conducting a sort of a social experiment and checking how much he will be missed. It's possible. But I know it's not the first forum you're disappointed with. Perhaps, you somehow provoke people to give you negative feedback. Something to think about.

I could make screenshots of all the pathetic bull**** people wrote about me and show that to you or drop some links but I don't want to spam the website with the idiotic stuff. However, it would show you that everyone at some point meets with criticism or even hostility. Some people will appreciate your insights, others will attack you no matter what you say. I'm not going to shut up or leave just because some people don't like my posts here or elsewhere.

And I just don't understand how some strangers online can spoil your day.
 

Godobeyer

the word "Islam" means "submission" to God
Premium Member
I suggest to creat new DIR for LEAVING RF . and title it : the others opinion hurt my feeling and may cause me die !!!

just kiding guys .
 

Ingledsva

HEATHEN ALASKAN
*
You have to remember that this is mainly a debate site, - and we have passionate debaters, and a few idiots. :D

The longer you stay, post, and learn, the easier it is to outsmart the idiots.

*
 

JayJayDee

Avid JW Bible Student
Certainly not a place for the faint-hearted. Sensitive souls can be hurt here, no doubt about that. If it's doing your head in, take your leave...it is so not worth sacrificing your mental health. Alternatively, pick a few posters with whom you find some enlightenment or fresh ideas and PM them. This shields you from the barbs of those who have no idea of how they impact on others.
We can disagree about beliefs, but there is no need to attack people. We all have our opinions.

All the best @Mequa.

And I hope SF finds some peace too.
 

Mequa

Neo-Epicurean
I'm still trying to understand how people can let the thoughts of somewhat anonymous writers on a backwater Internet forum can impact on their mental health. I don't get it. Am I missing something?
You are correct, of course. You don't get it. Ditto with the circlejerk who clicked "like" on this post. You don't get it. I guess empathy is difficult for some people.

Many of the members I had most issues with are not "anonymous". That is, I know their real names, and they know mine. I've known them before on other forums. This isn't an issue of being bothered by complete strangers.

It's only a problem (imo) when you become a marked man or marked woman. That is, nothing you say about anything will get you any kind of response other than snark or ridicule. I've had it happen a few times, so I just walked away.

Exactly, and in my case, from a clique of popular, socially dominant "cool kids", many of whom fit into the category above. When I let them know I am bothered by their behaviour with me, I am accused of "whining", and suggestions to leave me alone are met with "I will continue doing what I am doing". Mods have also dismissed my concerns, saying they don't see I am being harassed despite evidence to the contrary.

It's hard to say what bothers me the most here, whether it's the constant drip-drip of passive-aggressive snark, the pettiness, the cliquishness, the mob mentality, the highschool-style pecking orders, or the obnoxious little band of staunch feminists who seek to harass, humiliate, shame and silence anyone who don't join their groupthink mentality, while hypocritically viewing themselves as enlightened liberal freethinkers. I also saw SF receive the same treatment, prompting his desire to leave.

Someone is bothered by their behaviour? Well, it's always the other person's fault, in their mind. They are no longer comfortable sticking around? Again, always all the other person's fault. The source of drama? You got it, the person who is bothered by them. Never them. It's like they hand out a script.

I prefer to engage with civil and reasonable human beings. It does my mental state much good to avoid the kind of things I outlined above in this post and the one above.
 

Mequa

Neo-Epicurean
the barbs of those who have no idea of how they impact on others.
That states the issue very succinctly indeed. Thanks for that comment.

I have no patience myself for rigid male gender roles of "thick skinned", "tough", "emotionally distant" or such, nor for those who wish to impose them on me, or treat me with contempt for not living up to their myopic ideals.

If someone lacks empathy and consideration, that's their problem, whether they see it or not. I don't have to deal with them any more than is strictly necessary.
 

AnnaCzereda

Active Member
Who's talking about being a macho? I was attacked many times too, not only here but also on other forums but I like arguments and heated debates. I find them invigorating. I understand that being criticised can be unpleasant but it's compensated by all the fun you get from quarrelling with people.

Now if someone prefers peaceful discussion there is always an option of ignoring certain threads and posts and not responding to certain people.
 

Revoltingest

Pragmatic Libertarian
Premium Member
I'm still trying to understand how people can let the thoughts of somewhat anonymous writers on a backwater Internet forum can impact on their mental health. I don't get it. Am I missing something?
There is often a long learning curve to reach our advanced state of mental pachyderma.
Young'ns must face their battles, lick their wounds, & learn from the experience.
Our valued OP is on that path.
I still take offense at some posts, but I choose how I react....that's my responsibility.
 

YmirGF

Bodhisattva in Recovery
You are correct, of course. You don't get it. Ditto with the circlejerk who clicked "like" on this post. You don't get it. I guess empathy is difficult for some people.
In reality, I am highly empathic. I doubt very much that you would want my honest opinions however.

Many of the members I had most issues with are not "anonymous". That is, I know their real names, and they know mine. I've known them before on other forums. This isn't an issue of being bothered by complete strangers.
If people are stalking you or bullying you, the Mods are a click away. The Mod Squad on RF is exceptionally good and can straighten people out, one way or the other, quite rapidly.

Exactly, and in my case, from a clique of popular, socially dominant "cool kids", many of whom fit into the category above. When I let them know I am bothered by their behaviour with me, I am accused of "whining", and suggestions to leave me alone are met with "I will continue doing what I am doing". Mods have also dismissed my concerns, saying they don't see I am being harassed despite evidence to the contrary.
Frankly, if the Mods do not see anything wrong, it is highly likely that there is nothing wrong. If you still feel your issues are not being addressed then, in all fairness, perhaps a break away is the best medicine.

{Brevity snip}

I prefer to engage with civil and reasonable human beings. It does my mental state much good to avoid the kind of things I outlined above in this post and the one above.
I am sorry to hear that your mental state is so incredibly fragile. I sincerely hope you manage to grow past your current challenges.
 

YmirGF

Bodhisattva in Recovery
I still take offense at some posts, but I choose how I react....that's my responsibility.
It takes a bit more than a post on RF to offend me, RevoltingOne. Perhaps I've been at this too long now. Then again, I cut my teeth on forums way back when in the days of BBS's.

I'll never forget the gleeful relish I felt when an awkward teen came into our store about a problem he had with a computer, working with it rather. It was a pretty arcane problem, but I just happened to know the answer, LOL and I set him straight in about 5 minutes. He was truly thankful and gushed effusively. I had really made his day, apparently. We got to talking, and he said he was on a local BBS... and his handle was such and such... instantly it dawned on me that this was the little pipsqueak who had thoroughly flamed me as a "know-nothing" days before. Actually, I just remembered, he said, "We need people like you on our BBS." That's when I dropped the bomb, I truly wish I had a camera to capture the look on his face when I told him that I was already on the same forum and what my handle was. Simply priceless. We got along famously after that...
 
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