My stupid neighbor

evearael · Apr 18, 2006

I went through hell for four years, before I had the guts to get out. I was convince he was going to kill me, but when I left him I would have rather died than stayed with him. I've lived in terror of him coming back and showing up on my doorstep. Five years later, this past August, he showed up on my parent's doorstep looking for me, and I almost had a heart attack.

She has to realize it isn't her fault. She has to realize she is in more danger staying than leaving. She has to admit to herself what is happening. There is no way to help her until she is ready. In the mean time, keep calling the cops.

Evenstar · Apr 18, 2006

turk179 said:
Last night I had to call the police because my neighbors boyfriend was screaming profanities at his girlfriend while slapping her around at 1:30 A.M. When the police arrived a couple of minutes later, they separated the two of them for questioning. The girlfriend told the police that her boyfriend didn't do anything wrong and she pleaded with the police not to arrest him. In the past she has used excuses like she fell down the stairs or had a freak accident with a door knob. The cops made the boyfriend go to his mommy's house (he actually calls his mother "mommy" even though he is in his 40's) and will probably be back tonight. As many times as the cops have been called on him for this, it is amazing that as long as the woman wants to be verbally and physically abused again that she can be as long as she lies to the cops.
Granted I am being a little harsh. No one in their right mind would want to be treated like he treats her but it is just so darn frustrating to see her justify his actions. It took a lot of willpower to not go over and try to shove a refrigerator up his ***.
Sorry guys. Just had to vent a little.

Its maybe nothing to do with her justify his actions Turk, been there and could write a book, I know alot of women who have been through violence, but I can talk 1st hand about why we lie to the police and people around us.

I knew if I told the police what had happened to me, he would have killed me. Turk, he did try, because we got tossed out of our home due to the landlord not wanting to be a part of the violence. That is the day I left.

Some men are just so hateful, and now I have a fear of men, if a man is calling to do maybe repairs I beg with Jeff to be home..... yes this is what he done to me.
Its a deep fear, and if you can lie, you hope it may get better, I did not love my ex, fear kept me there. And now over 4000 miles between us and I still fear for my life, I know if he found me I would die at his hands.
I had the police come to my house lookng for my body, when they found me, they begged me to leave with them, but I couldnt, once again a fear of him finding me.
This fear kept me away from my friends and family, and even now I have lost all my friends, because im scared one might slip up and tell the wrong person.

All I can say is, she will leave when the time is right, many women leave and go back because they miss them, but the time will come, us women know when enough is enough.
Violence I suffered at his hands, included a smashed cheek bone, (Told friends my son threw a car at my face)..... Broken ribs, (I fell down stairs), my front teeth been smashed out, (once again I fell outside and broke them), always sporting a beautiful backeye, or a bruise on my face, slips, falls, what ever came to mind.
If she needs someone to talk too, I am willing to give my phone number, just let her know you are there if she needs you and Draka, friends mean alot in these times.

Evenstar · Apr 18, 2006

evearael said:
I went through hell for four years, before I had the guts to get out. I was convince he was going to kill me, but when I left him I would have rather died than stayed with him. I've lived in terror of him coming back and showing up on my doorstep. Five years later, this past August, he showed up on my parent's doorstep looking for me, and I almost had a heart attack.

She has to realize it isn't her fault. She has to realize she is in more danger staying than leaving. She has to admit to herself what is happening. There is no way to help her until she is ready. In the mean time, keep calling the cops.

Mine was almost 9 years of hell hun, and I left in 1999, he calls my mother still and asks if she has heard from me, 7 years on and he still asks about me, why cant he leave me alone?, why cant he get on with his life?
He told my mother, if she hears from me, to tell me "he still loves me and thinks about me and the kids" How he forgives me!! Huh!
And to be honest this really scares me.

evearael · Apr 18, 2006

He came back right before my husband was due to leave for basic military training. My husband tried to show me how to use the shotgun before he left, but the guy is a black belt. I would be dead before I could figure out the safety. Thank God, he didn't find my house before we were able to move to the other side of the country.

turk179 · Apr 18, 2006

Evenstar said:
Its maybe nothing to do with her justify his actions Turk, been there and could write a book, I know alot of women who have been through violence, but I can talk 1st hand about why we lie to the police and people around us.

I knew if I told the police what had happened to me, he would have killed me. Turk, he did try, because we got tossed out of our home due to the landlord not wanting to be a part of the violence. That is the day I left.

Some men are just so hateful, and now I have a fear of men, if a man is calling to do maybe repairs I beg with Jeff to be home..... yes this is what he done to me.
Its a deep fear, and if you can lie, you hope it may get better, I did not love my ex, fear kept me there. And now over 4000 miles between us and I still fear for my life, I know if he found me I would die at his hands.
I had the police come to my house lookng for my body, when they found me, they begged me to leave with them, but I couldnt, once again a fear of him finding me.
This fear kept me away from my friends and family, and even now I have lost all my friends, because im scared one might slip up and tell the wrong person.

All I can say is, she will leave when the time is right, many women leave and go back because they miss them, but the time will come, us women know when enough is enough.
Violence I suffered at his hands, included a smashed cheek bone, (Told friends my son threw a car at my face)..... Broken ribs, (I fell down stairs), my front teeth been smashed out, (once again I fell outside and broke them), always sporting a beautiful backeye, or a bruise on my face, slips, falls, what ever came to mind.
If she needs someone to talk too, I am willing to give my phone number, just let her know you are there if she needs you and Draka, friends mean alot in these times.

I am sorry that A: you had to go through that and B: that this brought back bad memories. A bit more compassion may be needed on my part. I would never turn my back on someone in need of help like that, even though she will be against it.

turk179 · Apr 18, 2006

I will have to come back to this later. We are getting a big storm here and I got to log off.

CaptainXeroid · Apr 18, 2006

All I can say is 'Wow!'

My wife & I have been together since 1991, married in 1995, and no one has had to call the police on us. I'm not saying we're perfect, I mean, we've had an argument or two...or several

, but we've at least had the self control and respect for ourselves to work it out in private.

Frubals to you for caring about your neighbor, and for several posts with good tips and testimonials.

btw...I guess Iowa doesn't have a 'domestic abuse' law. In many states, if police are called on such a call, they can arrest the abuser and prosecute a case even if the abused refuses to cooperate with police.

jeffrey · Apr 18, 2006

CaptainXeroid said:
All I can say is 'Wow!' My wife & I have been together since 1991, married in 1995, and no one has had to call the police on us. I'm not saying we're had an argument or two...or several, but we've at least had the self control and respect for ourselves to work it out in private.

Frubals to you for caring about your neighbor, and for several posts with good tips and testimonials.

btw...I guess Iowa doesn't have a 'domestic abuse' law. In many states, if police are called on such a call, they can arrest the abuser and prosecute a case even if the abused refuses to cooperate with police.

The problem being, when they get out. My wife detailed her account of what happened. Myself, while in jail, there was a person or 2 that was there for abuse. They would talk about every day what they where going to do when they got out. Day after day, festering, blaming their other half for them being in there. Saying that didn't care if they went back, they would get even... Or saying stuff like they would never find her body. Sitting in the cell with nothing better to do then contemplate and plan.

randb · Apr 19, 2006

turk179 said:
Last night I had to call the police because my neighbors boyfriend was screaming profanities at his girlfriend while slapping her around at 1:30 A.M. When the police arrived a couple of minutes later, they separated the two of them for questioning. The girlfriend told the police that her boyfriend didn't do anything wrong and she pleaded with the police not to arrest him. In the past she has used excuses like she fell down the stairs or had a freak accident with a door knob. The cops made the boyfriend go to his mommy's house (he actually calls his mother "mommy" even though he is in his 40's) and will probably be back tonight. As many times as the cops have been called on him for this, it is amazing that as long as the woman wants to be verbally and physically abused again that she can be as long as she lies to the cops.
Granted I am being a little harsh. No one in their right mind would want to be treated like he treats her but it is just so darn frustrating to see her justify his actions. It took a lot of willpower to not go over and try to shove a refrigerator up his ***.
Sorry guys. Just had to vent a little.

so whats wrong with people calling their mother "mommy"? And whats wrong with guys living with their parents? Guys living with their parents (without being dependent on them) > Desperate drunk guys doing stupid stuff.

mrscardero · Apr 20, 2006

evearael said:
Maybe they can convince her to get the h*** out of there before he kills her with an unfortunately placed blow.

Sometimes it's the opposite where the abused is the one taking revenge. Hope she don't loose her mind cause when she does, hope he sleeps with his eyes open.

mrscardero · Apr 20, 2006

Like that movie with Jennifer Lopez 'Enough' That was a good movie.

On the run from an abusive husband, a young mother begins to train herself to fight back.

Working class waitress Slim (Jennifer Lopez) finds her life transformed when she marries wealthy contractor Mitch (Bill Campbell). She settles into an idyllic suburban life and seems to have everything she wants: loving husband, beautiful home, and Gracie, an adorable 5-year-old daughter. Her dream is shattered when she discovers her husband is anything but perfect. His abusive behavior forces her to go on the run, eluding an increasingly obsessive Mitch and his lethal henchmen. When, despite Slim's efforts to make a new life, Mitch finds her and threatens her again, she puts Gracie in safe keeping, toughens herself mentally and physically and sets out to prove to Mitch she's had enough. She decides that there's only one way out of the marriage: kill him.

Sunstone · Apr 20, 2006

The best revenge is living well.

ChrisP · Apr 20, 2006

turk179 said:
Last night I had to call the police because my neighbors boyfriend was screaming profanities at his girlfriend while slapping her around at 1:30 A.M. When the police arrived a couple of minutes later, they separated the two of them for questioning. The girlfriend told the police that her boyfriend didn't do anything wrong and she pleaded with the police not to arrest him. In the past she has used excuses like she fell down the stairs or had a freak accident with a door knob. The cops made the boyfriend go to his mommy's house (he actually calls his mother "mommy" even though he is in his 40's) and will probably be back tonight. As many times as the cops have been called on him for this, it is amazing that as long as the woman wants to be verbally and physically abused again that she can be as long as she lies to the cops.
Granted I am being a little harsh. No one in their right mind would want to be treated like he treats her but it is just so darn frustrating to see her justify his actions. It took a lot of willpower to not go over and try to shove a refrigerator up his ***.
Sorry guys. Just had to vent a little.

Is this the same neighbour with the puppy that Draka posted about?

michel · Apr 20, 2006

Believe it or not, there are people (both men and women) who were brought up in such a way as to accept abuse as just one of the facets of life.

It must be incredibly hard for the police to try and help these people (and it is mostly women who come forward and admit it, we men are too proud); at the end of the day, if the woman says initially that she will press charges, she will more than likely withdraw them.

angellous_evangellous · Apr 20, 2006

turk179 said:
Last night I had to call the police because my neighbors boyfriend was screaming profanities at his girlfriend while slapping her around at 1:30 A.M. When the police arrived a couple of minutes later, they separated the two of them for questioning. The girlfriend told the police that her boyfriend didn't do anything wrong and she pleaded with the police not to arrest him. In the past she has used excuses like she fell down the stairs or had a freak accident with a door knob. The cops made the boyfriend go to his mommy's house (he actually calls his mother "mommy" even though he is in his 40's) and will probably be back tonight. As many times as the cops have been called on him for this, it is amazing that as long as the woman wants to be verbally and physically abused again that she can be as long as she lies to the cops.
Granted I am being a little harsh. No one in their right mind would want to be treated like he treats her but it is just so darn frustrating to see her justify his actions. It took a lot of willpower to not go over and try to shove a refrigerator up his ***.
Sorry guys. Just had to vent a little.

I'd keep a gun or a baseball bat nearby in case his rage is ever directed towards you...

....are there any children over there? If so, you can get more people invovled to make that house safe...

angellous_evangellous · Apr 20, 2006

Sunstone said:
The best revenge is living well.

Well put for a guy who flaunts his blow-up doll escapades. :clap

You sound like Socrates...

evearael · Apr 20, 2006

All I can say is come forward. If not for you, to prevent other victims from suffering what you've been through, or worse.

Sunstone · Apr 20, 2006

angellous_evangellous said:
Well put for a guy who flaunts his blow-up doll escapades. :clap

You sound like Socrates...

You seem to over-estimate me, AE. I'm flattered, but I was merely quoting a common and, I think, especially wise proverb! I've taken that proverb to heart at times in my life, and it has never failed me.

Michel said:
Believe it or not, there are people (both men and women) who were brought up in such a way as to accept abuse as just one of the facets of life.

This is quite true. Ample studies show that abused children tend to enter into abusive relationships as adults, either as the abuser or as the abused. For this and related reasons, many people in the health care community describe abuse as "contagious".

angellous_evangellous · Apr 20, 2006

Sunstone said:
You seem to over-estimate me, AE. I'm flattered, but I was merely quoting a common and, I think, especially wise proverb! I've taken that proverb to heart at times in my life, and it has never failed me.

If it is common, I am sure it is from Socrates. I will look for it...

Krie · Apr 20, 2006

turk179 said:
Last night I had to call the police because my neighbors boyfriend was screaming profanities at his girlfriend while slapping her around at 1:30 A.M. When the police arrived a couple of minutes later, they separated the two of them for questioning. The girlfriend told the police that her boyfriend didn't do anything wrong and she pleaded with the police not to arrest him. In the past she has used excuses like she fell down the stairs or had a freak accident with a door knob. The cops made the boyfriend go to his mommy's house (he actually calls his mother "mommy" even though he is in his 40's) and will probably be back tonight. As many times as the cops have been called on him for this, it is amazing that as long as the woman wants to be verbally and physically abused again that she can be as long as she lies to the cops.
Granted I am being a little harsh. No one in their right mind would want to be treated like he treats her but it is just so darn frustrating to see her justify his actions. It took a lot of willpower to not go over and try to shove a refrigerator up his ***.
Sorry guys. Just had to vent a little.

I think that the girl is probably scared that if she does ask someone for help that he will come back to her and do a million times worse. Or maybe he got her pregnant but she doesn't want him to leave her all alone. and he is pissed about it so he thinks slamming her around will help himself out. This guy is a sick and twisted puppy and personally i hope that he rots. I had multiple bad guys around me like that. The best thing that you can do is let her know that she is safe. Maybe you can offer her a room in your house on those rough nights. Just try to keep her safe b/c the world doesn't need anymore abusive fathers. Much less abusive boyfriends. Tell her to stay strong and try to get her to talk to you about it a little. Just don't turn away from her. Don't let her think that she is all alone. She might committ suicide and that would make her previous wounds look self-inflicted. So he would go free. Try to help her as much as possible mentally and physically.

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