Finding your way after a major loss

JayJayDee · Feb 28, 2015

Deidre said:
I appreciate your honesty JayJayDee, and here I was, always thinking you were a JW all of your life. I think you have found the right path for you, it seems...it seems natural for you to follow, and not forced.

Yes, that was the difference for me. Nothing had to be forced down my throat against my own sense of logic. The answers just flowed from the Bible, just as I imagined they should. One by one the doctrines that I could not swallow in Christendom were demolished by the scriptures themselves and I saw clearly how Christendom was the "weeds" of Jesus' parable.

I had all the pieces of the jig-saw but now they all fitted together to reveal the big picture.....one I had never even imagined.
I had a sense of finding something very valuable, like this is what I had searched for my whole life.

For me, growing up indoctrinated into a faith, I didn't know anything else. When I became an adult, I went searching myself and found that Christianity resonated with me for a time, but I always had doubts. Doubts about who the Bible states the Creator to be. I believe that the Bible paints God to be very humanlike. The almighty Creator shouldn't have a need to be jealous, or petty in his punishments.

Wow! You sound so much like me! These are the things I could not come to terms with either. How could a God of love torture people forever in a fiery hell? I could not love a God like that. And "jealous"? How could God have such a negative quality? Why did he punish people so severely at times? Why did he wipe out all those people in the flood? Their children died too....why?

After studying the Bible apart from Christendom's version of things, a completely different picture of the Creator emerged. So vastly different so as to be a completely different God altogether. They had fragments around which to build their errors, but the rest of the Bible showed them up.

Is God "humanlike" or is it humans who can reflect his qualities because of being made in his image and likeness?

Jesus was the exact representation of his Father's personality. Seeing how Jesus handled situations, you get an idea of how his Father does too. There is nothing "petty" about what he does.

As one who is completely just in all his dealings, we have to understand that justice demands his action in any given situation. Much of what he did with Israel had a spiritual application that was probably not apparent to them at the time.
Justice is always tempered with mercy when it is warranted...but not sentiment. Sentimentality is a human flaw when it results in justice not being served.

Jehovah's jealousy is also a protection for his children. His jealously is not like that of a jealous husband, but more like a parent who is constantly guarding his children from those who would harm them spiritually. His is a godly jealousy that will come down hard when his children attempt to put other gods in his place or who treat his laws with contempt.

The thing to remember is that there are no other "gods" in reality....there is just one true God and one pretender who presents himself to people as an alternative deity (in many forms to appeal to the masses).....as a seemingly kinder alternate god who appeals to selfishness and what "we" want, rather than what God commands. His path is presented as spiritual freedom, but it is a slavery that results in separation from the true God....and spiritual death. Physical death is temporary, but spiritual death is forever.

Jesus, I believe could have very well been a historical figure, but then you have a story and religion built around him, when he was specific in stating to his followers and anyone who would listen, that he wasn't meant to be held as equal to God. So, that plus a whole host of other confusion ideas in the Bible, including my issues with Genesis as evidence against evolution, just caused me to depart eventually.

Jesus, as the Bible presents him, is a completely different Jesus to the one worshipped by Christendom. If you don't know the Biblical Jesus, you have no idea who he is and why he came. You would have no concept of what his kingdom is and how it will affect the future for mankind. Everyone is not going to heaven. God put humans on earth for a reason. To live here forever....his purpose has never changed.

Many people I've talked with after leaving Christianity, who are Christian, think that I left without thorough examination of my beliefs and I wouldn't have left if I had done so. But I did, just like you...what's interesting is that you were led to JW and I was led away from Christianity. Isn't that something? lol

Being led away from Christendom is a good thing. Examining your beliefs carefully to see if they align with scripture is vital, but not many people do this honestly.

God does not command his "people" to "get out of Babylon the great" without having somewhere safe for them to go. (Rev 18:4, 5) Just like Noah had the ark and there was only one, so today we have only one place of safety to go to.

Searching for the true God is a matter of whether his "lost sheep" recognize the true shepherd or whether they will be caught in another trap by the adversary pretending to be alternative good shepherd. The trap of "what's in it for ME" has worked for him for so long. His tactics have not changed since Eden.
So many people are caught up looking for what suits themselves but forgetting about what suits God. God will not change for us...it is we who must change for him.
Only those who are humble and unselfish in their worship will get an invitation from the God and Father of Jesus Christ. The rest will be left in the delusion they have chosen for themselves. (John 6:44; 2 Thess 2:9-12)

I wish you well in your journey. Keep seeking...keep knocking...keep asking.

God is looking for good hearts.

Deidre · Mar 3, 2015

If you came knocking on my door JayJayDee, to talk to me about JW...I'd let you in.

Akivah · Mar 3, 2015

Deidre said:
If I'm honest, I've been trying to replace my grandmother with something else...a religion. I don't know. But, I'm not pursuing Islam any longer. There is too much in the Qur'an that I can't reconcile with my own world view...and if I distort the religion to mean what I wish it did, is that still Islam?

So, I'm a believer in a god...but that's as far as I'm with it all, now.

Thanks for letting me share this, and for anyone struggling with loss of any type...you can't ever replace the person with a religion. Or even with a belief in God. You just have to search inside for your own answers...and maybe you'll find them. I wish everyone good luck here on their own faith journeys, as well.

Shalom Deidre

You sound like you are hurting from your loss. Have you tried a grieving support group?

Deidre · Mar 3, 2015

Akivah said:
Shalom Deidre

You sound like you are hurting from your loss. Have you tried a grieving support group?

Hello

Yea, I'm getting better every day. I have struggles some days more than others. I haven't found a grief counseling group, well I haven't really ''searched.'' lol I don't know why. I guess there's something that stops me, deep down.

JayJayDee · Mar 3, 2015

Deidre said:
If you came knocking on my door JayJayDee, to talk to me about JW...I'd let you in.

LOL, don't hesitate to ask anything you wish......

I'm knocking.......

Jumi · Mar 4, 2015

Deidre said:
Hello
Yea, I'm getting better every day. I have struggles some days more than others. I haven't found a grief counseling group, well I haven't really ''searched.'' lol I don't know why. I guess there's something that stops me, deep down.

Maybe you are a bit introverted like I am. Instead of a support group I'd try a hobby where you engage with people but don't have to open up too much at once. I think it's some of the best therapy to do something you like and maybe have a few laughs with some strangers/potential friends.

Deidre · Mar 4, 2015

Jumi said:
Maybe you are a bit introverted like I am. Instead of a support group I'd try a hobby where you engage with people but don't have to open up too much at once. I think it's some of the best therapy to do something you like and maybe have a few laughs with some strangers/potential friends.

I'm not so much introverted, as much as I have an issue with paying someone to listen to my problems. lol There's something about that ...Idk why, it just bugs me.
But, I have good and bad days with all of this. There a bright sunny days, that remind me of a my grandmother, and dreary days that I feel like crying about her. I find myself crying less, and smiling more when remembering her. One day at a time.

Thanks for responding.

muhammad_isa · Mar 4, 2015

Deidre said:
How can you be sure that Islam is your true path?

Inna lillahi, wa inna elaina rajioon
Surely we belong to the God, and it's to Him we will return.

I don't believe in coincidence .. Allah tells us that Jews & Christians will recognise the Qur'an as we recognise our own sons.
"If all the trees were pens and all the oceans were ink and seven more besides, the words of Allah would not finish."

Glory be to God who has no partner in Sovereignty!

Otis Nomark · Mar 7, 2015

Please take time to read this article and be sure to find most satisfying answers to your life's questions.

Why Does God Let Us Suffer?
“God is up in heaven where everything is pleasant, while we are down here suffering.”—Mary.*

TODAY’S young people have been born into a cruel world. Tragic earthquakes and natural disasters that snuff out the lives of thousands seem to be commonplace. Wars and terrorist attacks dominate the news. Sickness, disease, crime, and accidents rob us of loved ones. For Mary, quoted above, evil hit close to home. Her bitter words were uttered after the death of her father.

When tragedy touches us personally, it is only human to feel frustration, loss, or even anger. ‘Why did this have to happen?’ you may wonder. ‘Why me?’ or ‘Why now?’Such questions deserve satisfying answers. But to get the right answers, we must go to the right source. Granted, as a youth named Turrell observed, sometimes people are “hurting too much to think things through.” So you may need to find a way to calm your emotions a bit so that you can think—logically and rationally.

Facing Unpleasant Realities
It may be unpleasant to contemplate, but death and suffering are facts of life. Job put it well when he said: “Man, born of woman, is short-lived and glutted with agitation.”—Job 14:1.

The Bible promises a new world in which “righteousness is to dwell.” (2 Peter 3:13; Revelation 21:3, 4) Before those ideal conditions are realized, however, mankind must go through a time of unprecedented wickedness. “Know this,” says the Bible, “in the last days critical times hard to deal with will be here.”—2 Timothy 3:1.

How long will these difficult times last? Jesus’ disciples asked more or less the same question. But Jesus did not give them a specific day or hour when this misery-stricken system of things would end. Instead, Jesus said: “He that has endured to the end is the one that will be saved.” (Matthew 24:3, 13) Jesus’ words encourage us to take a long-range view. We must be prepared to endure many unpleasant situations before the end finally comes.

Is God to Blame?
Does it make sense, then, to be angry with God because he permits suffering? Not when you consider that God has promised to end all suffering. Nor does it make sense to feel that God causes bad things to happen. Many tragic happenings are simply the result of random events. Imagine, for example, that the wind blows a tree down and it injures someone. People may call this an act of God. But God did not make that tree fall down. The Bible helps us to appreciate that such things are simply the sad result of “time and unforeseen occurrence.”—Ecclesiastes 9:11.

Suffering may also stem from poor judgment. Suppose a group of youths indulge in alcoholic beverages and then go for a drive. A serious accident results. Who is to blame? God? No, they have reaped the consequences of their poor judgment.—Galatians 6:7.

‘But isn’t God powerful enough to end suffering now?’ you may ask. Some faithful men in Bible times wondered about that. The prophet Habakkuk asked God: “Why is it that you look on those dealing treacherously, that you keep silent when someone wicked swallows up someone more righteous than he is?” However, Habakkuk did not jump to hasty conclusions. He said: “I shall keep watch, to see what he will speak by me.” Later, God assured him that at an “appointed time,” He would end suffering. (Habakkuk 1:13; 2:1-3) We must therefore be patient, waiting for God to end wickedness at his appointed time.

Avoid jumping to the rash conclusion that God some how wants us to suffer or that he is personally testing us. It is true that suffering can bring out the best in us and that the Bible says that the trials God allows can refine our faith. (Hebrews 5:8; 1 Peter 1:7) Indeed, many people who undergo trial-some or traumatic experiences do become more patient or compassionate. But we should not conclude that their suffering was God’s doing. Such thinking does not take God’s love and wisdom into account. The Bible plainly states: “When under trial, let no one say: ‘I am being tried by God.’ For with evil things God cannot be tried nor does he himself try anyone.” On the contrary, from God comes “everygoodgiftand every perfect present”!—James 1:13, 17.

Why God Permits Evil
From where, then, does evil come? Remember that God has opposers—principally the “one called Devil and Satan, who is misleading the entire inhabited earth.” (Revelation 12:9) God placed our first parents, Adam and Eve, in a trouble-free world. But Satan convinced Eve that she would be better off without God’s rulership. (Genesis 3:1-5) Sadly, Eve believed Satan’s lies and disobeyed God. Adam joined her in this rebellion. The result? “Death spread to all men,” says the Bible.—Romans 5:12.

Rather than immediately squashing this rebellion by destroying Satan and his followers, God saw fit to allow time to pass. What would that accomplish? For one thing, it would allow Satan to be exposed as a liar! It would allow proof to accumulate that independence from God brings nothing but ruin. Is that not exactly what has taken place? “The whole world is lying in the power of the wicked one.” (1 John 5:19) Furthermore, “man has dominated man to his injury.” (Ecclesiastes 8:9) Mankind’s religions are a maze of conflicting teachings. Morals have fallen to an all-time low. Human governments have tried every conceivable form of rule. They sign treaties and adopt laws, but the needs of the common people are still unfulfilled. Wars add misery on misery.

Clearly, we need to have God intervene and end wickedness! But this will happen only in God’s due time. Until then, it is our privilege to support God’s rulership by obeying his laws and principles as found in the Bible. When bad things happen, we can take comfort in the confident hope of life in a trouble-free world.

Not Alone
Still, when suffering touches us personally, we may find ourselves asking, ‘Why me?’ The apostle Paul reminds us, however, that we are not alone in suffering evil. Paul says that“allcreation keeps on groaning together and being in pain together until now.” (Romans 8:22) Knowing this fact can help you to cope with suffering. Nicole, for example, was emotionally traumatized by the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, in New York City and Washington, D.C. “I was horrified and scared,” she admits. But as she read accounts of how her fellow Christians coped with that tragedy, her viewpoint changed.*“I realized that I’m not alone at all. Slowly I’ve begun to recover from my pain and grief.”

In some cases, it is wise to seek out someone you can talk to—a parent, a mature friend, or a Christian elder. Pouring out your feelings to someone you trust will allow you to receive a “good word” of encouragement. (Proverbs 12:25) A young Brazilian Christian recalls: “I lost my father nine years ago, and I know that Jehovah will resurrect him one day. But something that helped me was putting my feelings in writing. Also, I talked things out with my Christian friends.” Do you have any ‘true companions’ in whom you can confide? (Proverbs 17:17) Then benefit from their loving help! Don’t be afraid to cry or express your emotions. Why, even Jesus once “gave way to tears” over the tragic loss of a friend!—John 11:35.

The Bible assures us that one day we will be “set free from enslavement to corruption” and enjoy “the glorious freedom of the children of God.” (Romans 8:21) Until then, many good people may suffer. Take comfort in knowing why such suffering takes place—and that it will not last long.

For more info. visit the website : jw.org

Deidre · Mar 9, 2015

Otis Nomark said:
Please take time to read this article and be sure to find most satisfying answers to your life's questions.

Why Does God Let Us Suffer?
“God is up in heaven where everything is pleasant, while we are down here suffering.”—Mary.*

TODAY’S young people have been born into a cruel world. Tragic earthquakes and natural disasters that snuff out the lives of thousands seem to be commonplace. Wars and terrorist attacks dominate the news. Sickness, disease, crime, and accidents rob us of loved ones. For Mary, quoted above, evil hit close to home. Her bitter words were uttered after the death of her father.

When tragedy touches us personally, it is only human to feel frustration, loss, or even anger. ‘Why did this have to happen?’ you may wonder. ‘Why me?’ or ‘Why now?’Such questions deserve satisfying answers. But to get the right answers, we must go to the right source. Granted, as a youth named Turrell observed, sometimes people are “hurting too much to think things through.” So you may need to find a way to calm your emotions a bit so that you can think—logically and rationally.

Facing Unpleasant Realities
It may be unpleasant to contemplate, but death and suffering are facts of life. Job put it well when he said: “Man, born of woman, is short-lived and glutted with agitation.”—Job 14:1.

The Bible promises a new world in which “righteousness is to dwell.” (2 Peter 3:13; Revelation 21:3, 4) Before those ideal conditions are realized, however, mankind must go through a time of unprecedented wickedness. “Know this,” says the Bible, “in the last days critical times hard to deal with will be here.”—2 Timothy 3:1.

How long will these difficult times last? Jesus’ disciples asked more or less the same question. But Jesus did not give them a specific day or hour when this misery-stricken system of things would end. Instead, Jesus said: “He that has endured to the end is the one that will be saved.” (Matthew 24:3, 13) Jesus’ words encourage us to take a long-range view. We must be prepared to endure many unpleasant situations before the end finally comes.

Is God to Blame?
Does it make sense, then, to be angry with God because he permits suffering? Not when you consider that God has promised to end all suffering. Nor does it make sense to feel that God causes bad things to happen. Many tragic happenings are simply the result of random events. Imagine, for example, that the wind blows a tree down and it injures someone. People may call this an act of God. But God did not make that tree fall down. The Bible helps us to appreciate that such things are simply the sad result of “time and unforeseen occurrence.”—Ecclesiastes 9:11.

Suffering may also stem from poor judgment. Suppose a group of youths indulge in alcoholic beverages and then go for a drive. A serious accident results. Who is to blame? God? No, they have reaped the consequences of their poor judgment.—Galatians 6:7.

‘But isn’t God powerful enough to end suffering now?’ you may ask. Some faithful men in Bible times wondered about that. The prophet Habakkuk asked God: “Why is it that you look on those dealing treacherously, that you keep silent when someone wicked swallows up someone more righteous than he is?” However, Habakkuk did not jump to hasty conclusions. He said: “I shall keep watch, to see what he will speak by me.” Later, God assured him that at an “appointed time,” He would end suffering. (Habakkuk 1:13; 2:1-3) We must therefore be patient, waiting for God to end wickedness at his appointed time.

Avoid jumping to the rash conclusion that God some how wants us to suffer or that he is personally testing us. It is true that suffering can bring out the best in us and that the Bible says that the trials God allows can refine our faith. (Hebrews 5:8; 1 Peter 1:7) Indeed, many people who undergo trial-some or traumatic experiences do become more patient or compassionate. But we should not conclude that their suffering was God’s doing. Such thinking does not take God’s love and wisdom into account. The Bible plainly states: “When under trial, let no one say: ‘I am being tried by God.’ For with evil things God cannot be tried nor does he himself try anyone.” On the contrary, from God comes “everygoodgiftand every perfect present”!—James 1:13, 17.

Why God Permits Evil
From where, then, does evil come? Remember that God has opposers—principally the “one called Devil and Satan, who is misleading the entire inhabited earth.” (Revelation 12:9) God placed our first parents, Adam and Eve, in a trouble-free world. But Satan convinced Eve that she would be better off without God’s rulership. (Genesis 3:1-5) Sadly, Eve believed Satan’s lies and disobeyed God. Adam joined her in this rebellion. The result? “Death spread to all men,” says the Bible.—Romans 5:12.

Rather than immediately squashing this rebellion by destroying Satan and his followers, God saw fit to allow time to pass. What would that accomplish? For one thing, it would allow Satan to be exposed as a liar! It would allow proof to accumulate that independence from God brings nothing but ruin. Is that not exactly what has taken place? “The whole world is lying in the power of the wicked one.” (1 John 5:19) Furthermore, “man has dominated man to his injury.” (Ecclesiastes 8:9) Mankind’s religions are a maze of conflicting teachings. Morals have fallen to an all-time low. Human governments have tried every conceivable form of rule. They sign treaties and adopt laws, but the needs of the common people are still unfulfilled. Wars add misery on misery.

Clearly, we need to have God intervene and end wickedness! But this will happen only in God’s due time. Until then, it is our privilege to support God’s rulership by obeying his laws and principles as found in the Bible. When bad things happen, we can take comfort in the confident hope of life in a trouble-free world.

Not Alone
Still, when suffering touches us personally, we may find ourselves asking, ‘Why me?’ The apostle Paul reminds us, however, that we are not alone in suffering evil. Paul says that“allcreation keeps on groaning together and being in pain together until now.” (Romans 8:22) Knowing this fact can help you to cope with suffering. Nicole, for example, was emotionally traumatized by the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, in New York City and Washington, D.C. “I was horrified and scared,” she admits. But as she read accounts of how her fellow Christians coped with that tragedy, her viewpoint changed.*“I realized that I’m not alone at all. Slowly I’ve begun to recover from my pain and grief.”

In some cases, it is wise to seek out someone you can talk to—a parent, a mature friend, or a Christian elder. Pouring out your feelings to someone you trust will allow you to receive a “good word” of encouragement. (Proverbs 12:25) A young Brazilian Christian recalls: “I lost my father nine years ago, and I know that Jehovah will resurrect him one day. But something that helped me was putting my feelings in writing. Also, I talked things out with my Christian friends.” Do you have any ‘true companions’ in whom you can confide? (Proverbs 17:17) Then benefit from their loving help! Don’t be afraid to cry or express your emotions. Why, even Jesus once “gave way to tears” over the tragic loss of a friend!—John 11:35.

The Bible assures us that one day we will be “set free from enslavement to corruption” and enjoy “the glorious freedom of the children of God.” (Romans 8:21) Until then, many good people may suffer. Take comfort in knowing why such suffering takes place—and that it will not last long.

For more info. visit the website : jw.org

I appreciate you posting all of this for me (even though I'm a recovering Christian, currently)

I'll come back later to comment.

Nerissa · Mar 10, 2015

I can understand your "need" for religion. I have felt that too, for a while. Sometimes I still do. I want to have that faith that other people have and the comfort it brings them. But it is as you said in one of your previous posts, if I'd just join a religion it would not be for the right reasons. It has to come from inside. But sometimes I do think that having a religion would be less lonely, especially in difficult times.
I am sorry for your loss. I hope you are doing well.

Deidre · Mar 10, 2015

Nerissa said:
I can understand your "need" for religion. I have felt that too, for a while. Sometimes I still do. I want to have that faith that other people have and the comfort it brings them. But it is as you said in one of your previous posts, if I'd just join a religion it would not be for the right reasons. It has to come from inside. But sometimes I do think that having a religion would be less lonely, especially in difficult times.
I am sorry for your loss. I hope you are doing well.

Thank you, I'll get there.

Finding your way after a major loss

JayJayDee

Avid JW Bible Student

Deidre

Well-Known Member

Akivah

Well-Known Member

Deidre

Well-Known Member

JayJayDee

Avid JW Bible Student

Jumi

Well-Known Member

Deidre

Well-Known Member

muhammad_isa

Well-Known Member

Otis Nomark

New Member

Deidre

Well-Known Member

Nerissa

Wanderer

Deidre

Well-Known Member