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The "Fear" in Meditation

Orbit

I'm a planet
I have had the experience of fear in meditation. The last time it happened it was like black tar was oozing out of me. It made me afraid to meditate again, to avoid that bad feeling. I did continue however. I'm interested in knowing how others have experienced the Fear in meditation, what it felt like, how you interpreted it, and how it affected your meditation practice.
 

LuisDantas

Aura of atheification
Premium Member
Was it Shamata, Zazen or Vipassana, perhaps? Or some other variety?

In my experience, fear seems to be a moment of acommodation before acceptance. But there are probably several different, very distinct situations involving fear.
 

Baladas

An Págánach
I have experienced a restless, anxious fear that I think stems from a subconscious desire to avoid confronting truths about my self or my life that come to the surface at times when I meditate. I do suffer from an anxiety disorder though, so it is likely mostly from that.
 

Open_Minded

Nothing is Separate
Fear in meditation ...

Well, for me anyway, there are a couple areas where I've encountered fear in relationship to my meditative practices. The most intense fear was during a months long Dark Night of the Soul experience. The Dark Night included a lot of negative feelings, but fear was pretty dominate.

I've also experienced fear during the act of meditation, itself. One time, in particular, I backed out of the meditation - instead of pushing through. Other times I've been able to push through...

All in all... I find that fear (when it relates to a contemplative lifestyle) is pretty much like fear in the rest of our lives. Sometimes we have to push through it, other times the fear is a warning of something legitimate. I think the one time I backed out of the meditation, because of fear, there was an element of impending danger. I have wondered what would have happened had I pushed through, but I'd been meditating decades by then and had experienced the fear before. This particular time seemed different. The impending since of danger seemed different enough, that I allowed myself to back out of the meditation session....
 

Vinayaka

devotee
Premium Member
As with all threads on 'meditation' people could be talking about 100 (exaggeration for effect) different things with that label. In my personal definition and experience there is never any fear.
 

RedDragon94

Love everyone, meditate often
What is so scary about doing meditation? I thought all we were doing was concentrating on our breathing patterns and repeating an enlightening phrase to ourselves.
 

LuisDantas

Aura of atheification
Premium Member
What is so scary about doing meditation? I thought all we were doing was concentrating on our breathing patterns and repeating an enlightening phrase to ourselves.

There may be a lot of things. It will depend on the history and personal characteristics of the practicioner.
 

YmirGF

Bodhisattva in Recovery
I have had the experience of fear in meditation. The last time it happened it was like black tar was oozing out of me. It made me afraid to meditate again, to avoid that bad feeling. I did continue however. I'm interested in knowing how others have experienced the Fear in meditation, what it felt like, how you interpreted it, and how it affected your meditation practice.
I have not personally experienced this, but once had a dear friend, who for several psychological reasons had issues with meditation and sitting with her eyes closed. She was eventually able to get over this, but it took quite a while and a fair degree of effort to get past these fears.

That said, what are you meaning here? Fear is a pretty broad brush. Was there anything in particular that you were fearful about? Was it a purely emotional reaction?
 

LuisDantas

Aura of atheification
Premium Member
I have not personally experienced this, but once had a dear friend, who for several psychological reasons had issues with meditation and sitting with her eyes closed. She was eventually able to get over this, but it took quite a while and a fair degree of effort to get past these fears.

Did she perchance say anything about whether she felt she had an choice on the matter? Or why she insisted on what must have been a painful effort?

I have a hunch that it might have been more about choosing how and where to deal with it than of choosing whether to. What do you think?
 

Windwalker

Veteran Member
Premium Member
Typically what I find when that dark sense comes up it is for a couple different main reasons. The first time I had that happen it was a sense of a dark, foreboding presence, sort of like the fear you feel if you watched a scary movie and are imaging scary things. Somehow intuitively I knew to not be afraid of this, that it was something from myself that I needed to instead embrace as a wounded child, to give it love instead of fear it. It was difficult at first, and I felt a certain sourness in my stomach. But the result was as I struggled with it that it's power was released and there was a rather powerful integration that happened, a certain healing of the dissociated, repressed, or suppressed aspect of myself. It was stuff from the subconscious you don't know is there, are not consciously aware of that manifests itself in symbolic ways. It comes from our culture, our personal self-dialogs, senses of rejection, etc.

To symbolically interact with it, is in very real sense seeing something you don't want to look at as an object, rather than the typical response of denial and suppression as a subjective experience. You in fact do not have to be able to know exactly what it was, as the thoughts about it are not always the core problem itself. It's usually far deeper than the "reasons" our mind want to look at, which is why it will come up as "the devil", or a black ooze, or some such fearful aspect. It's not the face, but the source, which is typically a wound, a self-rejection, a lack of self-acceptance, denial, repression and so forth.

That the first reason for fear in meditation, which is the subconscious trying to heal your conscious mind, make you whole so you can move forward. The second reason is growth into something new, by letting go of control, layer, by layer, by layer, room, by room by room, door by door. At each doorway stands an aspect of ourselves that is not ready to let go of itself to emerge into the new. We like security. We seek for answers. We seek for stability, knowing, safety, etc. We don't like change, to the point of say "all bets are off here", you aren't in control entering into what you don't know. In other words, we fear the unknown, that Void where we cease to exist as ourselves anymore, replaced by who we are becoming. Each time, that Light that is too great to bear overwhelms us with its presence, and we reflexively recoil as we feel ourselves losing ourselves into it. We create a "demon" at the door by telling ourselves it is something to fear. Our minds will bring up distracting thoughts of an emotional nature, "I'm not a good person. I did this or that", or "I will lose myself and come undone". We withdraw to protect ourselves, to feel safe in the "known". "Beyond this point lay dragons!", our ego says to us to protect itself from a perceived annihilation.

This is where "faith" comes in, I say. It is a trusting in letting go, of stepping off the edge of that cliff, not knowing what lays beyond, but knowing what is there is Release. The more we encounter this, the more we recognize it for what it is, the mind's defense to protect the ego sense. It's merely habit. Each time we learn to relax it and let it go, door by door, etc. But it still comes up. It's just of a different nature than the subconscious bringing up stuff about ourselves we don't want to look at. The former, the first fear is healing, it's psychotherapy (and I recommend if there is a lot there to maybe do this with the guidance of a counselor. The latter, the second fear is transformation, emergence, self-transcendence into who we are becoming, letting go of who we were, little mini deaths, again and again. I believe the first has to happen, before the second can.

Hope that's of some help me sharing my thoughts and experiences with this. BTW, I have found those who are fundamentalists will hit that fear, and call it the devil and dig even deeper holes to bury their psyches into in religious fundamentalism. These experience the least freedom in their religion, living in fear from beginning to end. They externalize the whole affair saying "Jesus will save me", and avoiding any inner work at all through this "true believer" of psychic escapism. I can go at some length more about this, but it's something useful to recognize.
 
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Open_Minded

Nothing is Separate
That said, what are you meaning here? Fear is a pretty broad brush. Was there anything in particular that you were fearful about? Was it a purely emotional reaction?

Well... I would agree with what Windwalker wrote

Somehow intuitively I knew to not be afraid of this, that it was something from myself that I needed to instead embrace as a wounded child, to give it love instead of fear it. It was difficult at first, and I felt a certain sourness in my stomach. But the result was as I struggled with it that it's power was released and there was a rather powerful integration that happened, a certain healing of the dissociated, repressed, or suppressed aspect of myself. It was stuff from the subconscious you don't know is there, are not consciously aware of that manifests itself in symbolic ways. It comes from our culture, our personal self-dialogs, senses of rejection, etc. ...

That the first reason for fear in meditation, which is the subconscious trying to heal your conscious mind, make you whole so you can move forward. The second reason is growth into something new, by letting go of control, layer, by layer, by layer, room, by room by room, door by door....

But, I would add one more reason for fear. Earlier when I talked about a kind of fear that had a sense of impending danger, this is a different type of fear (to me at least) than what Windwalker refers to. In this situation, I think the danger was of pushing too far ... too fast with the meditation.

This is difficult to explain, but not so mysterious as it seems. It's possible (for instance) too push too hard and too fast with physical exercise. There are negative consequences of pushing ourselves to a certain threshold, before we are ready. This can happen in meditation as well.....

For my own part, I think this fear (with a sense of impending danger) was simply warning me not to "go there" just yet.... that I needed more time where I was at...
 

Windwalker

Veteran Member
Premium Member
But, I would add one more reason for fear. Earlier when I talked about a kind of fear that had a sense of impending danger, this is a different type of fear (to me at least) than what Windwalker refers to. In this situation, I think the danger was of pushing too far ... too fast with the meditation.
Oh yes, certainly I know this too. I experience that more as like I need to catch my breath or I might drown sort of feeling. It's a little different than what I described, but it is related. There are times when I've meditated its so overwhelming, so free, so powerful that I end up skipping a few days to sort of integrate what has just opened. I see that less as fear, as it is a sense of being overwhelmed. The fear part is when I'm not ready to let go, when every indication is that I should, that I'm ready.

As far as others not experiencing this in meditation, that is "just breathing exercises", etc., there are of course different types of meditation. Those who practice a concentrative style of meditation block out everything, so yes, there won't be this sort of opening into the subconscious. But if you practice an insight-style meditation there will be. And then there are different forms of this. If you practice a surrendering meditation, you bet you're going to have this open up. There is little room for the ego to hide out there!
 

Open_Minded

Nothing is Separate
As far as others not experiencing this in meditation, that is "just breathing exercises", etc., there are of course different types of meditation. Those who practice a concentrative style of meditation block out everything, so yes, there won't be this sort of opening into the subconscious. But if you practice an insight-style meditation there will be. And then there are different forms of this. If you practice a surrendering meditation, you bet you're going to have this open up. There is little room for the ego to hide out there!

In addition to different types of meditation, experience plays a roll as well. Meditation (as a discipline) is like any other discipline. The longer you practice the discipline, the better you get, and the more you will have different types of experiences within the discipline...
 

Windwalker

Veteran Member
Premium Member
In addition to different types of meditation, experience plays a roll as well. Meditation (as a discipline) is like any other discipline. The longer you practice the discipline, the better you get, and the more you will have different types of experiences within the discipline...
Very true. You become familiar with what is there and how to navigate the waters. I describe it when you are beginning as learning how to get to the schoolhouse. You learn the terrain, how to navigate, what not to do, what to do. But then after time you already know all that and just put yourself in the schoolhouse. Then you learn how to learn inside the schoolhouse. And on it goes. You don't have to relearn all your lessons every time. You know what it looks like. And it's the same thing with encountering that fear. You learn to welcome it as you know it means you're about to move ahead. :) You've learned to trust.
 

Open_Minded

Nothing is Separate
Very true. You become familiar with what is there and how to navigate the waters.

Exactly - getting familiar with a meditative practices is important. It's important to get to the point where meditation is a part of your life.... not some great big "mystic mystery"....

I think - a lot of times - folks in the mystic traditions sort of put the whole practice on some unattainable pedestal. The thing is, anyone can practice some form of meditation. The act of meditation (itself) can be quite mundane.... and despite this conversation about fear within meditation, the discipline, itself, is nothing to fear.
 
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