• Welcome to Religious Forums, a friendly forum to discuss all religions in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Access to private conversations with other members.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!

I like it, but can't get hubby to go with me.

Sand Dancer

Crazy Cat Lady
Rats! I really like our local UU church, but my husband won't go. We also have a ten year old. I think we've compromised in finding a mainline church to go to, as opposed to our current conservative one, as long as I can get involved with the UU activities and attend service once a month. My husband calls it "spiritual junk food." I don't like a rift in the family.
 

Question_love_act

Humanist... "Animalist"?
I have the same problem with my wife, who is attending a Hindu Temple. We are both Universalists... But not within the same community.

Though she never used such harsh words to describe my Church... I have used some in describing hers though :sorry1: I said it was too radical and unfitting within the "reasonable, modern" world.

Now I know better that it was mostly the fact that I feel more "away" and don't quite understand some traditional Eastern practices. And I also felt angry my wife wasn't belonging at my UU Church.

I hope your husband is going through a phase like I did, because IMO these words are harsh.
 

psychoslice

Veteran Member
But shouldn't you respect your husbands views as he should respect your's, I thought that was what love is, letting the other be who they are.
 

Terrywoodenpic

Oldest Heretic
Not many Christians feel that a UU church is main line anything. most Other churches certainly do not recognise it as being in any way Christian.
While a Christian "Unitarian Church" does at least believe in the teachings of Jesus and in God. Not even a belief in God is necessary in a UU congregation.
While I don't think " spiritual Junk food" quite covers it, I do understand where your husband is coming from.. as it plainly does not "Do it for him"

Not many churches allow much leeway in Beliefs and coming to a happy compromise for you both will not be easy.
The Anglican church is very easy going in most areas and might be worth a try, as its services major on worship, rather than dogma or hell-fire.
 

Iti oj

Global warming is real and we need to act
Premium Member
What about a Quakers church?
 
Last edited:
But shouldn't you respect your husbands views as he should respect your's, I thought that was what love is, letting the other be who they are.

Of course.

That is what is missing, in my honest opinion, in the first two posts.

Thirza - Go to your UU Church alone. There is nothing wrong with that. I attend my Buddhist Sangha (community) alone; my wife is not Buddhist and has no interest in Buddhism. But it need not cause a rift, and it doesn't.

Respect eachother, and eachothers interests and faith. In any marriage or partnership, people have their own interests, draws and beliefs.

You cannot force (nor persuade) someone to come to your church and practice your faith.

Even if you force them in body, you can't force them in mind.
 

Question_love_act

Humanist... "Animalist"?
I found a compromise with my wife, I don't know if it will apply to your situation. She goes with me on groups meetings in the Church. We went to a discussion group and we considered trying a study group. Some UU Churches have lots of activities that your husband - or son, who knows ? - may like.

I understand what some people are saying in this post, that the ideal is to be ok with him being alone with his religion and you being alone with yours. I would love to think that way, but I'm a human being with basic needs such as sharing quality time with my wife, talk about common values and have a certain stability to accommodate to radical changes within our lives (in the past, we went to a Christian Church together).

And the complexity is greater with your situation, because you have a child. And he needs to follow of his parents on Sunday Services. And it's hard to ask him to choose... So I think that your mainline church is a good solution, but I think it's important that you remain in contact with UU and I hope your family will understand more how it's important to you.

Thirza Fallen, I don't know if I help or if I just talk too much about my own experience. I think I have a situation similar to yours, but I might be wrong. If you feel that's more appropriate, I will start another thread on this. It's your thread after all ;)
 
Last edited:

Sand Dancer

Crazy Cat Lady
He is very adamant about not going to the UU church and forbids our son to go. He gets angry when I tell him that I am going. It makes me so sad that he acts this way.
 

Sees

Dragonslayer
Have you talked about taking turns going to different churches together? That is probably the best compromise.
One weekend go to a Baptist church or whatever he likes and next go to UU...keep a rotation.

Use your wifely powers of persuasion if necessary. We almost always cave in to the wife and kids after enough time.
 

Sand Dancer

Crazy Cat Lady
Have you talked about taking turns going to different churches together? That is probably the best compromise.
One weekend go to a Baptist church or whatever he likes and next go to UU...keep a rotation.

Use your wifely powers of persuasion if necessary. We almost always cave in to the wife and kids after enough time.

I could try that approach, but both my guys hate church "shopping." I know I must sit hubby down for a discussion about it. It's too important to pass up. Thanks!
 

dsaly1969

Member
I do want to try the local meeting house, but it's unprogrammed, so I am not sure what to expect.

Unprogrammed Quakers tend to be liberal - noncreedal and inclusive while still recognizing their Christian roots (although most liberal Meetings have Friends in membership who may not identify as Christian). The focus tends to be on following the religion OF Jesus (think of the Greatest Commandment - Love God and Love Others - and living out the Sermon on the Mount / Beatitudes and the meanings behind the parables) rather than the religion ABOUT Jesus (creeds, etc.). Liberal Quakers and UU's often circulate in the same circles.

Unprogrammed worship is worship IN the silence. Participants sit and settle into the silence. If they feel moved by the Spirit to share something, they rise and do so. Generally other folks do not respond (it is not a discussion group) although one sharing may prompt another. Some Meetings for Worship occur entirely in silence. This silent Meeting for Worship and waiting upon the Spirit (also called the Inner or Inward Light) is the equivalent of communion and even baptism in other Christian churches. (Quakers do not practice outward sacraments.)

Many Quaker Meetings welcome children. Some have "First Day School".

(Important note - not all Quakers are inclusive and liberal. Quakerism exists as a spectrum with different organizations focusing on different theological positions from evangelical Christian to more mainline Christian to liberal unprogrammed. The majority of Quakers in the U.S. tend to be programmed and explicitly Christian. If you see "Friends Church" rather than Meeting House then that is often a clue. The vast majority of unprogrammed Meetings in the U.S. are liberal and inclusive and basically all Quakers in the UK are liberal.)

If you'd like to know more, just ask. :)
 
Last edited:

Northern Lights

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo
Unprogrammed Quakers tend to be liberal - noncreedal and inclusive while still recognizing their Christian roots (although most liberal Meetings have Friends in membership who may not identify as Christian). The focus tends to be on following the religion OF Jesus (think of the Greatest Commandment - Love God and Love Others - and living out the Sermon on the Mount / Beatitudes and the meanings behind the parables) rather than the religion ABOUT Jesus (creeds, etc.). Liberal Quakers and UU's often circulate in the same circles.

Unprogrammed worship is worship IN the silence. Participants sit and settle into the silence. If they feel moved by the Spirit to share something, they rise and do so. Generally other folks do not respond (it is not a discussion group) although one sharing may prompt another. Some Meetings for Worship occur entirely in silence. This silent Meeting for Worship and waiting upon the Spirit (also called the Inner or Inward Light) is the equivalent of communion and even baptism in other Christian churches. (Quakers do not practice outward sacraments.)

Many Quaker Meetings welcome children. Some have "First Day School".

(Important note - not all Quakers are inclusive and liberal. Quakerism exists as a spectrum with different organizations focusing on different theological positions from evangelical Christian to more mainline Christian to liberal unprogrammed. The majority of Quakers in the U.S. tend to be programmed and explicitly Christian. If you see "Friends Church" rather than Meeting House then that is often a clue. The vast majority of unprogrammed Meetings in the U.S. are liberal and inclusive and basically all Quakers in the UK are liberal.)

If you'd like to know more, just ask. :)

Agree.

Certainly, I have attended 3 meeting houses in the UK and all fit this description, and were unprogrammed and liberal. They're fantastic and silent worship has to be experienced IMHO, to 'get it'.
 

Alceste

Vagabond
He is very adamant about not going to the UU church and forbids our son to go. He gets angry when I tell him that I am going. It makes me so sad that he acts this way.

That's appalling behavior, if you don't mind my saying so. Does he always communicate with anger, ultimatums, and a disregard for your feelings and wishes, or is it just this specific issue?

You might do better to talk him into marriage counseling first. Then finding a church will piece of cake. :)
 

Northern Lights

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo
That's appalling behavior, if you don't mind my saying so. Does he always communicate with anger, ultimatums, and a disregard for your feelings and wishes, or is it just this specific issue?

You might do better to talk him into marriage counseling first. Then finding a church will piece of cake. :)

I thought exactly that too. But I held back from saying anything, in case it was not well received.

But yes, to me, he sounded abusive in his manner and behaviour.
 

underthesun

Terrible with Titles
I have to agree with Alceste and Northern Lights -- respectfully -- because I do find it... at the very least very offensive and at the most abusive, for one parent to 'forbid' the other from doing anything in regards to their shared child... especially when we're talking about something like attending a church!

I am so sorry to hear that you are in this position! I would definitely keep going if I were you, just because you should never compromise your religious beliefs because someone else is unwilling to accept them. I think it is really sad that your husband doesn't want you or your son to benefit from having a community (and especially as open and welcoming of a community as a UU church is) like the church you've found.

Like everyone else has said, I would really recommend sitting down with him and talking it out. Rotating might be an option for you, but it also might be really hard to do that -- I know I would have a lot of trouble attending different churches on a regular basis. Perhaps there are specific activities that your church puts on that would appeal to your husband, that you could use as a bridge of sorts? I know my UU church hosts lots of different activities, some of which are specific to a certain belief and some of which aren't, and I daresay anyone could find something that really makes them fall in love with the church. I don't know much about your local church, but perhaps it's the same?
 
Top