I want to die.

Dru - The world isn't based on hate. There is just as much love out there as there is hate. Life is first about surviving, the rest is working, having fun and having relationships. Three things. Life is simple. I have all kinds of irrational anxieties, but I choose to ignore them. Anxiety doesn't help me.


May I ask a question?

What do you want to do?

Maize said:

Dru, if I give you my phone number, will you call? As wonderful as everyone's response has been to you, I think you need to talk to someone preferably in person, but to at least hear their voice. Talk to me, talk to someone. You're not alone.

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Ditto this.

Druidus,

I am greatly saddened by your plight. I FEEL what is happening around you and I wish I could say something to make everything ok. I can't. You are too intelligent to fall for that anyways.

Drudius, there is more in life than pain. I know it doesn't seem like it, but there is.
You have things to contribute to our world, to my world. You must try to believe that.
I am quite shocked to learn you are so very young. I assumed you were mid-20's or so. That my young brother is an enormous compliment.

Druidius, you must try to feel. Though it sounds silly, I am sending you a gift of energy. It is yours to use, as you see fit. Use it wisely. All you must do is believe it is there for you to take.

I wish I had more to offer you. Never give up. Never end your personal jihad. Never surrender to the despair. It is a jealous gaurdian and will only reluctantly let you go.

I firmly believe that you are in the pickle you are in simply because you have the ability to figure a way out. That is why it is happening. Obstacles can seem to be Mount Everest itself, but once you begin to climb them they have a way of becoming mere foothills. Please trust me on that one. It is honestly the truth.

As one social misfit to another, I know you can do it, if you try. But... and it is a big but... you have to want to make it better. Then you will begin to understand HOW to make it better.

Please hear me, Druidus. :shout
Please reassure me that my message has not arrived too late.

Wow, you are a great writer. Stay in school, finish your basic school. Take it one day at a time. There is only peace in Christ. He is the one that gives you a peace of mind. Pray to God he will help you in impossible situations.

Druidus , I don't know how to reply to this without sounding like I'm preaching at you . And it sounds as if you have enough people telling you what you should be already . Including yourself .

Your post show that you do care . For others and about the opinion of others . Although what you say about the world is true , there is so much more . So much more , if you just look beyond what you are seeing . You are doing time right now . In another four years , or less , everything will change . And take my word for this , you are as capable to live your life as any . In fact , you are the only one truely capable of living your life .

My friend , do something for me . Go outside and face the wind . Stand there and feel it . Truely feel it . Accept it and allow it to accept you . The wind is a force that has shaped this world . If it accepts you , then who needs that rest of this bull **** ? If it doesn't accept you at first , then demand that it does . It will . { just don't freeze to death waiting eh } .

Oh , one other thing . Leave the drugs and booze behind , they will only get in your way .

Maize is right, Druidus. Please, just try talking to someone. Please go to the website I posted or call 1-800-SUICIDE. I promise you will be so glad that you did.

You feel like you can't deal with life now, but that does not mean you will always feel that way. Feelings change, things change, people change. It's possible that one day--maybe even tomorrow--you will feel differently. Don't let yourself act on a feeling that you didn't always have and won't always have.

Don't give up druidus, life is a circle, your best part lies ahead

This is late, but when you get back, YOUR NOT GOING TO KILL YOURSELF!

I have been at emotional lows I thought would never end. It hurt alot having my dreams almost completly taken away from me, It hurt strugling with rehab, and it still hurts knowing I'll never be as good of an athlete as I once was. My parents divorced years ago, and being forced to live with my mom who constantly yells at me, and some of the stuff she says hurts alot, and I'm stuck with her because my dad isn't man enough to stand up to her. All my close friends moved, and now I'm stuck with RF and other website and online games as a primary social life. I have been hurt, screwed, slandered, ripped-off, p***ed on, and taken advantage of more times than I can remember. I have layed in bed many nights, crying, convienced the world hates me, and there is nothing in my life. My only comfort has been my spirit guides, and I would be dead now if it wasn't for them. My recomendation is to speak with yours. Let them help you find your place in this world.
I hated school so much, that I skipped so many times and was tardy so many times the school told if I was even late one more time, I had better have a very good excuse, or I would be suspended. I really hate my job, and my boss even screwed me with the way he scheduled tomorow, but I know others depend on my, and I keep on going. If you can't find anything in your life, look for your worth in others lives. You really do mean alot to many RF members, and I'm sure you know of at least one person that depends on you.

I once knew a guy who gave up all he had, bout an RV. He lived, travelled, wrote, made music, and did odd jobs for people where he stayed. He hunted, and sometimes farmed (when he didn't travel as much), he fished, etc... for his food. He truely was free. I could never do this because I have 4 cats and a girlfriend. But there is nothing stopping you. Save up some money, and live your dream man. Remember...

I watch the birds, and in their simplicity they are happy.
I watch the humans, and in their complexity they are unhappy.

We are in fact animals, the only thing stopping us from being happy is ourselves.

Good luck, and may peace and joy fill your life.

Just put on some Helloween (happy music), Whip up a good meal, and hang out with the dudes, or alternately, the chicks. Should change your mind nice and good. I've been where you are, and had tried to kill myself a few times, but after a good night of music with my girlfriend and some snackage, my whole perspective changed.

And lay off the Dimenhydrinate. Delirium is never fun.

spend some time away from the computer and around real people... spend some time with the Ravens and with yourself.
Seek the things you need yourself, without the drugs.

you have two years untill you can seek your fortunes away from "home"... go to college, preferably far away from where you live now. See things apart from your backyard and make friends. It can and will happin if you work tword it.

wa:do

Throwing my 2 cents in.....

no matter where you go, there's always gonna be obstacles in life. Towards my senior year of high school, people were losing the whole high school mentality. I thought I wouldn't have to deal with the same bs ever again. But since I've been in this unit, It's like being a freshman in high school all over again. Truth is, there's always gonna be times when life isn't going the way you want it to, but you have to learn how to effectivly cope and deal with each obstacle. It only makes you stronger as a person. And if you fail, get back on the bull. The only way to succeed is to learn from failure. I grew up in a abusive home, I've gone through a lot at school, I've been through the toughest basic training in the Army (Fort Benning). I'm tellin you, I've been to hell and back. For everything you go through, I'm sure someone has been there before. I'm sure some of the people here can relate to what you feel, and it will help you to cope by venting to people who are willing to help and listen. Get yourself checked out: get a blood test, talk to a doctor about how you feel, talk to a psychologist. There are conditions out there that can affect your mentality, such as hyperthyroid. There is a possibility that you could have a condition that causes things such as excessive fatigue or anxiety. Considering your whole mentality, I see a lot of negetive self talk, a negetive self image, and a negetive perception on life. Emotions are based on perceptual information. Whatever you are percieving is going to make you feel the way you do now. Believe it or not, you have some control over what you feel by what you think. If you think negetive, you're going to feel negetive, and then you're going to cope with your situation negetively, and this works in a vicious cycle. When a person has learned negetive self-talk, their negetive thoughts take on an existence of their own inside the mind. A good thing to do is take all these thoughts and make them positive, or at least try to see the positive. (You know what, I'm glad life is harsh, I need challange, otherwise life would be too boring). Humor is really good for this sort of thing. There are a lot of mental excersizes to get rid of this... Keep on trying to socialize untill you see yourself socializing. Be who you are, it's your reality, no one else's. Everyones a guest in your reality.
Look on the bright side. Now you've got two girl's numbers! :woohoo:
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Druidus, have you ever considered that you might have social anxiety disorder?

The reason I ask is that you seem to be suffering some of the same things as I have for awhile, I know it's not an easy thing to deal with.

Hang on in there, i'm here if you need to talk.

I could never do this because I have 4 cats and a girlfriend.

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Personally, it would kill me to leave the cats behind. Thier require as much attention as a girlfriend would, but at least a cat is happy with a warm and soft spot to lay on.

Dru,

You've already received lots of advice so I won't add to it. However, I want to send you tons of uplifting energy and cyber hugs. You are very precious to many here on this forum and we want you to stick around.

I have only just seen this.

I felt/feel scared for you when i read your post. I realy hope that by now you have taken the advice of many on here to go to the Doctors. You said that you had already taken tablets a few days ago.well you did wake up again (Thankgoodness)but do you realise that taking those tablets may cause you problems days later,to your liver etc. I know you said you cant care anymore but please please Go to the Doctors "now"

Has anyone heard from Dru? I felt pretty bad for him but everything that I could have said has already been said by the other posters on this forum, and much more eloquently.

Blessings and best of luck to you, Dru.

Dru said hed be gone till probably this weekend.