Bully at school

This may be totally off the subject, but I need some input on this. My son yesterday was beat up on his way home from school, he is 12, by another kid in his grade over $2. This kid has been threatening my son for a few days now, leaving notes on his locker, "you better give me $2 or I will beat you up after school". Now I have already called the police and filed a report of assault against this kid. My husband is going to the school first thing this morning to talk with the principal and the school police force. I know it was the right thing to do to turn this kid in, but now I am afraid this kid will retaliate even worse than before on my son and my other children. Should we tell him to defend himself when the kid attacks him???

Princesss said:

This may be totally off the subject, but I need some input on this. My son yesterday was beat up on his way home from school, he is 12, by another kid in his grade over $2. This kid has been threatening my son for a few days now, leaving notes on his locker, "you better give me $2 or I will beat you up after school". Now I have already called the police and filed a report of assault against this kid. My husband is going to the school first thing this morning to talk with the principal and the school police force. I know it was the right thing to do to turn this kid in, but now I am afraid this kid will retaliate even worse than before on my son and my other children. Should we tell him to defend himself when the kid attacks him???

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Yes!!! Bullying, while disgusting, is a part of life. I'd say that just about everyone deals with it. Since your son's bully is actually physically harming him, I think you did the right thing by turning him in. If he tries it again, I believe your son has every right to defend himself. If he isn't comfortable fighting you might want to get him in some martial arts classes so that he can learn some skills to help him with self-defense.

I've never been a parent so I might be totally off, but I don't believe anyone should be pushed around. Doing nothing just makes him an easy target in the future.

My advise is the tell your son to verballly stand up to the bully. Have your son practice at home, building confidence in his voice, and knowing not to back down once he said his defense. I was never beat up in school, it did help the bullies leave me alone in elementary school, and then building alot of muscle mass made them fear me.

A note about what jonny said - teach him to fight for defense, not so he can "get revenge" and start bullying other people.

i dont get bullied in school, i'm one of the taller, bigger people, but then again, there aren't many, if any, bullies at my school. If i were you, i'd get the kid a knife, some brass knuckles, or a martial arts class.

Aqualung said:

A note about what jonny said - teach him to fight for defense, not so he can "get revenge" and start bullying other people.

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Quite, I am sure you don't want your son turning into a bully!

I am not sure about the defense 'path'; I don't think fighting violence with violence helps any; of course, it may be different in the States. here, it is always recommended to go "the proper way", perhaps there is a risk of retalliation.............

As my kids are 27 and 21,I am somewhat 'out of touch'.

The Black Whirlwind said:

i dont get bullied in school, i'm one of the taller, bigger people, but then again, there aren't many, if any, bullies at my school. If i were you, i'd get the kid a knife, some brass knuckles, or a martial arts class.

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Are you insane?! If a minor uses a knife or brass knuckles, especially on school grounds, the punishments are very serious.

Martial arts would be great and very constructive. Perhaps daddy could teach him some boxing techniques.

The kid also needs friends.

The best defense is to yell and scream BULLY! Most shools will treat both fighters the same. If he doesn't fight, there is no question. Once the "man" gets hold of this kid, he will think twice about abusing your son. The exact same thing happened to my son a few years ago. The school administration was very direct with the bully in question and when the bully tried to exact revenge he was deported to another school.

Are you insane?! If a minor uses a knife or brass knuckles, especially on school grounds, the punishments are very serious.

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But you can't get in trouble for having a roll of quarters.
Sarcasm put aside, I DO NOT recomend you let your kid use a roll of quarters, nickels, dimes, or pennies to use as a make-shift weapon. If you kid's never been much of a fighter, then he will more than likly shatter his own fingers using a roll of coins.

Aqualung said:

A note about what jonny said - teach him to fight for defense, not so he can "get revenge" and start bullying other people.

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I agree with Jonny and Aqua. Get him some defense training, martial arts, kick boxing, etc, but make sure he knows it's for his defense and nothing else.

I, personally, taught my son how to fight from the time he was able to walk, because I know how bad school can be, but he knows, no matter how strong he is, he's only to fight if some other kid hits him first. The only time he's actually been in a physical skirmish in school was when this bully tried to beat up this kid in kindergarten (the bully was in grade 2, my son in grade 1), and Justyce went nuts. He couldn't believe that this huge kid was going to try and pick on some 5 year old, so he stepped in and pushed the bully away and told him to leave the kid alone. It went a little further, with a few punches thrown, but the bully left the younger kid alone.

You also have to let your son know that you will never punish him for defending or standing up for himself (or things he believes in, like getting between a bully and someone smaller). I've found a big part of the reason some kids don't fight back is because they're afraid their parents will flip out. My son, Justyce, knows I'll never punish him for standing up for himself or someone else, but if he ever started a fight.. well, the s*** would hit the fan.

When I was in school I never had a problem. I was never beat up, never even threatened because the kids knew not to mess with me. When highschool came around, we had very few bullies beating up other kids because I would step in and kick the s*** out of anyone picking on other kids. I hate that and don't stand for it even now. And that's what I've taught my son. That's what I think kids should be taught, regarding bullies.

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Luke Wolf said:

But you can't get in trouble for having a roll of quarters.
Sarcasm put aside, I DO NOT recomend you let your kid use a roll of quarters, nickels, dimes, or pennies to use as a make-shift weapon. If you kid's never been much of a fighter, then he will more than likly shatter his own fingers using a roll of coins.

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Not only that, but the kid should be taught to defend himself without the use of weapons. ANY weapons. Weapons are for cowards.

NetDoc said:

The best defense is to yell and scream BULLY! Most shools will treat both fighters the same. If he doesn't fight, there is no question. Once the "man" gets hold of this kid, he will think twice about abusing your son. The exact same thing happened to my son a few years ago. The school administration was very direct with the bully in question and when the bully tried to exact revenge he was deported to another school.

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I agree to a large extent, but many things happen in life that are beyond the scrutiny of the "authorities." A basic knowledge of self-defense and "streetwise" come in handy in life.

EDIT:

Not only that, but the kid should be taught to defend himself without the use of weapons. ANY weapons. Weapons are for cowards.

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I agree with the first statement, but not the second. KIDS should know how to defend themselves without weapons because it will only get them in trouble. Their voice is their most powerful weapon. For adults who face more serious threats, simple weapons are extremely useful. No sense in harming yourself. Keys, unbreallas, and pens and pencils are quite useful as deterrants for people who can't pack a punch.

I have raised 3 girlsand 2 boys. We had our experiences with bullies but my kids were taught how to defend themselves. two of my kids were suspended for protecting themselves during a fight which they did not start but did finish it. I was bullied as a kid while I was small and passive.My parents never taught me how to defend myself.Ughhhhh! This effected me in a very negative way.I ended up in a lot of fights and eventually learned how to fight.I am a certified Black Beltin Koei Kan Karate Do. I don't condone any type of bully type tactics but I do preach ..."give what they deliver right back to them tenfold." Funny part is....I eventually entered a career that involved a lot of verbal and physical confrontations. I even worked as a bouncer a few years ago. I highly suggest seneding children to a quality martialarts instructor. DO NOT SIGN A CONTRACT until you have investigated several styles and find a organization or club that has been in business for several years. You have done the right thing by reporting this to the police. I did it just to cover my kid if there were any more confrontations. Today is much different than when I was a kid. Today we have many moremethods of protecting our kids. Many schools now have zero tolerance for fighting. I coach hockey and even though it is a very physical and emotions run high...I have zero tolerance for fighting. Good luck with your children. We as parents have an oblgation to keep our children safe.

angellous_evangellous said:

I agree with the first statement, but not the second. Simple weapons are extremely useful. No sense in harming yourself. Keys, unbreallas, and pens and pencils are quite useful as deterrants for people who can't pack a punch.

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Why not, instead, learn how to punch? Why intentionally escalate a small fist fight into something big and unnecessary by using weapons? Just learn how to take and throw a punch. It's really not that hard. Besides, simple assault and assault with a deadly weapon.. two very different charges. I know, at least where I'm from, if someone starts a physical fight with you and they have no weapons, but you do, no matter if they threw the first punch or beat the crap out of you, if you pulled a weapon, you're the one going down to the station, not the guy who started it.

I collect weapons, but have never used them, never needed to, and never would, unless it was a life or death situation.

I still stand by my statement that weapons are for cowards. I've had two friends die because they were stabbed by some ******* who pulled a knife in a simple fist fight. You'll forgive me if I'm not a fan of the use of weapons.

Circle_One said:

Why not, instead, learn how to punch? Why intentionally escalate a small fist fight into something big and unnecessary by using weapons? Just learn how to take and throw a punch. It's really not that hard. Besides, simple assault and assault with a deadly weapon.. two very different charges. I know, at least where I'm from, if someone starts a physical fight with you and they have no weapons, but you do, no matter if they threw the first punch or beat the crap out of you, if you pulled a weapon, you're the one going down to the station, not the guy who started it.

I collect weapons, but have never used them, never needed to, and never would, unless it was a life or death situation.

I still stand by my statement that weapons are for cowards. I've had two friends die because they were stabbed by some ******* who pulled a knife in a simple fist fight. You'll forgive me if I'm not a fan of the use of weapons.

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I am usually armed with something(usually a knife) but if you choose do arm yourself....learn the local laws and learn how to use your weapon of choice. I now keep a good heavy knife sharpening steel in my car. It makes a great striking weapon and keeps my knife sharp. I grew up in Detroit Michigan.....that should explain my attitude.Knockout

Circle_One said:

Why not, instead, learn how to punch? Why intentionally escalate a small fist fight into something big and unnecessary by using weapons? Just learn how to take and throw a punch. It's really not that hard. Besides, simple assault and assault with a deadly weapon.. two very different charges. I know, at least where I'm from, if someone starts a physical fight with you and they have no weapons, but you do, no matter if they threw the first punch or beat the crap out of you, if you pulled a weapon, you're the one going down to the station, not the guy who started it.

I collect weapons, but have never used them, never needed to, and never would, unless it was a life or death situation.

I still stand by my statement that weapons are for cowards. I've had two friends die because they were stabbed by some ******* who pulled a knife in a simple fist fight. You'll forgive me if I'm not a fan of the use of weapons.

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I understand completely. I don't carry any weapons, either (unless of course we count keys and pens, etc). I'm a black belt too, and trust me, size matters. It is one thing to train yourself to take a punch and quite another to be punched by a drunk person who can't feel anything and is very strong - or any number of other situations. A high threat requires intense action. The best thing always to do is avoid a fight, which is not terribly difficult.

You know what, I carry a knife too (and mace), always have, but I've never used it. However, I probably carry mine for different reasons.

As a girl, (albeit, a tough one), I know that I may be able to overcome some guys, but come on, no matter how much pride I have or how egotistical I am, even I know that there are guys out there that are bigger than me and considering where I live and how often I have walk home at night, I have it just in case but even the few times I have been grabbed or pushed around while walking home, I've still managed to make my way home sagely without the use my knife.

Fighting is never the answer. Once you have stooped to their level, you have indeed become one of them. This also blurs the line when it comes to disciplinary actions. Most blows will heal far quicker than the blemishes on your record and reputation. FIGHTING is the coward's choice. Self defense while more noble, does nothing to right the wrong. Let the authorities do what needs to be done: it's the civilised thing to do.

I found that the more skill I gained in the art of combat the less fights I had during my combative career in the Big House.

angellous_evangellous said:

I understand completely. I don't carry any weapons, either (unless of course we count keys and pens, etc). I'm a black belt too, and trust me, size matters. It is one thing to train yourself to take a punch and quite another to be punched by a drunk person who can't feel anything and is very strong - or any number of other situations. A high threat requires intense action. The best thing always to do is avoid a fight, which is not terribly difficult.

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I completely agree that the best thing is to avoid violence, but I think sometimes it is difficult. Perhaps not for us, being adults, but I think it is kind of unavoidable for kids in elementary and highschool sometimes. They see these kids every day, the kids can follow them home, etc. It's difficult to be a kid, especially one who has no idea how to defend himself.

I think, even just having the confidence (and the balls), to stand up to a bully is a big thing for a child. That should be worked on first, before you teach them how to throw a punch, but don't get me wrong, they should still be taught to fight back.