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The road to your faith?

Master Vigil

Well-Known Member
My path in this life started out pretty normal for a Catholic kid. Went to church, didn't like it. Went to catholic school, didn't like it. Even as a child I had a big problem with the "reason why evil exists if god is omnipotent and omniscient" question. When I was in 6th grade, I saw a HUGE white wolf standing outside my house. This I came to know as my Main Spirit Guide. Over the next couple years, more wolves would come until I had 6 adult pure white wolves, and one pup. They have become my strength and my best teachers. When I was 15, the wolves told me that my "transformation" would be complete on the full moon of my 16th birthday. Which I felt was kind of cliche. :D But needless to say, my 16th birthday was on a full moon. I was freaked!!

I had dream which basically led to me waking up and praying for hours into the morning. I knew what I needed to do. I needed to be a priest. I knew this to the depth of my soul. I sought orders in the catholic faith that mirrored my experience. And the Franciscan order had. Especially due to his simple understanding, and his oneness with the universe. It was beautiful. I especially liked the story of him in Gubio with the wolf. (Since my soul is half wolf, this story hit me deep. If you know what I mean).

So I started studying to be a franciscan friar. And decided to check out St. Francis University of Loretto. Guess when their open house was??? My 16th birthday!! So I was pumped, surely this was the "transformation" the wolves spoke of. All day, waiting. Nothing happened. I spent an hour praying in the chapel, nothing. I was broken, depressed, and disappointed. Why would god not make this right? But later that night, while I was watching a movie (I think the 10th Kingdom), I had the sudden urge to go out and see the full moon. And then, it happened.

It was like I was hit by a wrecking ball. I fell flat on my back. I couldn't move, the energy was too intense. It must have been like 5 minutes or so before I could get up, and once I did. I saw them. All of them. All of the spirits. It was the most amazing experience of my life. I can't even explain my joy in words. And I began to understand.

After I awoke the next morning, I could no longer see them. But I could smell them. (Since my soul is half wolf, the smell thing kinda fits). So I began to study, and learn from the spirits. I began to learn that god is simply unknowable, and the only way we can come to understand it is through the things that understand it. Thus, the spirits and nature. I studied anything I could about the spirits, shamanism, animism, shinto, paganism, wicca, etc... I studied the effects of the spirits with different religions, and religious followers and priests.

I have also been a martial artist for over 10 years, and from this experience I have studied alot of eastern philosophy. And when I read the Tao Te Ching, it all fit. Lao Tzu said exactly what the spirits did. It was amazing. The wisdom found in that book is so intense, and the humility is just as equal. The book is only 81 little chapters, and Lao Tzu left without teaching a thing. How much more simple and humble can you get? So I studied more, the I ching, Chuang Tzu, Tai Chi Chuan, Chi Gong, Zen, etc...

I then decided that I needed to teach what the spirits taught me. So I did, I took Taoism and and mixed it with my understanding of the spirits, and called myself a Vigil. And since someone of any religion can be a Vigil, I call myself a Taoist Vigil.

About a year ago, I had horrible visions of my wolf spirit guide being crucified. And then I had the more horrific one. I was in the bathroom and all of sudden I was standing right underneath Jesus as he was being crucified. They stuck the spear in his side, and blood gushed out all over my face. The smell was so horrid that I broke out of the vision, and threw up right in the sink. I knew that christianity would still play a part in my life. So I went to visit a benedictine monk to discuss monkhood. Needless to say, you can't be a benedictine monk if you don't believe jesus was the son of god. :( However, from my studies with the benedictines, I received a new understanding of Jesus, and a new respect for the man.

So where am I now? I am a Taoist Vigil and I am still teaching at the holistic center. I have developed a meditative exercise called Pulsus in which the energy spheres (spirit) of an individual are enhanced and expanded so that the individual can better understand the spirit world, and thus follow the natural flow of the universe better. My students are progressing wonderfully, and are all Junior Vigils. Which I congratulate them extremely often! :D As of about a month ago, I can now see the spirits again. Which is allowing me to further my study of the universe, and further my development of Pulsus and the Vigil lifestyle.

May great joy and peace be with all of you. I love you all.
 

anders

Well-Known Member
From the age of some 12, for several years I used to be an openly confessing Lutheran Xian (Church of Sweden (CoS), into which I was born). From confirmation (at ca. 14 ys.?) on, I attended to most every Sunday service and more, and my closest pals were those from the Christian Students’ association. During my junior high school days, several of us met on almost every lunch break in a nearby CoS church for prayers. From that group, I had my very first love (very Platonic, though) and my first fiancée (Plato wouldn’t have approved).

That state of mind went on, mainly undisturbed, until something (probably my interest in South Indian languages and cultures, not the least R. Kipling’s Kim), made me try Religious studies. When finally (and this was the year following my stroke-cum-brain infarction, following which I still thanked the Lord for letting me keep most of my abilities) I had to read the Bible in a (hopefully) unbiased and defended way, I realized that that book was even worse than the stories of for example the Brothers’ Grimm in its unproven glorification of violence and unscientific statements and multiple contradictions, and I made some interesting comparisons:

I used to think that the South Indian religions were ridiculous. Gods who (partially?) descended to Earth, aka avatars, belief in more lives than one etc. How stupid!

And what did I believe in and base my life on? Right, one part of my God temporarily living on Earth as a normal mortal, I had the chance of attaining one more life etc. How stupid!

So, rejecting the South Asian views, I had, to be consistent, to reject my Xian beliefs as well
 

turk179

I smell something....
Wow. Thanks to all of you who have posted. This is so awesome. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading all of your posts. I hope that they keep coming.:woohoo: :bounce
Tim
 

Feathers in Hair

World's Tallest Hobbit
Someone I really respect asked if my post was 'to be continued'. I didn't think it was interesting enough to finish, but I realized it was a bit abrupt to end it there, so here goes!

So it was from that congregation that we moved to Michigan. My mom, sister and I joined our grandmother's church. As usual, we attended as much as we could and put all of ourselves into volunteering. (Well, mom and I did. My sister was busy actually having a social life, hehee!) We organized this church's library and my mom did some secretarial work, and got to know the pastor and his family. I was about 15.

It was during this time that my depression really began to be bad- to the point where I had to take some of my high school courses at home. Although I didn't know it at the time, some of the congregation began talking about me behind my back. The only thing I was aware of was that I was getting questioning or cruel looks almost everywhere I went. Around the same time, the pastor had to go into the hospital for back pain. His stay eventually wound up with him addicted to painkillers, and my family and I watched in horror as some of the congregation seized on this like a pack of wild hyenas. Instead of offering he and his family support, those people saw to it that he was torn from his post and the rest of the congregation was either silent or their protests unheeded.

Shortly after I graduated from high school, my family moved to Iowa. While we weren't in any churches, my mom and I began volunteering with a Franciscan Spirituality Center. Instead of the library, we organized the herb garden. But within their library, I found even more information than had been at the Lutheran church. I was introduced to religions based on the feminine aspect of things, religions where social responsiblity was at the forefront- even books that said that the works and words of atheists should be studied, not so that the reader could try to disprove them, but because they were actually intelligent human beings who had valid opinions. (Gasp!) At the Center, I saw a brochure for a class coming up on shamanism. I'd heard people say that the things I said I believed sounded like I was coming from a shamanic background. I decided to try to find out why they said so.

Going to the class made my heart wrench. It was like being reminded of what I knew. It was as if my whole life so far had been dedicated to making me forget that which I was now remembering. It was like feeling all the power that my soul felt lacking in returned.

I was able to study with the teacher for awhile, and hope to be able to do so again, when I get back on my feet a little more. I became a Reiki practitioner and became a liscenced massage therapist. I continued to be a Christian until I realized that other paths were more to my calling. So I paid my respect to those gods which had seen me through my childhood, and became a Pagan. :)
 

Evenstar

The Wicked Christian
How did I find my path, showing a great interest in other peoples paths.... and reading alone for hours.
I think learning about others beliefs, is very important in my life too.​
Which makes my path endless.
 

apollo

New Member
I havent found my path yet. to be honest im stuck in a huge black hole in my life brought on by my own very self distructive behavior. I'm asking you good peoples opion on what a should do spiritually to make my peace with god, even though i ve screwed up so badly? any advice?
 

Evenstar

The Wicked Christian
opollo, We all can screw up.... I know I have and still do.
If God is your path "Pray" and keep on praying, God forgives, does he not?.​
None of us are perfect.... well some think they are but... lol. I hope you find your path real soon. ;)
 
apollo said:
I havent found my path yet. to be honest im stuck in a huge black hole in my life brought on by my own very self distructive behavior. I'm asking you good peoples opion on what a should do spiritually to make my peace with god, even though i ve screwed up so badly? any advice?



Not only is man looking for God, but God is looking for man!


"The Kingdom of Heaven lies within!" Luke 17:21​




"Seek the seeker!"

<><
 
The gods and goddesses of the Norse also look kindly to those who come before them with light and love in their hearts....as do ALL aspects of the DIVINE, IMO. I would suggest that you search through as many faiths/religions as you can.....and deside for yourself what strikes home for you. At least this is what worked for me. Just know that the DIVINE is always there for you....no matter what. None of us are perfect.:)
 

JonM

Member
I was brought up Jewish in a very observant synagogue that was definitely too observant for my entire family. My experience there, which lasted up to Bar Mitzvah age, was so negative that I rejected Judaism and theism altogether for a while, wandered into paganism as an adolescent, and then had a long phase of Buddhist-inspired unaffilliated spirituality which started atheistic and then became pantheistic, and about a year ago I realized that Judaism was right for me after all, I just hadn't found the right denomination yet. Right after my Bar Mitzvah, my family joined a Reconstructionist synagogue, and it took me about five years to come around and embrace it, and now here I am!
 
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