Sex Before Marriage

Can anyone give me a logical reason not to have sex with someone you love? If two people are in love with each other what is so "evil" about sharing intemacy with each other. Marriage is just a man made ritual. Love is eternal. I can't find anywhere in the Bible where having sex with someone you love is labled as adultery and/or sexual immorality. In the book Song of Songs, two lovers are talking sexually about each other and NOT ONCE does the phrase husband or wife appear in that book. Yet it's apart of the Bible. I have yet to see anyone provide a specific command from the Bible or a decent argument to back up the church's argument that this is wrong. The only rebuttals I've heard are "it just is" and "it is implied" (which even if it was, it is done very poorley) Your thoughts.

Well...

If you're looking specifically for a passage which translates..."Do not have sex before marriage" in the Bible...you're not going to find it...you're either going to feel it's "implied" in certain scriptures or you aren't...

"But I say to the unmarried, and to the widows, it is good for them if they remain even as I am: but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." 1 Corinthians 7:8-9

My interpretation is that the "exercising self-control" refers to sex.

But...it's really not going to matter what anyone posts here on this thread...if you already have the mindset that pre-marital sex is justifiable. Scripture isn't going to change anything unless you really PRAY on the issue. I would let the Holy Spirit reveal the truth to you. When you read scriptures regarding marriage and such...pray for spirtual guidance...that God will reveal to you how you should be interpreting the scripture and applying it to your life.

Warm Wishes.

Mister_T said:

Can anyone give me a logical reason not to have sex with someone you love?

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I can give you alot of them.
Depends on the situation

If two people are in love with each other what is so "evil" about sharing intemacy with each other.

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Nothing is "evil" about consensual sex.
There`s nothing wrong with pre-marital sex as long as it`s done safely and without deception.

Now here`s the caveat.
I don`t know how old you are Mr T and no matter how you protect yourself from STV or pregnancy there is ALWAYS the chance that protection won`t be enough for one or the other or both.

There are serious consequences involved in sexual activity that you may not have even thought of.

Males in our society generally think differently of sex than females in our society.
Especially if you are considering sex with a devout Christian girl .
There are cultural biases, and societal ignorances that could end up seriously harming her if she is following/being raised in a Christian atmosphere.

Depending upon how old you are, and what kind of environment the both of you are in it would be altogether safer and healthier to wait until you`ve answered these questions you`re asking to your own personal satisfaction.
You don`t have to wait for marraige but it would be wise to wait until you are confident in your own opinions about sex and it`s consequences.

Just my opinion.

Those are some good points which I did not think of. Thanks for the insight.

My whole reason for doing this is because a lot of churches I've been to, strongly promote the idea of celibacy until marriage. Otherwise, the wrath of God is coming to you. I think celibacy absolutley fine if you think that will make you a better person and that it will bring you closer to God. What I DON"T think is fine is the whole "you're going to burn in hell speech" that comes with it. That argument doesn't hold water and yet it is such a strong theme in many churches.

dawny0826 said:

Well...
My interpretation is that the "exercising self-control" refers to sex.

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Well, it is not like birth control was an option in those days. I am sure the author of those words understood that procreation leads to children. As that was indeed the case, then that is the only responsible opinion to express at that time. He couldn't very well have said, "Oh sure. Have at 'er" and then been responsible for generations of fatherless children.

I am sure that Christ (sorry, I assume those are Christ's words) understood the significance of his words, and so he chose them wisely.

However.....
It may well have been quite another story if current options were available in his time.
Ideally, the words are a good thought. They are just not very practical any more.
The abstinance thing sure is working well. Nice idea on paper.

I'm glad you are searching for the truth, Mister_T. But It seems to me some of your studies have left you misguided and misdirected.

Mister_T said:

Marriage is just a man made ritual.

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Not quite. God initiated marriage as a part of His plan for humans when He created one woman for one man in the Garden of Eden in Genesis 2: 24

Mister_T said:

In the book Song of Songs, two lovers are talking sexually about each other and NOT ONCE does the phrase husband or wife appear in that book. Yet it's apart of the Bible.

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There can be no mistake about the context of the Song of Solomon. Especially with passages like 3:11; 4:8-12. Make no mistake, that book is describing purely a marriage relationship... It even goes so far as to mention Solomon's wedding in chapter 3, verse11. Also, Solomon does call her his bride in verses 8-12 of chapter 4.

Mister_T said:

I have yet to see anyone provide a specific command from the Bible or a decent argument to back up the church's argument that this is wrong.

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Let's start with 1 Corinthians 7
1Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. 2But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.

Also, in verses 8 and 9 -
8Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. 9But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

I hope this helps and has provided some more information for you to think about...

Sadly, Mr. T, my Acme Love Doll and I have been forced into a state of perpetual pre-marital sex by societie's irrational prejudice against allowing "people of latex" to legally marry. There is not a single state in the US in which it is legal for my Acme Love Doll and I to exchange vows. Is this justice?

Sunstone said:

Sadly, Mr. T, my Acme Love Doll and I have been forced into a state of perpetual pre-marital sex by societie's irrational prejudice against allowing "people of latex" to legally marry. There is not a single state in the US in which it is legal for my Acme Love Doll and I to exchange vows. Is this justice?

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Sunstone, I really wish you'd get your latex doll to join the forum; we keep hearing so much about her.........besides, we might get the 'low down' on you if we heard from you!

Mister_T said:

Can anyone give me a logical reason not to have sex with someone you love? If two people are in love with each other what is so "evil" about sharing intemacy with each other. Marriage is just a man made ritual. Love is eternal. I can't find anywhere in the Bible where having sex with someone you love is labled as adultery and/or sexual immorality. In the book Song of Songs, two lovers are talking sexually about each other and NOT ONCE does the phrase husband or wife appear in that book. Yet it's apart of the Bible. I have yet to see anyone provide a specific command from the Bible or a decent argument to back up the church's argument that this is wrong. The only rebuttals I've heard are "it just is" and "it is implied" (which even if it was, it is done very poorley) Your thoughts.

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No, I can't really. I am a pretty 'weak' Christian, but in my book, if the relationship is bound by Love, then it is already a marriage in the eyes of God.

Sure, it is (for me), necessary to have the Church service, but that's my choice. Having a sexual relationship with soeone you don't love (in my book) is a different matter; but then, that's just common sense.

That depends. Sex with my daughter before marriage=castration. Seriously, I'm sure it's a sin, but to tell someone not to would make me a hypocrite.

jeffrey said:

...Seriously, I'm sure it's a sin, but to tell someone not to would make me a hypocrite.

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I think most of us burned our hand on a hot stove at some point in our lives, but if we warn a young child not to touch the eye that makes teachers not hypocrites. Now, if you continue to engage in sex outside of marriage AND tell others not to do such, then you would earn the Scarlet H.

I engaged in sexual acts before marriage, and looking back I wish that I had waited. Giving in to lust left me vulnerable to an unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases that could have negatively impacted how my life unfolded.

I'm not so naive that I think many people are going to wait until marriage, but I would be derelict in my duties if I did not share what I have learned with others. We all know that some people are deteremined to make their own mistakes instead of learning from others.

Dawn and Linus, Frubals and kudos for excellent posts with the scriptural reference.:162:

jeffrey said:

Sex with my daughter before marriage=castration.

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Would serve you right, according to today's views. But the incest ban is no universal or natural law. What about the righteous Lot? And how did the first few generations following Adam and Eve manage?

Well, nature is my guide, not scripture. Sex is natural, marriage is man-made humbugary. I understand with STDs and all, precautions should be taken (seriously, not doubting their severity), but sex is natural and healthy. I personally would prefer to have a heavy degree of love in a relationship before sex, but I do not condemn people for being more casual about it (although, again, precausion is needed). There is nothing evil about it, so long as no one is being used or taken advantage of. Sex is natural and healthy, marriage is nothing more than a ceremonial contract.

Mister_T said:

My whole reason for doing this is because a lot of churches I've been to, strongly promote the idea of celibacy until marriage. Otherwise, the wrath of God is coming to you. I think celibacy absolutley fine if you think that will make you a better person and that it will bring you closer to God. What I DON"T think is fine is the whole "you're going to burn in hell speech" that comes with it. That argument doesn't hold water and yet it is such a strong theme in many churches.

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And they promote the idea of celibacy until marriage because it truly IS in the opinion of many...God's design for marriage. Virginity is a gift intended to be given to the individual that you spend the rest of your life with. There's almost a sacredness to that.

If you're looking for justification...you'll find it...possibly on this thread. Someone will probably "say" just what you need to "hear" to provide you with the green light to engage in pre-marital sex or to continue. The choice of course, is yours. ...

I would still encourage you to take the situation to God in prayer and ask for guidance. If you call upon HIM to reveal truths to you...HE will, if you take your concerns to HIM.

From a realistic (not a Biblical) standpoint alone...I can probably think of many more reasons NOT to engage in pre-marital sex as opposed to engaging. But again...it's a personal choice...

And I wish you the very best.

Finding sexual chemistry is far more important than waiting until marriage to find out that your partner does not turn you on in bed. What if you exchange vows only to find out your husband is lacking in the bulge and can't satisfy you? Or that your wife doesn't know how to move well? What if the two of you are into different types of sex acts? Then what divorce? Or live your life miserable from sexual frustration? Marriage IS a human-made institution, initially designed to claim another person for oneself for selfish reasons. Humans are not monogamous by nature and I see no need to think of marriage as anything other than a long term promise to go steady.

Virginity is a gift intended to be given to the individual that you spend the rest of your life with.

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Honest question...does it say this specifically somewhere or is this your opinion? I've never understood it. Virginity is, well....nothing. It has absolutely no value to me and I don't understand really why it has value to anyone.

Here's another question. Suppose someone does wait until they're married and they give this "sacred" gift to their spouse. Then he/she dies a few years later and somewhat later on, the person re-marries. Is this marriage and sexual union less sacred because the person wasn't a virgin?

Ðanisty said:

Virginity is, well....nothing. It has absolutely no value to me and I don't understand really why it has value to anyone.

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I think that a lot of men like virgins because they don't like to be compared to other men due to insecurities about their own sexual performance.

For my part, I like virgins because they generally cleaner and feel better than girls who have been around a lot. I enjoy seeing how they react to an all new sensation, and it's a source of pride knowing that a girl choose me to be her first. Also, because of their inexperience, they like to be taught how to "behave" in bed, which is sort of like designing your own sex partner to be how you want them to be.

Ðanisty said:

Honest question...does it say this specifically somewhere or is this your opinion? I've never understood it. Virginity is, well....nothing. It has absolutely no value to me and I don't understand really why it has value to anyone.

Here's another question. Suppose someone does wait until they're married and they give this "sacred" gift to their spouse. Then he/she dies a few years later and somewhat later on, the person re-marries. Is this marriage and sexual union less sacred because the person wasn't a virgin?

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To answer your first question...

It's my opinion based upon my interpretation of the scripture. I cited a verse in my first post on the thread if you'd like to reference.

To answer the second...

I would say it depends on the individual and their situation. Biblically, it IS acceptable for an individual to remarry if widowed.

Warm Wishes.