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The Dead Must Be Saved!

Revoltingest

Revoltingest

Pragmatic Libertarian
Premium Member
Revoltingistan is embarking on an ambitious new program to counter the possibility that non-Revoltifarian souls will fail to enter
Heaven (Baconland, as we call it.). Just as Mormons will Baptize the dead, we now offer the service (for a fee, of course) of
Revolltingizing the dead. But no, our magnanimity doesn't end there, shoppers! We will also provide our salvation service for the living.

My first act is to Revoltingize Mitt Romney by uttering our conversion scripture.
Mitt Romney, you are now revolting! May your certainty wither, & your spirit revolt against The Man!

Who else should be Revoltingized? We have a red light special, too....free this year, & 1/2 off this month!
 
4consideration

4consideration

*
Premium Member
I have a few questions. I'm not one to dive in head first without testing the waters first.

1. Does this baptism provide a guarantee of entry into Baconland?

2. If not, what other requirements are there?

3. Is attendance of any meetings/services required?

4. Would one have any duty to recruit others?

5. Does this baptism authorize one to keep others out of Heaven (Baconland) for simply failing to agree, or for failing to live up to the established Revoltifarian rules for entering Baconland?

6. Is this a VIP only offer? Does it only apply to those in the public eye, or can regular folk get in on the deal?
 
Wirey

Wirey

Fartist
If Wireyania has to re-declare war on you, we will. Plus, Mitt Romney is ours. We're getting the Olympics in 2054, and he's the only one who can save it. Just ask him!
 
Revoltingest

Revoltingest

Pragmatic Libertarian
Premium Member
4consideration said:
I have a few questions. I'm not one to dive in head first without testing the waters first.
1. Does this baptism provide a guarantee of entry into Baconland?
2. If not, what other requirements are there?
3. Is attendance of any meetings/services required?
4. Would one have any duty to recruit others?
5. Does this baptism authorize one to keep others out of Heaven (Baconland) for simply failing to agree, or for failing to live up to the established Revoltifarian rules for entering Baconland?
6. Is this a VIP only offer? Does it only apply to those in the public eye, or can regular folk get in on the deal?
Click to expand...
1 - Yes.
2 - Not applicable.
3 - No.
4 - No.
5 - No.
6 - Everyone is welcome to become revolting.
 
Revoltingest

Revoltingest

Pragmatic Libertarian
Premium Member
Wirey said:
If Wireyania has to re-declare war on you, we will.
Click to expand...
Oh, no...we're not falling for that again. You lost faster than a Chinese badmitton team, & then applied for foreign aid.
This time, I have a secret (formerly) weapon....I'll Revoltingize you.

Plus, Mitt Romney is ours. We're getting the Olympics in 2054, and he's the only one who can save it. Just ask him!
Click to expand...
Your Olympics will be revolting!
 
BSM1

BSM1

What? Me worry?
Revoltingest said:
"Revolt" is the norm in Baconland, but is not required.
Tasty paradoxes there await the revolting.
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
Just as a clarification, wouldn't an anti-revoltist be just as revolting as the revoltingest due to their revolt against the norm? And would this not also assure their unhindered admission into Baconland?

I like my paradoxes medium rare, thank you.
 
Revoltingest

Revoltingest

Pragmatic Libertarian
Premium Member
BSM1 said:
Just as a clarification, wouldn't an anti-revoltist be just as revolting as the revoltingest due to their revolt against the norm? And would this not also assure their unhindered admission into Baconland?
I like my paradoxes medium rare, thank you.
Click to expand...
Baconland is about realizing more potential than you have.

Marble said:
When I offer a bacon-roll at the grave of my grandma, will she get it?
Click to expand...
Alas, no....she's dead.
Tis better if you enjoy the bacon in this world.
 
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