I Wonder Why We Even Worry About...?

ChristineES · Aug 2, 2012

Not for the first time, I was wondering why we care about whether someone accepts us or something about us or not- particularly those we don't know, don't like, etc. :shrug:

Why should we worry that someone doesn't like us? There are always going to those who don't like us or something about us.

For example: I have had people criticize my introversion saying I should "go out and party and have fun" when I don't think hanging out with a lot of people is any fun. I used to care but not anymore. As my mother used to say "eff them if they can't take a joke"

But why do we care? Isn't it the other person's problem if they don't accept us?

Any discussions are welcome.

Awoon · Aug 2, 2012

Societies are set up for competition. You got Kings and their courts. You have Gangs and their courts. You have families with their courts. You have religions with their courts.

The older I get the more I say eff em all if they dont like me.

beenie · Aug 2, 2012

I've often wondered the same thing, and still struggle with it as an adult and parent. I'm trying to instill it in my children to not care so much about others' opinions, etc., but I see them struggling with it too. I think it's human nature to want to be liked and accepted.

Feeling "different" is hard for a lot of us.

jarofthoughts · Aug 3, 2012

ChristineES said:
Not for the first time, I was wondering why we care about whether someone accepts us or something about us or not- particularly those we don't know, don't like, etc.

Why should we worry that someone doesn't like us? There are always going to those who don't like us or something about us.

For example: I have had people criticize my introversion saying I should "go out and party and have fun" when I don't think hanging out with a lot of people is any fun. I used to care but not anymore. As my mother used to say "eff them if they can't take a joke"
But why do we care? Isn't it the other person's problem if they don't accept us?

Any discussions are welcome.

From an evolutionary perspective our status within the group has a high degree of importance and dictates feeding and breeding rights, much in the same way that it does for all other social mammals.
Being socially accepted was evolutionary vital and risking becoming an outcast might well have been a potential death-sentence in our earlier history as a species, much in the same way that wolves that are cast out from their flock tend to do much worse for themselves than they would within a flock.
This means that we instinctively care what people around us think about us and not caring requires conscious effort or a stunting of those feelings, usually due to continued disappointment and/or abuse, which basically means having given up.
Ironically, signalling that you do not care what people think sends the signal that you are already on 'top' of the ladder and thus calls the shots, which is why we have a fascination with mavericks and rebels.

Chisti · Aug 3, 2012

ChristineES said:
Not for the first time, I was wondering why we care about whether someone accepts us or something about us or not- particularly those we don't know, don't like, etc.

Why should we worry that someone doesn't like us? There are always going to those who don't like us or something about us.

For example: I have had people criticize my introversion saying I should "go out and party and have fun" when I don't think hanging out with a lot of people is any fun. I used to care but not anymore. As my mother used to say "eff them if they can't take a joke"
But why do we care? Isn't it the other person's problem if they don't accept us?

Any discussions are welcome.

As someone said, it is all about competition. Besides, people are not original, they follow the crowd. Anyone who refuses to be part of the crowd is considered abnormal.

piratedad30 · Aug 3, 2012

It would be a wonderful place if there was no judgment against opinions, looks, beliefs,ect.. but its always going to be there in some form or another i agree some of it is competition, but i also think its peoples inner problems and insecurities that play a role as well, i try not judge or care what people think, but at some point for what ever reason i have the same worries and judgemental issues, like why is that person dressed that way, or what are my coworkers gonna think of my hair cut or what do everyday strangers think of me when i pass them in a store, i think its all part of being in the human race, sometimes beiing able to reason is no reason at all. LOL

confused453 · Aug 3, 2012

If somebody doesn't like me, I'd like to know the reason, and I'll take the critique, but I'll be the judge if I should change something about myself, or not. It really depends on the situation, I guess... Hope it makes sense

illykitty · Aug 3, 2012

I often wondered that myself, as I have issues with it. I try to not care though because then it just shows who are your friends and who aren't. Don't want pretend friends. I still have the problem of looking silly in front of others. I can't seem to relax in public and get embarrassed when my husband fools around.

I'd love to see the reasons and opinion of other people.

Me Myself · Aug 3, 2012

I say care if it makes you happy, if it doesn`t make you happy even indirectly, do not care.

Now WORRY I wouldn`t ever recomend.

YmirGF · Aug 3, 2012

ssainhu said:
Feeling "different" is hard for a lot of us.

The thing is, Ssainhu, once you realize that EVERYONE feels "different" it helps to put reality into perspective.

Quintessence · Aug 3, 2012

As others have already mentioned in a fashion, since humans are social animals, it's important. It's not the other person's problem if they don't like you. It's your problem too.

ChristineES · Aug 3, 2012

Quintessence said:
As others have already mentioned in a fashion, since humans are social animals, it's important. It's not the other person's problem if they don't like you. It's your problem too.

I think that may depend on the person. If someone you admire someone who doesn't like you, it would be your problem, too. But if the person who doesn't like is a total jerk or something, I wonder why that would bother any of us. It does- it seems to matter if anyone dislikes you.
You guys are giving some good reason for this.

Quintessence · Aug 3, 2012

"Jerks" still have social status and influence, by and large. Some folks aren't particularly discerning with where they get their information from. Doesn't matter what mouth it comes out of, they'll take the gossip and hearsay and spread it without thinking of the consequences.

waitasec · Aug 3, 2012

ChristineES said:
Not for the first time, I was wondering why we care about whether someone accepts us or something about us or not- particularly those we don't know, don't like, etc.

Why should we worry that someone doesn't like us? There are always going to those who don't like us or something about us.

For example: I have had people criticize my introversion saying I should "go out and party and have fun" when I don't think hanging out with a lot of people is any fun. I used to care but not anymore. As my mother used to say "eff them if they can't take a joke"
But why do we care? Isn't it the other person's problem if they don't accept us?

Any discussions are welcome.

because we think we are perfect the way we are and we also want others to accept us the way we are while we are telling others to change something about themselves the way we like it...

it's a controlling issue. no one is perfect.

BSM1 · Aug 3, 2012

[

quote=ChristineES;3021664]Not for the first time, I was wondering why we care about whether someone accepts us or something about us or not- particularly those we don't know, don't like, etc.

Why should we worry that someone doesn't like us? There are always going to those who don't like us or something about us.

For example: I have had people criticize my introversion saying I should "go out and party and have fun" when I don't think hanging out with a lot of people is any fun. I used to care but not anymore. As my mother used to say "eff them if they can't take a joke"
But why do we care? Isn't it the other person's problem if they don't accept us?

The trick is to be your own best friend, be the person you would want to be around, then it really can't matter what other people think. Unless, of course, your life revolves around the opinions of others, then be the person they want you to be. Problem solved.

beenie · Aug 3, 2012

YmirGF said:
The thing is, Ssainhu, once you realize that EVERYONE feels "different" it helps to put reality into perspective.

Very true.

Manss · Aug 6, 2012

Usually every group move in a particular path and its members are common in an opinion. Often they refuse a person who is not like them. I think the problem is this. In my opinion leaving such intolerant groups is better than persisting to join them.
A holy leader says : " Tending to a person who doesn't wish you is contempt "

Koldo · Aug 6, 2012

ChristineES said:
Not for the first time, I was wondering why we care about whether someone accepts us or something about us or not- particularly those we don't know, don't like, etc.

Why should we worry that someone doesn't like us? There are always going to those who don't like us or something about us.

For example: I have had people criticize my introversion saying I should "go out and party and have fun" when I don't think hanging out with a lot of people is any fun. I used to care but not anymore. As my mother used to say "eff them if they can't take a joke"
But why do we care? Isn't it the other person's problem if they don't accept us?

Any discussions are welcome.

Survival.
The more people like you the higher your chances to receive aid.
Therefore, it is only natural you would want people to like you.

I Wonder Why We Even Worry About...?

ChristineES

Tiggerism

Awoon

Well-Known Member

beenie

Veteran Member

jarofthoughts

Empirical Curmudgeon

Chisti

Active Member

piratedad30

New Member

confused453

Active Member

illykitty

RF's pet cat

Me Myself

Back to my username

YmirGF

Bodhisattva in Recovery

Quintessence

Consults with Trees

ChristineES

Tiggerism

Quintessence

Consults with Trees

waitasec

Veteran Member

BSM1

What? Me worry?

beenie

Veteran Member

Manss

Member

Koldo

Outstanding Member