This occured to me as a little kid, maybe aged 9 or 10. I was sitting in church, being told I was going to Hell because all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and all that sort of fun stuff.
The preacher was discussing how people who had never heard of God, such as African pigmies, would go to heaven cause they didn't know any better. But people who knew of God and died with a sin they had not asked forgiveness for, would go to Hell.
I immediately felt ripped off. These naked pigmies can run around doing whatever they want. They get to sleep in on Sunday mornings, they don't have to listen to this boring crap every Sunday morning, Sunday evening and Wednesday night, and they are guaranteed to get into heaven, while I sit here suffering through all this, only to probably slip and say a curse word as I am dying? Nice. I jump through these impossible hoops. Then I slip on my deathbed and go to Hell anyways.
I think that perhaps that was a turning point for me. It occured to me even at a young age, that there were some serious holes in this religion thing. It was our duty to go out and convert as many people as possible, but by doing so we are ensuring that they risk going to Hell. If they don't hear about the gospel, they get in for sure regardless of their activities, but if we tell them about the gospel, then they risk going to Hell if they don't live up to what amounted to me to be an impossible standard. How are we doing them any favors by spreading the word?
A light came on for me, and I have been desperately trying to put it out ever since. Problem is, the more I look into this stuff the more convinced I am that I was right when I had that epiphany at age 9 or 10. I wished from that day forward, that if the preacher was right, that I had never been exposed to this stuff, so I could go to heaven for sure.
I remember praying literally 2 or 3 times per hour asking forgiveness for any sins I might have committed without meaning to, fearing I might be struck down with an unforgiven sin on my heart. Then a couple years later, I hit puberty and had so many impure thoughts that it was quite impossible to begin to keep up with all my sins by praying. It was about that time that I came to the conclusion that I was probably going to Hell anyways cause I couldn't possibly expect to die while praying, so why bother at all?
Few years after that, while continuing my search I became convinced beyond any doubt that this whole religious thing was very subjective, and was not for me. If I am wrong, then I guess I am going to Hell. But seems to me, even if I did my best, I would probably go to Hell anyways, so why burden myself with this yoke, when all the evidence I can come up with is that the whole thing is a crock anyways?
So, that was a long way around the barn to say. . . yes, ignorance, in this respect would be bliss.
B.
