Why can we be sexually attracted to people that are not compatible with us?

It's bothered me for a long time that I can become infatuated with certain people that I would never associate with otherwise. My penis seems to operate entirely independently of whether or not the potential mate is compatible with me or not - the girl could be a Reagan-loving Christian Republican with a rural background (and she is), but all my biology seems to care about is her sexy body (she's also really nice every once in a while, but somehow I sense that this is a secondary concern, especially since her kindness is not consistent by a long shot).

Why? Wouldn't it make more sense evolutionarily if the brain/genitals were programmed to not bother attempting to form a bond with people one has no chance of reproducing with in the first place? Why can't I choose who I become sexually attracted to based on important things like whether or not they're sane, socialist, anti-theists, instead of how sexy their body is (seriously, almost everyone has a sexy body. You'd think I'd get used to it after a while...)?

no body says that you CANT. one just dont HAVE to believe that its ok

Biology!

T-Dawg said:

Why? Wouldn't it make more sense evolutionarily if the brain/genitals were programmed to not bother attempting to form a bond with people one has no chance of reproducing with in the first place?

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Form a bond? What? We're talking about sex here. No bonding is necessary!

I suspect that when it comes to selecting a mate the physical characteristics of a person are a good place to start as they reflect that persons fitness. Most people can quickly assess the relative attractiveness of a group of people and in doing so they are identifying those individuals who are potentially going to be good mates and those who aren't. The next important thing is a potential mates ability to raise young which is where mate selection decends into the murk of subjective opinion about what makes a good parent, at least from the perspective of a individual looking for a mate.

This is where you issues with politics and behaviour come into play. If someone comes across as a bit of an arse and/or holds political views which are massively different from your own then you're unlikely to view them as being fit to raise your children.

Fortunately I don't seem to have you problem of retaining a strong physical attraction to someone after I have found them to be emotionally or intellectual repulsive. If worse comes to worse then just imaging them having a poo and you'll find that they are no longer as sexually attractive as they once were.

T-Dawg said:

It's bothered me for a long time that I can become infatuated with certain people that I would never associate with otherwise. My penis seems to operate entirely independently of whether or not the potential mate is compatible with me or not - the girl could be a Reagan-loving Christian Republican with a rural background (and she is), but all my biology seems to care about is her sexy body (she's also really nice every once in a while, but somehow I sense that this is a secondary concern, especially since her kindness is not consistent by a long shot).

Why? Wouldn't it make more sense evolutionarily if the brain/genitals were programmed to not bother attempting to form a bond with people one has no chance of reproducing with in the first place? Why can't I choose who I become sexually attracted to based on important things like whether or not they're sane, socialist, anti-theists, instead of how sexy their body is (seriously, almost everyone has a sexy body. You'd think I'd get used to it after a while...)?

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Biology. In general, people are programmed to find attractive that which represents good traits for survival. Beauty and athleticism are signs of health, and therefore play a large role in attraction.

It might be different for men and women. I haven't really found myself attracted to people I don't like. I mean, I may find them handsome and hot, but have no real desire for them.

I think it might vary with age, too. In general, I was more prone to be attracted to women I was incompatible with when I was younger. Nowadays, not so much anymore.

I'm still attracted to these women even at my age. I just don't do anything about it.

Reverend Rick said:

I'm still attracted to these women even at my age. I just don't do anything about it.

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Well said. I was getting at that. Really, I was. You just said it better first.

Abuser said:

It all has to do with imperceptible signals that she gives of. They can be as simple and nebulous as pheromones to more complex and tangible ideas like "she's nothing like my parents." These signals all ensure that if you two decide to get it on, you'll have genetically healthier offspring.

:Edit:
The Internet Magazine Cracked has an article on just this subject. Link might be slightly not safe for work if you work with a bunch of Puritans.
6 Factors That Secretly Influence Who You Have Sex With | Cracked.com

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Omg. This has got to be one of the most useful links ever . It explains science in a way that I can actually understand and remember. Thank you .


I need to get some more red shirts...
And I need to keep track of when girls are ovulating... I've considered the idea that the girl's mood swings could be based on her menstrual cycle, but my friend has always forbidden me from keeping track of her cycle because it would be "creepy" or some other such nonsense. What do you think?

T-Dawg said:

And I need to keep track of when girls are ovulating... I've considered the idea that the girl's mood swings could be based on her menstrual cycle, but my friend has always forbidden me from keeping track of her cycle because it would be "creepy" or some other such nonsense. What do you think?

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:areyoucra

Abuser said:

After living with the Missus for almost two years, I can readily attest that there is what I like to call "The Cycle of Crazy."

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After 20+ years, I've learned men are capable of the same hormonal insanity. Believe it or not, I'm the stable one.

abuser said:

women are also habitual liars, as evidenced by this post.

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Heh...<insert big grinning smiley here>*

*My smilies stopped working for some odd reason.

Abuser said:

*gives side-hug*

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:hug:

you do not know yourself

you are delusional about what you like
this has been programmed

you are not who you think you are

thats one
two

genetics seek diversity

three

opposites attract
equals repel

T-Dawg said:

It's bothered me for a long time that I can become infatuated with certain people that I would never associate with otherwise. My penis seems to operate entirely independently of whether or not the potential mate is compatible with me or not - the girl could be a Reagan-loving Christian Republican with a rural background (and she is), but all my biology seems to care about is her sexy body (she's also really nice every once in a while, but somehow I sense that this is a secondary concern, especially since her kindness is not consistent by a long shot).

Why? Wouldn't it make more sense evolutionarily if the brain/genitals were programmed to not bother attempting to form a bond with people one has no chance of reproducing with in the first place? Why can't I choose who I become sexually attracted to based on important things like whether or not they're sane, socialist, anti-theists, instead of how sexy their body is (seriously, almost everyone has a sexy body. You'd think I'd get used to it after a while...)?

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Love conquerors all, who cares if you go voting for different candidates in the next election?

niceguy said:

Love conquerors all, who cares if you go voting for different candidates in the next election?

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That would be nice, eh?

Unfortunately, the 2008 election nearly started WWIII in my family and my marriage.

niceguy said:

Love conquerors all, who cares if you go voting for different candidates in the next election?

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Not only is this statement false, it is also kind of irrelevant since the girl doesn't like me back anyway (that's kind of the bigger issue, to be honest). Emotions should never surpass cold logic, even if the emotions come with orgasms.

Dawg, your going to find that you are attracted to many women that are not right for you. As you grow older you will be often tested by other women when you are in a relationship.

We can't help who we are attracted to. We can control what we do about it however. In many cases, it does not make any difference because like you said, it really was never an option for us to begin with.

Look at this as a blessing. Do you really want to be with the wrong person? Well, that is a yes and no situation, but you get my point.

Most penises and vaginas are compatible.

Reverend Rick said:

Dawg, your going to find that you are attracted to many women that are not right for you. As you grow older you will be often tested by other women when you are in a relationship.

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I'm going to be in a relationship when I'm older?

We can't help who we are attracted to. We can control what we do about it however. In many cases, it does not make any difference because like you said, it really was never an option for us to begin with.

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Why are most people able to help who they're attracted to then? Controlling what I do isn't enough for women. They want me to not feel anything on the inside either.

Look at this as a blessing. Do you really want to be with the wrong person? Well, that is a yes and no situation, but you get my point.

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I'm beginning to think that there isn't a right person .

Kilgore Trout said:

Most penises and vaginas are compatible.

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Yes, but sometimes the things they're attached to can be kind of problematic. If only the world was so simple...