Why the sexual double standard?

With all these threads involving sex and such here recently I thought I'd pose a question that has always bothered me. Why the double standard when it comes to men and women's sex lives? Why does society find it acceptable that a man can sleep with a certain amount of women and yet if a woman sleeps with the same number she is called crude names? If a man has sex with several women in any amount of time then he is "the man" and if a woman does then she is, and pardon my language, a "****". You can say that you don't see it this way, and I don't either, but it is unfortunately a common thought in society. Where does this thinking come from?

Draka....I love you like a sister..lol. But, that is just how it is, hehe. It's just how it has always been looked at. It's not a double-standard, it's just the standard in general. I don't have any explanation to rectify it, except that, society has always expected the women to be just more modest and respectable than men.

Stormygale said:

Draka....I love you like a sister..lol. But, that is just how it is, hehe. It's just how it has always been looked at. It's not a double-standard, it's just the standard in general. I don't have any explanation to rectify it, except that, society has always expected the women to be just more modest and respectable than men.

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But then why isn't there the thought that these men must be sleeping with someone to put the notches in their bedposts? So a man is a man by making a woman a "****"?

Men are not making the woman a ****. She is the one letting him sleep with her. It's not all on the man. I think this is a double-standard coming to the surface, too. It takes two. The man is not defiling or 'making' anything, Drak. She has just enough right and self-respect to get up and don't submit as he does wanting and pressuring her to do so.

Stormygale said:

Men are not making the woman a ****. She is the one letting him sleep with her. It's not all on the man. I think this is a double-standard coming to the surface, too. It takes two. The man is not defiling or 'making' anything, Drak. She has just enough right and self-respect to get up and don't submit as he does wanting and pressuring her to do so.

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Okay, I understand that it takes 2 dear. What I am simply saying is that while a man enhances his reputation with one act and woman is supposedly demeaning hers with the same act. How is that right?

The whole demeaning thing is based on the people you are in contact with. Not everyone sees it that way. At least not in the circle of friends and acquaints I hang out with..

Well , I believe that things are changing in that regard Draka . Say what you want , but birth control has given women just about as much freedom as us irresponsible males . But I too have always gotten a kick out of the double standarts . Yea , I am often amused by the silly human species . For excample , I once was walking into a bar with a guy and we meet another guy that we both knew . After talking for a sec , and then going our seperate ways , the first guy turns to me and says that the other guy had an attractive wife , and that he cheats on her . He wondered if she cheated too ? I just smiled and asked if he figured that his wife cheaped too .... almost ended in a fight . lol

And that there was the time when a guy said that you should never trust a man who wouldn't cheat on his wife , and I said that it seemed strange to only trust someone who's family couldn't trust them .... Where do people get these ideas ?

You are asking why? In my opinion, this is yet another social standard that has no basis in rationality or logic at least on a concious level.

However, if it becomes elementary when thinking about how the genders view sex. Guys are generally much more open to it so are far more likely to pat each other on the back when they do it. You rarely see a girl telling a guy that he is a player. It is solely within the realms of the generously testosterone endowed.

Okay, I understand that it takes 2 dear. What I am simply saying is that while a man enhances his reputation with one act and woman is supposedly demeaning hers with the same act. How is that right?

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It's not right...it's just the way things are.

Draka said:

With all these threads involving sex and such here recently I thought I'd pose a question that has always bothered me. Why the double standard when it comes to men and women's sex lives? Why does society find it acceptable that a man can sleep with a certain amount of women and yet if a woman sleeps with the same number she is called crude names? If a man has sex with several women in any amount of time then he is "the man" and if a woman does then she is, and pardon my language, a "****". You can say that you don't see it this way, and I don't either, but it is unfortunately a common thought in society. Where does this thinking come from?

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Why the double standard when it comes to men and women's sex lives?

I did'nt know there was one.

As far as I am concerned, and I know I speak on behalf of many men, there is no double standard.

The only time this occurs is when men, who wish to impress, and need an ego-boost boast of conquests that are purely fictional.

As far as I am aware, there is very little difference between a man who 'sleeps around' and a woman who does the same. Where does this come from ?

Perhaps the historically accepted view that women were far more conscious of the emotional side of sex, whereas men were the instigators of the physical aspect. Therefore a woman who showed herself to be interested in the physical aspect was seen as 'wanton'. Old culture.............

Stormygale said:

Men are not making the woman a ****. She is the one letting him sleep with her. It's not all on the man. I think this is a double-standard coming to the surface, too. It takes two. The man is not defiling or 'making' anything, Drak. She has just enough right and self-respect to get up and don't submit as he does wanting and pressuring her to do so.

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And it's her "fault" for tempting him, right?

Drak has a point - it's understood that the guy in this scenario is "just being a guy" but the woman who "lets him sleep with her" is immoral. It's implied that it's entirely up to her to walk away.

I know the standard exsists Draka...but there are by male standards-the ones they would sleep around with and then there are the ones they would marry. Guys(some...not all) don't see the harm in sleeping around to boost their false masculinity (they don't want to seem insufficient when they finally do marry)...women however don't HAVE to allow themselves to be the prize in this male game...Purity of ones self has to come ito play in the whole thing as well. Men couldn't do it to we gals if we just said NO! It all has to do with selfesteem...do you really want to be popular in THAT way??? They say men are the first to cheat in a relationship...unless they are cheating on a woman with another man there is always some woman who doesn't care if she cheapens herself by thinking she's scored this married or commited man...there are women out there who will only sleep around with a married man (she's afraid of commitment herself). If women taught their young gals to have a better opinion of themselves it would be harder for guys to put that extra notch in their bedpost. The weaker sex(as the term seems to be ruled by MEN) don't realize when they allow themselves to be USED they are actually acting as the weaker sex. We women must take a stand for our own sakes and if we did there would be no room for any double standard. You can't expect things to just up and change without a little work on the part of the women...behind a good man you always find a good woman! Our little boys should also be taught to have more respect for girls. If what they see says it's ok then they grow up thinking this is ok....it's been a mans world for so long that these standards seem to have taken hold and it's time due to STD's to act more responsible on both sexes part. It really all comes down to respect for ones self and for one another. Now it's coming down to life or death.


There will always be this double standard as long as women allow it because in the long run we are the ones who rule...LOL

Fromthe heart; "There will always be this double standard as long as women allow it because in the long run we are the ones who rule...LOL"

Actually, I think that is probably true! I know two or three women (My wife included) who can mannage to make men feel as if they are in charge - but when it comes down to it.................:jiggy:

I agree , FTH made some very good points .

But tell me Michel , as we are about the same age , are you sometimes amused by these " games " we play ? Or is it just me ? I know that I can be a strange bird at times .

Male dominated societies flaunt thier sexuality and supress womens sexuality.
It is a way of keeping women 'in thier place'... sex like it or not is a big part of how we view ourselves... supressing that vital part of womens lives makes them lesser than men and forces them into a more submissive role.
If a woman knows she will be labeled a whore by sleeping with many men then there is a subconscious reign on her behavior... a social boundry that will keep her repressed and looking to the aproval of men to make her sexuality "OK" by thier standards.
Men on the other hand have the opposite problem...if they arn't promiscuous then there is something "wrong" with them... they are not as manly as they should be.

wa:do

Agreed PW . But just what " society " are you refering too ?

When I was in jr. high , a father throw his daughter out of the house with nothing but the cloths she was wearing at the time . Just because she was pregnant . { early sixties } . That still happens . But there are also parents who are giving their teenage daughter's birth control pills , at ages as low as 14 or perhaps lower .

And even back in the 50s and 60s , girls talked too . Not as loud as the guys , but they talked .

Okay, here is another reason I wonder about this. I have tried several relationships in my life and not all worked out. It seemed that on a few occasions that once I was dating a guy for a while and we got to that point of being physical that once they "scored" they achieved this goal and it was over. Like I was just a conquest.

Anyway, my soon to be ex-husband and I were arguing and he threw into my face that I was a "****" because I had been with so many men in my life (mind you it hasn't been all that many) even though he has been with far many more women in his life (the man is an ex-Chippendale...figure it out yourself). The thing is that it did not bother me how many he had been with in the past, it was the past and we all make mistakes and bad choices. But when push comes to shove and he wants to make me feel bad he insinuates that I, being a woman, am wrong for the relationships I have had in the past that got physical before him.

Also, if you go to a bar and you see men coming on to women or hear men talking of their conquests then that is veiwed as pretty much normal. However if a woman is coming on to a man then she is a harlot or what-like.

Whatever "reason" for this attitude it is still messed up.

Because society is messed up and that's why you can't pay attention to it. Just do the best you can and don't be a **** whether you're a guy or girl. Not every woman thinks a guy who sleeps around is a stud. Women like me happen to think it's gross. My husband was a virgin. In fact I was the first person he ever kissed!

johnnys4life said:

Because society is messed up and that's why you can't pay attention to it. Just do the best you can and don't be a **** whether you're a guy or girl. Not every woman thinks a guy who sleeps around is a stud. Women like me happen to think it's gross. My husband was a virgin. In fact I was the first person he ever kissed!

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God bless you both, Karen.

This topic brings to light many of the reasons I support people living a chaste life.... there would be no "double standard" if society viewed sex as something more than recreational.

I like to think that both parts of the double standard have got it wrong. There is nothing inherently wrong with being a **** and there is nothing inherently praise worthy in being a stud. The fact that each has been labelled to a gender is unfortunate and confuses the issue but both are equally wrong.

Have as much or as little sex as you want. As long as you are always thinking about the others it effects, including any potential children, then go for it. I will certainly not look down on you. It just isn't for me.