Promiscuity

Promiscuity is only a problem if it is a symptom of, or reaction to, some type of psychological/emotional damage. If you're a healthy person, with a healthy self-image, and are smart about minimizing risk, then being promiscuous is not problematic.

MysticSang'ha said:

You know, there are PLENTY of married/monogamous couples who don't invest any TLC into their intimate life. As I stated before, monogamy by no means corners the market on sexual ethics. A marriage can still produce unwanted pregnancies, neglect, and all kinds of drama.

It's why I contend that multiple partners isn't the root cause of sexual turmoil....fear and ignorance are what creates the nasties. You get an uneducated person who is fearful of his/her own sexuality (and hence does not know where to put boundaries) AND who is ignorant and afraid to communicate effectively in an intimate setting and voilà...we have liftoff to Planet Drama!

So yes, by all means, I agree that being careless is planting the seeds for disaster in sex, but promiscuity does not have a causal relationship with harm. and monogamy is not the universal solution....a solid education, consistent contemplation and self-reflection, and communication skills are paramount in lowering risk.

Those are individual pursuits, not relationship prescriptions.

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You gotta admit - the more exposure, the more risk. That's what I'm saying.

If one relationship with one person carries risks - then in multiple relationships with multiple people, the risk multiplies.

Leave the morality out of it - It's just simple math.

Kathryn said:

You gotta admit - the more exposure, the more risk. That's what I'm saying.

If one relationship with one person carries risks - then in multiple relationships with multiple people, the risk multiplies.

Leave the morality out of it - It's just simple math.

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We might just have to agree to disagree, Kathryn. I see the math being the same regardless of a messed-up poor schmuck being in a single relationship or with multiple partners. Why do I see it the same? Because the impact nevertheless comes back and bites that same poor schmuck in the behind. One dysfunctional mind still produces one hell of a life.

I will give you that the hell LOOKS different, though, in comparison.

I think promiscuity can be okay, provided a person is responsible and disciplined. I will state this, the dharma says not to be overly promiscious. I don't care if people are, it's not my business. My own self is my business.

Yeah BUT - one stupid schmuck in one bad relationship is limited damage. One stupid schmuck running around messing up multiple relationships is more extensive damage.

In other words - if a drunk driver only drives down his driveway and runs into his own mailbox and then stops - that's damage limited to his own life and his one partner's life.

Put the same guy behind the wheel on 635 in Dallas about,say 4 pm - and you've got damage to a lot of people. Get TWO drunks in the same lane at the same time and no telling HOW many people are going to get hurt!

The more partners - the more people (other relationships, children, etc) are involved, and the more potential for damage - especially when you don't know the people you're sleeping with all that well.

Kathryn said:

You gotta admit - the more exposure, the more risk. That's what I'm saying.

If one relationship with one person carries risks - then in multiple relationships with multiple people, the risk multiplies.

Leave the morality out of it - It's just simple math.

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I disagree with you here. The majority of sexually liberal people I know are way more responsible, cautious and better informed about the risks of sex than the folks who only have sex in what they believe to be a monogamous relationship. IME, folks in relationships have a tendency to assume that their partner is "safe" and can become careless about birth control and disease prevention. But people cheat sometimes. Also, your partner could have a problem from a previous relationship that you don't know about. Getting tested at the start of a relationship won't prevent the risk, because the tests for certain STDs like herpes and venereal warts that can persist asymptomatically for life are notoriously unreliable. So, while there is added risk with every additional partner, it is usually mitigated by the increased caution people who engage in that kind of behavior display.

You guys are talking like every promiscuous person is the same. But the truth is some are more adept, or smart, or skilled at promiscuity than others.

I know they're not all the same. Some are responsible and moderate, some are ultra-promiscious, and would like to sleep with a different person every night.

Sunstone said:

You guys are talking like every promiscuous person is the same. But the truth is some are more adept, or smart, or skilled at promiscuity than others.

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Now now, I'm talking like the promiscuous people I know are the same. And they are, pretty much, when it comes to boundaries, precautions and integrity. I don't know a lot of completely disgusting skanks, apart from my ex.

Alceste said:

I don't know a lot of completely disgusting skanks...

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Only because you have yet to visit me.

Alceste said:

I don't know a lot of completely disgusting skanks, apart from my ex.

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Did you know he was a completely disgusting skank when you slept with him?

Sunstone said:

But the truth is some are more adept, or smart, or skilled at promiscuity than others.

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HA! Gotta luv it!

I'm gonna change my title to "promiscuity adept"

ha ha ha

And yeah, I was what I would say, definitely more conscious of disease and pregnancy than my friends in high school. I was the most promiscuous and now I am the only one out of my entire group without surprise children. I have no diseases... (I have been checked), and hey hey... there was never any cuddle buddy drama. One dude who was super hot but no fun doesn't count cause I just cut him off. There wasn't time for drama. lol.

Kathryn said:

Did you know he was a completely disgusting skank when you slept with him?

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He had been a good friend for almost a decade before we became romantic. I knew he'd cheated on a previous girlfriend but I thought I had got around that by offering him the option of an open relationship (assuming it was only about a lack of sexual self-control), which he turned down. I didn't discover what a completely disgusting skank he was until we'd been together for four years (monogamously on my part) and engaged for two, and most of it only came out after I kicked his *** to the curb. He was a touring comedian who cheated on me every time my back was turned - sometimes with prostitutes and on at least one occasion a strange man who picked him up in an Indonesian bar.

Thank god I made him wear a condom for all those years, eh? There's no telling what could have happened.

The idea of an open relationship seems very odd to me - and risky in and of itself, regardless of the level of disclosure between the two participants.

Sorry, but I just can't see how having sex with someone who's having sex with other people is emotionally fulfilling, safe, or desirable. But...to each his own.

UnTheist said:

ok i hope there haven't been any recent threads on promiscuity, but i've been thinking about it for a while.

im assuming the majority of you here believe in sexual exclusivity, that having sexual relations with one specific person for life is the ideal setting. i have heard the arguments that promiscuity is wrong because it is irresponsibly indulging in your desires, and that it leads to treating women like objects rather than people.

my view is that monogamy is unnecessary and is often taught to women as the way she is suppose to live her sex life. sexual monogamy is a way to have women ignore their instincts and those instincts are often condemned as perverse without any justifcation.

so, i would like to know, what are your arguments for sexual monogamy, or against promiscuity?

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UnTheist,
You can rationalize, even palliate, which means to try to lessen the ERORMITY of a sin. Today people do not even consider what sin is and what it means for each individual, if he continues in a pattern of sinful conduct, Ron 6:23. Notice that God's word, the Bible says that The wages sin pays is death. This is saying that if you sin you are PAID with death, and in the time we are now living in this could actually mean everlasting death, in the Lake of Fire, Rev 20:14,15.
True Christians who have dedicated their lives to obeying God's word, have Jesus ransom sacrifice to protect them, and are not charged with their sin if they sincerely are repentent and try not to repeat that sin, but a person who knows the truth about something that displeases God, and continues practicing this sin, has NO SACRIFICE that pertains to him, remaining. In other words, Jesus did not die for that person, 1John 1:10, 2:1-6, Titus 1:16, Heb 10:26,27, 1Cor 6:9,10, Rom 1:24-32.
People who believe that they can live any lifestyle the want to and not be held responsible are fooling themselves, James 1:22. The Grand Creator of Heaven, earth and all that is in them has the right to require everyone to conform to certain standards of conduct. All who disobey that standard will be removed from earth, because God's purpose is to have this earth be a paradise. That cannot happen if there are people who do not care about others, and do not love God and His son enough to obey them, Acts 17:31,Rom 3:5,6, 2Pet 3:7,9,10, Luke 23:43, Rev 21:3-5.

Phew, some random bible verses to set us strait.

Sunstone said:

You guys are talking like every promiscuous person is the same. But the truth is some are more adept, or smart, or skilled at promiscuity than others.

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No I'm not.

It isn't the structure of the relationship that builds security and sanity. It's the people involved. So basically I'm agreeing with your last sentence.

Kathryn said:

The idea of an open relationship seems very odd to me - and risky in and of itself, regardless of the level of disclosure between the two participants.

Sorry, but I just can't see how having sex with someone who's having sex with other people is emotionally fulfilling, safe, or desirable. But...to each his own.

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Well, all-righty then.

I can't see how limiting loving, romantic, and beautiful relationship choices to just one gender is at all fulfilling, but to each his own.

Kathryn said:

The idea of an open relationship seems very odd to me - and risky in and of itself, regardless of the level of disclosure between the two participants.

Sorry, but I just can't see how having sex with someone who's having sex with other people is emotionally fulfilling, safe, or desirable. But...to each his own.

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Maybe that's because it would not be fulfilling for you. Different people have different emotional needs.

jtartar said:

UnTheist,
You can rationalize, even palliate, which means to try to lessen the ERORMITY of a sin.

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lol.

jtartar said:

Today people do not even consider what sin is and what it means for each individual

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People consider what is immoral every day, so....the difference is many don't take into consideration your stupid vacuous morals, and thank GOD for that!

jtartar said:

if he continues in a pattern of sinful conduct, Ron 6:23. Notice that God's word, the Bible says that The wages sin pays is death. This is saying that if you sin you are PAID with death, and in the time we are now living in this could actually mean everlasting death, in the Lake of Fire, Rev 20:14,15.
True Christians who have dedicated their lives to obeying God's word, have Jesus ransom sacrifice to protect them, and are not charged with their sin if they sincerely are repentent and try not to repeat that sin, but a person who knows the truth about something that displeases God, and continues practicing this sin, has NO SACRIFICE that pertains to him, remaining. In other words, Jesus did not die for that person, 1John 1:10, 2:1-6, Titus 1:16, Heb 10:26,27, 1Cor 6:9,10, Rom 1:24-32.
People who believe that they can live any lifestyle the want to and not be held responsible are fooling themselves, James 1:22. The Grand Creator of Heaven, earth and all that is in them has the right to require everyone to conform to certain standards of conduct. All who disobey that standard will be removed from earth, because God's purpose is to have this earth be a paradise. That cannot happen if there are people who do not care about others, and do not love God and His son enough to obey them, Acts 17:31,Rom 3:5,6, 2Pet 3:7,9,10, Luke 23:43, Rev 21:3-5.

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what do you think a debate is? get out