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Promiscuity

UnTheist

Well-Known Member
ok i hope there haven't been any recent threads on promiscuity, but i've been thinking about it for a while.

im assuming the majority of you here believe in sexual exclusivity, that having sexual relations with one specific person for life is the ideal setting. i have heard the arguments that promiscuity is wrong because it is irresponsibly indulging in your desires, and that it leads to treating women like objects rather than people.

my view is that monogamy is unnecessary and is often taught to women as the way she is suppose to live her sex life. sexual monogamy is a way to have women ignore their instincts and those instincts are often condemned as perverse without any justifcation.

so, i would like to know, what are your arguments for sexual monogamy, or against promiscuity?
 

Father Heathen

Veteran Member
Polyamory doesn't necessarily equal promiscuity.

However, I think that not being very selective when it comes to sexual partners displays both a lack of responsibility and a lack of self-respect.
 

UnTheist

Well-Known Member

Vasilisa Jade

Formerly Saint Tigeress
im assuming the majority of you here believe in sexual exclusivity, that having sexual relations with one specific person for life is the ideal setting.

Not I! lol. I am only exclusive when I am in a relationship.

i have heard the arguments that promiscuity is wrong because it is irresponsibly indulging in your desires,
I think putting McDonalds in your body is more indulgent and damaging...

which I am very rarely guilty of as well...

and that it leads to treating women like objects rather than people.

This totally depends of the two people and the situation.

my view is that monogamy is unnecessary and is often taught to women as the way she is suppose to live her sex life. sexual monogamy is a way to have women ignore their instincts and those instincts are often condemned as perverse without any justifcation.

Agreed

so, i would like to know, what are your arguments for sexual monogamy, or against promiscuity?

Polyamory doesn't necessarily equal promiscuity.

Yep.

However, I think that not being very selective when it comes to sexual partners displays both a lack of responsibility and a lack of self-respect.

and yep.

Argument for promiscuity: It is is double edged sword. You have to be promiscuous in moderation or you end up like Father Heathen said, with lack of responsibility and self-respect. I enjoy promiscuity while single because well, I am honest and up front about how I feel about everything so, everyones expectations are set from the get-go, I like attention, it's fun and it keeps me in a healthy position of control. I say healthy because no one is harmed or manipulated. I also give myself boundaries. It is very liberating.

While in a relationship, I am exclusive first. My bf knows how much I love him. I have no emotional attraction to anyone else. Here and there I see someone and I think I would love to tackle them just out of sheer curiosity, but that is nothing special, and my bf knows. He gets the same idea about other girls I'm sure. I told him that if he ever cheats on me he will be breaking our exclusivity agreement, and while I would not break it off or even get too angry, we would not be exclusive anymore for a while. He knows that if we get that "itch" and he has the desire to bang someone else just cause he wants to adventure, to talk to me about it and I can work with it. Going behind each others backs is a no-no. If you are going to do something make me a part of it. But see... we are like best friends, maybe that's why we can do that.

Argument against promiscuity: If you are not responsible you have: kids, diseases, crazy people, bad reputations, drama, overblown egos, and all kinds of other pit falls. In relationships it brings about jealousy and insecurities. It is extremely rare to get two people together who can handle it in a healthy way. It is an enormous risk when in a relationship. You have to really be confident in yourself and your partner, and be able to handle yourself if let down a little.

All in all I would recommend it to anyone once. It goes down best with a shopping spree and a spa visit on a lonely day. lol. Don't take more than one a day and you can only choose two of the pills available to take at once. If you feel any side effects other than fun, stop immediately and consult your best friend.
:D
 

Vasilisa Jade

Formerly Saint Tigeress
why must it be a responsibility, though?
Well, you are responsible for setting your cuddle-buddies expectations. You are responsible for protecting yourself from pregnancy and disease. You are responsible for maintaining your general safety. You are responsible for not sleeping with friends and then their friend and then a friend of that friend and their brother and sister. That is all careless.

who should decide for themselves what is relevant self-respect? what's self-disrespectful about it?

They should decide what is disrespectful, but I think multiple unwanted children, diseases and the other stuff blatantly shows a lack of care, and when you don't care about your body and yourself you disrespect yourself.
 

Father Heathen

Veteran Member
why must it be a responsibility, though?
Due to the risk and the potential and undesirable consequences; physical, emotional and social.

who should decide for themselves what is relevant self-respect? what's self-disrespectful about it?
You don't understand how allowing easy access to your own body might be a sign of self-esteem issues?
 

Alceste

Vagabond
I don't think you need to have one or the other. I can be pretty promiscuous when I'm not in a monogamous relationship. Both have their perks and drawbacks. I enjoy having the freedom to do whatever I want when I'm single but there are obviously risks involved with casual sex that are always niggling at the back of my mind. I enjoy the intimacy and security of a monogamous relationship but sometimes it is tiring to have to consider my partner's wants and needs before I make any significant decisions.

I think the myth that monogamy is the only virtuous way to express your sexuality is unfair and repressive to men and women, but especially to women because they seem more inclined to believe it and try to live up to it. I think it is pretty natural for young people to play around quite a bit before they settle down. It was fun for me in my late teens and twenties, but the novelty was starting to wear off by 30. When I met Wampus I was tired of it and ready to devote my energy to something else.

The main thing is, I really like people. I can get a devastating crush at the drop of a hat, mostly on men but sometimes on women. If I were going to try to stop myself from indulging in a bit of hanky panky with someone who makes my knees wobble I need a damn good reason. When I'm single, I don't have one.
 

UnTheist

Well-Known Member
Well, you are responsible for setting your cuddle-buddies expectations. You are responsible for protecting yourself from pregnancy and disease. You are responsible for maintaining your general safety. You are responsible for not sleeping with friends and then their friend and then a friend of that friend and their brother and sister. That is all careless.
Agreed, i misinterpreted his post.
 

Kerr

Well-Known Member
ok i hope there haven't been any recent threads on promiscuity, but i've been thinking about it for a while.

im assuming the majority of you here believe in sexual exclusivity, that having sexual relations with one specific person for life is the ideal setting. i have heard the arguments that promiscuity is wrong because it is irresponsibly indulging in your desires, and that it leads to treating women like objects rather than people.

my view is that monogamy is unnecessary and is often taught to women as the way she is suppose to live her sex life. sexual monogamy is a way to have women ignore their instincts and those instincts are often condemned as perverse without any justifcation.

so, i would like to know, what are your arguments for sexual monogamy, or against promiscuity?
There is a difference between promiscuity and not living in a monogamic relationship, you know :p. Personally Iam drawn towards monogamy just because it is how I work. I just want to be with someone special. I know I could not handle living in a non-monogamy relationship, I would get jealous and hurt and so on. We are all individuals so there is no one-model-fits-all, I guess that is what I am saying :shrug:.

On the other hand I do believe it is important to be careful and responsible when it comes to sexuality, which in my own assessment is common sense, since, I don´t know, sexuality as I see it is still a rather intimate act and can cause... complications... if handled without care or irresponsibly. In my assessment, at last, I am to be honest not very experiences. And if not following that works for someone then I guess that is all that matters.
 
ok i hope there haven't been any recent threads on promiscuity, but i've been thinking about it for a while.

im assuming the majority of you here believe in sexual exclusivity, that having sexual relations with one specific person for life is the ideal setting. i have heard the arguments that promiscuity is wrong because it is irresponsibly indulging in your desires, and that it leads to treating women like objects rather than people.

What do you mean by indulging in your desires?

I believe that having respect for yourself and your potential partner is a responsible thing to do and if that means not being promiscuous then so be it.

my view is that monogamy is unnecessary and is often taught to women as the way she is suppose to live her sex life. sexual monogamy is a way to have women ignore their instincts and those instincts are often condemned as perverse without any justifcation.

So men aren't taught to be monogamous and monogamy is just a way of suppressing women?

so, i would like to know, what are your arguments for sexual monogamy, or against promiscuity?

Respect for my current partner and the desire not to give or receive STD's by being descriminitory about who is my partner and taking time to get to know them before hopping into bed for the sake of relieving my sexual tensions.
 

Father Heathen

Veteran Member
I don't know why, but I find the idea of jumping into bed with complete strangers on a whim a little disturbing. It gives the impression that a person is "easy".
 

Walkntune

Well-Known Member
I believe having sex is not at all the same as making love. To love someone is to completely give of yourself and sex is just taking from someone. This is why humans marry when they fall in love and completely give of themselves even their life.(true love anyway)
I believe everyone you sleep with you eventually take to the marriage bed. A person can only be loved as much as they are willing to bare their soul! Any skeletons in the closet is a part of you that the other can't love.Also you can admit in the mind but still be in denial in the heart or soul so its only as much of your soul you bare that you can be loved.
Usually when you find true love it will bring conviction and confession.
 

Moonstone

inactive
There is a difference between promiscuity and not living in a monogamic relationship, you know :p. Personally Iam drawn towards monogamy just because it is how I work. I just want to be with someone special. I know I could not handle living in a non-monogamy relationship, I would get jealous and hurt and so on. We are all individuals so there is no one-model-fits-all, I guess that is what I am saying :shrug:.

This is how I feel about it too.
 

Evee

Member
my view is that monogamy is unnecessary and is often taught to women as the way she is suppose to live her sex life. sexual monogamy is a way to have women ignore their instincts and those instincts are often condemned as perverse without any justifcation.

What interests me is that you assume that all people have a natural instinct to have sex with multiple partners. You see the doctrine of monogamy as damaging to women--a kind of oppression. I wonder how many men (specifically teenagers and young men) are interested in sexual monogamy but feel pressure to have multiple partners. After all, "free love" has died down a bit since the 60s, but our cultural sexual permissiveness hasn't, much.

My argument against promiscuity is a spiritual one (surprise, surprise!). It's completely true that we have natural, healthy desires to have sex. But I also think it's true that our souls have a natural, healthy desire to find a partner (possibly more--I don't know much about polyamory) with whom to let fall all our walls, all our divisions. For our bodies, sex just feels good. That's awesome. Feeling good rocks. I think we should do things that feel good. It's kind of a no-brainer. But sex also has the potential to by mind-blowing, spiritually, I mean. That connection, that closeness...that's tough to come by outside sex. So if you're just hooking up with some guy/gal, I mean, you might as well just be masturbating. If the sex isn't meaningful emotionally, I think it's inescapably degrading. It's using a body for self-satisfaction, and even if it's mutual self-satisfaction, it DEGRADES both the experience of sex AND the status of the partner(s) to a purely physical one. It just ignores the fact that there's more to us than our bodies and our bodies' desires.
That's why promiscuity isn't ideal. It's not the end of the world, but it doesn't fulfill the potential.
 

Father Heathen

Veteran Member
If the sex isn't meaningful emotionally, I think it's inescapably degrading. It's using a body for self-satisfaction, and even if it's mutual self-satisfaction, it DEGRADES both the experience of sex AND the status of the partner(s) to a purely physical one. It just ignores the fact that there's more to us than our bodies and our bodies' desires.

I think I agree with this.
 

JMorris

Democratic Socialist
Originally Posted by Kerr
There is a difference between promiscuity and not living in a monogamic relationship, you know :p. Personally Iam drawn towards monogamy just because it is how I work. I just want to be with someone special. I know I could not handle living in a non-monogamy relationship, I would get jealous and hurt and so on. We are all individuals so there is no one-model-fits-all, I guess that is what I am saying :shrug:.
This is how I feel about it too.

Originally Posted by Evee
If the sex isn't meaningful emotionally, I think it's inescapably degrading. It's using a body for self-satisfaction, and even if it's mutual self-satisfaction, it DEGRADES both the experience of sex AND the status of the partner(s) to a purely physical one. It just ignores the fact that there's more to us than our bodies and our bodies' desires.
I think I agree with this.

ditto. the only caveat being that i really dont care what anyone else does.
 

Father Heathen

Veteran Member
ditto. the only caveat being that i really dont care what anyone else does.

Right. It's their life, their body, their choice. I'm all for personal freedom, and personal responsibility. however I do find it hard to respect people if they don't respect themselves.
 

JMorris

Democratic Socialist
Right. It's their life, their body, their choice. I'm all for personal freedom, and personal responsibility. however I do find it hard to respect people if they don't respect themselves.

agreed. tho many wouldnt see it that way. but thats why we have herpes.
 
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