What would you do if you found your lover cheating on you?

It's a difficult one isn't it?
I would probably want to make the person eat glass, but would probably settle for throwing them out.

If they truly love you they don't cheat on you.
if they do cheat you don't have a relationship of trust and love.
The problem comes if you are married with children as the children will have a permanent relationship with both of you.
Either way love will wither and what ever you do will seem wrong to someone.
The questions are.
can the relationship be saved?
Is it still worth saving?
should it be ended?
how can it be ended with the least heart.

Terry
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Amen! Truly I say to you: Gather in my name. I am with you.

If that happened i would end it right there...no passing Go no collecting $200:149:

There was a time when I had no doubt that I'd kick their tail to the curb. Now....I don't know. While it can be devastating to find out your significant other (SO) cheated on you, I don't think it's that easy to stop loving someone. I guess a lot would depend on the situation, how often it happened, etc. It also depends on whether I still have children at home and whether I can continue to live in the same household, until the hurt lessens and I can think clearly, without making life miserable for all of us...particularly the children.

Egad....I have mellowed in my old age. :areyoucra

Ben there, done that. The first time a guy cheated on me, I freaked out and went nutty on them. I caught them actually in bed together. My husband and a waitress. It took every ounce of my being to not slash there tires, and want to run them off the road when I saw either of their vehicles. And I looked like an idiot. I was called 'psycho female'. I think LimpBiskit wrote a song about me. Blowin' up the phone lines. I ended up leaving the state. That's how I got transplanted to Florida.

The next time it happened was my second husband. I remained calm this time. Just sort of held my breath until it all passed. Of course, the second time, I had a child, which means I still have to deal with Danny in a very adult and civilized way, for our son.

Becaues of my ordeals, I have learned that infidelity happens for a reason. Our men lie to us for a reason. How can they be honest if we are going to fly off the handle at everything they say. That leaves them feeling unsafe in their relationship, and looking elsewhere.

I am not saying it's all the woman's fault. But I had to face the reality that I had indeed played a part in my husbands decision to wander. Hindsight being 20/20, I know there are a hundred little, no effort required things I could have done differently that would have made my husbands never tire of me, or want someone else. But I had to learn the hard way. I am now very good friends with all my ex's, we learned from each other, we are who we are because of each other. I never wanted to loose any of them, and I would have done anything to save each of my marriages. I believe every relationship you have whether it is sexual or not is very valuable and should never, ever be taken for granted.

Sorry, what were we talking about. Oh, yeah, cheaters. Forgiveness is the key.

That scenario actually happened to me.

I was eighteen, madly in love with a girl whom I had known for six months, and I expected to be with her for the rest of my life. One day, she took up part-time work, and her boss 'hit on' her; within days, she had her eating out of his hands.

I knew her mother well, but had only just met her father. One evening (She was out seeing this guy), her Dad - who knew, and was concerned about the whole thing, was chatting to me about his fears. He asked me why I was still at the house, knowing she was cheating on me. I explained that I loved her, and knew that she would see through him when she came to her senses; and I wanted to be there to pick up the pieces.

That evening, her father and I had a good few drinks, and we became the best of friends.... we still were, long after she and I had parted company, a few years later.

No-one is going to feel good about something like that. Your being betrayed by someone you thought liked you and only you. It hurts, I'm sure. I don't have any experience in a situation like that though, so I may be the wrong person to ask.

Easy, leave. She would mean nothing to me. If it was with someone who I knew, that man would get a good-sized beating.

That is NOT an easy thing to answer...you always think you know how you'll handle something like that but you really don't till it happens...it's made all the worse when kids are involved. If there are problems within a relationship it's never good to try to settle it outside the relationship with someone else...that just makes the cheater a dirty dog!


If the relationship was to stand a chance after that I would insist on an HIV test prior to even thinking about moving on. Then it'd have to be a what's wrong with the picture game till the problem was solved on one level or another. I feel you can get beyond something like that but some don't feel they will ever trust again...The main thing is if you are the one being cheated on don't take it personal because it wasn't your fault no matter what the cheater says.

fromthe heart said:

That is NOT an easy thing to answer...you always think you know how you'll handle something like that but you really don't till it happens...it's made all the worse when kids are involved. If there are problems within a relationship it's never good to try to settle it outside the relationship with someone else...that just makes the cheater a dirty dog!


If the relationship was to stand a chance after that I would insist on an HIV test prior to even thinking about moving on. Then it'd have to be a what's wrong with the picture game till the problem was solved on one level or another. I feel you can get beyond something like that but some don't feel they will ever trust again...The main thing is if you are the one being cheated on don't take it personal because it wasn't your fault no matter what the cheater says.

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It IS easy until you think. The solution: go with your gut. Getting tested is a good idea though

I'd get a Mexican divorce. Drink a bottle of Tequila and shoot her. J/K

jgallandt said:

I'd get a Mexican divorce. Drink a bottle of Tequila and shoot her. J/K

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Hope she knows you feel this way...ROFL

I once told my husband way back when we were just married that if I EVER caught him cheating on me he would know by the pain he'd feel in the morning after my discovery because I'd super glue his you know what to his leg!

Been there myself . And it isn't easy . A few things to think about ...

First off , it really doesn't matter if your other loves you . What matters is that you love your other .

Second , it is never the same again . That trust can not be rebiuld , IMHO . We often try , and perhaps sometimes it can be , but I have never seen it .

tell her to leave and that she can come back in 1 week for her things or they go in the dumpster, have the locks changed immediately, pack up her things in that week and have them ready to go, have a friend(s) over to help get her stuff out quickly and as a witness if necessary, ask her to please leave you alone forever, be sure to "hold your tongue" since it will be easy to say not so nice things at this point, remember less can be more. part ways for good. it is not that difficult.
not that it happened to me or anything

kreeden said:

Been there myself . And it isn't easy . A few things to think about ...

First off , it really doesn't matter if your other loves you . What matters is that you love your other .

Second , it is never the same again . That trust can not be rebiuld , IMHO . We often try , and perhaps sometimes it can be , but I have never seen it .

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It takes years to build up trust and only seconds to destroy it, especially if you use a chainsaw.

Zephyr said:

It takes years to build up trust and only seconds to destroy it, especially if you use a chainsaw.

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I agree . As I said , we often try , but I have never seen it happen .

well, I am surprized at the depth of feeling on this one - perhaps those of you who said that the relationship could never be the same after do have a point, come to think of it; I'resumed' my relationship; soon after, my employers moved me a hundred miles away. I left and got myself a flat - I felt so insecure because I could not trust her again (She made no bones about it - she would tell me she was going out with mutual friends) that I broke off the relationship. I am not sure to this day if she was cheating on me; I suppose I was trying to cling to what had been a good relationship.

When I realized the lack of trust was eating away at me - all I could do was to have a clear 'break' - she sounded surprized, and wanted us to still remain 'Good friends' but somehow, I just felt I couldn't handle that.

What does surprize mw is the fact that so many of you have expressed feeling of real anger - I did not feel that - I just had the feelings of a loss.

Of course, if I had not broken up the relationship, I would not have met or married Marie - so I guess the story does have a happy ending after all!

Having been there...literally walked in on my ex-husband and his girlfriend in my bed having come home from work early...I simply looked at them and said "get out" and walked into the living room. She came running out hurrying to put her clothes on and ran out the door. He didn't move...so I went back in there and just looked at him and very calmly said "I meant you, get out, I can deal with her." and turned back around to go back to sit in the living room. He eventually came out and left.

Things happen and while some may be worked out some may not...it has to be taken situation by situation and relationship by relationship.