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Keeping Hurtful Secrets?

QuestionSleep

QuestionSleep

Member
Mmm....That's probably my problem.

I've kind of lost hope of humanity ever having a good intention. For the most part anyway. I've been lucky enough to meet an abundance of people with a moral streak in them, but on whole? Not really. But that's another story. For his sake, I hope his intentions are good.
 
CaptainXeroid

CaptainXeroid

Following Christ
QuestionSleep said:
...I think this guy is wrong on so many levels. But should this girl tell her friend?...
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I think we all concur that the guy is inconsiderate and 'wrong', whatever his reasons for dating other women and for burdening the friend in such a way.

The question I would ask is 'What value would it be to the dying woman for her to find out that her boyfriend dated someone else?' If the friend can't answer that question, I'd advise her not to tell.

As with most tales, there are lots of missing pieces and variable that would change the 'right answer'.

My thoughts and prayers go out to the woman who is dying. With all the medical advances we're reminded that we still haven't conquered them all.:162:
 
QuestionSleep

QuestionSleep

Member
Well, if they do find a cure for this, then I wish the best for her.

Considering her state, I'm not sure if it would have much value to her, other than the fact that some cretin wasn't treating her as a fool. (It would be worth knowing in my opinion, but it grinds my nerves whenever I get the feeling someones trying to pull the wool over my eyes)

I dunno. I heard this on the radio and it just p***ed me off thoroughly that she was dying, and this guy didn't have the respect to even wait a week after her death to start dating again.
 
michel

michel

Administrator Emeritus
Staff member
ness said:
Very true Maize but how would you feel if it were you in the sick girls position, I know that I would want to know.:)
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What for Ness ? just to have one less 'prop' ? - as Maize and others have said, it would do her no good to find out. As for the guy, we all seem to be being a bit judgemental here; perhaps it's the only way he can keep his head 'togeather' - seeing a partner suffering so. He may not be as bad as he is painted; although I cannot see myself doing what he is doing.:)
 
ness

ness

Member
michel said:
What for Ness ? just to have one less 'prop' ? - as Maize and others have said, it would do her no good to find out. As for the guy, we all seem to be being a bit judgemental here; perhaps it's the only way he can keep his head 'togeather' - seeing a partner suffering so. He may not be as bad as he is painted; although I cannot see myself doing what he is doing.:)
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I dunno I just feel as though he is doing her more dishonesty by not being upfront with her, I mean he could tell her and maybe she would understand?.


I just feel in a way that like QuestionSleep said " it still seems like he's strongly disrespecting her"

I would rather know than to look the fool though but thats just my opinion :)
 
Melody

Melody

Well-Known Member
QuestionSleep said:
The boyfriend asked the sick girls friend not to tell her. So here's the thing. I think this guy is wrong on so many levels. But should this girl tell her friend? On one hand, this guy is a cretin of the worst ilk, and the girl should know. On the other, she said it was one of the things keeping her going, and it could really break her heart.

I think she should be told, just so she isn't ignorant and being treated like a fool.
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Ask yourself why you feel the need to tell a dying woman that her boyfriend is cheating on her. Will it change anything? Will he stop cheating? Will she feel better knowing the truth? Will her last days be any more peaceful...or will you have created a misery for her.

Truth is a good thing. Being a busybody is not.
 
QuestionSleep

QuestionSleep

Member
As for the guy, we all seem to be being a bit judgemental here; perhaps it's the only way he can keep his head 'togeather' - seeing a partner suffering so. He may not be as bad as he is painted;
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I hope he's not that bad, and that I am just being a judgemental jerk. That would mean that there was some validity to dating other people (not to mention possible promiscuitiy), then getting a friend to have to bear that information, all the while not telling someone in a hospital bed who lives in ignorance of the idea that someone is faithful to her.

I dunno, maybe it's all in how it's put.
 
Melody

Melody

Well-Known Member
ness said:
Very true Maize but how would you feel if it were you in the sick girls position, I know that I would want to know.:)
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We can't make decisions based on what we would want. What possible good can come out of this? The woman is dying. Let her have her final days in peace.
 
Melody

Melody

Well-Known Member
QuestionSleep said:
It doesn't really seem like much assumption. He asked this girl 'not' to tell her, so what's he waiting for? How long does he intend to -not- tell her? Seems to me, he's just waiting for her to die so he can go:

"Phew. Well she's gone, and God rest her soul.....Glad I didn't have to tell her that."

He may love her, but if he's doing this, he doesn't seem to respect her much.
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Forgive me for being blunt....but what business is it of yours why he's doing it...and more to the point "who cares"?

Let this woman finish her life in peace, without getting involved in a soap opera.
 
QuestionSleep

QuestionSleep

Member
Having her final days in peace is one thing. She definately deserves that, but this guy seems like he's really mistreating her. Not by beating or anything, but when she dies, he's going to feel like a real sh*t for hiding stuff from her.

Or at least he should. Then again, I doubt he would. That would denote some kind of guilty conscience, which if he had, would have told her.
 
Green Gaia

Green Gaia

Veteran Member
I'm sorry QS, but unless you have some info you're not sharing with us about this, then I don't believe there is any basis for saying he is mistreating her... disrespecting, I'll maybe go with, but as of yet she's not been hurt in this situation.

Again, perhaps he's moved on with his life, but still cares for her and wants to be there to support her... I don't see anything wrong with that and letting her be happy and at peace in her final days. It seems much more cruel to dump this information on her than to let her be "ignorant" of what's going on.
 
kreeden

kreeden

Virus of the Mind
I don't understand what difference it makes what the guy is doing , or not doing . IMHO he is a jerk , as for putting the other friend on the spot like that as for dating . However , the dying girl has more to worry about then some silly bf . If she lives , then tell her . If not , then allow her to die in peace .
 
QuestionSleep

QuestionSleep

Member
Forgive me for being blunt....but what business is it of yours why he's doing it...and more to the point "who cares"?

Let this woman finish her life in peace, without getting involved in a soap opera.
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The point was, a debate on whether it was better to tell her boyfriend is equal to something the dog left on the carpet, or to let her die without knowing for the sake of her remaining happiness.

Which was better? To just let them go without knowing that their being made a joke, or to let them know truth, and bear that when she's already terminally ill.

Besides, I already said, this was sent in over the radio. I asked about this debate, because I wanted to know opinions on which seemed better. Frankly, it looks likes there no good solution. Anyway, it's not like I gave out names, nor were any names given. So it's not really getting involved in their life when they're some nameless entity.
 
Green Gaia

Green Gaia

Veteran Member
QuestionSleep said:
...boyfriend is equal to something the dog left on the carpet
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Assumption and personal opinion not based on all the facts.
...their being made a joke
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Again.. assumption and personal opinion not based on all the facts.


All we can do in cases like this is tell what we would want. Leave it up to the people in this woman's life to make the right decision for her, because they know her, not us. And there is no way we have all the facts in this case.
 
QuestionSleep

QuestionSleep

Member
Anyway, so it probably seems best just to let her go happily...

True, there are facts missing. And my opinions of the boyfriend are only opinions.

But, it's my thought on it. Not much else.
 
Melody

Melody

Well-Known Member
QuestionSleep said:
The point was, a debate on whether it was better to tell her boyfriend is equal to something the dog left on the carpet, or to let her die without knowing for the sake of her remaining happiness.

Which was better? To just let them go without knowing that their being made a joke, or to let them know truth, and bear that when she's already terminally ill.

Besides, I already said, this was sent in over the radio. I asked about this debate, because I wanted to know opinions on which seemed better. Frankly, it looks likes there no good solution. Anyway, it's not like I gave out names, nor were any names given. So it's not really getting involved in their life when they're some nameless entity.
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Sorry....I didn't see where this was a radio call in and I admit to being a bit touchy on this subject since I went through this with a friend a few years back. In that situation, the person just could not be convinced to keep her mouth shut. The final 6 months of my friend's life was spent in far more misery than was necessary.
 
Melody

Melody

Well-Known Member
QuestionSleep said:
I see. Sorry, I didn't really think that this would hit that close to home with anyone.
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Not your fault. I probably shouldn't be so touchy. Frubal apologies. :)
 
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