DivineLegend
New Member
I am looking for answers and explanations about religion, and i hope i have come to the right place. I truely want to believe and have faith, but i am having a real hard time wrapping my analytical mind around something that i can't touch. My entire family are Southern Baptists, which is how i was raised. And for the longest time they have been pushing me to try and find the answers that i seek. So i have come to you all in hopes of trying to help everything make sense to me. Im not even sure if im posting this in the right place.
I have been through so much in my life, things that some people still believe only happens in the movies. Im in law enforcement, so not only have i experienced things, but ive been witness to some horrible things as well in my profession. Im not sure what i believe any more to be honest with you. Im not even sure if i believe that there is a God. I do believe in good and evil, however. that much i know for sure. It is really hard for me to trust in anything that i dont have proof of. And i know that this is one subject that i wont ever have physical proof of until its too late.
One of my main problems is the way i think about things. In my experience, my mind works differently than most peoples. Take cussing for instance. To me, cussing is not a sin. However, it is how you mean something, that is the sin. "Cuss" words were invented by humanity. And normally, throughout history have always meant bad things. But in todays society, i can say a cuss word, and not mean anything bad by it. I would give an example, but im not sure how you all would take that. If i was saying the word in effect to degrade something or someone, etc etc, then yes i consider it a sin. But if im just saying the word in a sentence and mean absolutely no harm or ill will towards anyone, how can it be a sin? Which, in my mind, turns it into just a word, and no longer a cuss word, hence, no longer a sin. Do you see what i mean by the way my mind works now?
To me, it is hard to live in the modern world with an analytical mind, and try to wrap your mind around the concept of religion. A concept that hasn't changed since it was created. Its hard for me to just believe in something. Because, in my experience, most of the things you believe in and trust in, turns out in disaster.
I guess the biggest question for me, is creation. Regardless of how everything was created (by god, big bang theory, etc etc) something had to exist before everything else, where did that something come from? If i have a blank page in front of me, i cant create anything without a pencil /pen, ok, where did the pencil/pen come from? If God created the universe, what/who created God? If the bible is 2000 and some odd years old, who's to say someone hasnt altered it as a joke, or for their best interest, or to have it interrupted into what they want it to say? I feel like the entire universe is a source of amusement/disappointment. It might have been something different at one time, according to the bible, God use to have his hand in everything, but now, the only time you even hear of God talking to someone is from some mental patient in a psych ward, or from someone who saw or heard something and "believes" it to be god, which ends in them completely devoting their life to God. It gives me the sense that God had been disappointed by his creation too much in the past to even care what happens now.
I asked my brother this question today... A man was arrested where i live recently for capital murder. he kidnapped a teenage girl and chopped her body up into pieces and ate her. I asked my brother if this man asked for forgiveness and believed in god, and ended up going to heaven, would he agree with that? and my brother said yes. I said, ok now, what if i, your brother, were to live my life as a cop, and helped people throughout my life, but never believed in god, and i went to hell, would he agree with that? and he said yes.
Does anyone see anything wrong with this picture besides me? I completely devote my life to saving and helping others and i go to hell, but a man who can torture someone and kill them can go to heaven. Am i the only person who has a problem with this picture? I live my life to make the world a better place, and he lives his to make it worse, and i am in the wrong? how is that right? How can any good human being worship God, when he plays by those standards? How? I can not, and i refuse to, but i dont want to believe that that is the truth of it. If i help people, and save peoples lives, and make the world a better place, i am doomed for eternity just because i dont believe in someone that has given me absolutely nothing to believe in? Im sure it would be different for me if i had lived the perfect life, or even a normal life, or if this was a perfect world, or even a normal world. But i havent, and its not. I dont blame God for anything that has happened to me, nor do i hate him for allowing them to happen to me. But, i am who i am today, and i believe what i believe today because of the hardships i have faced. How can he punish me for that? just because he can? i dont understand...
I dont want to believe, and i can not make myself believe, in a God that would do such a thing. How can he judge me for not believing in him, even though i live a good life, and i help humanity, when he flooded the world and killed millions of living things? I asked that question to my family, and they told me that the people who died were evil... ok... how does that make sense? the man who killed that teenage girl and ate her is evil as well, but he still has the chance to go to heaven, and i dont unless i believe?
I could talk about this for forever, and i still have so many points to make, but i want to see what you all have to say. Maybe someone can help me and explain this to me so that i can understand.
Thank you, and i appologize if i have offended anyone, it is not my intent, i am just lost and im trying to find my way.
Brandon
I have been through so much in my life, things that some people still believe only happens in the movies. Im in law enforcement, so not only have i experienced things, but ive been witness to some horrible things as well in my profession. Im not sure what i believe any more to be honest with you. Im not even sure if i believe that there is a God. I do believe in good and evil, however. that much i know for sure. It is really hard for me to trust in anything that i dont have proof of. And i know that this is one subject that i wont ever have physical proof of until its too late.
One of my main problems is the way i think about things. In my experience, my mind works differently than most peoples. Take cussing for instance. To me, cussing is not a sin. However, it is how you mean something, that is the sin. "Cuss" words were invented by humanity. And normally, throughout history have always meant bad things. But in todays society, i can say a cuss word, and not mean anything bad by it. I would give an example, but im not sure how you all would take that. If i was saying the word in effect to degrade something or someone, etc etc, then yes i consider it a sin. But if im just saying the word in a sentence and mean absolutely no harm or ill will towards anyone, how can it be a sin? Which, in my mind, turns it into just a word, and no longer a cuss word, hence, no longer a sin. Do you see what i mean by the way my mind works now?
To me, it is hard to live in the modern world with an analytical mind, and try to wrap your mind around the concept of religion. A concept that hasn't changed since it was created. Its hard for me to just believe in something. Because, in my experience, most of the things you believe in and trust in, turns out in disaster.
I guess the biggest question for me, is creation. Regardless of how everything was created (by god, big bang theory, etc etc) something had to exist before everything else, where did that something come from? If i have a blank page in front of me, i cant create anything without a pencil /pen, ok, where did the pencil/pen come from? If God created the universe, what/who created God? If the bible is 2000 and some odd years old, who's to say someone hasnt altered it as a joke, or for their best interest, or to have it interrupted into what they want it to say? I feel like the entire universe is a source of amusement/disappointment. It might have been something different at one time, according to the bible, God use to have his hand in everything, but now, the only time you even hear of God talking to someone is from some mental patient in a psych ward, or from someone who saw or heard something and "believes" it to be god, which ends in them completely devoting their life to God. It gives me the sense that God had been disappointed by his creation too much in the past to even care what happens now.
I asked my brother this question today... A man was arrested where i live recently for capital murder. he kidnapped a teenage girl and chopped her body up into pieces and ate her. I asked my brother if this man asked for forgiveness and believed in god, and ended up going to heaven, would he agree with that? and my brother said yes. I said, ok now, what if i, your brother, were to live my life as a cop, and helped people throughout my life, but never believed in god, and i went to hell, would he agree with that? and he said yes.
Does anyone see anything wrong with this picture besides me? I completely devote my life to saving and helping others and i go to hell, but a man who can torture someone and kill them can go to heaven. Am i the only person who has a problem with this picture? I live my life to make the world a better place, and he lives his to make it worse, and i am in the wrong? how is that right? How can any good human being worship God, when he plays by those standards? How? I can not, and i refuse to, but i dont want to believe that that is the truth of it. If i help people, and save peoples lives, and make the world a better place, i am doomed for eternity just because i dont believe in someone that has given me absolutely nothing to believe in? Im sure it would be different for me if i had lived the perfect life, or even a normal life, or if this was a perfect world, or even a normal world. But i havent, and its not. I dont blame God for anything that has happened to me, nor do i hate him for allowing them to happen to me. But, i am who i am today, and i believe what i believe today because of the hardships i have faced. How can he punish me for that? just because he can? i dont understand...
I dont want to believe, and i can not make myself believe, in a God that would do such a thing. How can he judge me for not believing in him, even though i live a good life, and i help humanity, when he flooded the world and killed millions of living things? I asked that question to my family, and they told me that the people who died were evil... ok... how does that make sense? the man who killed that teenage girl and ate her is evil as well, but he still has the chance to go to heaven, and i dont unless i believe?
I could talk about this for forever, and i still have so many points to make, but i want to see what you all have to say. Maybe someone can help me and explain this to me so that i can understand.
Thank you, and i appologize if i have offended anyone, it is not my intent, i am just lost and im trying to find my way.
Brandon