Why Do Women Stare?

[Scuba Pete]

No dude... I prefer her tongue in my ear.

 

[Cynic]

There. The only thing I can thing of is my hair. It was short, but I've been letting it grow out for a while, so it looks messy sometimes (you can't tell in the picture).

 

[angellous_evangellous]

Ah jeez...

 

[Cynic]

Ah jeez...

Something wrong?

 

[angellous_evangellous]

Something wrong?

Nope.

I just wouldn't have put my pic up on this thread if I were you. Then you get people actually answering the question for themselves. If they think you're attractive, she's looking at you to flirt or something more. If they think unattractive, she's playing with you. None of this matters, because whether or not you're attractive to whoever sees you here, she's the one who wants to flirt for whatever reason. It doesn't matter how you look - that's obviously secondary, because she's doing what she's doing for reasons only known to her.

 

[Cynic]

Nope.

I just wouldn't have put my pic up on this thread if I were you. Then you get people actually answering the question for themselves. If they think you're attractive, she's looking at you to flirt or something more. If they think unattractive, she's playing with you. None of this matters, because whether or not you're attractive to whoever sees you here, she's the one who wants to flirt for whatever reason. It doesn't matter how you look - that's obviously secondary, because she's doing what she's doing for reasons only known to her.

I really can't tell whether or not I'm attractive. I've gotten many compliments, some insults. I get what you are saying. You seem pretty knowledgable about this stuff. Though, what would be your best guess given the information so far? Do you think this is definitely flirtation?

BTW, isn't it true that women can be more attracted to a man's personality, unlike men who are more attracted to visual stimuli?

 

[cardero]

Something wrong?

Don't listen to Angellous, he's just a bit miffed because as for being everyone's Daddy, you may not resemble him.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

I really can't tell whether or not I'm attractive. I've gotten many compliments, some insults. I get what you are saying. You seem pretty knowledgable about this stuff. Though, what would be your best guess given the information so far? Do you think this is definitely flirtation?

With the info that I have, I would say that she just wants to flirt with you.

My impression is that she's not the girl for a long-term relationship. I think this because if she has a boyfriend and she's flirting with you, and if you were in a long-term relationship, she'll do the same thing to you. The best thing that can come from this, in my opinion, is a short-term fling, whatever that may entail. Or it could be nothing. If you like her, I'd just play it cool and flirt just a little back, and if that works out ask for a number.

IF SHE'S FLIRTING WITH YOU, THE BOYFRIEND DOES NOT EXIST.

Unless, of course, he's your best friend or boss.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

Don't listen to Angellous, he's just a bit miffed because as for being everyone's Daddy, you may not resemble him.

:biglaugh:

 

[Cynic]

With the info that I have, I would say that she just wants to flirt with you.

My impression is that she's not the girl for a long-term relationship. I think this because if she has a boyfriend and she's flirting with you, and if you were in a long-term relationship, she'll do the same thing to you. The best thing that can come from this, in my opinion, is a short-term fling, whatever that may entail. Or it could be nothing. If you like her, I'd just play it cool and flirt just a little back, and if that works out ask for a number.

IF SHE'S FLIRTING WITH YOU, THE BOYFRIEND DOES NOT EXIST.

Unless, of course, he's your best friend or boss.

Ah, seems like a well educated guess.
More women wanting me for sexual favors. Don't they know men have feelings too? (JK). I'm not really that self absorbed. Although women have wanted to use me just for sex. I'm really into the long-term stuff though; compassion, mutual respect, taking things slow.
I think I'll stop here, my mind is wandering too much into this... I might become infatuated. We all know what happens when guys become infatuated. Although, I do really appreciate the man talk here. You seem to really know what you are talking about.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

You seem to really know what you are talking about.

Take a look at this thread - Pickin up chicks! (or Dating) - it gets good about page 17.:yes:

 

[Buttercup]

Excuse me for interrupting.....but, Physis did at one point ask for a woman's advice. Can I throw out a few tidbits? I hope you'll excuse my forwardness but I think it's good for guys to learn this particular lesson while they're young....saves a helluva lot of trouble later.

Please don't take this the wrong way because you are a nice looking guy....but, I would absolutely not assume she is flirting or thinks you're hot. You mentioned these staring episodes started after her friend heard you proclaim you like playing hard to get. It could very well be this staring is a way of trying to "figure" you out. It's not common for a dude to say he's playing hard to get. Most guys wouldn't even think of playing hard to get. The girls might think of you as stuck up and are fascinated or repulsed by that notion. Or, she could be playing games just to try to get you to like her so she could tell you to get lost.

At this point you just don't know. And, unless she smiles at you and acts friendly in a pointed manner, I wouldn't assume anything at all.

Men really need to learn at an early age that just because a woman happens to look at you or even smile at you....doesn't necessarily mean a thing. In fact, most of the time it doesn't mean anything other than she's being friendly for that moment in time. I can't tell you how many times in my life I've looked at a man, smiled at him and could tell instantly he thought I "wanted" him. Usually you can discern this reaction when they continue to stare or follow you around or move onto asking you personal questions. Sheeesh. Can't a girl smile at a stranger without it meaning anything sexual?

Anyway...as AE has told you, I'd not think about it again unless she continues to stare. If it bugs you, just ask her why she's staring.

 

[Quagmire]

*copies Rhonda's post to my hard drive*



I don't mind the staring so much.

But what's all the laughing about....

 

[Cynic]

Excuse me for interrupting.....but, Physis did at one point ask for a woman's advice. Can I throw out a few tidbits? I hope you'll excuse my forwardness but I think it's good for guys to learn this particular lesson while they're young....saves a helluva lot of trouble later.
Please don't take this the wrong way because you are a nice looking guy....but, I would absolutely not assume she is flirting or thinks you're hot. You mentioned these staring episodes started after her friend heard you proclaim you like playing hard to get.

No, I was talking to a woman about the psychology of playing hard to get: why nice guys and easy women are used for money or sex. This is because the way the brain's reward system works. Elusive mates cause a higher release of dopamine in the brain's reward system, which can correlate to romantic passion. Therefore, people who play hard to get are more psychologically rewarding, while people who are too easy aren't.

It could very well be this staring is a way of trying to "figure" you out. It's not common for a dude to say he's playing hard to get. Most guys wouldn't even think of playing hard to get. The girls might think of you as stuck up and are fascinated or repulsed by that notion. Or, she could be playing games just to try to get you to like her so she could tell you to get lost.

Perhaps, but that is based on the notion that I am arrogant, which I am not. Confident yes. Also, I had considered the possibility that she is just doing this to sharpen skills, to see if I actually have any game (since I appear to know about playing hard to get,) or to stroke her own ego.

At this point you just don't know. And, unless she smiles at you and acts friendly in a pointed manner, I wouldn't assume anything at all.

Yes, but there is no facial expression for limerance (i.e. romantic feelings), just as there is no facial expression for hunger or thirst. It could be limerance for all I know. Even if she smiles and acts friendly, I still could not assume anything.

Men really need to learn at an early age that just because a woman happens to look at you or even smile at you....doesn't necessarily mean a thing. In fact, most of the time it doesn't mean anything other than she's being friendly for that moment in time.

Of course. But when someone is staring at you for long periods of time, over a period of days, there is something behind it. What it is in this case, I am not sure. This is why it has been bothering me so much. Women are too good at this. Grrrrr.

I can't tell you how many times in my life I've looked at a man, smiled at him and could tell instantly he thought I "wanted" him. Usually you can discern this reaction when they continue to stare or follow you around or move onto asking you personal questions. Sheeesh. Can't a girl smile at a stranger without it meaning anything sexual?
Anyway...as AE has told you, I'd not think about it again unless she continues to stare. If it bugs you, just ask her why she's staring.

I personally have not assumed yet that this is the case, but I very much appreciate your input. It helps to hear from a woman's perspective.

 

[Buttercup]

Of course. But when someone is staring at you for long periods of time, over a period of days, there is something behind it. What it is in this case, I am not sure.

I can tell you one thing it probably isn't....that she likes you romantically. If I liked a guy, I wouldn't think of staring at him endlessly. I'd be too worried he'd think I was weird. Plus, she has a boyfriend and while that doesn't mean everything....she's more than likely not looking for a guy to have a side thing with or whatever.

I personally have not assumed yet that this is the case, but I very much appreciate your input. It helps to hear from a woman's perspective.

I was giving that advice not so much for this particular circumstance, but later. You can ask any woman alive if she's had what I describe happen to her and I'll guarantee most have had men take smiles and a casual glance the wrong way.

 

[Cynic]

I can tell you one thing it probably isn't....that she likes you romantically. If I liked a guy, I wouldn't think of staring at him endlessly. I'd be too worried he'd think I was weird.

Well, I thought the staring thing seems kind of teen-ish. For the most part, I have tried to ignore it, although I can't help but look when I sense someone staring from my peripheral vision.

Plus, she has a boyfriend and while that doesn't mean everything....she's more than likely not looking for a guy to have a side thing with or whatever.

You'd be surprised how often women cheat. I'd say about half of them do, single or married.
I think it wouldn't be likely that she is interested in me, that is if she is emotionally involved with her bf, which from analyzing her behavior I believe she is.

I was giving that advice not so much for this particular circumstance, but later. You can ask any woman alive if she's had what I describe happen to her and I'll guarantee most have had men take smiles and a casual glance the wrong way.

Yes, definitely an important thing to point out. It can be very annoying for a women to have a guy misinterpret her body language.
We have talked a couple of times in the past; she has laughed and smiled, but I didn't interpret it as anything.

Again, I really appreciate your input. It helps to see other possibilities/perspectives.

 

[Buttercup]

Again, I really appreciate your input. It helps to see other possibilities/perspectives.

You're welcome. I don't know how much help I was to you however. It's really a crap shoot at this point. Heck, she could be attracted to you or maybe not. It is odd though. Generally a person doesn't stare for this long!

Why haven't you initiated conversation?

Edit: ah, I see you edited your comments to say you did talk to her a couple of times. I'd just come right out and ask her why she stares at you....try to make it into a joke. Like, "Do I have a booger hanging from my nose or something?"

 

[Cynic]

You're welcome. I don't know how much help I was to you however. It's really a crap shoot at this point. Heck, she could be attracted to you or maybe not. It is odd though. Generally a person doesn't stare for this long!

You've been a major help! This is helping me put everything in a very logical perspective

Why haven't you initiated conversation?

She's the one who has initiated most of the conversations. I just don't care, for the most part. The first time I had initiated the conversation. But, most of the time I just didn't look at her or anything. She's very attractive, so maybe this created some sort of intrigue, as beautiful women are used to men leaning onto them, and not away from them.

I could sense her looking over at me for a while. Then she would ask something.

Then, we had to talk to each other for assignment purposes. I started talking about psychology, and she told me about her having bipolar and that she was on some kind of medication (yes I know, you don't mention that when you like someone). I told her that it was okay, and that I have taken meds before (anti-depressants). Shhhh... And then we talked about other things and it seemed like our conversation flowed.

[edit: seeing how this person is bipolar, maybe a relationship would not be my best interest, if the opportunity was possible]

One time, she stood towards my left for maybe five seconds, facing me while I was sitting. I didn't look, but I think she wanted to say something.

I saw her staring at me for a while when I was talking to someone about psychology. Towards the end, she was like, "oh I wanted to ask you something!" I did some psychological analysis thing.I could have sworn she glanced at me many other times, but I'm not certain since my peripheral vision is unreliable.

Then I talked about playing hard to get, and her friend overheard me. I think her friend told her; I saw her friend point in my direction ambiguously with her thumb, like she was scratching her breast. Then the staring girl began to rub her hands like she was up to something. This is when the staring became very obvious, where she had a fixed gaze. They both started staring at me. I caught them staring a couple times.

Then last week, I had to move seats, because some *** took my chair. I think he wanted some staring action. I believe this guy has or had a crush on her.

I caught her staring at me again anyways. But I quickly looked away. That was probably a bad move, although I couldn't help it. I didn't look to see if she was staring for the rest of the day. I moved seats (I sat directly behind her but with my back facing her direction). Towards the end of class, they turned around and were facing my direction.

And thats where things have left off. Although I'm not sure if this is going to continue.

[another edit: hmmm... maybe this person is crazy, with the frequent staring and all]

 

[Buttercup]

I'll tell you one thing for certain, Physis.....this girl is curious about something. I hope you get to find out.

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

I dunno. I know a man who does this the moment he sees someone stare, and it usually makes women laugh because its so unexpected.

Einstein used to stick his tongue out at people.
he had no luck either.