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Ask me anything

VoidCat

Pronouns: he/him/they/them
When you say you "worship Loki, Samael, Lilith, and my patron is Bastet", why and how do you do that?
I honor each of the deities I do because I was drawn to them and could relate to them. As for how i make offerings, I pray to them, I do rituals devoted to them, and I do things in their honor.
 

Koldo

Outstanding Member
So im a pagan witch and demonolatrist. I mix in some luciferianism and theistic satanism into my belief path. I worship Loki, Samael,Lilith, and my patron is Bastet. I cover my hair due to my religious beliefs. I live in a group home. I am trans nonbinary and going to a doc appointment tomorrow to talk about going on testosterone and hopefully getting a referral to an endocrinologist. I work at at daycare 6 hours a day 5 days a week. Im also autistic with cptsd, adhd, anxiety, and a mood disorder which docs disagree if it's major depressive disorder, bipolar, or just trauma related. I have a lot of stuffed animals. I have a twin sister. I am good at poetry. Ask me anything.

If you are nonbinary, why do you want to take testosterone?
How did you reach the conclusion you are nonbinary?
Are you afraid of ever having a hard time finding a job at your work field if you take testosterone? Here in Brazil, teaching kids is essentially a female only job.
 

VoidCat

Pronouns: he/him/they/them
If you are nonbinary, why do you want to take testosterone?
Few reasons. My gender is more masculine but not man. Second I've always wanted a deeper voice and more body hair. Maybe even a beard(which might not happen depending on genetics). Third T actually causes the clit to grow and become sorta be like a miniature penis. Not quite still a little different but that would mean I'd have something similar to both parts. Fourth I think I'd be happier with my body if it looked more masculine I've spent a year considering it and i really think it'd make me happy. And 5th I'd be more willing to dress and act more femme if my body was masc. Yep if I grow a beard on T imma still rock a dress and look better then half of y'all.




How did you reach the conclusion you are nonbinary?
I have known I wasn't exactly a boy or girl since I was 7. I just didn't have the language for it till I was 12. I reflected on my life after hearing the term and realized it fit me.




Are you afraid of ever having a hard time finding a job at your work field if you take testosterone
Yes but not cuz I'd look masc. More because my ID will say F but my body would be masc. Making it obvious im trans. The political climate makes this worrying

Edit to add: once you can no longer tell what direction im coming from that's my transition goal
 
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Koldo

Outstanding Member
Few reasons. My gender is more masculine but not man. Second I've always wanted a deeper voice and more body hair. Maybe even a beard(which might not happen depending on genetics). Third T actually causes the clit to grow and become sorta be like a miniature penis. Not quite still a little different but that would mean I'd have something similar to both parts. Fourth I think I'd be happier with my body if it looked more masculine I've spent a year considering it and i really think it'd make me happy. And 5th I'd be more willing to dress and act more femme if my body was masc. Yep if I grow a beard on T imma still rock a dress and look better then half of y'all.





I have known I wasn't exactly a boy or girl since I was 7. I just didn't have the language for it till I was 12. I reflected on my life after hearing the term and realized it fit me.





Yes but not cuz I'd look masc. More because my ID will say F but my body would be masc. Making it obvious im trans. The political climate makes this worrying

Edit to add: once you can no longer tell what direction im coming from that's my transition goal

Do you think you will feel more comfortable living as an outlier?

How did you figure you are neither a boy nor a girl? I consider myself a boy just because I have a male body. Period. In my perspective, there is no inner experience related to feeling like a boy. This is unlike, for example, the sexual attraction I experience.
 

VoidCat

Pronouns: he/him/they/them
Do you think you will feel more comfortable living as an outlier?
I think I'll feel most comfortable as myself


How did you figure you are neither a boy nor a girl
I was never comfortable being percieved as either. Neither fit. She/her felt uncomfortable. My body don't feel like it belongs to me because it is femme. I was confused as a kid as to why everyone kept referring to me as she I kept thinking im not a girl. I didn't feel attached to being seen as a girl it just wasn't right. As for boy again it didn't feel right. Im more masc but I don't feel like a man that label just doesn't feel right it's too constrictive. I feel the most free bending gender roles. That gives me euphoria.

Here's an experiment. Record your voice. Play it back. Does it not sound weird? Like that voice should have not cone from you? It don't match your perception of how you thought your voice sounds? Imagine that feeling of it not fitting but it being your whole body. And how others perceive you and refer to you as. And the feeling is much stronger then that. Thats kinda what dysphoria feels like to a trans person. Being perceived as nonbinary tho that give me a very happy feeling.
 

Koldo

Outstanding Member
I think I'll feel most comfortable as myself



I was never comfortable being percieved as either. Neither fit. She/her felt uncomfortable. My body don't feel like it belongs to me because it is femme. I was confused as a kid as to why everyone kept referring to me as she I kept thinking im not a girl. I didn't feel attached to being seen as a girl it just wasn't right. As for boy again it didn't feel right. Im more masc but I don't feel like a man that label just doesn't feel right it's too constrictive. I feel the most free bending gender roles. That gives me euphoria.

Here's an experiment. Record your voice. Play it back. Does it not sound weird? Like that voice should have not cone from you? It don't match your perception of how you thought your voice sounds? Imagine that feeling of it not fitting but it being your whole body. And how others perceive you and refer to you as. And the feeling is much stronger then that. Thats kinda what dysphoria feels like to a trans person. Being perceived as nonbinary tho that give me a very happy feeling.

The reason I asked if you are going to feel more comfortable being an outlier is because a bearded person wearing a dress is going to draw a LOT of attention. Some will find you intriguing, others might look you with very judgmental eyes. It can be tricky to handle that. I definitely wouldn't want to look like an outlier even if I thought that dressing like that would be proper to who I am.

As for your comparison with voice perception, I think I got the gist of it. Thanks!
 

VoidCat

Pronouns: he/him/they/them
The reason I asked if you are going to feel more comfortable being an outlier is because a bearded person wearing a dress is going to draw a LOT of attention. Some will find you intriguing, others might look you with very judgmental eyes. It can be tricky to handle that. I definitely wouldn't want to look like an outlier even if I thought that dressing like that would be proper to who I am.

As for your comparison with voice perception, I think I got the gist of it. Thanks!
Oh dont worried im used to judgement...ive faced a lot of discrimination and hate due to my autism. I've always been the outlier.
 

lewisnotmiller

Grand Hat
Staff member
Premium Member
Im ok I think. Tired from work now wanting to sit in my closet for a bit
Quick question...

Do you mean literally sit in your closet, and if so, why do you choose to do that?
Genuinely curious, happy to explain why after your answer.
 

kadzbiz

..........................
I honor each of the deities I do because I was drawn to them and could relate to them. As for how i make offerings, I pray to them, I do rituals devoted to them, and I do things in their honor.
Do you actually feel you get some positive return in doing that? And you don't think you can get the same feeling without believing in them?

Oh dont worried im used to judgement...ive faced a lot of discrimination and hate due to my autism. I've always been the outlier.
I've never heard the word "outlier' before. You faces discrimination and hate due to your autism? The autism? That's a bit cruel. Two of my girls have, I'll just say issues, and have been wonderfully supported by their school friends, teachers and work colleagues.
 

VoidCat

Pronouns: he/him/they/them
Quick question...

Do you mean literally sit in your closet, and if so, why do you choose to do that?
Genuinely curious, happy to explain why after your answer.
Yep. I sometimes even sleep there. It's dark and its quiet and cozy. Away from the sensory noise and hurtful lights. Its basically a safe space for me. Im bombarded by loud noises and bright lights all day plus annoying textures to touch. It's nice to get away at times. Im aware of the irony being a trans person. Feel free to explain why you ask but I get it's not typical to sleep in a closet.
 
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VoidCat

Pronouns: he/him/they/them
Do you actually feel you get some positive return in doing that? And you don't think you can get the same feeling without believing in them?
I do believe it is beneficial to my mental health and helps me yes. And I am sure I could get similar results in not believing in them but I believe in them and it works for me so why would I change that?
 

VoidCat

Pronouns: he/him/they/them
You faces discrimination and hate due to your autism? The autism?
I have faced discrimination. Once at school as a kid, kids threw rocks calling me retarded for example. Also when I was 18 I lived with my grandma who tried to get guardianship because she believed me incapable of living on my own. But she also believed I was so capable that I didn't need accommodations. A catch 22 if you will. You can't have it both ways refuse me accommodations to be able to function without help and say im incapable. She also wouldn't allow me to look or act autistic that is handflap, wear earmuffs, etc. She wouldn't allow me either to practice my religious beliefs and to this day wont allow me to cover my hair around her but that's a separate form of discrimination and aint cuz of my autism. So I left for a group home and never had guardianship placed over me. The folks at the group home are confused as to why guardianship was sought they actually think im too capable to be living here but I'm still here cuz im working on my associates before I move. Another type of discrimination regarding autism- some refuse to listen when I use AAC devices to communicate because most the time i can talk. They dont understand sometimes I can't and accuse me of faking when i explain using AAC that sometimes im a mute. When i was a kid and went mute my aunt who i lived with at the time tore up a piece of paper I gave her to commicate and said: "You can ****ing speak." These are just a few examples I have more.
 
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lewisnotmiller

Grand Hat
Staff member
Premium Member
Yep. I sometimes even sleep there. It's dark and its quiet and cozy. Away from the sensory noise and hurtful lights. Its basically a safe space for me. Im bombarded by loud noises and bright lights all day plus annoying textures to touch. It's nice to get away at times. Im aware of the irony being a trans person. Feel free to explain why you ask but I get it's not typical to sleep in a closet.
My eldest daughter went through a patch of doing it, although for whatever reason she doesn't seem to be doing it of late.

She'd go in her room and close the door to the world (like many teenagers).
But then she'd climb in the closet with her blanket.

I figured it was a sensory deprivation thing, as even now she's not a fan of constant loud noises.
 

Shadow Wolf

Certified People sTabber
You faces discrimination and hate due to your autism? The autism? That's a bit cruel.
It happens. Kids, adults, coworkers, peers, police, some people see typical autistic behaviors and assume the worst, some just think of autism and think the worst. Keep your eyes open and you'll even see it here on occasion.
 

Revoltingest

Pragmatic Libertarian
Premium Member
It happens. Kids, adults, coworkers, peers, police, some people see typical autistic behaviors and assume the worst, some just think of autism and think the worst. Keep your eyes open and you'll even see it here on occasion.
One thing I notice here is that if one has different
emotional responses from the "norm", some
posters get pretty nasty. There is only one way
to be (their's), eh.
High functioning autistics are among the easiest
people to talk to IMO because of directness.
 
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