Yes, it has been a long time, and I have been wondering if I would ever see you again.
I was even worried you might have contracted Covid-19. Good to see you as always
even though it has to be under these sad circumstances.
I have been a bit busy with other things so haven't been a lot on the forums lately. But besides that everything is fine, haven't contracted covid yet, at least not that I know
But it sounds like you are struggling, which is sad to hear
Thanks for thinking of me. Actually, I am surprised by this study. I skimmed through it but I will read it more intently as soon as I have time. I found this first paragraph interesting, comparing the United States to some other countries:
"An enduring finding of the social science literature is that parents are less happy than childless adults. Most of the studies reporting this finding have relied on data from the United States, and a recent analysis of
data from 22 countries by sociologist Jennifer Glass and colleagues puts American results in perspective.1 Nowhere is the parental happiness gap larger than in the United States. Indeed, American parents are notably less happy here than are their Anglophone relatives in England and Australia. In some countries, most notably Norway and Hungary, parents are actually happier than non-parents."
I think its because its more like its a "given" or what to say, something that people don't really think about, because clearly THAT is the way to go, to get that happy little family and those that don't or choose not to, must be miserably. I don't have any kids and don't want any either. I see benefits from having kids, but also a lot of downsides, the amount of time you have to spend on them is not something I especially desire, and it's mostly because I value to much to not be bound by others, and be able to do what I want, when I want it.
Im not a person that especially like or constantly have to be around others, to be honest it annoys me constantly having to do things, that I feel I need to do, rather than me doing them because I want to
Might be because I grew up in a family where my home was ran sort of like a hotel for my parents friends and my family, that constantly had to sleep over etc. It was an extremely active family, which was fun, but also just gets to much, so maybe that ultimately broke me, I don't know
But getting a bit side tracked, Obviously, people can be very happy in both scenarios, you can have very bad families where it's just awful conditions, and they might appear happy on the outside, but ultimately they are in a complicated situation, with kids, school, job, relationship issue, could be financial as well, personal issues etc. So its not as easy for these people to just say "screw it" and do what the hell they want, having no kids a lot of these issues just vanish obviously. But if you are one of those, which end up in a good relationship and get the "dream", and make it function, obviously that is very good. It just depends on what people want.
I can always count on my atheist friends to be logical.
The thing is, religion is what brainwashes people into thinking they have to be fruitful and multiply, and this is seen as a moral responsibility.
Well can't disagree with that
Religion are a bit old school and was from a time of "partly" ignorance about the world in which we lived, the whole way that society worked, women at home, men and kids working and where you in a lot of cases required a lot of kids, as it weren't uncommon that they died early on from diseases, little to no protection against getting pregnancies etc. So lots of things played a huge role.
But today it is a fact that a lot of people, especially since women have started to aim for their own careers, better medicine etc. that a lot gets fewer and some chooses not to get any kids at all. Life is not all about religion, it also need to function in a modern society and the conditions are simply not the same as they were back then. But obviously scriptures move thousands of years behind the rest of the society so it takes some time for them to catch up
Needless to say, many people look down upon childless couples and consider them selfish, I remember reading a study about this back when I was in grad school for my psychology degree.
I don't personally get that feeling, at least not here in Denmark. If any I think it's more that some people that really want kids, don't understand why everyone else doesn't want them either. Which is very common in regards to a lot of things really and not only that.
But right off the top of my head, I can count at least 6 amongst friends and family, which doesn't have children. And only one of them, which I think would have liked them, but didn't. So it's not 50/50, but in general in my circle of people, its rather common to be honest.
Then you have people like Ricky Gervais, a stand up comedian. Despite being an atheist, probably share a lot of reasons with you and others in why he doesn't want children, obviously with a joking attitude, because that is just how he is
.
After joking about different reasons not to have kids, he said: "I'd worry sick about a baby. I have a cat and I worry about that. I check the door three times before I go out. I put food and water in every room in case the door closes and he's peckish for 20 minutes."
The Extras actor also listed some other reasons why he and his partner, Jane Fallon, haven't had children. He said: "There's loads of reasons why I don't have kids. The world is overpopulated, no one's sitting around going, 'Oh Rick's not going to have kids, we're going to run out, there's loads!'" He also joked that children are "scroungers", adding: "From day one it's me me me."
Ellen DeGeneres agreed, adding that she thought anyone who rescues animals is a "hero". Ricky is a known animal rights activist, and spoke about his love for them on the chat show. Speaking about his new stand-up, Humanity, he said: "It was time to let the world know what an awful species we are. We're the worst… I love all animals. Human beings? I could take them or leave them!" He added: "I tell [the audience], I say, 'I don't know why I called it Humanity, I'm not a big fan, I prefer dogs.'"
It's just not the most important thing in life for some people, is what I get from what he is saying and I completely agree.
Another thing is that people with children have them to fall back on in old age, to care for them if need be.
That is true, but then again, maybe your kid moved to another country, live in another part of the country. Obviously, it might be an option, but it is not given. And let's face it, most people are going to end up being lonely in the end anyway
Even for married couples, one is going to die before the other. So basically you have to rely on friends as I see it. Again, I think a lot of it is an illusion that people have imprinted in themselves, that being old with kids is much better, but we all know that they wouldn't come around all the time anyway, again they might not be in a position to do so. And this only works in a decent family anyway, which is not always the case either.
Fortunately we have so much money that will not be an issue because I could afford a caregiver if I remained in my home, but most people are not that fortunate. For many people in the United States all they have to live on is their Social Security, but most of those people have children to fall back on. Yes, God designed it that way, so those who did His bidding and had children would reap the benefits in the long run.
Personally, im not especially well off myself in regards to danish standards, so obviously Im lucky to live in a country where we have a good social network that takes care of everyone.
But for a lot of people in the US it must be a huge concern, but again you have so many option for learning from the European model of how to do it, but for some strange reason people in the US just doesn't seem to really want it, which will always be a huge mystery for me.
But probably because I grew up in Denmark and we don't like people in general to not be cared for, not only on a personal level, but I also think a lot understand that, even from a society point of view, the better off people are, the less crime there is, which ultimately make it a nicer place to live in general, you don't have a lot of miserable people in the streets and so forth. And in general that all people should be allowed a decent life, because some of them might have illnesses or psychological issues, or whatever might have caused them to end up in a bad situation.
Yes, God designed it that way, so those who did His bidding and had children would reap the benefits in the long run.
Again in certain situations, it might be true. Your kid might also end up being a drug addict, surely you wouldn't want to fallback on that. Clearly you can look at all the benefits and ignore all the bad things and surely having kids makes you way better off. But that is not really a reflection of reality for a lot of people. But in a fairytale scenario, sure you are in a bad situation