Grace/Meal Blessing

[SalixIncendium]

At dinner last night, my daughter’s boyfriends mother asked her to lead a pre-dinner prayer. Upon being put on the spot, she froze, so the mother asked me to lead (fairly certain she’s not aware I’m not a Christian). Since they’re Christian, I knew the expectation was, of course, a Christian prayer. I could have easily gone with the indoctrinated “bless us o Lord for these thy gifts which we are about to receive through thy bounty through Christ our Lord, amen” but I didn’t want to offer something that lacked sincerity. So I deferred to “the man of the house” (my daughter’s boyfriend), who froze as my daughter did. So ultimately, the mother led the prayer.

I saw nothing productive in sharing that I wasn’t Christian over dinner, but I may explain why I declined leading the prayer to the mother in private later today.

Placed in the same situation, how would you have handled being asked to lead such a prayer?

 

[SigurdReginson]

Happens to me all the time! When it's just my immediate family, I'll usually just defer to my mom or dad instead. I still do the whole head bow and close eyes thing though, cause I want to be respectful of them. In situations outside of my immediate family, though, I'll usually just revert back to the kind of prayers I would make when I was a christian.

I really hate being put on the spot to pray, though. It's often just easier to go along with it and get it over with.

 

[Vinayaka]

At dinner last night, my daughter’s boyfriends mother asked her to lead a pre-dinner prayer. Upon being put on the spot, she froze, so the mother asked me to lead (fairly certain she’s not aware I’m not a Christian). Since they’re Christian, I knew the expectation was, of course, a Christian prayer. I could have easily gone with the indoctrinated “bless us o Lord for these thy gifts which we are about to receive through thy bounty through Christ our Lord, amen” but I didn’t want to offer something that lacked sincerity. So I deferred to “the man of the house” (my daughter’s boyfriend), who froze as my daughter did. So ultimately, the mother led the prayer.

I saw nothing productive in sharing that I wasn’t Christian over dinner, but I may explain why I declined leading the prayer to the mother in private later today.

Placed in the same situation, how would you have handled being asked to lead such a prayer?

I'd do it, using God, not Jesus, and thinking Siva, not the other God. In joint faith settings, we've done 2. When we invited the Mormon missionary kids over from across the fence, I chanted my Sanskrit food blessing, and one of them read something from the Book of Mormon. Mutual respect.

 

[oldbadger]

At dinner last night, my daughter’s boyfriends mother asked her to lead a pre-dinner prayer. Upon being put on the spot, she froze, so the mother asked me to lead (fairly certain she’s not aware I’m not a Christian). Since they’re Christian, I knew the expectation was, of course, a Christian prayer. I could have easily gone with the indoctrinated “bless us o Lord for these thy gifts which we are about to receive through thy bounty through Christ our Lord, amen” but I didn’t want to offer something that lacked sincerity. So I deferred to “the man of the house” (my daughter’s boyfriend), who froze as my daughter did. So ultimately, the mother led the prayer.

I saw nothing productive in sharing that I wasn’t Christian over dinner, but I may explain why I declined leading the prayer to the mother in private later today.

Placed in the same situation, how would you have handled being asked to lead such a prayer?

Whose home was it? Yours or boyfriend's Mum's? That would make a difference for me.
In your home...

I don't know how old your daughter is or if she is Christian, but if she is mature enough maybe she might have put best foot forward to explain that she would prefer not to say grace.

I'm the Mums home I would have done what you all did.

But my wife is tougher than me and in a similar situation four Christmases ago she just apologised to a neighbour and said she had no religion.

 

[SigurdReginson]

Hmmm... You know, what's the point in being thankful to god in providing the food in the first place? The reason I have the food is from the work I did so I could buy it.

 

[Unveiled Artist]

At dinner last night, my daughter’s boyfriends mother asked her to lead a pre-dinner prayer. Upon being put on the spot, she froze, so the mother asked me to lead (fairly certain she’s not aware I’m not a Christian). Since they’re Christian, I knew the expectation was, of course, a Christian prayer. I could have easily gone with the indoctrinated “bless us o Lord for these thy gifts which we are about to receive through thy bounty through Christ our Lord, amen” but I didn’t want to offer something that lacked sincerity. So I deferred to “the man of the house” (my daughter’s boyfriend), who froze as my daughter did. So ultimately, the mother led the prayer.

I saw nothing productive in sharing that I wasn’t Christian over dinner, but I may explain why I declined leading the prayer to the mother in private later today.

Placed in the same situation, how would you have handled being asked to lead such a prayer?

I don't keep up. If you're Hindu (right?) I know I see/read some Hindus use the term Lord (say Lord Vishnu). Maybe use that term and drop christ (Thank you Lord for this meal, yadada) and they'd think you're talking about christ but you're getting blessings from your god?

Other than that, I'd probably say god rather than christ since god has many connotations that christ does not. Like Sigurd I'd bow my head out of respect. Since my immediate family isn't religious, I came across it when my father remarried and, he not being a christian, both my father, brother, and I just bowed our head, looked around at everyone in marked interests, and let his wife lead the prayer.

 

[Harel13]

Easy.
"Rabbotai, nevarech!"

Oh, wait...you meant Christian grace. Never mind.

 

[SalixIncendium]

Whose home was it? Yours or boyfriend's Mum's? That would make a difference for me.
In your home...

I don't know how old your daughter is or if she is Christian, but if she is mature enough maybe she might have put best foot forward to explain that she would prefer not to say grace.

I'm the Mums home I would have done what you all did.

But my wife is tougher than me and in a similar situation four Christmases ago she just apologised to a neighbour and said she had no religion.

Your point about venue is interesting. I’m not sure if I agree that home turf would have much to do with it, at least for me. I’m reminded of a quote from Thor: Ragnarok: “Asgard is not a place, it’s a people.”

My daughter is 20 and is not religious in nature, but leans Christian as a result of her mother taking her to Church in her youth.

 

[SalixIncendium]

I don't keep up. If you're Hindu (right?) I know I see/read some Hindus use the term Lord (say Lord Vishnu). Maybe use that term and drop christ (Thank you Lord for this meal, yadada) and they'd think you're talking about christ but you're getting blessings from your god?

Other than that, I'd probably say god rather than christ since god has many connotations that christ does not. Like Sigurd I'd bow my head out of respect. Since my immediate family isn't religious, I came across it when my father remarried and, he not being a christian, both my father, brother, and I just bowed our head, looked around at everyone in marked interests, and let his wife lead the prayer.

Yes, I am a Hindu.

Thank you for your advice, but I’m more interested in what you would do given you own worldview.

 

[Unveiled Artist]

Yes, I am a Hindu.

Thank you for your advice, but I’m more interested in what you would do given you own worldview.

Second paragraph

 

[Kenny]

At dinner last night, my daughter’s boyfriends mother asked her to lead a pre-dinner prayer. Upon being put on the spot, she froze, so the mother asked me to lead (fairly certain she’s not aware I’m not a Christian). Since they’re Christian, I knew the expectation was, of course, a Christian prayer. I could have easily gone with the indoctrinated “bless us o Lord for these thy gifts which we are about to receive through thy bounty through Christ our Lord, amen” but I didn’t want to offer something that lacked sincerity. So I deferred to “the man of the house” (my daughter’s boyfriend), who froze as my daughter did. So ultimately, the mother led the prayer.

I saw nothing productive in sharing that I wasn’t Christian over dinner, but I may explain why I declined leading the prayer to the mother in private later today.

Placed in the same situation, how would you have handled being asked to lead such a prayer?

You did VERY well!

 

[crossfire]

Several years ago when my mother, my brother and his secular friends, and my son and I got together for Thanksgiving, my mom took me aside just before calling everyone to the table to eat saying, "aren't we supposed to bless this food?" So, I quietly and unobtrusively mimicked what my mother might do with reiki over the food, except I used my martial arts tai chi training in that manner. My mom was satisfied.

When we are with Christian members of the family, we'll let them do the showy part of offering prayer.

 

[crossfire]

If we had any girls in the family, I'd invite them over to teach them how to cook something, and as part of the cooking lesson I would give them a small crock/spice jar, have them write "Sprinkle everything you do with love" on a piece of paper and put it in the jar. Then I would tell her that the jar represents her heart, so even though the jar is empty, she can fill up her heart with love and the jar will also fill up with agape spice. Then she can sprinkle some of the agape from the jar on the food before while preparing it. (You can also sprinkle the agape spice on any task you do.)

 

[SalixIncendium]

If we had any girls in the family, I'd invite them over to teach them how to cook something, and as part of the cooking lesson I would give them a small crock/spice jar, have them write "Sprinkle everything you do with love" on a piece of paper and put it in the jar. Then I would tell her that the jar represents her heart, so even though the jar is empty, she can fill up her heart with love and the jar will also fill up with agape spice. Then she can sprinkle some of the agape from the jar on the food before while preparing it. (You can also sprinkle the agape spice on any task you do.)

Guys can cook, too.

I love to cook...

...for others.​

 

[Audie]

At dinner last night, my daughter’s boyfriends mother asked her to lead a pre-dinner prayer. Upon being put on the spot, she froze, so the mother asked me to lead (fairly certain she’s not aware I’m not a Christian). Since they’re Christian, I knew the expectation was, of course, a Christian prayer. I could have easily gone with the indoctrinated “bless us o Lord for these thy gifts which we are about to receive through thy bounty through Christ our Lord, amen” but I didn’t want to offer something that lacked sincerity. So I deferred to “the man of the house” (my daughter’s boyfriend), who froze as my daughter did. So ultimately, the mother led the prayer.

I saw nothing productive in sharing that I wasn’t Christian over dinner, but I may explain why I declined leading the prayer to the mother in private later today.

Placed in the same situation, how would you have handled being asked to lead such a prayer?

Ha!

My Mom prepared me for just that.
Only needed it once but, here it is!

SANCTIFY, Oh Lord,
This food to our use
And us to Thy purposes.
Amen.

 

[ChristineM]

This has just happened to us. We had been invited to a german/french couples home for Christmas dinner (it was wonderful by the way). As we sat down our host asked Paul if we wanted to say grace... i know they are both atheist, they know we are atheist. Paul shrugged, out hosts both chuckled and began serving the amuse-bouche. Just a joke to get the conversation started.

 

[ValdresRose]

Placed in the same situation, how would you have handled being asked to lead such a prayer?

This is too easy to be applicable. I simply say, "Thank you". (end of prayer) -To the host, simply say something kind, e.g., "Everything looks so delicious, shall we start?"

Obviously no one in the family asks me to say the prayer.

 

[oldbadger]

Your point about venue is interesting. I’m not sure if I agree that home turf would have much to do with it, at least for me. I’m reminded of a quote from Thor: Ragnarok: “Asgard is not a place, it’s a people.”

My daughter is 20 and is not religious in nature, but leans Christian as a result of her mother taking her to Church in her youth.

Fair enough.
I liked @Vinayaka 's answer as well.

Before lockdown I used to go to two or three church 'tea and chat' venues and two of those are 'at table' meetings, but for as long as I remember nobody has ever said Grace before any food. That time when our neighbours mother (grim and self righteous) had visited her son and asked my wife to say grace was the only time I can remember. My wife is agnostic, and rather direct. There is mostly trad or small Christianity here. A truly different world.

 

[Vinayaka]

Fair enough.
I liked @Vinayaka 's answer as well.

Before lockdown I used to go to two or three church 'tea and chat' venues and two of those are 'at table' meetings, but for as long as I remember nobody has ever said Grace before any food. That time when our neighbours mother (grim and self righteous) had visited her son and asked my wife to say grace was the only time I can remember. My wife is agnostic, and rather direct. There is mostly trad or small Christianity here. A truly different world.

For the first 20 odd years of my life, I didn't know what grace was. I honestly can't remember the first time or place I heard about it. Most likely I made an arse of myself by digging right in.

 

[Heyo]

I saw nothing productive in sharing that I wasn’t Christian over dinner, but I may explain why I declined leading the prayer to the mother in private later today.

Placed in the same situation, how would you have handled being asked to lead such a prayer?

I simply state that I'm not a believer. Why beat around the bush? They asked for it, they got it. Positions clear, no awkward pauses.