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Feeling drawn to real people...

SigurdReginson

Grēne Mann
Premium Member
You know, my best friend pointed something out to me today. I've been changing the way I put myself out there to people- especially potential friends.

In the past, I've always been very guarded. I never really let anyone in that closely to me. I swallowed my problems and just dealt with everything on my own.

The past few times I've made friends, I've put a whole lot of myself out there. This has had mixed results.

I have a lot of problems... And it's a sure way to scare someone off by unloading some of those problems for them to see. In one case I've made a damn good friend who has been there for me, in another I made a friend of a sort, but she blocked me off from taking it past anything more than just as an acquaintance.

I'm not sure it's such a bad thing to let my vulnerabilities show a little, though... I find I would rather come to know if someone is down to earth than to just have one more fair weather friend.

I dunno... It's all new ground for me. I feel that in acknowledging and respecting my issues, it gives them a face for me to conquer, and it makes me a stronger person in general.

Should I reel myself back a little, or is my time too valuable to waste on people who I don't think are meaningful friends to have?
 

Gargovic Malkav

Well-Known Member
You know, my best friend pointed something out to me today. I've been changing the way I put myself out there to people- especially potential friends.

In the past, I've always been very guarded. I never really let anyone in that closely to me. I swallowed my problems and just dealt with everything on my own.

The past few times I've made friends, I've put a whole lot of myself out there. This has had mixed results.

I have a lot of problems... And it's a sure way to scare someone off by unloading some of those problems for them to see. In one case I've made a damn good friend who has been there for me, in another I made a friend of a sort, but she blocked me off from taking it past anything more than just as an acquaintance.

I'm not sure it's such a bad thing to let my vulnerabilities show a little, though... I find I would rather come to know if someone is down to earth than to just have one more fair weather friend.

I dunno... It's all new ground for me. I feel that in acknowledging and respecting my issues, it gives them a face for me to conquer, and it makes me a stronger person in general.

Should I reel myself back a little, or is my time too valuable to waste on people who I don't think are meaningful friends to have?

Maybe I'm not the best advisor regarding this, as I'm mostly a loner and not exactly gifted in social skills, but I'd like to give it a try,

What you should really be careful of is expectations and personal desires in my opinion. If your expectations of a good friend are very high and perfectionist, it's likely that people will disappoint you over and over again, making it more tempting to believe that friendship is an illusion or that "all people" are bad or fake.

But this very mentality can turn you into the kind of person that you don't want to be, because if your expectations of a good friend are too perfectionist, there is a risk that you tend to treat others as "imaginary friends".
Imaginary friends can be made the way you want them to be, and when you're done, you can forget about them without having to feel guilty about it or take responsibility for it. But I consider it bad when real people are treated that way. Obviously this counts for you as well as your (potential) friend.

Experience taught me that showing your vulnerabilities and acknowledging your imperfections often encourages others to be honest about themselves as well. But this should be done with care. Because when you try to get deep and intimate conversations with people who don't know you that well, you might come across as clingy, desperate or even as a complete nutcase which is often so awkward for the other that they don't really know how to deal with you, causing them to avoid you.
 

SigurdReginson

Grēne Mann
Premium Member
I understand you perfectly.
You should be proud of your character, imho.

Ehhh... I have worked real hard on myself over the past few years. I've also been lucky in having honest friends who don't just tell me what I want to hear, but tell me the truth as they see it.

I feel like even though I've been changing rapidly over the past month. All these changes were already waiting under the surface, and had been for a while; it just took a catalyst to bring them out into the light of day, but they all came crashing in at once.

I guess that's what I'm thankful for on this Thanksgiving day. :D Chaos; but a positive, revitalising, and controlled chaos.
 
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