1. Fleishikophobia - The fear of being fleishik (and potentially missing out on an improbable and completely hypothetical milk-based dessert, should it just happen to pop out of thin air). The most serious of Jews, the S'fard Ashkenazim, who keep six full hours of waiting time between eating meat and being allowed to eat dairy products, are most susceptible to this disease. Susceptibility rates drop as one moves through the Jewish spectrum past the "rov shesh" (most of six, which is really five and a little more) of the Sephardim, the halachically-baseless three hours of the Ashkenaz Ashkenazim all the way down to the one hour of the Dutch Jews (whom everyone loves to hate) and the mythic "rov achat" (most of one hour) of the Sephardic Dutch.
2. Bentchophobia - The fear of needing to say the entire Birkat Hamazon (oh no, two more minutes of bentching? But my time is so precious...oh, why, why did I eat that awesome baguette? I should have stayed hungry).
3. Tachanunophobia - The fear of needing to say tachanun. Actually easily solved by going to a minyan with a mohel (but fear literal heartbreak if the mohel just happens to be absent one day).
4. No-kiddush-on-shabbat-after-davening-ophobia - Anglo-Saxon Jews are particularly susceptible to this, as the weekly kiddush makes up a significant percentage of the foods needed to sustain them during thenext couple of hours week.
5. Rashi-on-shirat-hayam-ophobia - Just look it up. Couple that with the rest of the weekly Shnayim Mikra quota. 'Nuff said.
6. Starve-on-Pesach-ophobia - The fear of starving on Pesach. Usually only found only by Ashkenazim. This is a fear that echoes back to a time in which there weren't multiple kosher food companies who made a wide variety of kosher-for-pesach-without-kitniyot on every street corner, which in turn echoes back to a time in Europe before the discovery of the New World and potatoes. *Shudder*.
7. Forgetting-seasonal-additions-and-having-to-restart-davening-ophobia - Picture this: You've finally managed to claw your way through your grocery store list and have happily arrived at Oseh Shalom when you suddenly remember it's Rosh Chodesh or Asseret Yemei T'shuvah and you've forgotten Ya'aleh V'yavoh or Hamelech Hakadosh and now must restart the prayer. Yes, truly tragic.
8. Being-chazan-during-s'firat-haomer-ophobia - Because then you'd out yourself as one who had missed one day of counting and can no longer make the blessing.
9. Long-d'var-Torah-ophobia - The fear that the guy whose turn it is to say the d'var Torah during davening on Shabbat or Yom Tov will yammer on and on. Especially scary are the guys who hand out source sheets for everyone before starting to speak. Run for your lives!
I was going for a round ten, but couldn't think of anything else. Feel free to suggest other Jewish-flavored phobias.
2. Bentchophobia - The fear of needing to say the entire Birkat Hamazon (oh no, two more minutes of bentching? But my time is so precious...oh, why, why did I eat that awesome baguette? I should have stayed hungry).
3. Tachanunophobia - The fear of needing to say tachanun. Actually easily solved by going to a minyan with a mohel (but fear literal heartbreak if the mohel just happens to be absent one day).
4. No-kiddush-on-shabbat-after-davening-ophobia - Anglo-Saxon Jews are particularly susceptible to this, as the weekly kiddush makes up a significant percentage of the foods needed to sustain them during the
5. Rashi-on-shirat-hayam-ophobia - Just look it up. Couple that with the rest of the weekly Shnayim Mikra quota. 'Nuff said.
6. Starve-on-Pesach-ophobia - The fear of starving on Pesach. Usually only found only by Ashkenazim. This is a fear that echoes back to a time in which there weren't multiple kosher food companies who made a wide variety of kosher-for-pesach-without-kitniyot on every street corner, which in turn echoes back to a time in Europe before the discovery of the New World and potatoes. *Shudder*.
7. Forgetting-seasonal-additions-and-having-to-restart-davening-ophobia - Picture this: You've finally managed to claw your way through your grocery store list and have happily arrived at Oseh Shalom when you suddenly remember it's Rosh Chodesh or Asseret Yemei T'shuvah and you've forgotten Ya'aleh V'yavoh or Hamelech Hakadosh and now must restart the prayer. Yes, truly tragic.
8. Being-chazan-during-s'firat-haomer-ophobia - Because then you'd out yourself as one who had missed one day of counting and can no longer make the blessing.
9. Long-d'var-Torah-ophobia - The fear that the guy whose turn it is to say the d'var Torah during davening on Shabbat or Yom Tov will yammer on and on. Especially scary are the guys who hand out source sheets for everyone before starting to speak. Run for your lives!
I was going for a round ten, but couldn't think of anything else. Feel free to suggest other Jewish-flavored phobias.
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