Ideas for reducing and counteracting effects of psychological abuse

[Jim]

NOTE: My interest here is in ideas for helping to reduce and counteract harmful effects of bullying and psychological abuse, including when it happens in Internet discussions. I won’t be responding to people making excuses for it or denying that it’s happening, and I’m hoping for others not to respond to those red herrings either.

Here’s one resource that I found:

Responding to Emotional Abuse: How You Can Help Someone You Know | Springtide Resources

That’s specifically about emotional abuse of women, but it has the best ideas that I’ve seen so far, in my searches, for anyone who wants to help reduce and counteract the harmful effects of psychological abuse. People can practice these ideas right here in these forums, because it happens here all the time. I’ve even seen a few people bragging about doing it, and actually doing it in the same posts where they’re bragging about it.

 

[Jim]

There also needs to be help for people to learn not to abuse others. There are programs for that, but what about people who don’t want to learn? They might be hurting as much as anyone else, and doing as much harm to themselves as to anyone else. What can any of us do to help them? Seeing people being openly friendly to their targets, and unimpressed by their intimidation tactics, might help.

 

[Jim]

I’m finding ideas for helping people who want to stop abusing people. Here’s one example:

Helping Abusers Change Their Lives

What about when people don’t want to stop? What can any of us do to help inspire them to want to stop? Maybe, stories about people who have stopped, and what it did for their lives. Along with that, seeing people who are not vulnerable to their abuse disapproving if it and being openly friendly to their targets.

 

[Jim]

If anyone wants to help reduce and counteract harmful effects of bullying and psychological abuse, in Internet discussions or anywhere else, they need to be prepared to be targets of it themselves, and be well informed about it. I expect to see it happen in this thread, including gaslighting.

 

[Jim]

I think that part of what is needed to reduce and counteract the harmful effects of bullying and psychological abuse is people well informed about it willing to be targets of it themselves. Anything that anyone does to help reduce and counteract its effects in Internet discussions might help reduce and counteract them offline. One of the first things that people need to know about might be gaslighting, because there might be a lot of it coming from all directions, some posts denying that it happens and others making excuses for doing it, all at the same time, along with various kinds of personal attacks, all of which I’m planning to ignore and hoping others will too. That includes posts asking for examples.

 

[Aupmanyav]

What does the other side say? There are always two sides of a coin.

 

[Jim]

Another idea of what to do for people when they have a habit of using cruelty to get what they want, is to look for the good in them and help them see it. I’ve used that on myself sometimes when I’ve been tempted to be cruel, and it works very well.

 

[Jim]

Another idea: more friendly attention to people when they’re on their best behavior. No attention at all when they’re on their worst. Openly friendly attention to the targets of their cruelty.

 

[Darkforbid]

Another idea: more friendly attention to people when they’re on their best behavior. No attention at all when they’re on their worst. Openly friendly attention to the targets of their cruelty.

@Jim all your advice seems to boil down to 'ignore them'. But do carry on. I'd love to know what abuse you're talking about, but your No I won't give examples comment makes any discussion pointless

 

[Jim]

... all your advice seems to boil down to 'ignore them'.

Some of it, but not all of it. Learning what to ignore in people’s posts has vastly improved my experience in Internet discussions, and maybe other people’s too sometimes.

 

[Darkforbid]

Some of it, but not all of it. Learning what to ignore in people’s posts has vastly improved my experience in Internet discussions, and maybe other people’s too sometimes.

Like they say "ignorance is bliss"

 

[Jim]

I’ve mostly discussed ideas about how to help people grow out of their cruelty, but I want my first reaction, when I see cruelty, to be friendly messages to the targets.

Another part of helping people grow out cruelty, that I forgot, is to keep growing more out of it myself.

 

[Jim]

Like they say "ignorance is bliss"

When I say “ignore,” I don’t mean that I don’t read it. I mean that I don’t respond to it. Yes, it has been bliss for me.

 

[Aupmanyav]

What did you do to invite so-called cruelty on internet? Or you didn't?

 

[Jim]

I’ve been forgetting about my all-purpose strategy:
- Continually trying to improve my own practice of what I’m promoting.
- Learning to use storytelling.
- Learning to be a better friend to more people.
- Practicing and promoting spiritual growth and community service.

 

[Darkforbid]

I’ve been forgetting about my all-purpose strategy:
- Continually trying to improve my own practice of what I’m promoting.
- Learning to use storytelling.
- Learning to be a better friend to more people.
- Practicing and promoting spiritual growth and community service.

Hey, I can help there. This is what you're promoting:

'No matter how devoted and fine the love may be between people of the same sex, to let it find expression in sexual acts is wrong. To say that it is ideal is no excuse. Immorality of every sort is really forbidden by Baháʼu'lláh, and homosexual relationships, He looks upon as such, besides being against nature."

"To be afflicted this way is a great burden to a conscientious soul. But through the advice and help of doctors, through a strong and determined effort, and through prayer, a soul can overcome this handicap."


"Just as Baháʼís do not impose their views on others, they cannot relinquish their principles because of changing trends in popular thought."

 

[Jim]

I’m not sure that there’s actually any damage being done to anyone who is posting in Internet discussions. More likely sometimes to people who read without ever posting. I’m thinking more of the difference it might make offline if people posting in Internet discussions practice some ideas in those discussions about what to for people when they’re addicted to cruelty and when they are targets of cruelty.

 

[Jim]

I’ll be studying the pages that I already linked to, and maybe doing some more research. Meanwhile, a few ideas for responding to cruelty, online and offline:
- Be openly friendly to targets of cruelty.
- Openly disapprove of cruel behavior, without arguing about it.
- Look for something to like in people when they’re unusually or continually cruel, and give that part of them some friendly attention.

 

[Jim]

I’ll be studying the documents that I linked to above, and posting some thoughts about what I’m reading. What I read about just now was to learn about some of the adverse effects of emotional abuse, so I’ll be learning about those and posting about them.

I’m not sure that any actual damage is being done to anyone who is posting in Internet discussions. If any damage is being done in Internet discussions, it might be happening more to people who read but never post. However that may be, I think that we can practice online what we’re learning to do when we see emotional abuse, because the damaging behavior is happening online and having some adverse effects, even if it isn’t doing any real damage.

 

[Ayjaydee]

I’ll be studying the documents that I linked to above, and posting some thoughts about what I’m reading. What I read about just now was to learn about some of the adverse effects of emotional abuse, so I’ll be learning about those and posting about them.

I’m not sure that any actual damage is being done to anyone who is posting in Internet discussions. If any damage is being done in Internet discussions, it might be happening more to people who read but never post. However that may be, I think that we can practice online what we’re learning to do when we see emotional abuse, because the damaging behavior is happening online and having some adverse effects, even if it isn’t doing any real damage.

Why would passing information to me in written form be much less damaging than vocally?