Well, apparently I've reached that point. I guess I'm more religious than I think.
But I live here too, England. I am so burnt out trying to do this; trying to have interactions with people that aren't lashon hara in some way because that's all they want to discuss, or finding a friend with whom I can talk about faith in-depth; I commit my fair share of sins and I don't want to add to those merely by living where I do, but it's becoming hard. Sure, I live in a small village in a rural shire on what is now a mostly nonreligious island, but out of the millions who live here I'd have thought there would be one. One person with whom I could connect. Conversely, even if that person didn't exist, I'd be happy to be more solitary as long as I weren't in a community that made it hard to be as stringent as I wish in my faith.
But alas.
I live here too.
This is my home. This is what I know, this is my culture, my folk, my tongue, my history, my upbringing, and it seems as though I am being asked to abandon it all just since I want to worship HaShem.
I feel abandoned by my own country and my own people. Maybe that's overdramatic, but there are tens of thousands of people here and it's not as though I'm a hermit; I go out! I meet people. I socialise. I go to cafes. It seems as though people in this country shrugged off Christianity and with it, abandoned all religion ever, along with the social morality that usually goes along with it.
But, I live here too.
So what am I supposed to do? I don't like being effectively admonished by my family for not having a boyfriend, or feeling like a failure since I haven't, and being called a religious nutcase by my father. Yeah that doesn't go down well with me for some reason. I'd like to have a relationship - hell's bells I'm 24 already, what gives?
I live here. That's what.
Could have been a Jewish boy. I mean I could also have been a Jewish yeshivah boy so gay he puts blue ribbons in his peyos, but even then I'd still have more chance of being married!
I am not sure why HaShem put me here, but as He did so He can take me out. Not me. I'm not doing that. I didn't choose to live here. If HaShem wants me to be a Noachide and to worship Him and to stay on the straight path, He's going a funny, no, absurd, way about it.
But I live here too, England. I am so burnt out trying to do this; trying to have interactions with people that aren't lashon hara in some way because that's all they want to discuss, or finding a friend with whom I can talk about faith in-depth; I commit my fair share of sins and I don't want to add to those merely by living where I do, but it's becoming hard. Sure, I live in a small village in a rural shire on what is now a mostly nonreligious island, but out of the millions who live here I'd have thought there would be one. One person with whom I could connect. Conversely, even if that person didn't exist, I'd be happy to be more solitary as long as I weren't in a community that made it hard to be as stringent as I wish in my faith.
But alas.
I live here too.
This is my home. This is what I know, this is my culture, my folk, my tongue, my history, my upbringing, and it seems as though I am being asked to abandon it all just since I want to worship HaShem.
I feel abandoned by my own country and my own people. Maybe that's overdramatic, but there are tens of thousands of people here and it's not as though I'm a hermit; I go out! I meet people. I socialise. I go to cafes. It seems as though people in this country shrugged off Christianity and with it, abandoned all religion ever, along with the social morality that usually goes along with it.
But, I live here too.
So what am I supposed to do? I don't like being effectively admonished by my family for not having a boyfriend, or feeling like a failure since I haven't, and being called a religious nutcase by my father. Yeah that doesn't go down well with me for some reason. I'd like to have a relationship - hell's bells I'm 24 already, what gives?
I live here. That's what.
Could have been a Jewish boy. I mean I could also have been a Jewish yeshivah boy so gay he puts blue ribbons in his peyos, but even then I'd still have more chance of being married!
I am not sure why HaShem put me here, but as He did so He can take me out. Not me. I'm not doing that. I didn't choose to live here. If HaShem wants me to be a Noachide and to worship Him and to stay on the straight path, He's going a funny, no, absurd, way about it.