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Giving up on dating (why women are difficult to date today)

Guitar's Cry

Disciple of Pan
I had major issues dating as a teenager because I expected my romantic interests to just fall for me. Until I realized I needed to work on my own perception of what relationships were, I felt it was the girls' fault. I was an angsty, horny teenager falling for a poisonous definition of "relationship."

My best relationships came unlooked for. Epic Beard Man, I would suggest you seek out opportunities to develop your interests and hobbies rather than chase girls. It is likely you'll find someone that way who would be a great friend. This would work with some of Rival's advice too, since you are showing drive.
 

columbus

yawn <ignore> yawn
I would suggest you seek out opportunities to develop your interests and hobbies rather than chase girls.
BINGO!

If you're unhappily single, I learned the best way out. Find some problem or cause that fires you up. Pursue it in a group situation. Demonstrate that you have something to give by giving.
Other people who also have something to give will notice you. And somewhere in those people you'll probably find one who is compatible in the huge array of other important things.
Tom
 

Epic Beard Man

Bearded Philosopher
So you want to date women who have never suffered a bad relationship in the past?

No, which is why I said in my experiences that is what I have dated. Hence, my mentioning that.

Are you expectations of them any worse than their expectations of you?

My expectations are that I want a woman honest about herself, that means all that was her past IS her past not something that her girlfriends have convinced her but that she has really healed.

Also, if a woman have bad relationships with men and then dates other men who go on to blame her for the impact those relationships had on her, is it fair to say women are the only ones being difficult?

I think if anyone who judges another based on her past has not healed which means it is not fair to the next person...Point blank period you aren't healed.
 

Epic Beard Man

Bearded Philosopher
The problem with relationships is to turn the difficulties into opportunities...no one is perfect and intimate relationshipping merely brings that out into the open. Half of what one person is is what the partner projects onto them. Relationship is all about getting at the objectivity of self and other and thereby getting at who you are more fully than living in relative isolation and independence can do.

The sexual instinct is essential in establishing the momentum of "good will" in this process. The initial attraction moderated by experience gives a couple what they need to establish what will turn out to be a shared story of infinite satisfaction with the flame of attraction nurtured throughout.

Ok...
 

Guitar's Cry

Disciple of Pan
Sex is so important because it is the one thing that keeps couples together. Studies have shown that married couples have the most sex and those who do it frequently tend to have better relationships overall. Sex is often seen as an aside, something that's fun but lesser. It's really not, it's crucial. I'm not afraid to say that it's in my top things I need to pursue a relationship with a person.

I think the reason it's so important to me as an individual is that I'm strongly into S&m and if my partner is vanilla, i.e, has no interest in whips and chains so to speak, it is 100% not going to work.

I agree, but I would say that it is very possible for a couple that doesn't have much sex to do well provided they have other outlets.

My wife and I have great sex. AMAZING sex! But we both have sexual interests that we sometimes have to forego. We are polyamorous, so it's not a big deal for us. Every relationship is very different and I fully understand that some relationships may be fullfilling without the deep intimacy I have with my wife.

I do agree with you though: sexual dynamics are crucial, as long as that includes disinterest in sex. I have asexual friends who have great relationships! :)
 

Epic Beard Man

Bearded Philosopher
Ok so plenty of guys are being critical of your post here,

Because many of them don't live in California and perhaps are not dating the type of women I've dated. I've dated a lot from college to graduate school. I'm sure I've had more intimate relations than majority of men here combined but that is neither here nor there which is unimportant.

That said, I think you're reacting emotionally out of frustration.

Obviously, hence the thread...

But I would try to put myself in the other person's shoes.

I have hence the frustration..I've compromised my whole dating life because I've placed myself in another person's shoes but can't compromised damaged women.
 

Rival

Si m'ait Dieus
Staff member
Premium Member
I agree, but I would say that it is very possible for a couple that doesn't have much sex to do well provided they have other outlets.

My wife and I have great sex. AMAZING sex! But we both have sexual interests that we sometimes have to forego. We are polyamorous, so it's not a big deal for us. Every relationship is very different and I fully understand that some relationships may be fullfilling without the deep intimacy I have with my wife.

I do agree with you though: sexual dynamics are crucial, as long as that includes disinterest in sex. I have asexual friends who have great relationships! :)
This is what I mean; you have to be sexually compatible - whatever kind of sex or lackthereof that is. If one person is lazy and boring in bed and the other wants whips and handcuffs, it just will not work.
 

Epic Beard Man

Bearded Philosopher
Those guys are pathological misogynists.

When I say I understand it's because they are reacting emotionally to a position where they were once like me.

G-rap aka Gangsta rap where it dehumanized women comes from the bitterness of a failed relationship because there are women who have used men. Men have used avenues to express their frustration. I'm using mines.

Many of them are psychopaths who congregate in cesspools like 8chan.

I don't agree with that cesspool of being amongst men who want to badger women its not healthy and many have pre-existing psychological issues. My rant is not one of them but of frustration.

The main reason I'm single is because I'm 'too religious' for most people and expect my partner to be as religious as I am.

Well you're a good human being and decent at times cause you're human and like me we all fall short of the concept of "good" at times but again I'm biased because I have conversed with you many times over.
 

Epic Beard Man

Bearded Philosopher
Just the way that you write about dating and women gives anybody an idea why you don't get good dates!

So when a man writes in frustration it somehow defaults me into the reason why I don't get dates? If you must know the topic is why I choose not to date, not why I don't get dates. I can get sex and women anytime it's not the issue, my issue is the quality.

1. Stop trying! FGS, stop trying! Amazingly, once you've totally packed up (that means stopped, totally!) trying to get yourself a girlfriend, you'll find them bumping in to you with interest. Why? Because your body language will have totally changed.

I agree with this and have heard this before but never really took into consideration so I will take this advice.

2. Go and read Allan Pease 's book on body language, read the whole thing several times, but pay particular attention to female courting gestures.

But courting gestures are not universal and vary from woman to woman. If I lived in Lebanon how can I take courting gestures equivalent to the women I have seen in California?

Stop thinking about yourself and start practicing Empathy. If a woman feels, thinks, does or wants something you've got to understand it all and accept it all.

So wait? I have to consider a woman's pain and judgement all because she continues to not heal herself and therefore I'm to understand why I'm being compared to her past and I'm supposed to be okay with that?

Stop moaning about imbalances in the World. Just accept them, smile and get on with your life. Nothing in life is fair, mate.

I keep forgetting the demographic that is replying here....Sheesh....
 

Epic Beard Man

Bearded Philosopher
Bro, if you hanging out in places with women that are looking for "6'6 making six figures with a 12 inch member" then you are in the wrong places.

I was being facetious to show that women in the dating pool have unrealistic expectations.

Want a respectable women? Chances are they don't hang out wherever its been you've been meeting these women (hoes) at.

So hoes hang out at hospitals where I work? Hoes have careers too? Well, actually you're right. Nurses and doctors who are married sleep with each other hence is what contributes to my pessimism.

You're like a dude at the strip club complaining about hoes.

So your reading comprehension somehow go you thinking I date hoes when I'm a clinician? What does that say about career women? Hmm it's mostly who I have dated.
 

Epic Beard Man

Bearded Philosopher
@Epic Beard Man I'm sorry about your thread, bro.

I'm not. Usually it's men who have never had of sex I've had with the different amount of women nor the experiences I've had in college. I thought I made it clear that at the age of 37 I am just a simple man who wants a wife and a family,. I'm done with "hoes" I was merely telling these men what I've encountered but apparently reading is hard. I've already said not all women in my thread but somehow people assume I'm saying all women.


I get some men are trying to be clever but apparently many have never lived in California nor have dated. I realize many that respond are old and perhaps have erectile dysfunction. My thing is complaining about the quality of women going on in the dating pool in California. Not the world, nor RF but in my experience and the surrounding population.
 

Epic Beard Man

Bearded Philosopher
Perhaps it is in the way you go about dating. Bashing women is not going to help you.

This is a discussion based on frustration. I made it clear that it is the women I've encountered not women who I have never met. Most of these women re your nurses when you go into the emergency department.
 

Left Coast

This Is Water
Staff member
Premium Member
I have hence the frustration..I've compromised my whole dating life because I've placed myself in another person's shoes but can't compromised damaged women.

I can understand that. If a person is not ready to be in a relationship because of prior baggage, or doesn't want the same kind of relationship you want, no amount of empathy will make you compatible. More than anything I just want you to remember that this too shall pass. :greenheart:
 

PureX

Veteran Member
I realize many of the people on these forums are a lot older than me and are married with grand children, but when I speak on my experiences I'm referencing what I've experienced and by no means what I say is universal to the experiences of others or women who've I never met. When I say dating sucks, it really does suck. In some small way I understand why some men create groups like MGTOW or create Incel groups. I think with the advent of technology such as social media, human beings are increasingly less inclined to mentally know their partner or value relationships. But I also think the standards in how we value each other have changed and have become unfair. Although celebrity relationships aren't necessarily reflective on everyday relationships, I do feel women like Miley Cyrus a self declared pan-sexual who married Liam Hemsworth, on social media kissing another woman and in response to her split have the audacity to have these care free quotes about being yourself. I see this everyday in the women I meet. It's like how do you get involved in a serious marriage, split, then take pictures as if you are living a care free life although knowing the other person you married is hurt? I heard some people say that women today are acting like men which is really not something I find even fair to us men because many of us don't behave like that.

I really feel like it really is unfair to some men when it comes to the dating pool because now the standards of courting has shifted. I'm always bombarded with women who feel the need to value my manhood based on their own unrealistic standards. For example, a woman doesn't have to have a car, but a man does. A woman can live at home with her parents, but a man shouldn't. A woman doesn't have to work and be on government assistance, but a man shouldn't. In my dating experience I've dated the car less, house less, job less, and even the immature. I think I've compromised certain values I hold dear all because I want to overlook my own values to get to know the person. But it not only has damaged my perspective of dating but I'm increasingly realizing that mentally there are a lot of women that don't have their s**** together mentally.

Now, I'm not making a universal judgment but simply based on what I've encountered, there are far too many women who are mentally damaged by their last relationship, and unfortunately tend to view men who they've encountered, and unconsciously judge the present man based on the last man. I was told by a friend of mine to "not look and let them come to you" but in those types of truisms I don't see how me intentionally not searching for something makes something come to me and even if that is true is it compatible? I swear nowadays women want a man that is 6'6 making six figures with a 12 inch member. These unrealistic standards women have, and women not being honest with themselves is really making the dating pool hard
I unfortunately have to agree with you on much of this. And I have no idea what can or even should be done about it. The fact is that our culture is completely controlled by a commercial ideology that preaches 24-7 and in every possible media that we should all have whatever we want, when we want it, and how we want it, just because we want it. And further, it preaches that we can all have this because this is America, where anyone can be, do, and have whatever they want, if they just "try" hard enough.

This is all complete buklsh*t, of course. It's a fantasy being pushed on us constantly by commercial advertisers who's job it is to get us to buy all kinds of useless and over-prices crap until we go broke, and end up so deep in dept that we die under a bridge somewhere. And in the case of women, after centuries of being exploited, abused, and oppressed by the men in their lives, they now have the additional 24-7 message of the feminists telling them that they don't need men in their lives at all (and the job market is happy to accommodate this idea because women work cheaper) so they can now hold men up to their fantasy ideal an and reject anyone that doesn't 'measure up'. Another, "you can have it all" messages just for the girls. And it's mostly just more bullsh*t.

But I don't think your solution is to reject women, or to reject looking for a compatible women to partner with. I think you are probably just going to have to accept where and when you are living, and the huge impediments that come with it, and then keep looking. Because I am quite sure there are women out there what will align with your perspective. You're just going to have to be patient, open, and willing, until she shows up.
 
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