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Pursuing education

PoetPhilosopher

Veteran Member
My family isn't very high IQ. They are a bit unforgiving and also there are a lot of double standards that they do. For example, they don't like people moving far away from them. They've pretty much disowned a couple of people over it, in the family. HOWEVER, whenever someone moves out of state in pursuit of college education, they somehow think they are doing a great thing. Many people in the family have done just that and saw the family maybe 1-2 times a year afterwards - moved out of state to pursue education and then work. Many of them went on to be successful and the family thought well of them.

I think I understand the whole mentality though - my family had a colorful history in the distant past before I was born and now they want to paint the family as upper class educated conservative Christians and expand and grow a family tree of people of these beliefs.

Do you think it would be dishonest to myself to just pursue education, make it an excuse, and move away from all the drama? I probably wouldn't even have to see them twice a year, and it'd most likely gain their respect to the point where I am not bothered.
 

Spirit of Light

Be who ever you want
The way our world has become it is more important with education, and in your situation i think education is a good way to get away from the family when they treat you poorly
 

PoetPhilosopher

Veteran Member
The way our world has become it is more important with education, and in your situation i think education is a good way to get away from the family when they treat you poorly

It might be best. If I don't, I have my fears that me living so close to them, they will learn things they don't like, like me possibly dating same-sex people a lot, and they may use that as an excuse to make me the Black Sheep of the family and paint me as someone pretty useless.

I've already been accused of dismantling their family unit due to my different beliefs. The family unit they tried to set up after 1960.
 

pearl

Well-Known Member
Do you think it would be dishonest to myself to just pursue education, make it an excuse, and move away from all the drama? I probably wouldn't even have to see them twice a year, and it'd most likely gain their respect to the point where I am not bothered.

Your pursuit ought to be based on a desire for personal growth for your own benefit.
 

PoetPhilosopher

Veteran Member
If friendly terms means it must be on their terms, you're paying too high a price.

You're right.

Before someone says '''sometimes it's beneficial to talk to a professional counselor or such to iron things out within yourself", I have to point out that the professionals in town I keep in contact with, are also on friendly terms with my family, and DO spill details to them, whether legal or not, so it's not a safezone.

I'm going to see what I can do to move away within the next month. I'm 30, so not much they can do about it.

 

PoetPhilosopher

Veteran Member
My mom recently saw a TV show where they flew an LGBTQ+ rainbow flag by the American flag. She got out of her chair and had a ranting fit, saying God will punish America.
 

Spirit of Light

Be who ever you want
It might be best. If I don't, I have my fears that me living so close to them, they will learn things they don't like, like me possibly dating same-sex people a lot, and they may use that as an excuse to make me the Black Sheep of the family and paint me as someone pretty useless.

I've already been accused of dismantling their family unit due to my different beliefs. The family unit they tried to set up after 1960.
Best advice i can give you is to do what feel right for you. :)
 

LightofTruth

Well-Known Member
My family isn't very high IQ. They are a bit unforgiving and also there are a lot of double standards that they do. For example, they don't like people moving far away from them. They've pretty much disowned a couple of people over it, in the family. HOWEVER, whenever someone moves out of state in pursuit of college education, they somehow think they are doing a great thing. Many people in the family have done just that and saw the family maybe 1-2 times a year afterwards - moved out of state to pursue education and then work. Many of them went on to be successful and the family thought well of them.

I think I understand the whole mentality though - my family had a colorful history in the distant past before I was born and now they want to paint the family as upper class educated conservative Christians and expand and grow a family tree of people of these beliefs.

Do you think it would be dishonest to myself to just pursue education, make it an excuse, and move away from all the drama? I probably wouldn't even have to see them twice a year, and it'd most likely gain their respect to the point where I am not bothered.

Maybe your family has the wrong idea of what it means to be successful.

What does it mean to you?
 

Audie

Veteran Member
Desire for personal growth is not selfish. What one does with it, greed or paying forward may be selfish or for the benefit of others.

didnt say it was. i was responding to something
about one's "own benefit" which is,you know,
exclusive.
 

Brickjectivity

Turned to Stone. Now I stretch daily.
Staff member
Premium Member
Two parts. 1. Fill out your fafsa forms very early in the year as close to January as possible. Have the information send to numerous universities. 2. apply as soon as the university windows open. There will be a fee for each. 3. Say yes to one. You can cancel. If you cancel make sure your course schedule is cancelled so that you don't get a row of F's and don't get charged.
 

Kenny

Face to face with my Father
Premium Member
My family isn't very high IQ. They are a bit unforgiving and also there are a lot of double standards that they do. For example, they don't like people moving far away from them. They've pretty much disowned a couple of people over it, in the family. HOWEVER, whenever someone moves out of state in pursuit of college education, they somehow think they are doing a great thing. Many people in the family have done just that and saw the family maybe 1-2 times a year afterwards - moved out of state to pursue education and then work. Many of them went on to be successful and the family thought well of them.

I think I understand the whole mentality though - my family had a colorful history in the distant past before I was born and now they want to paint the family as upper class educated conservative Christians and expand and grow a family tree of people of these beliefs.

Do you think it would be dishonest to myself to just pursue education, make it an excuse, and move away from all the drama? I probably wouldn't even have to see them twice a year, and it'd most likely gain their respect to the point where I am not bothered.
I think it is more important to be honest with yourself than just yielding to family pressure.

Love shouldn't have to be contingent on one's location IMO. If someone disowns me because I moved, there really wasn't love there in the first place. You can still love them and honor them even if they don't return what is freely given. Eventually, if you continue to honor, they should turn their viewpoint around.

Study when you want or need to study for your benefit IMO
 

dybmh

דניאל יוסף בן מאיר הירש
Good Morning AT-AT:

I have plenty of flaws. But one things I am good at it is making decisions. This is my process, maybe it will help?

1) Isolate issue

-- seems like there are 2 decisions you are trying to make: Move away from family? AND Continue Education?
-- I think it's easier to address each one individually and perhaps rank the two based on priority.

2) Evaluate intellectual pros/cons

-- i try to avoid judgments of good / bad in favor of constructive / destructive

3) Evaluate emotional pros/cons

-- same as above, i avoid good / bad in favor of constructive / destructive

4) Offset personal bias

-- i tend towards self-sacrifice in my choices. that's my bias. my natural tendency is to prioritize other people's material and emotional needs. If I do not offset this bias in my decision making process, my own needs are not considered. It is noble, but destructive. It leads to resentment. The converse is also true. For people who are naturally more self centered, they would need to offset this bias somehow or else their decisions would always favor themselves, potentially causing harm to others. This too is destructive.
 
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