Why do I now think less of Christianity?
Basically, because I have now witnessed its dark side, first hand.
Some background: I was raised as a Christian. I was baptised as an infant and have a set of godparents, I went to a church school, and occasionally went to Sunday school. My personal moral system is very much inspired by the teachings and example of Christ.
However, when I became old enough to understand what Christianity was about and that it weren’t necessarily so, I became an atheist. In time my atheism developed, becoming more and more sophisticated as I progressed through school and into university. I didn’t hate Christianity or anything like that; I just thought it was not for me, and not something I could never believe in.
I came to God in my mid-twenties. By then I’d had first-hand experience of a mysterious higher being so made the leap of faith that if there were higher beings then there must be a Supreme Being – God. But there are other reasons that I believe in a Supreme Being, although my conception of the Supreme Being is more like Brahman in Hinduism than the Abrahamic God. I would currently consider myself a deist and would say I am overwhelmingly convinced of the existence of God.
Basically, my experience of Christians and Christianity had always been positive. Until recent events…
For a long time now I have been in two competing minds about the nature of Jesus. I hold both of these as being possible and they exist alongside each other although I currently favour First Mind. Think of it as being like a set of old-fashioned weighing scales in my conscience. I’ve been wavering between the two versions of reality for a while now. Currently they are much more balanced in favour of First Mind more than they were before recent events. To say the least…
First Mind: We are all parts of a computer simulation and Jesus was a show put on for various reasons by The Simulation, for reasons about which we can only speculate. But God still exists, but he is outside of The Simulation. In this version of reality The Simulation communicates with me. I do not claim to have any special relationship with God but do claim a special relationship with The Simulation.
Second Mind: We are not in a computer simulation and Jesus truly was the Son of God, and the account in the gospels is true and he will some day return to Earth, etc. and in this version of reality I am mentally ill and need to acknowledge Christ as my Lord and Saviour by undergoing adult baptism.
Because I am in two minds about him I would therefore say I am agnostic about Jesus. I cannot therefore meaningfully accept him as my Lord and Saviour and become a Christian myself.
I once explained this agnosticism to a nice Christian lady and she understood and respected it and said she’d pray for me to see the light whether I liked it or not! Now, maybe she thought that by not declaring Christ to be my Lord and Saviour I will go to hell or maybe she didn’t, I do not know. I didn’t venture to ask. However, the point is she was concerned for me and I don’t think she considered me evil. Surely, one prays for sinners, not for evil people?
I then made a post on these forums enquiring about the anti-Christ (I’m interested in Christology and theology in general). I mentioned my agnosticism pertaining to Christ, and was basically told (through implication) that I was an anti-Christ and therefore evil – in the same category as those who do things that are actually evil, such as murder, harm, and abuse other humans…
Now, don’t get me wrong, that’s totally cool. Believe what you want to believe. I don’t care. But there is now absolutely no way I will become a Christian, whereas before this it may have been possible at some future point depending on how my life might have played out. Who knows. But now almost all the weights on the scales of my conscience are now weighing down on the side that makes them say “yes” to Simulation Theory and therefore “no” to Christianity. They have never before been so weighted down on one side and I don’t see them shifting anytime soon.
That was the first time in my life I have ever personally encountered what I now think of as being the dark side of Christianity first hand, having only ever been personally exposed to its light side.
Has this diminished my respect for Christianity? Not for it as a whole, only for certain tendencies within it. Has it made me more wary of all Christians? Wary until I know they don’t consider me evil, yes. I don’t mind being called a sinner, but calling me evil is something else and something I will always take exception to.
Basically, because I have now witnessed its dark side, first hand.
Some background: I was raised as a Christian. I was baptised as an infant and have a set of godparents, I went to a church school, and occasionally went to Sunday school. My personal moral system is very much inspired by the teachings and example of Christ.
However, when I became old enough to understand what Christianity was about and that it weren’t necessarily so, I became an atheist. In time my atheism developed, becoming more and more sophisticated as I progressed through school and into university. I didn’t hate Christianity or anything like that; I just thought it was not for me, and not something I could never believe in.
I came to God in my mid-twenties. By then I’d had first-hand experience of a mysterious higher being so made the leap of faith that if there were higher beings then there must be a Supreme Being – God. But there are other reasons that I believe in a Supreme Being, although my conception of the Supreme Being is more like Brahman in Hinduism than the Abrahamic God. I would currently consider myself a deist and would say I am overwhelmingly convinced of the existence of God.
Basically, my experience of Christians and Christianity had always been positive. Until recent events…
For a long time now I have been in two competing minds about the nature of Jesus. I hold both of these as being possible and they exist alongside each other although I currently favour First Mind. Think of it as being like a set of old-fashioned weighing scales in my conscience. I’ve been wavering between the two versions of reality for a while now. Currently they are much more balanced in favour of First Mind more than they were before recent events. To say the least…
First Mind: We are all parts of a computer simulation and Jesus was a show put on for various reasons by The Simulation, for reasons about which we can only speculate. But God still exists, but he is outside of The Simulation. In this version of reality The Simulation communicates with me. I do not claim to have any special relationship with God but do claim a special relationship with The Simulation.
Second Mind: We are not in a computer simulation and Jesus truly was the Son of God, and the account in the gospels is true and he will some day return to Earth, etc. and in this version of reality I am mentally ill and need to acknowledge Christ as my Lord and Saviour by undergoing adult baptism.
Because I am in two minds about him I would therefore say I am agnostic about Jesus. I cannot therefore meaningfully accept him as my Lord and Saviour and become a Christian myself.
I once explained this agnosticism to a nice Christian lady and she understood and respected it and said she’d pray for me to see the light whether I liked it or not! Now, maybe she thought that by not declaring Christ to be my Lord and Saviour I will go to hell or maybe she didn’t, I do not know. I didn’t venture to ask. However, the point is she was concerned for me and I don’t think she considered me evil. Surely, one prays for sinners, not for evil people?
I then made a post on these forums enquiring about the anti-Christ (I’m interested in Christology and theology in general). I mentioned my agnosticism pertaining to Christ, and was basically told (through implication) that I was an anti-Christ and therefore evil – in the same category as those who do things that are actually evil, such as murder, harm, and abuse other humans…
Now, don’t get me wrong, that’s totally cool. Believe what you want to believe. I don’t care. But there is now absolutely no way I will become a Christian, whereas before this it may have been possible at some future point depending on how my life might have played out. Who knows. But now almost all the weights on the scales of my conscience are now weighing down on the side that makes them say “yes” to Simulation Theory and therefore “no” to Christianity. They have never before been so weighted down on one side and I don’t see them shifting anytime soon.
That was the first time in my life I have ever personally encountered what I now think of as being the dark side of Christianity first hand, having only ever been personally exposed to its light side.
Has this diminished my respect for Christianity? Not for it as a whole, only for certain tendencies within it. Has it made me more wary of all Christians? Wary until I know they don’t consider me evil, yes. I don’t mind being called a sinner, but calling me evil is something else and something I will always take exception to.
