Apparently being raised in a Muslim environment does indeed make it less likely to perceive the Qur'an as an encourager of hatred.I don't know why you think that Quran teaches voilence !
However(me too),that's definity misunderstood what Quran said.
It's like said punishement of bad people is bad too .since is doing bad to them.
I do believe if 5% of Muslims follow the extremist(terorists) view,the world will be like hell . because Muslims are 1.8 billions and everywhere.
Most of victimes are Muslims .
As one would expect, to be fair. It stands to reason that any culture would either find their own parameters reasonable or else decide to change them, after all.
Still, I think that the text is clear enough. So are the facts regarding questioning and criticism of the admonitions of the Qur'an regarding women, "kuffar", non-believers and LGBTIQ.
Even more telling, IMO, is that in 14 centuries or so Muslim society has not really learned to advance beyond the social expectations of the Qur'an, nor its politics. Today's Christians are embarassed of Biblical verses that demand throwing stones on other people. I just don't see a comparable effort in Muslims, and it is not because there is a shortage of questionable verses in the Surahs.