VoidCat
Pronouns: he/him/they/them
Well before I start let me lay out the ground-work. For those of you who do not know, asexuality is where someone does not feel sexual attraction to anyone regardless of gender or anything else. Yes, there is also a biology definition, just like there a biology definition for bisexuals but that's not what we are talking about here. Ace is short for asexual. There are about, according to some statistics,through none are certain, 1 to 7 % of the population may be asexual. There are 3 different categories asexuals use to describe themselves: Sex-repulsed/sex-adversed/sex-negative, sex-positive, and sex indifferent/ sex-neutral. Most asexuals are a mix of 2 or all three of these. For example if anyone were to ask me I would tell them I'm a sex-repulsed asexual. But it's only the thought of having sex, visuals and some written descriptions of sex that gross me out. Aside for that I'm indifferent. In fact I read Alfred Kinsey books on Sexual Behavior of the Human Male" and Sexual Behavior of the Human Female" and only being mildly uncomfortable, more intrigued then anything else. However human sexuality is very diverse especially in asexuals and no two asexuals are alike in this matter.Now that the groundwork has been laid let me get to what I wanted to write about. I've have been an active member of the forums on AVEN, for over a year. I've notice a large and rather alarming amount of people who are asexual have some form of mental illness(probably due to having an orientation that people deem as non-existing) and quite a few self-harm. I want to talk about a particular form of self-harm that isn't really common inside or outside of the asexual community...The use of sex to self-harm. Sex-repulsion can range from mild to severe and most sex-repulse individuals do not use this to self-harm but a few do. Most who do use it to self harm do so by watching porn not by actually having sex with someone. I used to do this. No I did not have sex with anyone but I would watch porn in order to harm myself. Why did I do this? I'll tell you why. The short answer is I hated myself. I fell into a dark place. I wanted to suffer I wanted to cause myself harm. Felt I deserved it. That I didn't deserve to live But I did not want to cut or burn least I would get in trouble and people will ask questions. So I would watch porn to self-harm. There were times I would even be vomiting into a trashcan. I became addicted to the pain I was causing myself. I ended up having a therapist help me to stop. I eventually did stop for a while and backslided a few times. I haven't self-harmed in 2 weeks and before that I didn't harm myself for 2 months. I'm proud of myself for that. I wonder if this form of self-harm will be more common in the future once the ace community gains more awareness and more people identify as such and are discriminated against. Perhaps this post might help someone, inform a few people,or someone might find it interesting. Perhaps a sexologist will read this and decide to do a study/ survey of this issue. Who knows? I just wanted to talk about sex-repulsion and bring some more awareness to it
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