So I would love to hear how you became a religious / believer person?
Was it something you grew up with?
Is it a specific event that made you believe?
I am a gnostic person. Belief alone doesn't capture it.
Short version of how I got here:
- raised religious, but not in a strict, orthodox way.
- was pretty much agnostic by age 14 (maybe earlier) and that lasted until around age 20 (while in college)
- read a doctrine that did strongly influence my understandings, plus had exposure to several world religions (by visiting their places of congregating/worship). Plus had been a poet from around age 16 and up, and somewhat came to understand (by age 20) that I was (at times) channeling information that I honestly did not see as being my own, more like a shared, intersubjective wisdom.
- from around age 20 to age 23, I was believer (theist), but arguably still rather agnostic.
- had my first genuine mystical experience. Perhaps in another post I can elaborate on this, as I have (already) elsewhere on RF. Given what I did experience, it would be very challenging after this to go back to agnostic or less. This experience lasted, in a mystical way, for around 3 months.
- From around age 23 to 38, I was fairly strong believer, and other than the mystical experience and occasional 'glimpses' I didn't feel a viable connection to spirit. It was more theoretical, and I can explain that, but for now not seeing reason to.
- Around age 38 (and since), I have experience/ability to connect directly with Spirit within me, to ask whatever I find necessary to ask. For a little while, that was on larger issues (i.e. how might justice work in the world from Spirit's perspective). Mostly though, it was my asking about whatever personal items I, or those close to me, were facing, to get a different, more enlightened perspective.
Have you questioned and tried to "fight" your beliefs?
Intellectually, for sure. I've not forgotten what it meant for me to be agnostic, and how skepticism (the real kind) can help in keeping me open minded, about my mystical experiences. But I'm also skeptical about that which I'm skeptical about. I generally don't shy away from going down 'rabbit holes.'
Now, If you really are a believer, Can you speculate what is the difference between you and I?
I can. I would say there is a rejection filter in place for you that you actively filter understandings through. Such that if we were talking about 'things in your life' (and if possible more like us talking about what you did today), I would be able to identify how it is Spirit at the helm of what you experienced, how it was received by you, in actuality. But due to the rejection filter, you would exercise what I think you think is 'healthy denial' and thus move away from what I think you think is mythical explanations. Yet, not really realizing that you are actually replacing it with another mythical explanation, which you are, in actuality, giving all the meaning it has for you, to the experience. So, even if we were BFF, you could, rather easily maintain such a position whenever we converse, but it would plausibly be discernible to me what you are up to, and how Spirit is still at the helm of that. Such that, you could maintain position of (alleged) atheism. Given that I would know you are in Good Hands, it wouldn't consistently matter to me to try and convince you intellectually of what I pretty much to fully understand to be true for you. So, I'd probably show up to you as respectful of where you are, your desire to be free from (religious) myths, and your desire to be whatever it is you are now choosing to be, in terms of physical existence.
Many times i heard things like, This is what God wanted for you.. or this is all part of Gods plan... Or that is free will and of course the great promise that I will probably rot in hell for not believing in God.
Yeah, on that last one, I would stand with you in face of anyone that wishes to damn you to a hell. The other stuff, if we talked often enough, you'd possibly filter it in similar way, but I would truly do my best to honor where you are right now, but look to offer deeper insight(s).
Just to make it clear, I Have no intentions what so ever to "Believe" again.. That's not something I miss nor crave for.
I Do however will be glad to hear some of your thoughts of what "I Am doing wrong" in your POV ...
I Tried many things, I Had great beliefs, I Experimented and lived as a spiritual person for many years.
My life are great, I Have struggles and hard times, I Have ease and Successes... Nothing special for better or worse. There was no Single event I can point on and say "If that happened, There must be no God"...
Most of my years I actually believed that when **** hits the fan, It was God's way of "teaching me a lesson" about something.. Naturally, I find it absurd today...
I think when stuff hits the fan it is you (and/or ancestors) bringing it to you to help show you are now capable to get over that, whereas perhaps previously you had a rejection filter in place to say (or even experience) that you are not able to get over/around that. My understanding of God's perspective is that you are entirely Perfect as you are right now, and in essence God is patiently waiting for your realization on this, so that direct communication can once again occur.