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How to Bathe a Cat

Draka

Wonder Woman
Not quite that funny really. He really wants a challenge he can give my cat Missy a bath. Be sure to wear body armor and gauntlets would be advisable as well. If gauntlets aren't available I suggest thick heavy duty gardening gloves that are long enough to extend towards your elbows. Shower curtain put up and anything else the cat may be able to get a hold of and scale. This includes your hair. An assistant to help hold the cat down would be advisable. Making sure they are also wearing protective gear. Along with your basic bath supplies to have handy I also suggest these things to have on hand as well: antiseptic, gauze, first aid tape, band aids, Neosporin, and a phone for the possible calling of 911. Supplies for when the whole cat bathing fiasco is done should include a couch and whatever your alcohol of choice is. You've earned it.
 

Draka

Wonder Woman
Oldie but goodie:

How to give a cat a pill:

1) Pick up cat and cradle it in the crock of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of the cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm while holding rear paws tightly with left hand Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Retrieve spouse from outside.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees. Hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold hear firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat i large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible form below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans. Drink one beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door on neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot of scotch and drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check record for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw shirt away and fetch new on from bedroom.

12) Call fire department to retrieve cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13) Tie the little &#^@'s front legs to rear legs with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak. Be rough about it. Hold cat's head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the ER. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.


How To Give Your Dog A Pill

1) Wrap pill in bacon.

2) Toss it in the air.
 

Shadow Wolf

Certified People sTabber
Considering cats will move Heaven, Hell, and every mountain on Earth (even the planet itself) to avoid being soaked, I just go with the safe route of letting them do their own thing and clean themselves. I'd rather not loose half an arm and having a face that looks like it got into a fight with a weed eater.
 

Laika

Well-Known Member
Premium Member
You could get a "Turkish Van" Cat. They love water (ok, it's still "debatable" as this is still a cat we're talking about) and know how to swim. very rare breed though.


Turkish-Van-Cat-swimming-hd-wallpapers-new-fresh-widescreen-images-of-turkish-van-cat.jpg
 

Draka

Wonder Woman
Watching videos of cats getting washed and seeing the comments upon them seem to prove one thing for sure to me. So many people either have never had a cat or don't bother to really take care of their cat. Calling it cruel to wash them. Asking why it's necessary to clean them because they are "self-cleaning". I'm sorry, but no. Sometimes a bath is still necessary. Cats can get into things and get stuff on their fur that you simply wouldn't want them licking off themselves. Yes, they maintain a basic cleanliness level that dogs don't, but that really is more maintenance than anything. If they get dirty it would be even more cruel, to me, to let them lick all that grime off. It can cause not only hairball issues, but other digestive issues as well. Some people just don't think.
 

picnic

Active Member
You could get a "Turkish Van" Cat. They love water (ok, it's still "debatable" as this is still a cat we're talking about) and know how to swim. very rare breed though.
I suspect my cat is at least partially Turkish Van. :) His coat is identical, but he does not have the differing colored left and right eyes. I have never needed to give him a bath, but I have been intending to get a wading pool to see if he is interested in swimming.
 

Draka

Wonder Woman
A female ginger cat -- unusual.
Tip: Clip claws before bathing.
That's just about as dangerous as bathing Missy. With my male cat he use to have no issues with clipping, even laid back on my lap and purred while I did it. It was like pedicure time. He was good with baths too. But Missy, you're liable to lose a finger or eye trying to do either with her. She's extremely overly loving. Likes to hug and snuggle her face right into yours, but take clippers or water near her and you're no more than a scratching post in her way to her.
 

Adramelek

Setian
Premium Member
You could get a "Turkish Van" Cat. They love water (ok, it's still "debatable" as this is still a cat we're talking about) and know how to swim. very rare breed though.


Turkish-Van-Cat-swimming-hd-wallpapers-new-fresh-widescreen-images-of-turkish-van-cat.jpg

I once saved a kitten from drowning in a swimming pool. I dried him off and fed him for about two days. He became best friends with me until I let him stay outside one night with his brothers and sisters. That night, he and the other kittens were killed by either a or a group of male cats. As they tend to do in order to mate with the mother cat. Fu***** *** holes!
 

AnnaCzereda

Active Member
Sometimes a bath is still necessary. Cats can get into things and get stuff on their fur that you simply wouldn't want them licking off themselves.

I don't think baths are good for cats. I never bathe my cat, he cleans himself and his fur is all right. However, he's an indoor cat so he doesn't have too many opportunities to get dirty. I don't let him out because of security; too many dogs running loose in my area. Once I had to clean him after we returned home from the vet. He had diarrhea and **** himself in the carrier but I didn't give him a shower as he would have gone crazy. I just washed him delicately with a sponge while my mother held him over the basin.

That joke with a pill was very funny. My cat doesn't want to take pills. All the meds against parasites he must have poured over his skin. He refuses to take any pill into his mouth. Once he had to take an antibiotic. Fortunately, it wasn't bitter. Still I had to dissolve it in water and delicately pour it into his mouth via a syringe.
 

Shadow Wolf

Certified People sTabber
I was under the impression cats are in fact never happy, so how do you sleep?
She actually gives me some really nice back messages at night. And she also demands lots of pettings, and she is very aware that people have two hands. When my ex and were together, if I had one hand stroking my ex's hair, my cat find my other hand and start pawing and head butting it.
 
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