In our culture we baby people and treat them like childish idiots until their 18 and that even goes on for a while longer until they're 21. Then we expect them to be able to fully take hold of all the world has to offer and be prepared for whatever the world throws at them.
We prolong childhood by being overly ridiculous in our view of what a person's life should look like.
I think we need to take a firm look at how we bring up our young before this can be considered. Obviously the longer a person is treated like a child and expected to have little or no responsibility, the less psychologically prepared he or she will be for any intense emotional experience, good or bad.
Amen.
I was twenty when I got married and by the time I was 26 I had four children. And I was (and still am) a very good mother. But I am the oldest of my siblings, I had a mother who had some psychological issues, and these two circumstances of my life forced me to become more mature and responsible, and nurturing, early on in my life. By the time I was about 17 or so, I would have been fully capable of being a good mother.
Consequently, both my daughters have also matured early. They both married young (age 20) and between them they now have seven children (the oldest is 28 and has four kids, the youngest is 26 and has three). They are both married to very good men who are also good fathers. Their lives are in order - no serious debt, no chaos, no substance abuse issues (or any abuse issues), and healthy, balanced households with healthy, happy kids.
They and their husbands are well on their way in their careers - and already saving for retirement. When they are fifty, and still probably very healthy and vigorous, their kids will be grown and they will be able financially to enjoy some of the best years of their lives.
I also know many people their age who are totally unprepared to be adults. Or unwilling, not really sure which. And if their parents want to continue to allow them to be dependent, that's fine - it's their choice. But it's not my family's choice.
I am 49 and my husband is 53. Our kids are grown (well, we have one 17 year old bringing up the rear, but he graduates in one month!). Our youngest will enter college this year, and he fully expects to work while in school and cover some of his expenses. He also knows that if he doesn't apply himself to college, we're cutting off the financial aid and he'll be expected to make his own way in this world - quickly.
Meanwhile, we're both feeling very young and energetic, and are enjoying life without a houseful of big, grown kids -we'd rather buy stuff for grandbabies than adults anyway!
My four grown kids, who are all 100 percent self sufficient (ages 22 through 28) have never ONE TIME borrowed money from me, or asked me to support them financially in any way after reaching adulthood. Now, that doesn't mean I haven't been generous with them in other ways, or helpful when necessary - but I've raised self sufficient and responsible people who are well equipped to make it on their own.
I am very proud of each of them. And the really cool thing is that now that they are adults, I get to see a side of them that's new - a side that feels protective and nurturing of ME. Wow, that's a brain twister - but I like it!
