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Sex and Marriage in Vaisnava Dharma

Terese

Mangalam Pundarikakshah
Staff member
Premium Member
Pranam everyone, earlier today i was thinking of my future Sri Vaisnava initiation, and recalled that i had to become celibate for a year upon doing so. This is not the issue, here, i can do that with ease, but what i am quite insufficient in knowledge is the attitude of sex and marriage in Vaisnava circles. Do we have a 'no sex before marriage' concept? Or any religious rules pertaining to the sexuality of a Vaisnava? What of marriage? Is divorce shunned?

Thank you for taking the time to look at my post :)

Hari Bol :)
 

Aupmanyav

Be your own guru
Do we have a 'no sex before marriage' concept? Or any religious rules pertaining to the sexuality of a Vaisnava? What of marriage? Is divorce shunned? Hari Bol :)
Hari bol. Nearly always the first to reply. :)

Yes, sex out of marriage is not accepted in Hinduism, Vaishnava or otherwise. Rules, no different than others. After marriage it is the duty of a partner to keep the other happy, with sex or otherwise. Marriage is most welcome. Yes, divorce is shunned, marriage should be an unbreakable union, not to be taken lightly. Take your time to date and know the person thoroughly. My views.

p.s. - In case disagreements arise, remember the vow, both partners should make corrections. Even sex in marriage has its limitations, it is not lust, pornography.
 
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StarryNightshade

Spiritually confused Jew
Premium Member
. Do we have a 'no sex before marriage' concept?

As you know, Hinduism is so diverse that you'll get a ton of different answers. However, I suppose the "official" stance is that it's preferable/ideal to wait until marriage.

One of my "vices" is that my partner and I are physically intimate, but we're not married. I might be falling short of the ideal, but at the very least it's not with a different person every night.

Or any religious rules pertaining to the sexuality of a Vaisnava?

Do you mean things like non-heterosexual sexualities? Again, greatly depends on many factors. In my case, my teachers have no issue with homosexuality and would be willing to marry me if I partner and I choose to do so.

What of marriage?

I think it's safe to say that Hinduism looks highly upon marriage in general. Unless one chooses a life of celibacy, marriage is the next best thing. After all, being a householder is one of the 4 ashramas of life.

Is divorce shunned?

Maybe among more hard-line traditionalists and orthodox, but if two people just aren't compatible, or if there are bigger issues at hand, I see no reason to shun divorce.

Thank you for taking the time to look at my post :)

Hari Bol :)

No problem. :)

Jai Mahalakshmi Namah. Jai Sriman Narayana.
 

Shantanu

Well-Known Member
Pranam everyone, earlier today i was thinking of my future Sri Vaisnava initiation, and recalled that i had to become celibate for a year upon doing so. This is not the issue, here, i can do that with ease, but what i am quite insufficient in knowledge is the attitude of sex and marriage in Vaisnava circles. Do we have a 'no sex before marriage' concept? Or any religious rules pertaining to the sexuality of a Vaisnava? What of marriage? Is divorce shunned?

Thank you for taking the time to look at my post :)

Hari Bol :)
I am not a Vaishnava but I know Sri Krishna as God. And I know how to seek His blessings for all my actions so that I am carrying out my tasks according to His will through surrender. This has made me aware that there are no hard and fast rules concerning sex before marriage, but homosexuality is not permitted.
 

निताइ dasa

Nitai's servant's servant
Pranam everyone, earlier today i was thinking of my future Sri Vaisnava initiation, and recalled that i had to become celibate for a year upon doing so. This is not the issue, here, i can do that with ease, but what i am quite insufficient in knowledge is the attitude of sex and marriage in Vaisnava circles. Do we have a 'no sex before marriage' concept? Or any religious rules pertaining to the sexuality of a Vaisnava? What of marriage? Is divorce shunned?

Thank you for taking the time to look at my post :)

Hari Bol :)

Jaya Nitai! In Vaishnav circles, sex (or rather sexual desire), is something which should be given up (even if slowly) because it is something which promotes a mundane conception of life (i.e increases attachment to the body). Just like other desires (like eating good food etc) one can view it as a source of enjoyment (in which case it is not ideal) or view it in a way to serve Lord Krsna (i.e eating the food offered to Him as Prasad). Sex is emphasized because enjoyment in sex means one identifies fully with one's body and this in spiritual terms causes one to sink deeper in ignorance. During sex, we fall under the illusion that we are the enjoyer (when Lord Vasudev is the only enjoyer). The underlying principle behind all this, is to give up pleasure which are independent of Lord Hari. Another thing we must always remember is that the Lord is very forgiving. No matter how much sins we have done, He will always give us the chance to make up for it. Marriage in Vaishnav Dharma is there for two reasons: 1) it provides an ideal social structure in which children can be raised in a moral way and 2) The husband and wife can both support and help each other in their Bhakti towards Lord Hari.

In terms of practice, the only place where sex is permissible is for the purpose of procreation (in grhasta ashrama, within marriage). In this way, we can use even sex in the service of the Lord (by allowing more Jivas to take a Human Body and teaching them about the Lord). Sex as a form of pleasure is something that is heavily frowned, if not rejected, in Vaishnav Literature. Celibacy on the other hand, is praised by scripture as something which raises one's intellect. Those students who were Brahmacaris (celibates) in the past possessed immense spiritual prowess.

However, this standard is very high @Terese ji and may not be something that everyone can implement immediately especially in a society (such as a western one) in which sex, and sexuality is displayed nearly everywhere. It is extremely personal and something that a student should discuss with their Gurudev before taking initiation. Different Gurus have different rules and regulations regarding this. For example, with my Guru Maharaj, before one can take Diksha (i.e get a Brahmin thread, Gayatri Mantras etc) one must follow the 4 regulate principles (no sex, no meat, no wine and no gambling) for at least a year. This is generally the norm in all Gaudiya Vaishnav institutions (including ISKCON and Gaudiya Math). I am guessing that Sri Vaishnavs (who comparison nature are more traditional) would have similar if, not more conservative views on this subject. Again it depends on the Guru. This is because initiation requires a particular level of purity and that purity must be maintained. However, always keep in mind, that Bhakti and its limbs (like calling out for the Lord, or performing Nama Sankirtan) can be performed irrespective of everything. Jaya Nitai!!
 
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Terese

Mangalam Pundarikakshah
Staff member
Premium Member
Thank you for all your answers; they are very informative :)
 

Aupmanyav

Be your own guru
For Nitai: You are making it too tough.
For Teresi: Krishna will not be angry to see your spouse and yourself happy.
I can vouch for it.
 

Bhadr

Active Member
In terms of practice, the only place where sex is permissible is for the purpose of procreation (in grhasta ashrama, within marriage).

I have some questions.I request members to give their views(not asking specifically Vaishnava views but in general from all). Sorry for digressing from the OP.

Some time back I read an article in the newspaper which said that in future fertilization could be possible using cells extracted from a person's body (leaving the technical details and feasibility issues aside for the moment) i.e. it would eliminate physical union for having an offspring.Already there are techniques such as IVF or legal surrogacy,so copulation as such is not required.So it means that since such options are there, an initiated person can avoid/need not have physical relation or at the most a few attempts to conceive are allowed.

Does it mean that if a child or few children are there then sex is prohibited?
So for the initiated its a purely procreational activity and not recreational or for expressing affection?
Another case to consider,what happens with gays?As two men/women having sex can't result in pregnancy,physical intimacy is not allowed?

Or are my questions themselves not correct?
Coz for one who is taking initiation Moksha is the only/ultimate goal.Since physical relation for procreation is permitted,once child/children are there,no more sex is allowed?

This view that sex is allowed only for having children(implies not more than few times in the whole life) seems to be universal/mainstream.I am not saying one should have sex many times a week or thousand times in life but if its indeed only for procreation then would it not be better to not get initiated rather than taking initiation and failing.I'm thinking of taking initiation someday.But I can continue my present sadhana(based on our family tradition),so any initiation is extra and optional (and discussions about these things is a taboo in my conservative family).

I would like to know 'strictly speaking' views.

P.S. Please don't think I'm encouraging irresponsible sex or anything.I just want to know traditional opinions and how initiation changes lifestyle/thinking,especially when modern science is providing many alternative options to have children without sexual activity.
 

निताइ dasa

Nitai's servant's servant
So for the initiated its a purely procreational activity and not recreational or for expressing affection?
Another case to consider,what happens with gays?As two men/women having sex can't result in pregnancy,physical intimacy is not allowed?

Like I said it is a controversial topic. The rule for us has always been, that sex should be used in the service of Krsna. Kama (sexual desire) is placed alongside Krodha (anger) and Lobha (Greed) as forces which consume the body and drag us lower. Vaishnav Dharma is quite strict in this regard. Sex is purely procreation for a devotee who is initiated in Gayatri and is at the status of a Brahmin (who must maintain the uttermost spiritual purity). Yes, even with homosexuals, sex would still be forbidden. If two men/women would like to live together and support one another without sex, then it should be fine also. One can have a great relationship with one's wife/husband in a manner of respect and love that does not arise out of lust. This distinction between love and lust is something which I believe is often confused by alot of people in society. Another thing is that these regulations are only for those people who are set on the path of Moksha. Hinduism allows for many different goals (like Artha, Kama etc) and in these paths, things such as sex would be completely permissible for recreation. Gandharva Marriage, for example, is a union simply of mutual attraction and pleasure.

However this is only for Vaishnavs (and others who are striving for Moksha). As far as Hinduism goes, if you are focusing on Kama in life, than such practices (of sex as recreational) are completely acceptable. And ultimately I believe these are all rules that fall secondary to Bhakti. A human being may have sex everyday, but if they remember the Lord during their death, then they will have attained Him.

procreation then would it not be better to not get initiated rather than taking initiation and failing.I'm thinking of taking initiation someda

I actually agree with you. I think..these things (like renunciation etc) have to come gradually. Jumping head first into initiation without carefully considering what it actually means will always have a negative effect. For example, during the time of Srila Prabhupada, He gave Sannaysa to many westerners who later 'fell down' after His disappearance (they started to associate intimately with the opposite sex, some even remarried and had children). Because of this...people began to refer to that period as the "dark ages" of ISKCON. Many devotees left the institution because of this as they believed that noone pure enough was left in the movement. I strongly believe that for something as important as Diksha (Gayatri Diksha at least) there should be some degree of purity and commitment. However, that being said, I also believe the rules are less rigid for Harinama Diksha (which to us is more important than Gayatri Diksha anyway).
 

StarryNightshade

Spiritually confused Jew
Premium Member
As a gay initiate into the Gayatri mantra, I would like to give my two cents.

Like I said it is a controversial topic. The rule for us has always been, that sex should be used in the service of Krsna. Kama (sexual desire) is placed alongside Krodha (anger) and Lobha (Greed) as forces which consume the body and drag us lower.

You're right, this is a rather controversial topic, and I'm coming from a non-Gaudiya perspective.

What I have been taught is that, even among initiates and Brahmins, engaging in the material is a natural part of our lives here on earth. Even if we have our duties and religious observances, we still have jobs, friends, and other material pleasures. Yes, this includes sex; which may or may not be procreative.

As a non-celibate gay man in a relationship, I fully understand why my being non-celibate can come across as strange, misguided, or even flat out adharmic. However, in the householder stage, kama is seen as something to indulge in. Hardcore attaining for moksha usually doesn't come until the twilight years of our lives or unless someone becomes a full on renunciate early in life.

Vaishnav Dharma is quite strict in this regard. Sex is purely procreation for a devotee who is initiated in Gayatri and is at the status of a Brahmin (who must maintain the uttermost spiritual purity). Yes, even with homosexuals, sex would still be forbidden. If two men/women would like to live together and support one another without sex, then it should be fine also. One can have a great relationship with one's wife/husband in a manner of respect and love that does not arise out of lust. This distinction between love and lust is something which I believe is often confused by alot of people in society.

I do agree that lust and love are often times confused in our society and that I can love my partner without sex. Yet, at this point in my life, that's just not going to happen. As for purity? Well, I don't think it's something that can just happen in an instant. It's a process and a life long one at that. Do what one must and if they falter majorly, they have guru and God to turn to.

Another thing is that these regulations are only for those people who are set on the path of Moksha. Hinduism allows for many different goals (like Artha, Kama etc) and in these paths, things such as sex would be completely permissible for recreation. Gandharva Marriage, for example, is a union simply of mutual attraction and pleasure.

I essentially agree. Although I was given the thread, I don't think I will attain moksha in this life. However, since I am learning under the teacher, perhaps this will give me a better chance a few (or even a few hundred) lifetimes down the road. Besides, I have already made significant changes in my life, and by the grace of Sri Herself many more will follow (hopefully).

Also, like I said, I think this is why I think the ashramas are important. Unless one is a renunciate, or works as a priest or bhattachaya, Hindus of all backgrounds (including initiates and Brahmins) can engage in sensual pleasure and still be Hindu all the same.

However this is only for Vaishnavs (and others who are striving for Moksha). As far as Hinduism goes, if you are focusing on Kama in life, than such practices (of sex as recreational) are completely acceptable. And ultimately I believe these are all rules that fall secondary to Bhakti. A human being may have sex everyday, but if they remember the Lord during their death, then they will have attained Him.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, it really does boil down to where one is in their life and what they think is important. For me, God is important, and so is cultivating love and devotion. But my partner is also important, finishing my degree is important, and making sure that I live relatively comfortably and don't end up homeless is important.

At this moment, attaining moksha isn't at the forefront of my mind, but learning about God and how to surrender to Him/Her is. When I'm an old man and in the twilight of my life, perhaps then I will be ready. Maybe even sooner, but I know for certain not now.

I actually agree with you. I think..these things (like renunciation etc) have to come gradually. Jumping head first into initiation without carefully considering what it actually means will always have a negative effect. For example, during the time of Srila Prabhupada, He gave Sannaysa to many westerners who later 'fell down' after His disappearance (they started to associate intimately with the opposite sex, some even remarried and had children). Because of this...people began to refer to that period as the "dark ages" of ISKCON. Many devotees left the institution because of this as they believed that noone pure enough was left in the movement. I strongly believe that for something as important as Diksha (Gayatri Diksha at least) there should be some degree of purity and commitment. However, that being said, I also believe the rules are less rigid for Harinama Diksha (which to us is more important than Gayatri Diksha anyway).

Well, I guess we can both agree that it's a process and that it does take commitment. However, while one can be "pure" going in, I'm of the mindset that purity must come naturally and not be forced. It may take take a few months, years, a lifetime, or a few lifetimes; but people who wish to get there will eventually get there.

Also, I often time wonder if we see the concept of "purity" though a western fogged lens? Just a random thought.
 

Sw. Vandana Jyothi

Truth is One, many are the Names
Premium Member
I don't really know what Guruji taught to the devotees in India, so please be aware that what I share here are the teachings given to the Western devotees. He was very skillful in presenting, as Nitaiji does above, the two views of approach, i.e., one for devotees who are intent from the get-go on moksha as their goal and the other for those who want to explore the first three arthas in detail before seeking the fourth. It's tempting to want to say the former is somehow "better" than the latter but IMO that would be an error. Without at least some of us working with the first three arthas, it would be game over for His Highness, our Beloved Sri Krishna; He needs embodied jivas or His lila would end. It should not be forgotten that one of the four capacities with which He operates/manipulates embodied souls is as bhokta, "The Enjoyer." If you think you are the enjoyer, right there you have a clue about an ignorance to uproot. How? By sincerely offering ALL the enjoyments (of all the senses, and those of the mind and intellect, as well) to that Antaryamin. Not just after the enjoyment but even while enjoying, fix your mind on Him/Her. If you are experiencing guilt while enjoying, offer that up, too.

Sooooo, Guruji, understanding that Westerners from birth are bombarded with advice to enjoy, knew he would have an uphill battle if he only encouraged moksha-striving. Westerners might flee and lose so many golden opportunities to improve their bhakti and understanding. It does not take an enlightened intellect to know that the West can be a difficult place to engage in these practices; how many gurus and swamis from India get over here and discover that meditating in a cave 300 miles from any woman is a whole lot less challenging than being around Western girls who exhibit no shyness (may I say decorum?) when it comes to their sexuality?

He said 1) maintain celibacy during the first ashrama, as a student. 2) marry, then engage in sexual activity for the purpose of having offspring and that there is even a right time and a wrong time to approach one's mate for that purpose if the couple wishes to have divine children. 3) if the desire to enjoy sexual activity persists after the children are born, then after the first grandchild arrives, the couple should abstain.

Per the command of Babaji to go to the West and do so (yes, that Babaji referenced by Sri Yogananda), Guruji initiated Westerners in the Gayatri mantra, and certainly Harinam (ahhhhhh, the delights!!) no matter their ashrama. In the beginning of his mission here (the 70's) he took a lot of flak from his Indian counterparts for it but obeyed the command in spite of it. I don't know for sure but we might have here a case of which came first, the chicken or the egg? Sincerely chanting Harinam and/or the Gayatri mantra--and yes, some Westerners were and are wholly sincere (it's not a birthplace thing, it's a quality of soul)--will eventually, as a blessing and a matter of course, produce the requisite purity which will allow the Light, That Light (Tat Savitur) to manifest in full.
 

Chakra

Well-Known Member
Premium Member
Something to think about: Arjun was first married to Draupadi, and logically speaking, she was his "main" wife. However, after Ulupi expressed her desires for Arjun, he married and had sex with her. Same thing for his other two wives. If we take the case of Ulupi wanting Arjun to have sex with her and then Arjun consenting, then in modern-day terms, that is essentially cheating.

What am I getting at? Well, I don't know. Is it that you can have sex with anyone as long as you marry them? What's SO special about marriage that would remove the "sin" associated with having sex with people you have not married? It is something to think about because it seems to me that most of these answers come from a strictly modern Indian or Western viewpoint.
 

निताइ dasa

Nitai's servant's servant
At the risk of sounding like a broken record, it really does boil down to where one is in their life and what they think is important. For me, God is important, and so is cultivating love and devotion. But my partner is also important, finishing my degree is important, and making sure that I live relatively comfortably and don't end up homeless is important.

At this moment, attaining moksha isn't at the forefront of my mind, but learning about God and how to surrender to Him/Her is. When I'm an old man and in the twilight of my life, perhaps then I will be ready. Maybe even sooner, but I know for certain not now.

Yup! I agree with this sentiment entirely. Deserve before desiring. Speaking personally, I haven't accept Gayatri Diksha yet because I fall from these standards and I feel that these standards are something that I want to work towards before making a full fledged commitment. I am just so happy that any acharya is accepting someone as sinful as me lol.

I feel like the Guru is the "personal hand" of scripture. He (or She) interprets scriptures and gives it to us as per our qualification. These has been seen so much in the past. In traditional Gaudiya Vaishnav Sadhana, the daily recommended chanting of the Mahamantra was 64 rounds but Srila Prabhupada reduced it to 16 for the westerners. Traditionally Gayatri and Upanayanam (in Vedic society) was given from father to son, but the acharyas boldly implemented a system which allowed them to bestow Gayatri to people who were no born in "traditional Brahmin families". That is the great thing about the Guru and Disciple system in Hinduism...its dynamic and it changes with society and its complications(contrast from the often rigid rules of Abhahamic texts due to lack of Guru to interpret).
 

Sw. Vandana Jyothi

Truth is One, many are the Names
Premium Member
Something to think about: Arjun was first married to Draupadi, and logically speaking, she was his "main" wife. However, after Ulupi expressed her desires for Arjun, he married and had sex with her. Same thing for his other two wives. If we take the case of Ulupi wanting Arjun to have sex with her and then Arjun consenting, then in modern-day terms, that is essentially cheating.

What am I getting at? Well, I don't know. Is it that you can have sex with anyone as long as you marry them? What's SO special about marriage that would remove the "sin" associated with having sex with people you have not married? It is something to think about because it seems to me that most of these answers come from a strictly modern Indian or Western viewpoint.

Chakraji, you yourself said Arjun married Ulupi (which one is that?) before having sex with her. In those days, having multiple wives was the norm. It might not even be a bad idea today, but that's a different matter. However, by definition, Arjun did not "cheat," did he?

In marriage, the husband agrees to support the wife and any children born of copulation. That's what makes it "special." For me, uh, I never found it SO special. :rolleyes:
 

Aupmanyav

Be your own guru
Something to think about: Arjun was first married to Draupadi, and logically speaking, she was his "main" wife. However, after Ulupi expressed her desires for Arjun, he married and had sex with her. Same thing for his other two wives. If we take the case of Ulupi wanting Arjun to have sex with her and then Arjun consenting, then in modern-day terms, that is essentially cheating.

What am I getting at? Well, I don't know. Is it that you can have sex with anyone as long as you marry them? What's SO special about marriage that would remove the "sin" associated with having sex with people you have not married? It is something to think about because it seems to me that most of these answers come from a strictly modern Indian or Western viewpoint.
We cannot use modern-day terms for happenings in Mahabharata times. Polygamy has never been prohibited in Hinduism though monogamy was preferred. Arjuna married Subhadra also, Krishna married at least 8 women, Dasaratha three. Ulupi was a Naga woman. The rules in her society were not the same as those of Aryans. Similarly Bhim married Hidimba, who was from the Rakshasa clan. Every society has its own rules. And breaking the rules affects the structure of the society. So, it is wrong to ask 'why is it necessary to have marriage before sex?'. If one had sex before marriage, that will be 'Gandharva' marriage, but after the act, marriage was considered necessary. These rules did not bind 'Apsaras', the courtesans of Indra's heaven in Puranas.
 

SomeRandom

Still learning to be wise
Staff member
Premium Member
I'm not too versed in the Vaishnavism "way." Too confining for my tastes.
But part of the four goals is completing your duties of your material life. So in that sense sex would be part of your duty. Towards your partner towards your duty to propagate, in a manner of speaking.
Sex before marriage is seen as adharmic in many paths. Probably a little more so in Vaishnavism.
But I like to think that we live in the 21st century. Marriage is evolving. Relationships are evolving. I'm more lenient in my thinking of sex before marriage. Probably more so than like the majority of Hindus lol. I think if you're safe, if you're young and if you take responsibility for any of the consequences then I wouldn't call you adharmic for doing so.
But that's probably my Western thinking coming into play.

Now I'm not particularly traditional, I think while they are good foundations, we place too much emphasis on them sometimes. We always speak of detachment this and detachment that and yet seem completely attached to tradition, to rules and regulations.

I often ask myself why.
Why? Why do we as a whole strive to detach ourselves from practically everything in this realm? Did Brahman not place is here? Are we not part of his grand play? Yes things work against us. But I don't know. Despite accepting humanity's flaws better than many Abrahamic paths, it's like we constantly try to rid ourselves of all humanity. Discipline is good but youth is about making mistakes. About learning our limits. If Brahman has seen fit to give us pleasure well I'm going to indulge slightly.
Perhaps I'm more Tantric like in that sense I don't know.

Is Krishna not mischievous? Is Krishna not one to rebel sometimes?
Now I realise this is probably against the teachings of your path. But is that necessarily a bad thing? Course you should heed the wisdom of other Vishnavites.
I'm a little more hedonistic than most Hindus I know :eek::p;)
 
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Aupmanyav

Be your own guru
.. if you take responsibility for any of the consequences ..
Any consequences? Consequences in India could be dire. Being black mailed and forced to have sex with other people, being called for a meet and then whisked away to be gang-raped, for village belles being sold for prostitution after a promise of marriage, refusing to have further sex, having a friendship with another boy, refusing to marry, acid attacks and killings, being burnt alive, because of this; and if the girl marries, then doing all possible to wreck her marriage. SomeRandom, you do not live in India. In India, the consequences are harsh, sometimes very harsh. I do not think the time has come in India for sex before marriage. India as a whole is not yet in 21st Century.
 
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ShivaFan

Satyameva Jayate
Premium Member
If your initiation is under the ISKCON umbrella, and I have no idea if that is true as I am only assuming since ISKCON played such a huge “early” role in Hinduism in America but actually today there are a number of Vaishnava sects which have large following and which are not ISKCON but I would suspect they are similar to ISKCON, I can confirm without doubt what Aup said is exactly correct.



That is “on paper” (oath, principle, et all), the ISKCON standard and what Aup said holds true.

Now I will also tell you something else that is true, since I knew very well most every 1960s to 1970s and most of 80s sect of Hinduism in America and actually a number of the Gurus personally ,the devotees involved et all … and, I will not simply tell fairy tales about how every American Hindu was strict to the standards that Aup mentions among great devotees as well.

Personally, I am a conservative Hindu. I have one wife and totally lover her and totally loyal and also have a large family which I am in allegiance with could never hurt their feelings or betray their family honor and everyone has respect for each other. One of the huge advantages of living and part of a Hindu structure is the strong family and klan ties that are built upon respect for each other.

But at the same, I am a very forgiving person. I simply love all the devotees even if they are criminals for example. Even if they are murderers. I still love them. Maybe it is part of my split personality, one of the struggles (or joys in one way) I deal with in my life is I have at minimum probably 10 personalities that are very real and about five names. I can flip between them easily, but at the same time in a certain environment I can be possessed to be one of the other persons. Let us take the example of ISKCON which you may be involved in for initiation. Everything Prabhupad said and preached was correct regarding Vaishnava marriage for Americans. I want to point out, what he said to Americans may NOT apply to the non-American mindset. He had an amazing insight somehow, perhaps God given, to channel right into American psyche and preach what is best for them. Let us take multiple wives. I actually believe, if you are super rich and can afford let us say an addition $321,000 dollars a year for extra wives, or you are Royalty and need to have descendants, you can have multiple wives but the penalty for betraying any of them, breaking their hearts or failing to provide – you must be punished with severe penalty, perhaps jail or even executed in some cases. But that is just me.

As for Prabhupad, he wanted his initiates and members and Bhaktas who by the way are some of the greatest human beings imaginable, to only marry to make children so that their will be MORE Vaishnavas, MORE devotees, and that you should love each other and marry only one person, and remain loyal, and not divorce, but ultimately the purpose IS TO HAVE SEX TO REPRODUCE so that there are MORE baby Vaishnavs born. That REPRODUCTION is very important among the family members so that there will be GROWING POPULATIONS of Vaishnavs, this is even more important to Prabhupad than even love. That you MUST love your children and raise them to respect each other as well as all other devotees and the entire Vaishnav community.



But now back to some truth. Firstly, I want to make very clear that I NEVER participated in sexual activities as I am about to describe. I also want to make clear, as well, that what I am about to say is not as sexually obsessed or perverted as, well just for an example, porn addicts.

There were formed in the 1960s and into the 70s among outtakes of ISKCON that were sahajiya. They misunderstood the twilight language. They were simply trying to recreate Krishna into a form of unauthorized but yet with some historical validity the sahajiya elements as found in Bengal and East India. They had a concept of themselves which an American term was used, not Indian, called ragamuffins. The leelas of Krishna were projected into “love crushes” with other members – not necessarily sexual at all but in some cases they were. This was OUTSIDE of marriage.

So…that is the truth. Have it as you will. I do not count them as “disgraced” for life or even nor do I go into some “parent mode” and scold them, most came around to normal married life, but some died before that.

So while I am a conservative Hindu, I still love them. By the way, it wasn’t just some ISKCON members who did sahajiya, it was also some later sects, some purely American in nature, or other sects that later arrived from India. But from my observation THERE WERE NO INDIANS FROM INDIA I am aware of participating in any of these things in America, they were always Americans or Germans. There is no reason to deny the truth, nor to condemn them either. Simply say, “be better and get married”.
 

Terese

Mangalam Pundarikakshah
Staff member
Premium Member
If your initiation is under the ISKCON umbrella, and I have no idea if that is true as I am only assuming since ISKCON played such a huge “early” role in Hinduism in America but actually today there are a number of Vaishnava sects which have large following and which are not ISKCON but I would suspect they are similar to ISKCON, I can confirm without doubt what Aup said is exactly correct.



That is “on paper” (oath, principle, et all), the ISKCON standard and what Aup said holds true.

Now I will also tell you something else that is true, since I knew very well most every 1960s to 1970s and most of 80s sect of Hinduism in America and actually a number of the Gurus personally ,the devotees involved et all … and, I will not simply tell fairy tales about how every American Hindu was strict to the standards that Aup mentions among great devotees as well.

Personally, I am a conservative Hindu. I have one wife and totally lover her and totally loyal and also have a large family which I am in allegiance with could never hurt their feelings or betray their family honor and everyone has respect for each other. One of the huge advantages of living and part of a Hindu structure is the strong family and klan ties that are built upon respect for each other.

But at the same, I am a very forgiving person. I simply love all the devotees even if they are criminals for example. Even if they are murderers. I still love them. Maybe it is part of my split personality, one of the struggles (or joys in one way) I deal with in my life is I have at minimum probably 10 personalities that are very real and about five names. I can flip between them easily, but at the same time in a certain environment I can be possessed to be one of the other persons. Let us take the example of ISKCON which you may be involved in for initiation. Everything Prabhupad said and preached was correct regarding Vaishnava marriage for Americans. I want to point out, what he said to Americans may NOT apply to the non-American mindset. He had an amazing insight somehow, perhaps God given, to channel right into American psyche and preach what is best for them. Let us take multiple wives. I actually believe, if you are super rich and can afford let us say an addition $321,000 dollars a year for extra wives, or you are Royalty and need to have descendants, you can have multiple wives but the penalty for betraying any of them, breaking their hearts or failing to provide – you must be punished with severe penalty, perhaps jail or even executed in some cases. But that is just me.

As for Prabhupad, he wanted his initiates and members and Bhaktas who by the way are some of the greatest human beings imaginable, to only marry to make children so that their will be MORE Vaishnavas, MORE devotees, and that you should love each other and marry only one person, and remain loyal, and not divorce, but ultimately the purpose IS TO HAVE SEX TO REPRODUCE so that there are MORE baby Vaishnavs born. That REPRODUCTION is very important among the family members so that there will be GROWING POPULATIONS of Vaishnavs, this is even more important to Prabhupad than even love. That you MUST love your children and raise them to respect each other as well as all other devotees and the entire Vaishnav community.



But now back to some truth. Firstly, I want to make very clear that I NEVER participated in sexual activities as I am about to describe. I also want to make clear, as well, that what I am about to say is not as sexually obsessed or perverted as, well just for an example, porn addicts.

There were formed in the 1960s and into the 70s among outtakes of ISKCON that were sahajiya. They misunderstood the twilight language. They were simply trying to recreate Krishna into a form of unauthorized but yet with some historical validity the sahajiya elements as found in Bengal and East India. They had a concept of themselves which an American term was used, not Indian, called ragamuffins. The leelas of Krishna were projected into “love crushes” with other members – not necessarily sexual at all but in some cases they were. This was OUTSIDE of marriage.

So…that is the truth. Have it as you will. I do not count them as “disgraced” for life or even nor do I go into some “parent mode” and scold them, most came around to normal married life, but some died before that.

So while I am a conservative Hindu, I still love them. By the way, it wasn’t just some ISKCON members who did sahajiya, it was also some later sects, some purely American in nature, or other sects that later arrived from India. But from my observation THERE WERE NO INDIANS FROM INDIA I am aware of participating in any of these things in America, they were always Americans or Germans. There is no reason to deny the truth, nor to condemn them either. Simply say, “be better and get married”.
Who are you referring to ShivaFan ji? :)
 

Bhadr

Active Member
Let us take multiple wives. I actually believe, if you are super rich and can afford let us say an addition $321,000 dollars a year for extra wives, or you are Royalty and need to have descendants, you can have multiple wives but the penalty for betraying any of them, breaking their hearts or failing to provide – you must be punished with severe penalty, perhaps jail or even executed in some cases. But that is just me.
A woman(super rich,royal princess or whatever) (maybe) needing descendants , can afford $943,000 easily,according to you can she have multiple husbands?
 
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